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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24011182">STAY HERE</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Briallen/pseuds/Briallen'>Briallen</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>SKAM (France)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Are they in love? Are they not?, Child Abuse, Childhood Friends to Lovers, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Violence, We´ll see., parental violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 02:15:09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>97,691</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24011182</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Briallen/pseuds/Briallen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Lucas is walking through his life with the thought in his head: I don´t need to matter to everyone but I do need to matter to someone.<br/>And then<br/>he met Eliott.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Eliott Demaury/Lucas Lallemant</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>229</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>256</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>HI guys and welcome to another chaptered story ♥<br/>Please read the tags and warnings because this will be a little harsh. Not for everyone. Lot of violence, so PLEASE if you could feel bad about it, don´t read.<br/>But I can tell that the first chapter is the worst. The next ones won´t be this harsh, I promise.<br/>Biggest thanks to MTea for her endless support and help. Love you my lady. </p><p>Okay, enjoy and let me know your thoughts!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"He did it again?" Eliott asks when they meet at lunch break on a school yard, holding Lucas´ face and tilting his head up and to the side to look at his cheek. He´s frowning.</p><p><br/>"Noo, it's j-just me being clumsy on the stairs in the dark...," Lucas says and steps away from Eliott to get himself free from his grip and searching gaze. "It's nothing, don´t worry."</p><p><br/>Eliott knows that Lucas is lying. And Lucas knows Eliott knows, from that look in his eyes. He knows him too well. They know each other too well. </p><p> </p><p><br/>Lucas made a mistake when he told his secret to his best friend. When he told him what his father has been doing to him. It was one weak moment, one weak minute and he has to dealing with that mistake ever since. </p><p><br/>Eliott´s eyes are worried, like, all the time, lately. And when they are not worried, they´re searching. Searching for any other signs. Searching for those little hints in Lucas´ behaviour, in his actions, in his expressions and Lucas feels like he has no longer best friend, but watchman. Nanny. Personal police officer.<br/>It´s kind of sad. </p><p><br/>"Yo, Lulu, what happened to you cheek?" asks Arthur when he approaches them with Yann and Basile. Boys all are staring at him. </p><p><br/>"I was just clumsy in the dark," Lucas waves his hand. Eliott next to him snorts humourlessly. Boys sit around the table and start eating their lunch.</p><p><br/>"Clumsy how?" Yann asks curiously and Lucas´ eyes snap to his dark ones. God, Lucas hopes he´s not suspicious too, because he can maybe handle Eliott, but not if Yann joins him. </p><p><br/>"I got thirsty at night, went to grab some water and hit the doorframe," Lucas says and he sees as Eliott´s squinting his eyes in the corner of his vision, but he gladly ignores it. "I was half-asleep."</p><p><br/>"God, I hate when that happen," says Basile sympathetically. </p><p><br/>Basile starts talking about his own clumsy experiences and Lucas leans down to his backpack on the ground to take out his lunch, when his eyes catch the piece of familiar object inside his bag. <br/>He closes the backpack again and looks over his friends if anyone notices, but thankfuly, they all are laughing at Basile´s story now. He gets up. </p><p><br/>"Where are you going? We have fifteen more minutes before the next class," Arthur says with confused frown. </p><p><br/>"I promised Imane to meet with her to go through the notes for biology," Lucas lies like it´s his other naturality. And maybe, maybe it really is. </p><p><br/>"You didn´t eat anything," says Eliott. </p><p><br/>"I´m not hungry," says Lucas and turns to leave. "See you later," he calls over his shoulder and goes inside, locks himself in the closest restroom. Then he pulls out the beige envelope. </p><p> </p><p><br/>It starts a month ago. He found beige envelope in his locker with a folded piece of paper and a polaroid picture inside. There was written short poem. Just few lines, nothing long, and Lucas didn´t understand what that means and who could even possibly give him that. <em>Him, Lucas</em>. Nobody cared about him this much, he would know. </p><p>He thought it´s some kind of mistake and dropped it. </p><p>Until another beige envelope appeared in his jacket pocket. Again, folded paper with short poem and polaroid picture inside. Nothing saying verses. </p><p><br/>He told Eliott, then, because they were walking from school together. Of course he told him, Eliott is his best friend. He told Eliott and Eliott was mocking him a little that he has a secret admirer. </p><p>"Who do you think it is?" Eliott asked. "I think it´s the little brunette from first year, that one with bangs, you know? She´s staring at you like she wants to eat you alive," Eliott said and laughed. </p><p>"Eliott, everyone knows I´m gay," Lucas said and shook his head. </p><p>"Hm, true... so it´s a boy? I mean, even a girl can dream..."</p><p> </p><p><br/>He didn´t talk about it with Eliott ever since. But now, Lucas holds the third envelope and he thinks, this can´t be a coincidence, no? This has to mean something. But what?</p><p><br/>There´s polaroid picture of some graffiti wall. Lucas unfolds the piece of paper (it´s always piece of paper from the same notebook) and read those words. </p><p>
  
</p><p><br/>And like always, Lucas doesn´t understand. He understands those words (mostly), he just doesn´t understand that anyone could mean that for <em>him</em>. He doesn´t understand that someone in this school (most probably, because he recieved those envelopes always in school) could see him like he´s worthy to do something like this for him, write a poem. He doesn´t know if those poems are from some book or if they (the person who writes this to him) making them up themselves. Somehow, both ways seems so... so <em>pleasant</em>. If they find them in books, they making that effort to find some specific verses for him. If they writing them themselves... wow. Just <em>wow</em>. </p><p><br/>Lucas didn´t say about it to anyone, just Eliott that one afternoon. Eliott wasn´t mean, he never is. He didn´t tell anyone, he kept the secret between him and Lucas. But Lucas feels like he wants to keep it only for himself, since now. So when he found this third little beige envelope today after almost three weeks of nothing, he feels a little warm inside. <br/>Confused, but warm. </p><p><br/>Confused, because he doesn´t know who´s doing this. Confused, because it makes him feel like this. </p><p><br/>He would really like to know who that person is . </p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>Lucas goes straight home from school to avoid interaction with his father. He thinks that he can eat, take a shower and stay in his room for the rest of the day, not seeing him at all and go to sleep in the appropriate time.</p><p><br/>This is his plan, but it changes the moment he opens the door and walks into the house. </p><p><br/>Because there´s his dad, in the kitchen, drinking from the beer bottle, one already empty on the kitchen counter. Lucas´ heart crouches a little in his ribcage. </p><p><br/>"Hi," he says carefully and closes the door, slips out of his shoes, takes off his jacket. "I didn´t know you´ll be home that soon."</p><p><br/>His father nods his head few times, swallows the beer and looks at Lucas. It´s not a good look. Lucas shivers. </p><p><br/>"Yes, I noticed that," his dad says and in his voice Lucas hears the holded anger. He thinks, quickly, what he could have done today to make him angry. He didn´t see him since morning, so where is the problem? "I noticed that, Lucas," his father continues. "Because if you knew I´ll be home sooner, you probably wouldn´t leave <em>this</em> here, huh?" he picks up the mug from the sink. The mug from which Lucas drank tea this morning. Lucas knows there´s also a plate, fork and...<em>fuck</em>... the knife. </p><p><br/>Lucas shakes his head.<br/>Yes, he was running late to school and he left his dirty dishes in sink with his plan to clean that once he´ll be home. Because his dad is coming from work usually later in the evening. Not this early. <br/>And fuck, what a fucking mistake. He´s thinking about that if he clean that this morning and came late to school, would be his dad angry too? For Lucas being late?</p><p>Most definitely. </p><p><br/>"What is that mean?" his dad says. </p><p><br/>"I´m sorry, I didn´t make it to clean that in the morning," Lucas says, staring at the mug still in his father´s hand. The grip is so tight that his dad´s fingers are white. </p><p><br/>"You didn´t make it?" he says. "So I have to come back to your fucking dirty shits after long day in work? Are you aware, Lucas, that I have very important people as my clients? Are you aware I can bring them here, to <em>my</em> house, like, any fucking time?"</p><p><br/>Lucas doesn´t know if he should speak or not. If him trying to answer would pissed his father more than not giving any answer at all. He looks at his dad as he stands there with the fucking mug in his hand, staring at Lucas with raised eyebrows. <br/>Oh, so he probably waits for an answer. </p><p><br/>"I am aware of it and I said I´m sor-"</p><p><br/>Lucas jumps to the side as the mug flies to his direction. He makes it just in time to avoid the object and he jumps again when the mug breaks on the floor behind him. </p><p><br/>"How many fucking times I have to tell you, that I need this house to be representative for my clients, you dumbass?" his dad half-screams. It´s still not the worst what Lucas had seen. His dad takes two steps to him, Lucas steps backwards. "God, what did I do to deserve such an idiot to be my son," his dad continues and takes another two steps until he´s right in front of Lucas. Lucas takes another one backwards and he steps on the piece of broken mug and hisses. </p><p><br/>He should just... go to Eliott or Yann right after school and come back home later. Maybe he would be lucky and his dad would be sleeping on the couch already. But no, universe had different plan with him, Lucas thinks. Fuck that too. </p><p><br/>"One more time this will happen," his dad says and Lucas looks down, stops breathing. Big hand grips his wrist. "Look at me when I´m talking to you!" Lucas´ eyes snap to his dad´s brown ones, now so dark they look like black holes. Lifeless. "If this will happen one more time, you won´t want to know what I will do with you."</p><p><br/>Lucas bites the inside of his cheek. </p><p><br/>"Clean that shit. All of it," his father says, then he tugs for Lucas wrist harshly and leaves to the living room. </p><p><br/>Lucas breathes again, breathes with relief. No more visible injuries what Eliott can see and demanding answers. That´s a success. <br/>He picks up the shards, clean the rest of the dishes from the sink and throws the beer bottles into garbage. His foot hurts. Sock is a little wet. He´s bleeding from the stepping on the shard. <em>Fuck</em>. </p><p><br/>Lucas looks around if he sees any bloody spots on the ground because his father would definitely kill him for it. He walks to the staircase on his left tiptoe to not bleed on the ground, when the palm lands on his cheek and he stumbles backwards with the force of it. </p><p><br/>"Take <em>all</em> your stuff with you. What for you think you have your own room?" his father says and points to the hallway when Lucas left his shoes and jacket. </p><p> </p><p><br/>Once he´s in his room, he throws himself on the bed, presses his face into the pillow and screams for a minute. Then he just lies there, staring at the ceiling for god knows how long. <br/>His cheek burns. <em>God, please, don´t let it be bruised,</em> Lucas thinks. </p><p><br/>He goes to the bathroom to shower and then he takes care of the cut on his foot. It´s not big, so it´s good, but it still hurts when he´s walking. His cheek is red, imprint of three fingers visible there. Hopefully it´s gonna be better in the morning, because one cheek is bruised since saturday and the second one will looking like this? No, thank you. </p><p><br/>Lucas lies in his bed and thinks. </p><p><br/>It´s still early, around 6pm. Still daylight behind the window. He just now realizes he didn´t eat anything for dinner, but like hell he´s gonna go downstairs again. </p><p><br/>Lucas lies there and thinks. He´s gonna be eighteen in three months. He can do it. Three months and he´ll be free, he can leave, he can do whatever he wants. Three months. <br/>Also, he can find himself a job. Maybe someone finally hire him when he´s almost adult, right? When he´ll find a job, he´ll make some money and he can afford his own place to live. He could leave this house and live by his own, nobody there to beating him for every little shit. </p><p><br/>Yes, that´s great idea. He´ll find a job. </p><p><br/>With that thought Lucas falls asleep that night.</p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>His father is already gone when Lucas wakes up and goes downstairs. He drinks tea and eats some toast and then he washes the dishes, put them to shelves and then he cleans all kitchen, just to be sure. <br/>He finds another four empty beer bottles in the living room and he cleans that room too, folds the blanket, straighten the pillows on the couch, wipes the dust everywhere. </p><p><br/>He wakes up early because he went to sleep very early last evening. He has plenty time. When the house looks squeaky clean, Lucas goes to bathroom to get ready for school. </p><p><br/>The cheek looks worse. It´s red, somewhere also slightly purple. <br/>No, they can´t see him like this, his friends can´t see him like this. He opens the mirror and stares at the shelves. There are some pills, skin creams and yes, thank god, his mom´s make-up. She probably didn´t need this one for her trip, so Lucas can use it. </p><p><br/>Lucas´ mom is on business trip. Her company keeps sending her on those trips to make contracts, because she´s really smart, she speaks ten languages and she´s very pretty woman. She looks representative and she knows how to make business, so she´s abroad all the time. </p><p><br/>If she knows what´s going on here, when she´s not at home? <br/>No. She doesn´t know anything. And Lucas would be glad if that stays like that. </p><p><br/>He takes the foundation and put it on his face. He´s covering the red and purple spots until he´s satisfied with the results. It´s not great, but it´s better. If he´ll stand far enough from boys, they won´t notice. </p><p> </p><p><br/>Lucas is ready for school and it´s still really early. He decides to take a walk. He´s limping a little because the cut still hurts, but thank god he did that, because he walks past some coffee shop he never seen before. It must be new, Lucas thinks. When it´s new, maybe they need some employees. </p><p><br/>Lucas opens the door and walks inside. He looks around that place, it´s quite empty. </p><p><br/>"Hello," one girl behind the counter says and smiles at Lucas as he approaches. "What can I get for you?" </p><p><br/>"Oh, um..." Lucas thinks and looks over the coffee menu on the wall above the girl´s head. "Actually... I wanted to ask if you, maybe, need a workforce? I mean, I´m looking for a job, and-"</p><p><br/>"Wait, really?" the girl says and raises an eyebrow at Lucas, who frowns.</p><p><br/>"Yes?" he says. </p><p><br/>"You really want to work here?" she asks again. Lucas nods. "Oh my god, that´s amazing!" she squeaks. "I´m gonna call my boss, wait here!" and she´s gone. Lucas is a little confused. Does that mean they have a free work position for him or...?</p><p><br/>"Hello," the young hipstery-looking man says. "I heard you looking for a job?" he asks and the girl behind him claps her hands few times. Lucas nods. "Don´t mind Alice, please," the man says. "We just opened this place and suddenly there´s bunch of people coming and Alice is the only barist I have, for now."</p><p><br/>Lucas nods again. </p><p><br/>"So, you want work here? For sure?" he asks. "Ah, sorry, I´m Aiden, nice to meet you," he smiles and shakes Lucas´ hand. </p><p><br/>"Lucas," he says. "And yes, I would like to work here, if that´s possible. I need a job, quickly. I can work every afternoon and on weekends."</p><p><br/>"Plenty of time you have, huh?" Aiden says. "How old are you?" </p><p><br/>"I´ll be eighteen in three months," Lucas admitts a little hesitantly. He´s afraid they could change their minds about him. He really needs this job. </p><p> </p><p><br/>"So you´re high school student, right?" Alice asks. </p><p><br/>"Yes. But don´t worry, I am quick learner, I can do whatever you want in here," Lucas says in hurry. Alice and Aiden both laughs. </p><p><br/>"Okay, okay, don´t tell twice," Aiden laughs and Alice winks at Lucas. "When you can start?"</p><p><br/>"I need to go to school now, but I can come this afternoon and discuss the details?" Lucas offers and Alice giggles. </p><p><br/>"You will be the most adult of all of us, Lucas, as I see," she laughs. </p><p><br/>Lucas writes his name and number on piece of paper and gives that to Aiden. "I´ll be back at 3."</p><p><br/>They says their goodbyes and Lucas goes to school. He´s running a little late so he can´t meet boys before the first class, but he´s smiling the whole time. </p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>It´s good. It´s good, because he didn´t run into Eliott since morning and Arthur neither Yann or Basile notice his face. The make-up works, then. It´s his fourth class and it´s PE. His leg caught crumps as he´s running on his tiptoe all the time, but it´s good. He´s really trying because he needs to get rid of some adrenaline. </p><p><br/>When the lesson ends, he´s sweaty, hot, and his clothes is wet. He feels the droplets running down his face, itching in his hair. </p><p><br/>"Jesus christ, Lallemant, you´re using make-up?" one of his classmates laughs when Lucas walks into the locker room. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>What?</em>
</p><p><br/>Lucas looks down on his shirt and he sees there beige spot around his collar. Fuck, he forgets he had the make-up and when he was sweating it´s probably flowed down. </p><p><br/>"Why the fuck, Lallemant? Weren´t you gay enough before?" the other one of his classmates says and few others laugh.</p><p><br/>"Fuck off, Tom," Lucas says and goes to take a shower. He has lunch break now, so whatever, he has plenty of time. And the plus is, he doesn´t have to see his friends, so they won´t notice anything. </p><p><br/>When he looks into the mirror after the shower, the cheek is still decorated by red spots and he has no make-up here with him. He has nothing to cover it. <br/>But whatever. It´s okay, it´s fine, he just needs to avoid Eliott. He´s the only one who would ask questions. </p><p>He needs to avoid Eliott today, Lucas thinks and walks out of the locker room. </p><p><br/>"Lucas."</p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>Fuck.</em>
</p><p><br/>Lucas turns around and there he is. Eliott. </p><p><br/>"Hi," Lucas says and Eliott cuts the distance between them, looking worried. Again. And maybe a little angry. <br/>Just great.</p><p><br/>"What the hell, Lucas?" Eliott asks, looking at his cheek. "What is that? Where have you been? Why you don´t responding to my texts?"</p><p><br/>See? Questions. Eliott asks questions. </p><p><br/>"I´m sorry I didn´t check my phone since yesterday," Lucas says and it´s true. He´s happy he can say something what is true to Eliott. "What´s up?"</p><p><br/>"Wh- no, Lucas, <em>no</em>, just tell me that this is not what it looks like," Eliott says, pointing at his cheek. "Because, Lucas, don´t you dare lie to me about this. I´m not fucking blind and I´m not stupid either."</p><p><br/>"Just, leave it, Eliott, okay?" Lucas says, pleading. "I did it to myself-"</p><p><br/>"Right," Eliott says, his eyes stormy. "You hit yourself in the face, Lucas, sure thing."</p><p><br/>Lucas winced with the word and the memory of yesterday´s events. </p><p><br/>"Could you just drop it, please," Lucas says again and almost cries with relief at the sound of the bell ringing. "I have to go, I´ll text you later," he says and goes. </p><p><br/>"Lucas," Eliott calls after him and Lucas turns around. "Why are you limping?" he asks with frown. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>Jesus fuck. </em>
</p><p><br/>"Just a little accident in PE class," Lucas says and rolls his eyes. Eliott frowns deeper. Lucas leaves in hurry before he can ask more questions. </p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>Lucas can´t believe his luck. He got the job, starting tomorrow. He goes home and he´s smiling. Alice showed him everything around, she explained what are gonna be his responsibilities, she introduced him the rest of the staff - all of them are young people, half of them hipsters. There are two bakers, one secretary, Aiden and Alice. All of them seems to be really cool people and Lucas is the youngest from them.</p><p><br/>He goes home with smile on his face. </p><p><br/>It´s great. He cleaned the house this morning so there´s nothing to be angry about for his dad. He can make it. He´ll do everything right and he´ll survive until he´ll get enough money to allow his own place to live. Maybe a room in a flatshare. </p><p><br/>Yes, he can survive three months. </p><p><br/>But when he gets home, his father is drunk as fuck and smacks with Lucas against the wall without a reason. He punches him to his shoulder as Lucas holds his hands up to cover his head. </p><p><br/>"Get the fuck out of here, I don´t wanna see your fucking face today," his father yells and Lucas runs upstairs faster than ever before. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>He can do it, he can do it, he can do it. </em>
</p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>After two days in work, Lucas knows almost everything. He knows how to make every kind of coffee, he knows name of every pastry and cake. He can thank his mom for the smart genes.</p><p>"You´re really a very quick learner, Lucas," says Alice the next day afternoon when Lucas makes his third mocca with whipped cream. "It´s pleasure to working with you," she smiles and Lucas smiles back. </p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>"What happened to your face?" asks Arthur on thursday in the morning, when all of them stands together on the school yard. </p><p><br/>"What do you mean?" says Lucas. "I already told you on monday, I was clumsy in the dark-"</p><p><br/>"No, but the other cheek, Lulu," says Basile. "You must be the clumsiest person alive," he laughs but shuts up when noone else joins him. </p><p><br/>"Ah, this, it´s just from PE class," Lucas waves his hand at them and Eliott narrows his eyes at him before he chuckles and looks away. He´s mad at Lucas, it´s obvious. But Lucas doesn´t know what to do. </p><p><br/>"Do you wanna go to park today?" asks Yann and bless him for changing a subject. "We can grab some cheeseburgers and hang out." Arthur agrees, Basile too, Lucas feels Eliott´s gaze on his face. "What about you, Lulu? Coming?" Yann says and squeezes Lucas´ shoulder. <br/>Lucas hisses and jumps back. </p><p><br/>"Shit, sorry," Yann says immediately and Lucas feels his cheeks burning with embarrassement. </p><p><br/>"No, no," Lucas forces a laugh. "It´s nothing, sorry..."</p><p><br/>"Are you coming then?" Yann asks again. </p><p><br/>"No, I can´t today, I need to go home, but some other time, yeah?" Lucas says and hopes boys won´t be mad. He needs to go to work and he´s ashamed to tell them. He´s also scared to tell because they would ask why, why he needs job and Lucas can´t talk about his father. About the situation. About all of that what´s going on. He´s ashamed of it. And he´s scared.</p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>After work he goes home and he finds his dad sleeping on the couch, two empty bottles of expensive-looking wine on the coffee table. He exhales with relief and clean the kitchen in hurry and very very quietly. Then he goes to his room and starts read one of Eliott´s books he has borrowed. </p><p><br/>His phone buzzes. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <strong>Eliott:</strong>
  <br/>
  <em>Hey, how are you?</em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <strong>Lucas:</strong>
  <br/>
  <em>Hi, I´m good, already in bed. </em>
  <br/>
  <em>What´s up?</em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <strong>Eliott:</strong>
  <br/>
  <em>In bed??? It´s early for you, I thought you´re night owl.</em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <strong>Lucas:</strong>
  <br/>
  <em>Oh... and I was thinking I´m a hedgehog for you :(((</em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <strong>Eliott:</strong>
  <br/>
  <em>Silly...</em>
</p><p><br/><strong>Lucas:</strong><br/>:(((</p><p><br/><strong>Eliott:</strong><br/><em>Anyways, I was thinking about Shrek marathon on saturday? </em><br/><em>You can sleep over. We haven´t done that in a long time.</em> :)</p><p><br/>Shrek is kind of <em>their</em> movie. His and Eliott´s. They were in cinema together watch every part when they were kids. It´s their comfort movie and time to time Lucas stays over night and they watch it together. <br/>But... Fuck, Lucas has work on saturday. He can´t go to Eliott but truth is, he really wants that. His father maybe is an asshole, but he knows Demaury family and he respects Eliott´s parents. So Lucas thinks he would let him stay at Eliott´s. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <strong>Eliott:</strong>
  <br/>
  <em>I miss my bff.</em>
</p><p><br/>Lucas smiles at the screen. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <strong>Lucas:</strong>
  <br/>
  <em>Miss my bff too, but I´m sorry, I can´t this weekend. </em>
  <br/>
  <em>Next saturday? </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <strong>Eliott:</strong>
  <br/>
  <em>Okay...</em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <strong>Lucas:</strong>
  <br/>
  <em>Reading the book. </em>
  <br/>
  <em>It´s interesting. </em>
</p><p><br/><strong>Eliott:</strong> <br/><em>Which one?</em></p><p>
  <br/>
  <strong>Lucas:</strong>
  <br/>
  <em>More than this.</em>
</p><p>
  <strong><br/>Eliott:</strong>
  <br/>
  <em>Ahhh, let me know what you think when you´ll finish!!</em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <strong>Lucas:</strong>
  <br/>
  <em>Sure thing. </em>
  <br/>
  <em>Good night Eli. </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <strong>Eliott:</strong>
  <br/>
  <em>Good night Luc.</em>
</p><p><br/>Lucas puts the phone on his bedside table and reads until his eyelids are heavy and he falls asleep. He´s also tired from work. When he falls asleep, his phone buzzes again with another message from Eliott. </p><p><br/><strong>Eliott:</strong><br/><em>Please be safe</em> ♥</p><p><br/>But Lucas doesn´t wake up until morning.</p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>Lucas´opening the coffee shop today at 6am, so he left the house before his father could wake up. He doesn´t mind early hour and he gets out of bed with his first alarm ringing. </p><p>The coffee shop looks so strange when it´s empty. Lucas walks around that place, put chairs down from tables, wipes the surfaces even when they´re clean (old habbits probably) and changes the sign on the door from closed to open. </p><p>Then he put on the plates some muffins and pastries and waits for first customers. </p><p> </p><p><br/>When Alice comes after 7am, he leaves for school. He has also afternoon shift today, but it´s friday and Lucas doesn´t really mind. In work he forgets the pain in his feet, shoulder, face, he actually forgets everything, because he needs to focus on order of their customers. <br/>Thank god for that. </p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>When Lucas´grabbing his stuff after his afternoon shift, he finds another beige envelope in his jacket pocket. It´s strange, two envelopes in one week. </p><p><br/>He says his goodbyes to his co-workers and leaves the coffee shop. On his way home he opens the envelope and pulls out piece of paper and polaroid picture of sky. He stares at it for a while and then he unfolds the paper. </p><p>
  
</p><p>Lucas reads it again few more times. </p><p><br/>Is that... what Lucas thinks that is? But how could that person possibly know...<br/>No. No, it´s impossible. Those poems were never about his life, just random words. Probably from some book. Lucas couldn´t imagine any high school student who would write poems like this.</p><p><br/>Oh god. Lucas reads it again. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>It´s better to be whole and alone than broken at their feet.</em>
</p><p><br/>Lucas doesn´t understand. Or maybe he does. It gives him wierd feeling to his stomach. But, still, he shoves the envelope to his notebook to the others (yes, he´s keeping them all - don´t ask why, he doesn´t know) and goes home. </p><p><br/>He goes home with the Eliott´s book in his hands, reading all the way. It´s quite interesting. It´s scifi and the main character is gay, so something what Eliott would choose for Lucas to read. Lucas chuckles with the thought. </p><p><br/>Eliott just knows him so well. </p><p> </p><p><br/>He walks through the door and slips out of his shoes. When he´s about to open the fridge and take something to eat, he´s harshly pushed to the side that his lower back collides with the kitchen counter. Lucas yelps. </p><p><br/>"Where is it?" his father screams at him. "Where the fuck is it?" </p><p><br/>"What?" Lucas asks. "What are you talking about?"</p><p><br/>"The whisky from my table! Do you even know how expensive that was? It was a gift from my client. Where is it?" he screams and Lucas stumbles backwards around the kitchen island and headed to living room. </p><p><br/>"I don´t know! I didn´t take it, I swear!" Lucas defends himself. He has no fucking clue where it could be, but he´s suspicious his father drank it in the past and he doesn´t remember. </p><p><br/>"Don´t lie to me, Lucas. You took it, admit it! You took it to drink it with your fucking friends," his dad is closer and closer and Lucas´ stepping back until he can´t anymore and he´s pressed to the bookshelf with glass doors. He should go somewhere else, because-</p><p><br/>"Dad, I swear I didn´t take it. I would never-" his father grabs the collar of his t-shirt and smacks with him against the shelves. Lucas grabs his dad´s wrist with both hands, trying to rip himself away from him. </p><p>Unsuccessfuly. His dad is not drunk today. <br/>He´s not even drunk. <br/>He´s fucking <em>sober</em>. </p><p><br/>He shoves Lucas against the shelves again and the glass door breaks. It hurts and Lucas´ heartbeat goes faster. "Please, stop," he says and holds back the sob. </p><p><br/>"You´re such a piece of crap," his father says and his grip tightens that it chokes Lucas around his neck. "You´re fucking liar!" he smashes with Lucas again and Lucas whines with the pain. </p><p><br/>"Stop, <em>stop</em>," Lucas chokes out. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>He can do it, he can do it, he can do it. </em>
</p><p><br/>His dad shoves him away and Lucas falls on the ground. He´s quick to stand up only to recieve fist to his eye and he falls down again. He sees black and yellow spots and he´s blinking to clear his view. Another punch to his ribs. </p><p><br/>It hurts like bitch. </p><p><br/>His father sits on the couch and switches on the tv. Lucas gets up. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>It´s better to be whole and alone than broken at their feet.</em>
</p><p><br/>"You owe me new one. I don´t care how you will pay for it," his father says without a glance to his way and Lucas is hurry to leave. He takes all his stuff from the hallway, jacket, hoodie, snickers, backpack and apple, because he still didn´t eat. </p><p><br/>He goes upstairs, holding one hand on the wall to steady himself. His body hurts, his back feels sticky. He feels broken and it´s a little hard to breathe, but it could be only the adrenaline. </p><p><br/>He locks himself in the bathroom, lets the water pouring into the sink and allows himself to cry a little. <br/>He never cries, lately. He used to, a lot, but he learned it´s not helping and he feels only worse and his head always hurts after that. But now, he just can´t handle it anymore. He can´t control it. He can´t control his own life, it´s so fucking stupid and frustrating. </p><p>He can´t allow to leave and find a new place to live. He was working only three days so far. He has no money. <br/>But how long before his father really kill him? How long? </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>It´s better to be whole and alone than broken at their feet.</em>
</p><p><br/>Lucas stands up from the edge of the bathtub where he was sitting and looks in the mirror. </p><p><br/>His face looks like page from coloring book of three years old. Spots of purple, red, pink, yellow and also a little blue. Ridiculous. </p><p><br/>Lucas takes off his shirt and there´s red spot on his ribs (it will be bruise too, soon, Lucas feels that), but what is worse is how he looks from back. His lower back bruised from the counter, and there, between his shoulder blades, cuts from the glass doors of living room shelves. </p><p><br/>Fucking hell. </p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>Lucas lies in his bed after he cleaned himself and took care of those injuries, his body hurts, his face burns, his back itching.<br/>He lies there and doesn´t sleep. He thinks and thinks. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>It´s better to be whole and alone than broken at their feet.</em>
</p><p><br/>It´s half past three in the morning when he gives up, gets up from bed, takes the blue travel bag from under his bed and starts packing. He takes some clothes, trying to think practical (trying to remember what his mom always saying when Lucas watching her packing for another business trip), adding some blanket and sleeping bag (thank god he has everything in his room - the only good thing about all of those things his father wants from Lucas, to have all his stuff in his room). <br/>Lucas doesn´t know where he´s gonna go. <br/>He could go to Eliott, but he doesn´t want for him to see him like this. Eliott would be angry and worried and his parents too and Lucas is so embarrassed. He could go to Yann or Arthur or Basile but... he doesn´t want to explain himself to someone else. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>...between you and them, choose you.</em>
</p><p><br/>Lucas grabs his toothbrush and toothpaste and showergel, phone and charger, his schoolbag with all his things for classes and also the little package of money he recieved from his mom on last birthday. It´s not much to allow a place for living, but he needs something for food. </p><p> </p><p><br/>Lucas leaves the house that early saturday morning. </p><p><br/>He leaves the house what had never been his home and doesn´t turn once. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>It´s better to be whole and alone than broken at their feet.</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Look, let´s make a deal:<br/>No weekly updates, no "posting every friday/sunday" shit or whatever. Just, when I´ll have a chapter done, I´ll post it. K?</p><p>Thank you so much for your comments under the first chapter. I was afraid but now I am not. Let´s do it, mecs. <br/>Enjoy ♥</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Lucas walks and walks. He´s tired, his body hurts and his vision becomes blurry - probably because of the punch to his eye, or maybe he´s crying, he doesn´t know. </p><p><br/>April just started and the night is chilly. He has hood over his head, hands in jacket pockets, school bag on his back and travel bag over his shoulder. It´s heavy. He didn´t take a lot of stuff, but it´s heavy and he´s just so tired. <br/>He´s tired of everything.<br/>He´s tired of being who he is. </p><p><br/>He stops in the middle of an empty street and leans to the wall. </p><p><br/>He ran from home. He ran from his father. He ran from his house, really. He really did that. Fuck. Where he should go now? He still have some time to go back before his father will notice. He still have time to go back to his life. <br/>The life he hates so much. <br/>The man Lucas hates so much. <br/>The man who never was his dad, not really. </p><p><br/>Lucas thinks about Eliott and Eliott´s dad, Mr. Demaury. He´s the kindest adult man Lucas knows. He was always more dad to Lucas than his own father. When he was a kid, he was watching Eliott and his dad making jokes in their kitchen, laughing together, Eliott on his dad´s back, and when Lucas was lying in his bed at night, he was praying to have dad like Mr. Demaury. <br/>Nobody ever heard his wishes, apparantely. </p><p><br/>He still have time to go home. Maybe it will be better, maybe his dad will realize what he did, because, after all, he was sober in the evening. Maybe he will realize and he apologize to Lucas and maybe they can start over and be better. Working on their relantionship together, like real father and son.</p><p><br/>Lucas shakes his head. <em>Who am I kidding,</em> he thinks. <em>It will never be better. It will be only worse.</em> </p><p><br/>Lucas inhales deeply, feels the cold air running into his lungs and he shivers. It´s cold night. He´s cold. Tired. Sore. He needs to think, he needs to find a place to stay. </p><p><br/>It´s almost five in the morning. He has to go to work in a few hours. Maybe he could let his stuff in the work and deal with finding a place to stay later, after his shift...<br/>But it´ll not make the problem any smaller. </p><p><br/>Fuck. </p><p><br/>What he should do? </p><p><br/>Lucas steps away from the wall and starts walking again. He doesn´t even know where he is. He looks around and nothing looks familiar. Empty streets. Noone´s around him. Great. He thinks he sees the bus stop in the distance? He can go there and find out where the fuck he is. </p><p><br/>Lucas goes and then he hears some voices. Laughing. Singing? He looks around and sees two people coming his way. They have arms wrapped around each other´s shoulders, they´re laughing and Lucas watches as they stop to kiss. </p><p><br/>Lucas stands there in the shadows, watching them. They come closer and closer and stop at one apartment building. Then Lucas recognizes one of them. </p><p><br/>It´s Mika, Manon´s roommate. Lucas met him at one party. He´s cool guy, Lucas likes him. And he´s also very open with his sexuality. Lucas watches as he and the other boy laughing when Mika can´t shove the key to the keyhole. </p><p><br/>"I promise I´m better in this in bed," Mika says and they both giggle. </p><p><br/>"I really hope so, babe," the boy says and kisses Mika again. They finally manage to open the door and walks into the building, kissing, and their giggling slowly fading away. Lucas catches the door before they can shuts close and walks into the building. </p><p><br/>There´s staircase leading up to apartments, Lucas supposes, but he can´t go there. He looks around and there are also stairs leading down. Lucas takes stair by stair slowly, he´s a little afraid that someone could see or hear him. </p><p><br/>He goes downstairs and steps into some kind of basement. Lucas turns on the torch on his phone to see. <br/>There are bicycles, sledge, few old chairs and table with three legs in the corner. And dirty sink on the left. Lucas goes around all of it and walks through the thin door to backroom. It´s empty, cold, without any window. Full of dust and dirt. It looks like nobody was here for a long time. Good. Great. <br/><em>Amazing. </em></p><p><br/>Lucas sighs, put his stuff on the dusty ground and brings one of the chairs there to sit down. He turns off the phone light to not risk that someone could notice and call the police. <br/>He´s not adult yet, they would bring him back home and his father would definitely kill him. </p><p><br/>Lucas sits there in the dark, ignoring the fact that he´s a little afraid without any light and waits.  Waits twenty minutes before he stands up, takes his wallet and shoves his stuff into the dark corner with hope that noone will notice. </p><p><br/>Then he goes to work. </p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>Lucas has no time for thinking in work. He opens the coffee shop at seven (because it´s saturday, Lucas, noone needs open coffee shops since 6am on saturdays, Alice told him) and people start coming so he´s busy. </p><p><br/>He´s welcoming it, because he´s afraid that when he starts thinking about his fucked up situation, he wouldn´t handle it well. He´s seventeen and he has no place to live. What a fucking joke.<br/>He´s seventeen and he lives in some dusty basement, or that how it looks like since this morning. Fuck. <br/>Fuck. <br/>What he´s gonna do?</p><p><br/>"What happened?" Alice´s voice interrupts his thoughts. Lucas looks at her with raised eyebrows. "To your face," Alice says and points at his cheek. </p><p><br/>"Ah, um... accident in PE lesson," Lucas says and waves his hand that it´s nothing serious. He saw himself in the mirror when he arrived to work and... the eye is slightly purple - but it will be worse in a few days, cheek still red. On the other cheek is yellow bruise since last weekend. At least it´s healing quickly. </p><p><br/>"Gosh, I hated PE," Alice says, putting on her barista apron, same as Lucas has already on. "Girls were so mean in highschool, you know? I hated it. Competitive bitches," she shakes her head with black hair and Lucas laughs. </p><p><br/>"I can imagine," he says. </p><p><br/>It´s easy in work. Alice is nice and funny and she makes Lucas forget about his trouble. </p><p><br/>At least for a while. </p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>After his shift ends he goes back to the bulding. He only then realizes he doesn´t have a key. </p><p><br/>Fuck, how he didn´t think about this? His mind was too occupied with all those shits that he can´t think like a normal person. Lucas leans to the wall next to the building door and thinks. It´s after 4pm, so he has some time to figure it out before it´ll get dark. </p><p><br/>But it shows up he doesn´t have to think about it at all, at least for today, because some older couple just leaves the building and Lucas slips inside through the door. </p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>The basement is not very nice place to stay. The air in the backroom is heavy and it´s cold there and dark. Lucas closes the door so he´s in absolut darkness now. He lights up his phone and reads the book from Eliott to not think about his possibilities. Mostly because he has none.</p><p><br/>Later Lucas opens his french literature textbook to learn something for monday test, and he finds another envelope. Was it there the whole time? How long? Lucas opens it and pulls out two polariod pics and the note. </p><p>
  
</p><p><br/>What is that suppose to mean? That he´s wearing a mask? That he´s pretending? That he´s hiding his true self?<br/>Lucas thinks about it a little and, yeah, maybe he really is wearing some kind of a mask. </p><p>He sighs, looks at the pics again under the phone light. It´s so fitting. Lucas wonders if that person who´s sending him these notes doing also the graffiti. He thinks about how they go, make graffiti based on the poem just to take a pic of them. It´s ridiculous thought and Lucas laughs a little. Then he thinks about himself, being alone in the dark basement and laughing of his own thoughts and he feels like he´s going crazy. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>God. </em>
</p><p><br/>How long before he looses his mind?</p><p><br/>He lifts his phone from his lap and checks the battery. Still enough. He charged his phone in work today. He should maybe look around this place for some source of power.<br/>Instead of it he texts Eliott. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <strong>Lucas:</strong>
  <br/>
  <em>Hi, how´s Shrek marathon? </em>
  <br/>
  <em>The book is so good, thanks again. </em>
</p><p><br/><strong>Eliott:</strong><br/><em>There´s no Shrek without you, it´s the rule.</em><br/><em>I´m glad you like it</em> :)</p><p>
  <br/>
  <strong>Lucas:</strong>
  <br/>
  <em>What rule?</em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <strong>Eliott:</strong>
  <br/>
  <em>It´s in bff codex. No Shrek without each other.</em>
</p><p><br/>Lucas smiles at this. Eliott is really the best friend ever. He´s one of those forever kinds of friends where anything can happen and nothing will change. They just always are and forever will be. </p><p><br/><strong>Lucas:</strong><br/><em>Next time, then.</em> :)</p><p> </p><p>Lucas goes sleep that night after he eats those pastries Alice gave him in work, curled into himself in sleeping bag with the blanket under his head on the dusty floor in the basement. </p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>Sunday is strange. Lucas goes out with the book, sits in the park on the bench and finishes reading it. Then he just sits there for some more minutes, or maybe hours, who cares. He´s ignoring group chat with boys. He´s ignoring Imane´s messages about study session. He´s ignoring everything and he just... is. </p><p><br/>He finds another beige envelope in his biology textbook earlier and with the fact that it´s weekend and he wasn´t in school since friday, he supposes it must be older one and he just didn´t notice sooner. Also he takes a note in his mind to check all his books later if there´s some other note or not, because this is totally absurd. </p><p><br/>There´s another polariod pic, this time with one single rose, and the poem, like always. </p><p>
  <br/>
  
</p><p><br/>Lucas reads it again and again, sitting on the bench, and at some point he starts crying. How can someone see him like this? What is there written? <br/><em>The most beautiful rose - you are that rose, forever to me. </em><br/>Who is that? Who sees Lucas like this? It´s not even possible. </p><p><br/>Lucas thinks and thinks and starts to remember who in school would look at him like that, like he´s something more, something worthy. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>The most beautiful rose.</em>
</p><p><br/>Lucas can´t figure it out. He has to be more observant. Starting tomorrow. </p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>Lucas goes to school very early. He didn´t shower since friday, so he goes straight to the PE locker rooms, takes a shower, brushes his teeth (because brushing teeth in that small dirty sink in basement seems just terrible) and changes into clean clothes he brought with him.</p><p><br/>His face doesn´t look good. The bruise around his eye is a little worse. It always takes few days to catch the color. Lucas supposes it´ll be even worse tomorrow. <br/>He can´t avoid the interaction with boys, and especially not with Eliott. </p><p><br/>Lucas hates it. He hates he feels like he needs to avoid his best friend just because Eliott is worried about him. Just because Lucas doesn´t want to deal with his own shit. </p><p><br/>Well, fuck that. <br/>Fuck that all. </p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>It shows that Lucas doesn´t have to avoid Eliott, because Eliott didn´t come to school. Lucas texted him if is everything alright, and Eliott said it´s good, he just doesn´t feel very well, but it will be better soon, it´s just some migraine. </p><p><br/>Lucas ignored Imane´s wierd faces his way and when boys asked him about his bruise, he joked it´s because he joined the fight club. They all laughed and Lucas left before another question could be asked. </p><p><br/>He goes to work after school and after that he slips into the building with one old lady and helped her with heavy bags from grocery store to the second floor. </p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>It goes like this the next day, too, he showers in school, then goes through his day like everything was fine. But truth is, deep inside, Lucas panicking. He´s panicking because he has no certainty in his life, he has nothing he can catch for. He has nothing to ground himself. Nothing to hold up to. </p><p><br/>"Yo, Lucas," Arthur says when he approaches Lucas on the school yard together with Yann and Basile. "Party, friday, you coming."</p><p><br/>"I actually-"</p><p><br/>"No no no, don´t even start Lulu, don´t even bother," Yann interrupts his weak try to make up some stupid excuse. "You didn´t go with us last week, you´re coming on friday."</p><p><br/>"Yeah," Basile says. "You owe that to us, Lulu, we miss you, we want to hang out together."</p><p><br/>"Eliott is not here," Lucas points at it. </p><p><br/>"Eliott is sick, he might have a flu or some shit, but anyways, you´re coming," says Arthur. And yes, Lucas knows about Eliott being sick, they text a lot, but he doesn´t want to hang out without him. It´s still his best friend. And Lucas, Lucas really misses him. <br/>He´s also working on friday and he doesn´t know how to tell that to boys, so he´s quiet. </p><p> </p><p>In work, Alice notices he´s wierd. </p><p><br/>"Why are you frowning so much?" she asks and Lucas sighs. He decides he can tell her, at least some of it. </p><p><br/>"My friends want me to go to party this friday," Lucas says. </p><p><br/>"And? Buddy, parties are cool! Why are you looking like this? It´s good news, no?" she says. </p><p><br/>"I´m working on friday," he says. "I´m also not in the mood for some stupid party."</p><p><br/>"You´re not working on friday, Lucas, didn´t you see the schedule?" Alice asks and Lucas frowns. The schedule? What schedule? "Come," she says and leads Lucas to the wall in the corridor leading to kitchen. "Here, see?" she points at the paper on the wall. "Free friday, free saturday. You´re working on the sunday afternoon."</p><p><br/>"What? Why?" Lucas asks because really, he doesn´t mind working on friday.</p><p><br/>"Lucas, you´re high school student. We are not stupid, you´re young, you should have some fun! We wouldn´t hold you here every friday," Alice laughs. </p><p><br/>"But I don´t mind working every friday, really-"</p><p><br/>"Go to the party," Alice says as an order. "Go and have some fun."</p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>"Hey, guys, I found this cool new place, we can go there after school?" Arthur says at lunch on wednesday. </p><p><br/>"Sure thing," says Basile. "Where is it?"</p><p><br/>"Just about five minutes by bus from school," says Arthur. "It´s really cool in there," he adds. Nobody ever doubted Arthur´s judgement. When he says something is cool, it is really cool. </p><p><br/>"Yeah, sounds good. You coming, Lulu?" Yann asks Lucas. </p><p><br/>"Um.. no, sorry guys, I can´t today," he says because he has to go to work. He knows he´s shitty friend lately. Really shitty. And yes, he blames himself for it and yes, he feels like a piece of crap because of it. <br/>But what´s new. </p><p><br/>"Oh no, Lucas, we barely see you lately, what´s going on?" Yann asks and his eyes are almost as searching as Eliott´s. Lucas just hopes that Eliott didn´t tell anything to Yann. <br/>But no, Eliott wouldn´t do that. </p><p><br/>"Sorry, sorry, I know I´m really bad friend lately, but I´ll be there on friday, okay?" Lucas promises. "Okay, I have to go, bye guys," Lucas waves at them and goes. </p><p> </p><p>He´s just coming from the hallway to the counter when someone walks through the door. Lucas´ head snaps there and there are his friends. There is Yann, Arthur, Basile, walking into the coffee shop, looking around. </p><p><br/>Fuck. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>Fuck fuck fuck. </em>
</p><p><br/>Lucas jumps back into the hall and presses his back to the wall. </p><p><br/>"Lucas? Are you alright?" Alice asks when she comes from the office to him. </p><p><br/>"Uh... yeah, sorry, I feel a little..." Lucas swallows. "I don´t feel good, would you mind if I take a little break? I know I just arrived, but-"</p><p><br/>"Sure, you look like death, Lucas, go get some fresh air and come back once you´ll feel better," she smiles and pats his shoulder. Lucas nods and leaves to the back door. </p><p><br/>Of course Arthur was talking about <em>this</em> coffee shop. It´s new place, opened last week or so, and it´s really cool in here. Maybe because it´s managed by a group of hipsters. </p><p>Lucas didn´t think about the possibility that his friends could see him in work. Actually, what about his classmates? Of course someone will see him soon, someone will know he works here and then everyone in school will know. It´s absolutely inevitable. But Lucas really thought nobody cares about him. And it really seems like that, in school. <br/>But he also knows people like to talk. They like to spread literally any kind of gossips. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>Fuck. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Lucas comes back after long time. Boys are thankfully gone. </p><p><br/>"Sorry, I´ll stay here to make it up to you," he says and Alice just shakes her head with smile.</p><p><br/>"Please, don´t be silly," she says. "Last week I thought I´ll be all alone on everything in here. You don´t even know how big help you are, seriously."</p><p><br/>Lucas smiles at her. He doesn´t know how he deserves people like this in his life. Aiden is the best boss, constantly in chill. Alice is the best co-worker. They are so cool and so nice. Lucas feels somehow blessed by this oportunity. </p><p> </p><p>When he walks home - well, to the basement - after work, he feels little panic in his stomach. He feels like someone´s watching him. He walks fast, constantly turning around but noone´s there. Noone´s around. Noone suspicious, at least. Just people on bus stop or walking in the opposite side than him and noone gives a single shit about him. </p><p><br/>Lucas is paranoid. </p><p><br/>Why would his dad be watching him? Why would his dad be following him, when he didn´t even bother to call him after Lucas ran away? It´s wednesday. It´s five days since he left the house and his dad didn´t call him or text him even once. </p><p><br/>He just doesn´t give a fuck. He´s probably glad he got rid of the useless son Lucas was to him. </p><p><br/>Well, good. </p><p><br/>Still, Lucas feels this strange uneasiness inside. He´s anxious. He takes the longer way to the apartment building and then he waits more than half an hour until one girl leaves the door open and he can slip inside. </p><p><br/>Lucas doesn´t sleep that night. He´s curling into small ball inside his sleeping bag, anxiety doesn´t give a single minute of peace to his mind. He shivers because it´s cold and maybe because he´s more scared of the dark tonight than ever before. </p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>"You look like shit, Lulu," says Basile instead of greeting. </p><p><br/>"Well, hello to you too," says Lucas. He knows how he looks like. He knows it´s not nice sight. He doesn´t know what to do with that. He doesn´t know if he cares to do literally anything with that. </p><p><br/>"Why are you so dirty?" Arthur frowns, brushing some dust from Lucas´ sleeve. <br/>Well, truth is, Lucas was running late this morning and he didn´t have time to take a shower. So he just took some clothes in the dark basement and it got dirty in there, probably. Lucas doesn´t know. He´s tired from sleepless night. </p><p><br/>"We have broken washing machine," Lucas says and thinks about that he really needs to go and do his laundry. It´s necessary. </p><p><br/>"You look like death, Lucas," Yann says. </p><p><br/>"Enough complimets, please," Lucas laughs. He knows. He knows he knows <em>he knows. </em></p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>The most beautiful rose.</em>
</p><p><br/>Yeah, sure. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <strong>Lucas:</strong>
  <br/>
  <em>Hi, how are you? </em>
  <br/>
  <em>Come and save me. Guys suck. </em>
</p><p><br/><strong>Eliott:</strong><br/><em>Hi, I´m actually better, thanks.</em><br/><em>Aww, miss me so much?</em> </p><p>
  <br/>
  <strong>Lucas:</strong>
  <br/>
  <em>Yes. </em>
</p><p><br/><strong>Eliott:</strong><br/>♥</p><p><br/><strong>Lucas:</strong><br/>♥</p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>Lucas goes to the stupid party. </p><p><br/>It´s - thank god - in Emma´s house, so everything is familiar. Everything, but not people. He´s watching the faces around and he doesn´t recognize anyone. He knows they all are from the same school, but god, he sees noone familiar. People are brushing their bodies to Lucas´, because there are so many of them! Lucas is not doing well with lots of people. Seriously, he hates that. If Eliott would be here, they would lock themselves somewhere together and talk about something or watch a movie on the phone. </p><p><br/>Lucas feels like a piece of shit. Two nights without sleep. He´s tired, he´s grumpy and he´s mad. He´s mad at himself, he´s mad at his father, he´s mad at his mom for not being here. He´s mad at Eliott for not being here. He´s mad at himself for being so mad. He´s mad at his whole fucked up situation. <br/>He´s mad at whoever the person is, they didn´t bother to give him another beige envelope since the last one with rose. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>The most beautiful rose.</em>
</p><p><br/>Yeah, yeah. That one. </p><p><br/>Lucas is in no mood for party and so he sits on the couch and accepts every drink boys bring him. He takes shots, god knows how many. He drinks few beers - even when he doesn´t really like beer, like, at all. It reminds him his father too much. He drinks some more vodka. </p><p><br/>He drinks so much until he´s numb, sprawled across the couch, staring at the blurry swaying bodies in the living room and, basically, all around him. His head feels heavy. He thinks he might fall asleep any minute. <br/>Maybe, maybe he could sleep here and maybe he wouldn´t have to go to the cold dark basement tonight. <br/>He hates that place. And despite the fact he´s sleeping there all week by today, he still didn´t get use to it and he´s kinda scared of that place. It´s dark and smelly and dirty. And Lucas, Lucas is actually afraid of spiders and rats and, and, and he really hates any kind of insect. <br/>He hates the fucking basement. <br/>He hates himself for not knowing how to tell people about his issue. He hates himself for not telling Eliott, his best friend. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>Eliott. </em>
</p><p>Where is Eliott? Why he´s not here tonight? Lucas misses him. </p><p><br/>"Hey, Lulu, you good?" Arthur asks as he jumps on the couch next to him. </p><p><br/>"Hmpf," Lucas huffs. His head feels heavy. He feels like the little toys with huge heavy head. He thinks he´s gonna be sick. </p><p><br/>"You´re completely fucked up, Lucas," says Yann from the other side, sitting in the armchair. "You should go home. We should take you home."</p><p><br/>"I'm not going home," mumbles Lucas drunkily. Should he be saying this out loud like that? He's not sure... "I have no home anymore," Lucas adds.</p><p><br/>"What do you mean by that?" Yann asks. "What do you mean you have no home? Lucas?" and that's the last thing he remembers until there's another voice saying his name. </p><p><br/>"Lucas," says Eliott next to him. Lucas opens his eyes a little and there he is, Eliott, searching in his face. He´s always searching. Lucas really wonders what he wants to find in there. Like, something else than bruises and shame. </p><p><br/>"Lucas, do you hear me?" Eliott says again and Lucas feels the touch on his cheek. </p><p><br/>"Mhm," he says. "What-what... are you.. here," he says. Is that correct? Is he talking? He feels wierd. "Thought you s-sick," he adds and hopes Eliott hears him. </p><p><br/>"I came for you, come on, I´ll take you home," Eliott says and wraps his arm around Lucas´ waist to lift him up. Lucas leans to Eliott because his limbs feels wobbly. He doesn´t know how but suddenly they are outside and he has his back pressed into the wall of the house, music muffled by closed door. Eliott stands in front of him, hand on Lucas´ shoulder to hold him steady. "Are you gonna be sick?" he asks and Lucas looks at him.</p><p><br/>"Don´t know," he mumbles. </p><p><br/>Eliott sighs and lifts his hand sharply and Lucas automatically squints his eyes tightly and crouches in expectation of a punch. Then his drunk brain realizes it´s Eliott, not his father. No punch is happening. Eliott wouldn´t beat him. Fuck. </p><p><br/>He opens his eyes and meets Eliott´s face, staring at him with wide eyes. Eliott probably just wanted to brush his hair away from his forehead like he´s doing all the time, or something like that, and Lucas... Lucas fucked up. </p><p><br/>"Lucas, what the fuck," Eliott says in shock. Lucas exhales and blinks a couple times to clear his vision. He tries to shake it off and put on his neutral facade, but it´s too late. Eliott saw. <br/>Eliott... Eliott knows. </p><p><br/>"Lucas," he says again. </p><p><br/>"Hm," Lucas hums, looking down. </p><p><br/>"Did you... Did you think I'm gonna punch you?" Eliott asks quietly. </p><p><br/>"....no."</p><p><br/>"Lucas, are you kidding me? I would never do that! What the hell, I would never touch you like that! Why would you think that?" </p><p><br/>But Lucas doesn't know. He´s too drunk and too shocked by himself. And by that what Eliott knows now, like, for hundred percent. <br/>Fucking mistake. <br/>Lucas just keeps making fucking <em>mistakes</em>. </p><p><br/>"Lucas, he´s doing that to you, am I right?" Eliott says and lifts Lucas´ chin to look him in the eyes. "This is new one, right?" he says, looking at the bruise around Lucas´ eye.<em> No, Eliott,</em> Lucas thinks. <em>It´s not new, it´s just catching the colors.</em> "He did that?"</p><p><br/>Lucas doesn´t respond. He´s trying to breathe deeply because he´s probably gonna be sick. </p><p><br/>"Tell the truth, now," Eliott says in serious tone. </p><p><br/>"Eli," Lucas mumbles. "I-I think, I maybe-" and then he throws up.</p><p> </p><p>The last thing he remembers is warmth on his front, soft hair tickling the side of his face and the floaty feeling all over his body. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>tumblr: briallenko<br/>tumblr for this fic: stayheremylove<br/>art ig: briallen.art</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi. Here´s chapter 3, hope you´ll enjoy. <br/>It´s gonna be better. I promise it´s gonna be better. At the right time.</p><p>Thank you everyone who´s with me in this. <br/>Take care darlings. ♥</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Lucas starts coming to his senses, the first thing he realizes is that he´s not in the sleeping bag in the dark basement. Under him is not hard cold floor but there´s soft warm blanket wrapped around his body. </p><p><br/>What the-</p><p><br/>He blinks his eyes open and looks around. </p><p><br/>It´s room. It´s Eliott´s room. He knows it because it´s like second home for him. He spent here his whole childhood. Basically his life. It´s one of his favourite places ever, because he always feels good in here. He never feels like he´s bothering anyone, like people don´t want him here. Here, in this room. Because after all, it´s Eliott, his best friend. </p><p><br/>His best friend who´s now opening the door and walking into the room with glass full of water. </p><p><br/>"You´re alive," he says. "Good morning," he smiles at Lucas. Lucas turns and lies on his back. His head hurts like hell. </p><p><br/>"Eliott," he says, voice raspy. "How did I... why... how am I here?" he asks because if he remembers well, Eliott wasn´t at the party. But who knows, Lucas´ memories are blurry. He can´t remember what exactly he drank that he ended up with such a strong headache. He just knows it was a lot.</p><p><br/>"You don´t remember?" Eliott asks and sits on the bed next to him. "Here, drink this," he says and hands him the water and two pills. Lucas lifts on one elbow and gladly accepts it. Then he notices he has clean t-shirt and sweatpants, a little too big on him. </p><p><br/>"No, sorry," he finally answers. </p><p><br/>"Guys called me that you´re drunk as fuck and you´re saying wierd things and if I could come to pick you up," Eliott says, watching Lucas´ face. </p><p>Here we go again, Lucas thinks. Eliott´s eyes, searching. Watching. Looking for something in Lucas´ face. And now Lucas is nervous what he was saying last night. He hopes it was nothing what could make his friends think how fucked up he is. </p><p><br/>"Thanks," Lucas says. "That you came for me," he adds. </p><p><br/>Eliott takes a deep breath. "Luc, do you maybe want to tell me about this?" he points at Lucas´ face. "Can you just tell me, where did you come to them? It doesn´t look good."</p><p><br/>Eliott, son of a doctor, speaks. </p><p><br/>"It´s nothing," says Lucas and rubs his eyes, ignoring the pain. </p><p><br/>"It´s not nothing," Eliott says. Lucas stays quiet. "Lucas, you look like a fucking panda."</p><p><br/>Lucas snorts. "Eliott, seriously, make your mind already! I´m so confused! My whole life I´m a hedgehog, since the first time we met, actually. Then you told me I´m an owl and now I am panda? I´m so fucking confused!" he says, fake offended, trying to fight with his smile when he sees Eliott´s lips twitching up.</p><p><br/>"You´re an idiot," Eliott says, biting his lips. </p><p><br/>"What kind of animal is that?" Lucas asks. </p><p><br/>"Stop that," Eliott laughs. Lucas joins him.</p><p><br/>Lucas hopes that it´s over for this topic and that Eliott won´t ask some more. He´s not ready to talk about it. He´s not sure if he´ll ever be ready to talk about it. He needs to think about where he can live, somewhere else than in the stupid basement. <br/>He´s laying here, in Eliott´s huge bed, comfy and soft and warm and he feels like crying with that feeling. He forgot what it feels like and now he remembers, when he´s here, under the blankets, his head on big soft squishy pillow. It´s so nice. It´s so so so <em>nice</em>. It´s nice to feel like a human being again and not like a fucking rat in the hole in dark basement. </p><p><br/>"Are you okay?" Eliott asks with concern. Lucas got a little lost in thoughts probably. </p><p><br/>"Yeah, just headache," he says and Eliott nods. </p><p><br/>"Can´t tell it´s a surprise. How much did you drink last night, anyways? I never saw you like that."</p><p><br/>"I don´t know, I drank everything what boys gave me," Lucas admits. Eliott sighs. </p><p><br/>"But, why?" he asks. Lucas shrugs. "Why did you talk like that?"</p><p><br/>"Like what?" Lucas asks. He´s not sure if he wants to hear that, but he asks anyway. Eliott shakes his head. </p><p><br/>"I don´t know," he says. "I wasn´t there, but Yann said you were saying... that you don´t go home? Or something like that?"</p><p><br/><em>Fuck</em>. "Eli, I´m a melancholic drinker, remember?" Lucas chuckles. "I got all sad and shit when I drink too much, you know that. Without any reason. I´m just like that. You, when you drink, are all cuddly and emotional and I´m melancholic. Basile is crazy drinker... well... crazier," Lucas laughs. "Arthur is smartass drinker and Yann is the only one reasonable. And he´s also such a seducer when he´s drunk," Lucas giggles and Eliott with him. <em>Good</em>. </p><p><br/>"If you say so..." Eliott says.</p><p><br/>"Hey, do you want to, maybe, watch all Shrek movies, or something?" Lucas says in hope he makes Eliott happy with that. It works, Eliott smiles and nods. </p><p><br/>"Okay, Shrek marathon, that is," he says, gets up and hands Lucas a towel. "You can take a shower, if you want, I´ll make some snacks and set up the movie."</p><p><br/>"Thanks," Lucas smiles and gladly accepts the offer. </p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>The bathroom at Eliott´s is so much nicer and much more comfortable than the school ones in PE locker rooms. Lucas showers, he stays under the stream of hot water for long time, trying to wash not just his body but somehow also his memories. He washes his hair with Eliott´s coconut shampoo and the smell of it makes him relax. It´s comforting scent. He remembers smelling this at night. Eliott must carried him home on his back. <br/>Lucas thinks that Eliott, even when Lucas doesn´t want to tell him about his situation (maybe not <em>yet</em>), is the best person Lucas knows. And Lucas doubts he´ll ever meet someone more amazing that Eliott is. </p><p><br/>Lucas finishes the shower, his body hurts and back itching. He looks into the mirror and sees his ribs bruised, his back injured as well. Lucas sighs and then he brushes his teeth (yes, he has his own toothbrush in Eliott´s bathroom, they are best friends for really long time) and he finally feels like a human being again. </p><p><br/>Then he goes to living room where is Eliott and sits on the couch next to him. Lucas realizes something. </p><p><br/>"Where are your parents?" he asks as Eliott presses play and the movie starts. </p><p><br/>"They left for the weekend because it´s mom´s birthday on friday and they want to be with me, all together, next weekend, so dad took mom for birthday trip week earlier," Eliott says and Lucas smiles. It´s so nice. Lucas was often watching the Demaurys, how they treating each other with such a tenderness and love, when he was a kid. He knows it lasts till these days, they love each other and they love Eliott so much. <br/>Something in Lucas´ heart sinks deeper. </p><p><br/>They watch the movie. <br/>It maybe sounds a little ridiculous that their favourite movie is Shrek, his and Eliott´s, but the movie giving Lucas such a warm feeling. Shrek is big, mean, fat, green, ugly orge and he found love in beautiful badass princess. If this isn´t a message full of hope, Lucas doesn´t know what is. </p><p><br/>He and Eliott sings every song in the movie, saying phrases out loud, they know everything by memory. They watched it so many times Lucas can´t even count. </p><p><br/>Lucas turns to Eliott and he sees him looking down on Lucas´ hand. Lucas looks there and sees what Eliott must see too, his wrist. Slightly purple imprint of his father´s fingers around his wrist, as he held him tightly last week. <br/>Lucas takes his other hand full of popcorn and put the wrist out of Eliott´s sight. </p><p><br/>They both need some distraction. Funny thinking about distraction when they should be watching the movie. </p><p><br/>"Pitty there´s no gay version of Shrek," says Lucas as he´s watching Shrek with sunflower going to tell Fiona he loves her. </p><p><br/>Eliott hums. "So... Shrek and prince Charming?" he asks and Lucas bursts a laugh. Eliott joins him. </p><p><br/>"Nooo," Lucas kicks his thigh with his foot and Eliott catches it and holds it so Lucas can´t kick him again. "No, prince Charming is fucking annoying shit," Lucas says. "I meant Shrek and Lord Farquaad."</p><p><br/>Eliott laughs loudly five minutes straight. "I see why you like him," he says after he calms down, brushes the tears away. "Because you and him are the same height," and he´s laughing again. </p><p><br/>Lucas gasps. "Excuse me?" and then he leans his back to the armrest and kicks laughing Eliott down from the couch. He huffs. "You´re such a dick sometimes," he says, shakes his head and bites his lip not to laugh. </p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>They watch all the Shrek movies (even when neither of them really likes the Christmas one) and order pizza for dinner. </p><p><br/>"Did you recieve another love letter?" asks Eliott between two bites. </p><p><br/>"Those are not love letters," Lucas says. They are not. Can´t be. Who would be giving him love letters? "It´s just... notes."</p><p><br/>Eliott rolls his eyes. "Okay, so, did you recieve another?"</p><p><br/>"Here and there," Lucas says with a shrug. He doesn´t know if he should tell Eliott or not. Like, Eliott is his best friend, and he would never tell anyone, but those notes seem too private to him. And, okay, maybe they are not love letters, as Eliott called them, but what about the rose poem? <br/><em>The most beautiful rose - you are that rose, forever to me. </em></p><p><br/>The person truly called him beautiful. Lucas doesn´t know if he should ignore that as a part of random poem, or if that was really meant for him. <br/>But who would call <em>him</em> beautiful? Especially now with fucked up face like he has. Lucas would notice if anyone would looking at him like that. Like he´s something more than stupid wierdo.<br/>He was watching his classmates, students in school passing by in corridors and noone was paying any special attention to him. </p><p><br/>It was just... wierd. </p><p><br/>"What was in them?" Eliott asks. "Any idea who that could be?" </p><p><br/>"Like usually, poem and picture," Lucas shrugs. He won´t tell Eliott that one poem kind of kicked him out of the house, because he couldn´t get it out of his head. "I don´t know. It must be someone from school, but I have no idea who. I thought someone with polaroid, but literally everyone has polaroid these days."</p><p><br/>"That´s true," Eliott laughs. "It´s new fashion between kids these days." Lucas nods. He was looking around a lot. He was watching people in school and he saw four girls and two boys with polaroid camera over their neck or hanging from their shoulder. In one lunch break.<br/>He has no chance to find out. Unless the person admits who they are. </p><p><br/>Yeah so, no chance, apparantely.</p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>"Lucas," Eliott says and Lucas opens his eyes. He must fell asleep, because it´s dark in the room and the menu plays on the tv screen. </p><p><br/>"Shit, Eliott, sorry," Lucas says, lifting his head from Eliott´s shoulder. "I didn´t realize that I´m this tired," he rubs his eyes with the back of his hand, yawning. <br/>This is embarrassing, he should control himself a little more. </p><p><br/>"It´s okay, really," Eliott says and switches the tv off completely. "I just wanted us to go to bed, because we won´t sleep here, on a couch. So come on, let´s go," Eliott says and waits for Lucas so they go together. </p><p><br/>"I can go h-"</p><p><br/>"Shut it, you´re staying here," Eliott doesn´t let Lucas to finish. "Seriously," he looks at him. "Stay here."</p><p><br/>"Yeah, okay," Lucas gladly accepts. "Thanks," he adds and Eliott smiles. He tries to control his face not to show Eliott how much he´s happy that he doesn´t have to go back to the basement tonight. When his head hurts like crap and when he´s so comfortable in clean warm house with Eliott, his best friend. It feels so... homey. <br/>Lucas swallows couple times not to cry. He can´t let himself break down like this. He would never stop. </p><p><br/>"You can stay with me?" Eliott asks hesitantly. </p><p><br/>"W-what?" Lucas is confused. Like, yeah, he already agreed that he´s staying here, no?</p><p><br/>"In my bed," Eliott says. "Or you can go to guest room," Eliott waves his hand to the door across the hall. "But I don´t know if it´s ready so I would have to find some blankets and make the bed-"</p><p><br/>"Don´t be silly," Lucas says. "I can sleep on the floor or couch if you think the bed is small for both of us," Lucas says and he means it. The floor in Eliott´s room could be ten times better than dusty basement. </p><p><br/>"Who´s silly here," Eliott scoffs and shakes his head. True, because Eliott´s bed is probably bigger than the basement room Lucas lives in.</p><p><br/>They go brush their teeth and then lay down to the bed facing each other, Eliott pulls out extra blankets and pillow for Lucas and they adjust themselves so both of them have enough space. </p><p><br/>"How are you feeling?" Lucas asks in the dark. It´s different darkness than in the basement. This one, with Eliott, feels safe and clean. Not heavy and scary. No rats, no spiders, no bugs and no inner monsters hiding in the black corners. </p><p><br/>"I´m... good, why?" Eliott says a little confused. </p><p><br/>"Because you were sick this week, no? I´m just wondering if you feel better now," Lucas explains. He feels bad because Eliott, sick, had to go to pick his drunk ass from some stupid party. </p><p><br/>"Ah, yeah, no, don´t worry. I thought I have a flu, I was three days in bed with sore body but on thursday it was good already and I stayed in bed only because my mom didn´t want to rush things up, you know?" Eliott says and Lucas hums and deep down he misses his mom. So much. Like, they don´t see each other too often because she´s traveling so much, so sometimes it feels like they didn´t even have time to create some steady relantionship between mother and son, but still, it´s Lucas´mom and he misses her. <br/>And he´s somehow pretty sure that if she was home, his father wouldn´t beat him up like that. But he can´t and won´t blame her for that. It´s only his father´s fault. <br/>And that´s it. </p><p><br/>"Lucas," Eliott says. </p><p><br/>"Hm?" Lucas snaps out of his thoughts. </p><p><br/>"Did you hear me?" Eliott asks.</p><p><br/>"No, sorry, what did you say?"</p><p><br/>Eliott sighs. "Why are you so distracted today? It feels like your mind is miles away and your body just... waits here for her to return."</p><p><br/>"No, it´s nothing," Lucas says and rubs his eyes. "I´m just tired and my head hurts so much, I guess I need to sleep it away."</p><p><br/>Eliott leans over Lucas´ to his bedside table. He´s so close, Lucas can feel the coconut scent all around and the heat from Eliott´s body. </p><p><br/>"Here," Eliott says as he leans away from him, handing him the pills again. "Take them, it´s gonna be better in the morning."<br/>And who is Lucas to complain for such a care he recieved, for once in his life, right? It feels good. Really good. It feels like warm blanket and cup of hot cocoa in rainy days. </p><p><br/>"Thank you, Eli," Lucas says as they are quiet for few minutes. "You´re the best."</p><p><br/>"Yeah, I know," Eliott sighs. "What would you do without me, right?" he says jokingly but, Lucas just, feels that. </p><p><br/>"I would die," he says. He´s not even joking. </p><p><br/>"Good night, Luc," says Eliott. "Take some rest."</p><p><br/>"Good night," Lucas says and in a minute he´s asleep. He feels so content. The bed is warm, Eliott´s body next to him is warm, blankets are warm, everything is warm and soft and he feels like even his cheeks are caressed by the softest touches of the fingers of the night. </p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>Lucas wakes up with Eliott´s hand in his hair. </p><p><br/>"Remember when we were kids and I used to tangling your hair into tiny braids?" Eliott asks when Lucas focuses his eyes on him. "Your hair were so wild and also a little longer than now."</p><p><br/>Lucas remembers. Of course he remembers all those nice stuff from his childhood. He was holding up to them his whole life. And all nice things happened when he was with Eliott. "Yeah and then you wanted those little braids too and you were mad because your hair didn´t grow faster," Lucas says and giggles. Eliott joins him. </p><p><br/>Lucas remembers. He had much longer hair and he loved it. He loved when Eliott and him was playing roles on Demaury´s garden and Eliott was hairdresser and he entangled Lucas´ hair into wierd crazy creations. Everytime Lucas had to go home, he said Eliott to let his hair free again - he was afraid his father could see him like this. </p><p>One evening Lucas came home with one tiny braid he and Eliott didn´t notice and forgot to untangled. Although, his dad noticed. He grabbed Lucas, pulled him into bathroom and cut all his hair with kitchen scissors. </p><p>Lucas was wearing beanie whole spring and summer until his hair grew back into acceptable lenght. </p><p><br/>It´s quiet in the room, Lucas is lost in this memory and Eliott maybe remembers it too. Back then, it lasted week before Lucas came again to Demaury´s house (which was long because normally he was there daily). It lasted two more before Lucas took off his beanie and showed Eliott what happened. </p><p><br/>Eliott didn´t laugh at him. He actually cried a little. But the shame settled in Lucas and never dissapeared. Lucas thinks about it now. He wears so much shame in him that it has to be visible on his face 24/7. </p><p><br/>"Well, I like it like this," Eliott says and runs his fingers through Lucas´ hair few more times before pulls his hand away. </p><p><br/>"What time is it?" asks Lucas and yawns. </p><p><br/>"After nine," says Eliott. "Let´s make some breakfast," he adds and they get up from bed. Lucas doesn´t remember the last time when he felt this good and in ease. He checks his phone for the first time since friday. <br/>Few messages from boys and nothing else. His father? Zero effort to find out where his son is. It´s been whole week since Lucas ran away and his father doesn´t give a shit. And Lucas is confused with himself, because he doesn´t know if he´s dissapointed or relieved. <br/>Maybe a little bit from both. </p><p><br/>"You coming?" asks Eliott from the door. Lucas nods and follows.</p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>"I have to go," says Lucas around noon. He has to go to work, he´s working on sunday afternoon, if he remembers it right.</p><p><br/>"What? Why?" Eliott frowns as he watches Lucas grabbing his stuff. The jacket is still on the floor next to Eliott´s bed, since friday night when they came here from the party. "We didn´t eat lunch yet, you can stay here and we can go to school tomorrow together," Eliott offers. And it´s really very nice imagine, because Lucas remembers all those sleepovers what they had as kids and going to school together was the best thing about it. Lucas felt important and cool with Eliott, older kid, by his side. </p><p><br/>"I would love to, but I don´t have my stuff with me here and I really need to go because... well anyways, thanks, for everything, seriously," Lucas smiles, put on his jacket and then he realizes that the rest of the clothes he wears is Eliott´s. "Oh, I need to change my clothes," he says and starts to taking the jacket off of him again, but Eliott´s hand on his forearm stops him. </p><p><br/>"Don´t, just leave it. I´ll bring you your clothes, wait," Eliott walks away and Lucas meanwhile slips into his shoes. "Here," Eliott hands him the bag and when Lucas looks inside, there is his clothes, clean and carefully folded. He looks up at Eliott, taken aback. "Um, yeah," Eliott rubs the back of his neck. "I put it into washing machine because you threw up all over it, on friday."</p><p><br/>"Fuck, I´m so sorry," Lucas facepalms himself, that´s so embarrassing. He would feel worse but he and Eliott saw each other in worse states, before. </p><p><br/>"No, that´s okay, don´t worry about it," Eliott chuckles. "Wasn´t your worst," he adds and they both laugh. </p><p><br/>Lucas leans to him and they hug, like they usually do. "Thanks Eli, for this weekend," he says softly with his chin on Eliott´s shoulder. </p><p><br/>"Let´s do it again, soon, yeah?" Eliott says in same tone, Lucas only hums because he doesn´t want to promise anything, not anymore. Not when he doesn´t have any certainty in his life.<br/>He holds Eliott for a little too long, maybe, but Eliott doesn´t say anything nor let go off of him until Lucas does it himself. Lucas... he´s probably holding up to the nice feeling he had all weekend, in this nice warm house, in the warmth surrounding him all the time. He´s holding up to Eliott because he´s too much aware he has to go back to the fucking cold ugly basement. <br/>He swallows the lump in his throat and let go off of Eliott.</p><p><br/>"Take care, okay?" Eliott calls after him when Lucas reaches the gate. "Call me if you need anything, Luc, okay? I mean it, anything."</p><p><br/>"Okay, bye," Lucas smiles and goes. </p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>He finds another envelope in his jacket pocket. So, the person had to be at the party, too, because after friday´s school there was nothing in his pocket. <br/>Lucas curses in his head that he got drunk like that and didn´t notice who gave it to him. But, truth to be told, there were so many people, bodies pressed to bodies that he wouldn´t notice even if he wanted to, most probably. </p><p><br/>It´s sunny afternoon. The weather´s getting warmer. Lucas thinks about that he can start wearing only hoodie (or two if it would be too cold outside), and he can wash his jacket. It smells like the party. Beer, other alcohol and smoke. He changes into his clean clothes for work, Eliott´s sweatpants and hoodie leaves in the basement for later. </p><p><br/>He opens the envelope and sees polaroid with grafitti of smiley face, or maybe sun, but in closure look it looks like it cries. <br/>And the poem. </p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Stay alive each day. </em>
</p><p><br/>What a fucking joke. He´s not brave. Not when he never stand up against his dad. Not when he didn´t fight back, not when he never said anything. Not when he just let his father beating him up for years like some cattle.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>Stay alive each day. </em>
</p><p>He´s trying. </p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>It´s nice day, Alice and Aiden put the tables outside and people start coming for coffee and something good to eat. Despite the fact that the coffee shop is really busy and it´s sunday afternoon, Lucas doesn´t mind that he doesn´t have a moment to slow down and just breathe. He´s glad his mind is occupied with work and nothing else. He also doesn´t mind that he spilled some coffee and his clean clothes got dirty again. <br/><em>Whatever</em>. </p><p><br/>"You look better," says Alice after Lucas handed big cappuccino to one young girl and said his goodbye. "I mean, not your face, it´s still pretty bad," she says and Lucas chuckles. "But you look... rested."</p><p><br/>"Yeah, actually, I slept pretty well at night," Lucas nods and smiles. Also he didn´t sleep in dusty basement for two nights, so, that makes wonders. And Eliott´s bed is big and comfortable and soft. And warm. </p><p><br/>"Good sleep suits you, I can tell," Alice says and goes back to work. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>Stay alive each day. </em>
</p><p><br/>Yeah. He´ll figure it out. </p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>Coming back into basement on sunday evening is... well it´s terrible. It´s worse than Lucas thought it could be. He thankfully finds his stuff there, just as he left it, but he doesn´t want to be there. <br/>He´s thinking to go to Eliott´s, as he offered to Lucas today, but what would he tell him? <em>Hi, um, actually, I would like to stay here over night because, um, I really don´t want to sleep in the basement anymore, it´s cold and dark and dirty and I´m scared as hell...</em><br/>Yeah, maybe not. </p><p><br/>Lucas sighs, closes the door behind himself and gets surrounded by absolut darkness. <br/><em>Hello darkness my old friend,</em> Lucas thinks and chuckles at his own situation. Like, which seventeen year old boy has to experience this? This is so fucked up. </p><p><br/>He sits on the floor, sleeping bag under him and lights up the phone light. He changes his clothes to Eliott´s again - his sweatpants, t-shirt and a hoodie - and he feels pleasantly comfortable and protected in it. It´s dumb thought, he knows it, but being around Eliott always feels more like home than his own childhood house. <br/>Yes, he´ll be calling it "childhood house" because really, it never was his home. <br/>And childhood is over. </p><p><br/>Lucas sits there and looks around the place. <br/>He still can´t accept this. He just... It´s just too much for him. It´s been a week. He lives in here for a week. Most of the time Lucas doesn´t allow himself to drown in a selfpity, he doesn´t allow himself to show any kind of vulnerability or too obvious emotions. He feels like crying almost all the time, but can he do it? Can he let himself break down like that? No. </p><p>He´s gonna cry once he´ll find a place to live. Well, better place to live. Yes, he´s going to cry after that. Not now, not here, not like <em>this</em>. </p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>Lucas goes to school early to take a shower. He wears two hoodies (one of them is Eliott´s)  because the morning is chilly and he put the jacket into the washing machine on his way to school in public laundry room together with his other clothes. He´ll pick it up after school. </p><p><br/>"Yo, Lucas," says Yann when Lucas bumps into his friends in the school corridor. </p><p><br/>"Oh, hi guys," says Lucas and brushes his hair back from his forehead. "How are you?"</p><p><br/>"We´re good," says Arthur and narrows his eyes. "Why do you have wet hair?" </p><p><br/>"´Cause I showered in the morning and they didn´t dry yet," Lucas says and brushes his hair again, they keep falling to the front. He needs Eliott to braids them again. </p><p><br/>Basile hums. "So, how was your weekend? Are you good bro? You looked totally fucked on friday," he laughs a little and shuts up when nobody joins him.</p><p><br/>"Yeah, I´m good, I was at Eliott´s," Lucas says, and second later an arm wraps around his shoulders. </p><p><br/>"What about me?" Eliott smiles at Lucas. </p><p><br/>"I was just telling boys that I was with you this weekend," Lucas shrugs. </p><p><br/>"Yeah, that´s right, it was fun," Eliott smiles again. "We have to do it again soon," he repeats his words from sunday and Lucas looks down, feeling guilty that he can´t even promise such a thing to his best friend. It´s because he doesn´t know what will happen in a next minute, so looking so forward as a next weekend is ridiculous in his case. <br/>But Eliott, Eliott´s grinning at him and at boys like the morning sun. He´s in a very good mood today and Lucas is glad to see him happy like this. He´s not even searching in Lucas´ face like usually, so maybe that weekend together was a good thing to do. </p><p><br/>"We want to spend weekend with you, too," Basile says and frowns. "We love you too,you know, we all are buddies."<br/>Eliott laughs. </p><p><br/>"You can´t invite yourself into someone´s house for a weekend like this, Bas," says Arthur and slaps his arm. "You´re a lot to handle even for a five minutes."</p><p><br/>All of them saves ringing of the bell. Lucas goes to his class and thinks about how lucky he is to have friends like that and how endlessly lucky he is to have Eliott as the best of them. </p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>Lucas takes a walk after school because he´s not working this monday and he stops in the park. He finds another note in his locker and now he has finally the time to read it. </p><p>
  
</p><p>Lucas reads it three times. He reads it again and he stops at one line. </p><p>
  <em>You are worth your insecurities.</em>
</p><p><br/>And what a bunch of them Lucas has, right?</p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>You are worth fighting for. </em>
  <br/>
  <em>You are worth loving. </em>
</p><p><br/>Yeah, sure. Lucas reads it again and again and then his vision starts being too blurry so he gets up and goes to the fucking basement. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>Stay alive each day. Stay alive each day.  </em>
</p><p><br/><em>Yes yes yes,</em> Lucas thinks.<em> Yes yes yes don´t you see I´m really trying? I´m doing my fucking best</em>.</p><p><br/>Lucas wraps himself in the sleeping bag and looks for some cheap flat on the internet. He can´t find anything acceptable. It´s so fucked up. He can´t move out of this basement until he´ll have some money and even those money he will have wouldn´t be enough. Everything is too expensive. </p><p><br/>Oh. Oh <em>shit</em>. </p><p><br/>Lucas realizes he forgot to pick up his clothes from laundry room. <em>Fuck</em>. It´s too late for it now, they have already closed. He hopes it will be there tomorrow. </p><p><br/>Lucas goes sleep that night with heavy heart. He dreams about a hand reaching to him with package of money sitting on the palm, telling Lucas to take it, but when Lucas is finally touching the money, it gets blew away by the wind. </p><p><br/>...</p><p> </p><p>His clothes is gone. </p><p><br/>Lucas wakes up very early and runs to the laundry room (it´s opening at 6am - for early birds, probably) and his clothes is just.. gone. He searches around whole room, looks into every washing machine, looks into every corner. There´s not even any lost-and-found basket or anything like that. </p><p><br/>His clothes is <em>gone</em>. </p><p><br/>Lucas stands there, in the middle of the empty laundry room and he´s panicking. What he´s gonna do? He has only the clothes on him right now, not-very-clean jeans, t-shirt and Eliott´s hoodie, and then he has Eliott´s sweatpants and his t-shirt in the basement. All his other clothes he took with him when he left the house was in the washing machine. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>What he´s gonna do what he´s gonna do what he´s gonna do-</em>
</p><p><br/>Someone enters the laundry room and Lucas tries to get his shit together and not break down in front of some stranger. <br/>Okay okay okay, he lost his clothes. <em>Okay</em>. Maybe, maybe he could go to his childhood house and take some other clothes? Maybe he could... okay no, <em>no</em>. He can´t go there, he´s too scared about what would his father do if he´ll show up there. </p><p><br/>Not a chance. </p><p><br/>He can do it, with clothes he had he´ll manage to the end of this week and then he´ll think about what next. </p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>Lucas can´t focus on what boys talking about on lunch break. He doesn´t eat, because he brought nothing with him and he´s worried about money. He´ll recieve the first salary this weekend - he talked to Aiden and they agreed on two weeks payment - and he´s worry to waste the little money what he has left yet. He needs some reserve. He needs some... certainty. Some stability.<br/>And he has none. </p><p><br/>"Lucas," Yann says and startles Lucas with shove to his shoulder. It´s still a little sensitive from the punch last week. </p><p><br/>"Yes? Sorry, what?" Lucas shakes his head to wake up from his overthinking. "Did you say something?</p><p><br/>Yann frowns. "Yeah, I was asking if you wanna hang out with us tomorrow after school? Are you okay bro?" </p><p><br/>"Yeah, sorry, just lost in thoughts," Lucas laughs a little breathily. "Um, tomorrow, I´m sorry boys I can´t."</p><p><br/>"Why?" asks Eliott. Lucas´ eyes snap to him and, yes, exactly, Eliott´s eyes, searching again. Searching and maybe a little suspicious. Or, or maybe not but Lucas is paranoid. "What you´re gonna do that you can´t go with us?"</p><p><br/>Lucas panics. He looks around his friends, they all are looking at him, waiting for some answers what Lucas can´t give to them. What he should say? Should he tell them about his situation? Should he tell them about his work, at least? <br/>Like, he could, but he´s afraid, he´s ashamed, he´s not able to admit it even to himself, still. </p><p><br/>Fuck that. </p><p><br/>Lucas shrugs. "I have some responsibilities around the house what have to be done in time," he says eventually. It would be true if he still lives in the house. Which he´s not. Living there. But boys don´t know that. </p><p><br/>Lucas stands up. "I´m gonna go, I have this exam in bio," he picks up his backpack from the ground and beige envelope falls out of it. </p><p><br/>"Wait, Lulu, here," Yann bends down to take it. "You dropped something," he hands the envelope to Lucas. "What is it?"</p><p><br/>Lucas takes it in hurry from Yann´s hand and his eyes snap to Eliott´s, because he´s the only one who knows about this. Eliott´s eyebrows go up. </p><p><br/>"Thanks, I have to go," says Lucas and leaves the table. </p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/> Lucas forgot about the note until he´s back in the basement. He sneezes several times and he´s cold, so he wraps himself in the sleeping bag and looks for some tissues in his backpack, when he finally remembers the envelope. </p><p><br/>He pulls out polaroid of sky, of course, these´s sun hiden behind the cloud. He reads the note. </p><p>
  
</p><p>Yes. <em>Yes</em>, Lucas thinks, <em>today sucks, today is the worst.</em> He doesn´t know who that person is, but they seem to know everything about Lucas, huh? What if it´s some crazy stalker?<br/>Well, whatever, what could be worse than his current situations, right? What could be possibly worse? Lucas thinks about it now when he reads those words again and he thinks he can´t sink any lower. He´s literally in the basement. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>The next day might be fucking sweet. </em>
</p><p><br/>For sure. Lucas scoffs at that. He can´t imagine his days going better than this. He can´t imagine what could happen tomorrow for him to have something nice in his life, something what is not totally fucked up like everything. It´s not gonna be better. He needs money for some normal clean and warm place to live. <br/>He can´t see any light.</p><p><br/>His only hope is that spring already started and days will be warmer, soon. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>The next day might be fucking sweet. </em>
</p><p><br/>Yeah, Lucas can´t wait to see the next day, then, because today sucks. He´s freezing and he has no other clothes, he doesn´t have his jacket and it´s still pretty cold in the morning. He has only Eliott´s hoodie, which, yeah, it´s warm and big and Lucas can cuddle into that, but he would really appreciate some more layers.</p><p><br/>Lucas sneezes again. God, he hopes he´s not going to be sick, because it´s the last thing he could need. Sick in the basement. Great, yeah. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>The next day might be fucking sweet. </em>
</p><p><br/>Let´s see. </p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>The next day is not fucking sweet. The next day is the fucking <em>worst</em>. </p><p><br/>It started since very morning. </p><p><br/>Lucas wakes up feeling more sick than yesterday. He starts coughing to the sneezing and his head hurts. He wakes up later than usually so he couldn´t make it to school earlier to take a shower. He has to wear Eliott´s sweatpants and hoodie, and when he goes like this to school, he´s shaking with morning chilly air. </p><p><br/>"Um, Lucas, you have huge dusty spot on your back... and butt... and leg...," says Basile when they all heading to building from the school yard. "Why are you so dirty? Do you still have broken washing machine?"</p><p><br/>"Um, yeah..." Lucas tries to brush the dirt away. It´s probably because of the basement floor. Lucas couldn´t make it to take a shower this morning. His body feels heavy and slow. </p><p><br/>"You don´t look so good, Lucas," Yann frowns with concern. "Are you okay, bro?"</p><p><br/>"I might be a little sick," Lucas admits when he coughs. "I don´t feel so good," he adds and looks for another tissue. </p><p><br/>"Here, Luc," says Eliott and Lucas takes the little package of paper tissues what he´s handing him. </p><p><br/>"Thank you," he smiles but it´s weak. He needs some more sleep. He´ll be better after he takes some rest. </p><p><br/>"Maybe you should spend few days in bed," Eliott says in concerned voice. Lucas feels like he got hit to the head. Everything is so loud and fast and blurry, or, maybe, it´s him who is slow. <br/>He must look like shit. <br/>But when he thinks about it, he looks at Eliott and he´s really glad that noone says anything about him wearing Eliott´s clothes which is size or two bigger than his own. </p><p><br/>"Yeah, I´ll do it, after school," Lucas nods. Yes, he´ll spend the afternoon in work but then he´ll wrap himself into the dusty blanket and sleeping bag and spend the rest of the week... in the fucking basement. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>The next day might be fucking sweet. </em>
</p><p><br/>What next day? Because definitely not today.</p><p><br/>"I meant right now, you can stay at my house?" Eliott offers carefully. "I´ll make you some tea and my dad could look at you if it´s not anything serious-"</p><p><br/>"No, Eli, thank you for the care, but I´m good, seriously," Lucas smiles and rubs Eliott´s arm before says bye to the boys and goes to his class. </p><p><br/>He´ll be fine, he´s never being sick.</p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>The afternoon in work is hectic. So many people. The coffee shop is almost full and Lucas doesn´t stop, he´s making one coffee after another, like some kind of machine. <br/>Alice got concerned when she saw him walked inside. She said he looks sick, but Lucas assured her he´s okay and he would never leave her like this in work alone, when there´s so many customers. </p><p><br/>"Lucas? You good?" Alice asks when he finished god-knows-how-many mocca. </p><p><br/>"Yes, don´t worry," he says and smiles. Alice is the best co-worker ever. Okay she´s Lucas´ first co-worker he ever had, but she´s the best.</p><p><br/>"Okay, I need to go to help Aiden in the office. He told me to come when I won´t be so busy but it´s not gonna be ever, I guess," she says and looks over talking people around the tables. </p><p><br/>"Go, I can handle it," Lucas says. He can, he knows every coffee, every cake, every single thing in coffee shop offer. </p><p><br/>"Are you sure?"</p><p><br/>"Yes, go," he pushes her away, she giggles and goes. </p><p><br/>Lucas is really good barista. And he has to admit, he likes working here. He likes it, although maybe not today, but only because he doesn´t feel quite well. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>The next day might be fucking sweet. </em>
</p><p><br/>Lucas really, really hopes so. </p><p><br/>"Lucas?" </p><p><br/>Fuck. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>Fuck fuck fuck. </em>
</p><p><br/>Lucas looks up with wide eyes and here they are, his friends. There is Basile, Yann, Arthur and, yep, there´s Eliott. Watching Lucas with confused eyes. <br/>Lucas can´t speak, he feels like choking. </p><p><br/>"What are you doing here?" Basile asks. </p><p><br/>"What? Bas, really, you´re so dumb sometimes," Arthur says. "He´s working here, what else?" Arthur looks at Lucas. "Right? You´re working here?" </p><p><br/>"Uh..." Lucas coughs. "Yeah, y-yes, I´m... I am working here, so, what do you guys want?" he asks. "For coffee, I mean."</p><p><br/>"I would like to... latté with hazelnut flavor, please?" Basile says and moves to the side to look at cakes. Lucas nods and takes the right cup to prepare the coffee. </p><p><br/>"What about you guys?" he asks and ignores his loudly beating heart. Because seriously, he feels like he can´t breathe. His friends found out he´s working in coffee shop and now they´re going to ask questions and Lucas is really really not sure if he´s ready to give them any. <br/>No, that is not correct. He´s hundred percent sure he´s <em>not</em> ready at all. </p><p><br/>Lucas can see his friends have questions and they hesitate to ask. Lucas prays to heaven they´ll leave their mouth shut and just simply won´t say anything. </p><p><br/>"Why didn´t you tell us about this?" asks Yann. Yeah, Lucas is not that lucky. He´s never lucky. Like, ever. "This is the place we went last week. We didn´t see you here."</p><p><br/>"Yeah, Lulu, this is such a cool place!" Arthus joins Yann. "It´s dope you´re working here! Now we can coming more often and it´s not gonna be wierd."</p><p><br/>Lucas doesn´t say anything, he focuses on making their coffee orders just right. Eliott doesn't speak at all, glaring at Lucas suspiciously. Lucas feels his gaze on himself and he can´t fucking <em>breathe</em> with the heaviness of it. <br/>He knows what coffee Eliott likes, even when Eliott probably won´t tell him, so Lucas just makes the coffee with the others and put it all on the counter. </p><p><br/>"Here you go," he says and tries to smile. He´s not sure if he did it, but anyways, boys pay and go to the table, too close to the counter for Lucas´ liking. </p><p><br/>Eliott is still staying there and Lucas is afraid to look up at him. Why is he afraid? Eliott is his best friend. He´s the last person Lucas should be afraid of. <br/>It´s not that, no. It´s just that Lucas is afraid to see his reaction. He´s afraid to see his eyes, to see what Eliott thinks about him now. He´s afraid to see the dissapointment there. He´s not ready for that either. <br/>Fuck, he feels so ashamed. He stands there, wishes for the floor just opens up itself and swallows him, for good. </p><p><br/>Someone enters the coffee shop and Lucas finally looks up at Eliott. Lucas doesn´t see judgement, he doesn´t see dissapointment, he doesn´t see derision. <br/>He sees confusion , sadness, and most of it, betrayal. For some reason, this makes him feel much worse. Fuck the flu what he probably has, fuck the headache and sore throat. This, this look in his best friend´s face feels so much worse than any of it. </p><p><br/>How was the poem?</p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>Today sucks, today is the fucking worst. </em>
</p><p><br/>How right is that? Who the fuck is that person who knows everything about Lucas, huh? It sucks. It sucks so much. Lucas opens his mouth to say something but the older lady comes to the counter, asking for Lucas´ attention and he has to work. <br/>Eliott takes his coffee cup and goes to sit to the boys without any word. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>Today sucks, today is the fucking worst. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Yeah. Damn right. </p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>Lucas leaves the work feeling half dead. </p><p><br/>Not just because of his body, tired and heavy and most definitely sick. But because his thoughts what keep killing him. Thoughts how much he fucked things up with Eliott. After the amazing weekend they had together. <br/>Why he didn´t tell him then?</p><p><br/>He knows why. <br/>He´s just really fucking scared about his current situation. He´s fucking terrified. </p><p><br/>Lucas takes less than ten steps from the coffee shop door, when the voice stops him. </p><p><br/>"Lucas," sounds behind him. Lucas turns around and there´s Eliott. </p><p><br/>"W-what are you doing here?" Lucas asks and coughs. His throat hurts. </p><p><br/>"I was waiting for you," Eliott says and steps closer. </p><p><br/>Lucas frowns. "You... you waited for me the whole time?" he asks because what the hell, it´s been hours. Eliott nods. "You could stay inside, it´s not that warm yet-"</p><p><br/>"Why didn´t you tell me?" Eliott interrupts him. Lucas stares at him. <em>There it is,</em> he thinks. Eliott asking questions. </p><p><br/>Lucas shakes his head. <em>I was ashamed,</em> his mind yells. <em>I was ashamed of my life, of myself, I was afraid to admit how it truly is. </em></p><p><br/>Eliott lets out frustrated sound.  "Why do you never tell me anything, Lucas? I'm your best friend, remember? Well, at least I thought I was. But you never talk to me about anything. When did you start working here? And why? Why don´t you hang out with your friends anymore? With me?"</p><p><br/>Lucas wants to ask why Eliott mentioned himself separatedly from his friends, but Eliott continues.  "I could have help you, you know? I would, if you just let me. If you just let me, for once in your life, Lucas. If you just tell me what's going on."</p><p><br/>Lucas knows Eliott is right.</p><p><br/>But he's also hella scared. Because if he admits, it will be real. Like this, he can pretend it's all in his head and it's not happening in reality of his school days. Of his teenage years days. Of the days of his basic life. It´s not real.  Not between him and his friends. Not between him and Eliott, this is not real, this situation he got into. </p><p><br/>"I was asking you, the whole time, if everything is okay, if you need anything," Eliott says and his voice is louder. "I was offering you my help and you know very well, Lucas, you know very well you can count on me with everyhing. Literally <em>everything</em>. I would help you with-"</p><p><br/>"Not everything is about you and your help, Eliott," Lucas says. He´s sure that if he feels a little better, he would scream. Like this, his voice is quiet, raspy and calm. "Some things are just what they are and all you can do with it is accept it. You know?" Lucas says and he almost scoffs. Because now, when he says it, he finally understands. He finally fucking understands that this is his life now and he´s in fucking deep.<br/>"There' s nothing here to tell you. Yes, I have a job. I'm tired of begging for money from other people, I´m tired of begging for things I´ll just never recieve, because I'm not living in fucking palace and I was never recieving pocket money every week like everyone else in this fucking world or have my own bank account since I was ten, like you did. You know? So yeah, I have a fucking job. That's all."</p><p><br/>Eliott stares for a while. Then he says ."This is new one, right?" pointing at Lucas' chin, where's the bruise sits, blue and purple. Lucas saw it this morning and it startled him a little. Is it even possible for it to look like this after more than a week since it happend?</p><p><br/>Lucas looks down. No, it´s not new. It just starting to catching the color, probably, so it's more visible.</p><p><br/>"No," Lucas says.</p><p><br/>"Lucas."</p><p><br/>"No," Lucas repeats, meeting Eliott's eyes again. "Just, leave it."</p><p><br/>Eliott sighs and shakes his head. He takes a deep breath and Lucas can see he´s angry now. </p><p><br/>"You know what, Lucas? Fuck you. Fuck you and your stupidity. You're not gonna reach any good destination with this state of mind of yours," Eliott almost yells and Lucas stares, taken aback. He never saw Eliott like this. "It´s going to destroy you, don´t you get it? So... yeah, continue in that, if you want. Fuck it! Fuck you!"</p><p><br/>Lucas never heard anything like this from Eliott before.</p><p><br/>It shocks him. He´s shocked. He stands there, on the street, people passing by, and Eliott, his best friend, in front of him, flashes of anger in his pretty eyes. </p><p><br/><em>Today sucks, today is the fucking worst.</em> </p><p><br/>Yes, it is. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>Today sucks, today is the fucking worst. </em>
</p><p><br/>Definitely. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>The next day might be fucking sweet. </em>
</p><p><br/>That´s never gonna happen. Not anymore, not after this. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>You are worth fighting for. </em>
  <br/>
  <em>You are worth loving. </em>
</p><p><br/><em>I´m not worth shit,</em> thinks Lucas.</p><p><br/>Lucas opens his mouth, then he closes it again, he doesn´t know what to say. He looks at Eliott, who´s still there, glaring at him and waiting for Lucas, again, to say something, anything. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>You are worth fighting for. </em>
  <br/>
  <em>You are worth loving. </em>
</p><p><br/>Lucas stays quiet. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>Today sucks, today is the fucking worst. </em>
</p><p><br/> Lucas turns around and leaves. Today is the fucking <em>worst</em>.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>tumblr: briallenko<br/>tumblr for this fic: stayheremylove<br/>ig account with art: briallen.art</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Okay, guys, I´m sorry in advance. The angst is becoming boringggggg.<br/>But I see the light in the tunnel I swear!<br/>Can´t believe I wrote a chapter about two and a half day. Yes, this is only about the rest of the wednesday, thursday and friday.</p><p>Enjoy my dears ♥<br/>Also huge thanks to MTea for dealing with my mind states and also teaching me english. The best english teacher ever my lady! Love you bitch.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Lucas walks home. Home, to the fucking disgusting basement he hates so much. <br/>It´s wednesday evening and Lucas feels sick. His body aches after the afternoon in work and also because of the sickness. He probably has a flu. Fuck that. Fuck everything. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>Today sucks. Today is the fucking worst. </em>
</p><p><br/>Yes. Yes yes <em>yes</em>. Why does it fit so well? And why does it fit to every day in his life? Where is the <em>sweet tomorrow</em> the poem promises? </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>The next day might be fucking sweet. </em>
</p><p><br/>What next day? Like, tomorrow? The day after tomorrow? Or the other one? How long he has to wait for the sweet next day? When the day will come to him?</p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>You are worth loving, you are worth fighting for. </em>
</p><p><br/>Who? Who would love him? Who would fight for him? Who would do that when neither Lucas himself fights for his fucking life?</p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>Today is the fucking worst. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Lucas thinks about Eliott, he thinks about his best friend. How much he fucked up. How much Eliott hates him right now. <br/>Lucas walks down the street and he keeps turning around but noone´s there. No, Eliott is not following him. No, Eliott doesn´t give a shit anymore, because Lucas dissapointed him so much. <br/>The worst part of it is that Lucas understands. He <em>knows</em>. Yes, he understands why is Eliott so angry. He just can´t find in himself the will to go and tell him. Because he would have to tell him <em>everything</em>, and he can´t do that. <br/>He´s not ready. <br/>He´s scared. </p><p><br/>It´s not that he feels too proud. Of fucking what should he be proud? Of his life? Of his situation? <br/>Fuck that all. <br/>He´s not proud, he was actually thinking about living under the bridge eventually, if he wouldn´t find the basement. Or, if someone noticed and they would kick him out of the building or - hopefully not - call the police. </p><p><br/>Lucas is terrified of everything. He feels sick about it, he doesn´t want it anymore. Feel this hopeless. He´s scared. He´s scared to deal with it. He´s scared that if he tell anyone, they would call his father to ask him about it or just to tell him and his father would kill him. He would <em>definitely</em> kill him, if he knew. </p><p><br/>Lucas is scared of the possibility what it could be <em>if</em>. If he told anyone. If he confronted his father. If he reported him to the police. If he... If he admitted to other people that he has nothing to loose. He has nothing worthy in his life, not anymore. <br/>Not even himself. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>Stay alive each day. </em>
</p><p><br/>He doesn´t know if he wants to keep trying. </p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>Lucas sits in the basement, his eyelids are heavy, head hurts, body hurts and he´s cold. He´s so cold, he´s shaking. Fucking flu... Lucas was never being sick, so what is this? </p><p><br/>Lucas can´t stop the shiver. </p><p><br/>He takes out all those beige envelopes and reads all the notes again. <br/>Like, the first one, with what this all started. </p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>The very spark of my life in the darkest night. </em>
</p><p><br/>Seriously? This? For <em>him</em>?<br/>Where was the last time Lucas was actually really shining? He´s not Eliott. Eliott shines all the time, like, it´s his superpower. </p><p><br/>When they were little, Eliott was shining so much that Lucas thought he´s a superhero. Lucas didn´t want to ask because he was too shy for that or maybe he didn´t want to look like total idiot, because it was just obvious Eliott must be a superhero! He´s so shiny and so strong and so pretty!</p><p><br/>Little Lucas saw so many superhero movies, he knew what superhero´s qualities are. <br/>Eliott had them all. He was all-time happy, he was tall and thin and he had pretty hair and sparkly eyes, he was smart and fast and good, so <em>good</em> person. He was helpful and generous. He took care of Lucas all the time. And the best part of it was that he was really <em>shining</em>. <br/>Lucas stared at him a lot. He was eight when they met and he couldn´t stop staring at him. Eliott was showing him every corner of their huge garden, they played hide-and-seek and Eliott was always hiden so well that Lucas could never find him. And then he just appeard somewhere and Lucas was sure that Eliott had the superpower of invisibilty. It wasn´t possible in any other way. </p><p>So, yeah, Lucas stares at the picture of the street lamp and these words don´t make any sense to him. What if the person wanted after Lucas to give it to Eliott? Everyone knows they are best friends. </p><p><br/>Or, they were, at least.</p><p><br/>Lucas sighs and takes the second note he recieved more than month ago. </p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>I´ll be the ocean here waiting for you. </em>
</p><p><br/>Who? Who´s waiting for him? Lucas thinks about it and he thinks about how he could really use some ocean right now. Really. Wrapped around him, the endless water, the pressure, the darkness. Comfortable one. <br/>Not like this one, creepy, in the basement. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>Playing in rivers. </em>
</p><p><br/>Lucas can´t even swim. Eliott was trying to teach him one day afternoon in the summer, the summer Lucas was ten and Eliott eleven. He was excelent swimmer, he was like fish in the sea, happy and wild. Which just confirmed Lucas´ theory of Eliott being a superhero.<br/>Lucas was watching him from the edge of the pool on Demaury´s garden, shins in water, swaying with his feet here and there. <br/>"Luc! Come on! Come to me! We can play on two Aquamen!" Eliott yelled at him, splashing the water all around. Lucas shook his head, ashamed to admit he can´t swim. But Eliott found out, anyways, because he was just so smart. <br/>And he offered Lucas that he would teach him how to swim. They tried it, really, but Lucas was most of the time on Eliott´s back like baby coala, because he was afraid to let go off of him. The water was too deep. <br/>He never learnt how to swim. But he had Eliott, so he didn´t mind. </p><p>Now he has nothing. </p><p> </p><p>Lucas goes through every note he recieved. </p><p><br/>He reads those words again and again. All of them. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>The bravest thing</em>
  <br/>
  <em>he ever did</em>
  <br/>
  <em>was to stay alive each day. </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>It´s better to be whole and alone than broken at their feet.</em>
  <em> Between you and them choose you. </em>
</p><p><br/><em>You set aflame in my heart and mind the most beautiful chaos.</em> Beautiful chaos. Beautiful beautiful <em>beautiful</em>. Chaos. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>He wore a thousand faces - all to hide his own.</em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>The most beautiful rose - you are that rose, forever to me.</em>
</p><p><br/><em>I´ll be the ocean here waiting for you. Waiting for you</em>. Who.</p><p><br/><em>My firefly, the very spark of my life. You are my hope.</em> Hope. HOPE. <em>The only light I need to see.</em> How can Lucas be someone´s hope when he himself is hopeless mess?</p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>You are worth you bad days. Isecurities, cofusion, imperfections... </em>
  <br/>
  <em>You are worth fighting for</em>
  <br/>
  <em>You are worth loving.</em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>Life isn´t that bad, just today, today sucks. Today is the fucking worst. </em>
  <br/>
  <em>But probably not tomorrow, or even the next day. The next day might be fucking sweet. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Lucas reads them and instead of finding some relief in them, he feels like he can´t breathe. He feels like he´d have all those words stuck in his throat and he can´t fucking <em>breathe</em>, he can´t take a breath.</p><p><br/>Lucas takes his school bag and pulls all his stuff out, letting them fall on the dirty floor in the basement, he doesn´t fucking care anymore. He takes all of it out, he´s searching in all textbooks, notebooks, in all backpack´s pockets. In the end he takes the backpack, turns it upside down and shakes with it furiously. </p><p><br/>In the end, he finds another three envelopes. One of them was crushed on the bottom under all his stuff. How long was it there? Another two in his textbooks or notebooks, Lucas doesn´t know, he just shakes with things to find it. </p><p><br/>He takes the first one, the crumpled one, lighting it with his phone light and takes out two papers with poems and no polaroid pic. <br/>He reads it.</p><p>
  
</p><p>What does that even mean? </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>It´s always safe to do nothing when it rains. </em>
</p><p><br/>What is it? Like... Should that mean that Lucas is doing nothing in his situation? Or with his father? Or with his friends and people around him? </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>Always to try. Collect the tries like trophies and you will never lose. </em>
</p><p><br/>What a joke. Lucas already lost. Literally everything in his life, he lost. He lost his childhood, his room, bed, place to live. He lost home years ago. And now, after all of it... he lost Eliott. His friendship. The safety he feels everytime he´s around his best friend. The certainty, the haven. </p><p><br/>He lost all of it. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>You will never lose. </em>
</p><p><br/>He´s trying. He was trying, but did that change anything? Look where he is now, with all that trying! Literally so deep it can´t be worse. He´s in basement, holding up those little notes and polaroid photos like his life would depend on it, when it´s not. <br/>He can´t even figure out who keeps giving him these. He´s so oblivous to it, he must be blind or something. </p><p><br/>Lucas sighs and opens another envelope. There´s polaroid photo with wall and pavement. Lucas looks at it closely, tries to figure out those graffiti words, if they have any meaning, but he finds none. He gives up and reads the note. </p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Let ourselves believe another person could love us. </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>Another person could love us. </em>
</p><p><br/>Lucas stares at this for some time. He´s so tired. He feels so weak - mentally and physically. He feels like he´s half dead already. He can´t even think about the meaning, his mind is foggy. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>Another person could love us. </em>
</p><p><br/>Is that mean that these really <em>are</em> love letters? Was Eliott right the whole time? Lucas can´t think, this is too much. He put the note away and opens the third envelope he found.</p><p><br/>There´s a note and two polaroid pics. One with graffiti of some kind of... dragon? And another looks like the knight. Lucas reads it. </p><p>
  
</p><p>Lucas understands now. <br/>That person don´t know him at all, does they?</p><p><br/>No, absolutely not. They can´t know Lucas, because, what is there?<em> He went on so strongly despite the fear.</em> Yeah, <em>absolutely</em>. Not a fucking chance. Lucas is not strong and yes, he´s scared as fuck. He never was scared like this. This is all too much. </p><p>The worst thing is that despite the fact Lucas tries to control himself, he feels so much. He feels it all and when he´s pushing it down in him, it´s just growing bigger and bigger. Lucas is afraid he´s gonna explode, very soon. </p><p><br/>Lucas shoves all those little letters to the back pocket he has in his backpack and goes to sleep. He put the backpack under his head, hides himself in the sleeping bag and covers his shivering body also with the dusty blanket. He´s cold and he´s unwell. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>The next day might be fucking sweet. </em>
</p><p><br/><em>Yes, please, tomorrow please be sweet,</em> Lucas thinks when he´s falling asleep that night.</p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>Lucas wakes up late. Very late. He´s still shivering. He sneezes couple times and the coughing is still present. Lucas goes to school, anyways. Yes, Eliott told him he should spend some time in bed but.. what bed? <br/>Lucas doesn´t have a bed. <br/>And he decides it´s better to be in school and work, for him, than sitting in the dark cold basement. Better for his body and definitely better for his own sanity. </p><p><br/>Lucas walks to school in Eliott´s clothes, his sweatpants and hoodie, because he has nothing else clean enough to wear. He´s also scared to left his stuff in the laundry room again. </p><p><br/>Lucas arrives to school around 11am. He goes to his locker to take some stuff from there. When he opens it, beige envelope falls on the floor. Lucas sighs and picks it up from the ground. His body hurts. <br/>He doesn´t even know if he wants to read it. He feels like a crap. </p><p><br/>Lucas closes his locker when he hears voices. He recognizes one of them in a second. </p><p><br/>Lucas walks through the school corridor and reaches the corner when he sees them. </p><p><br/>It´s Eliott, of course, and there´s Tom, the boy  from PE. They fighting but Lucas doesn´t hear them. His ears ringing. Then Tom shoves to Eliott´s shoulders, Eliott stumbles backwards and his back collides with wall. <br/>Lucas sees red. </p><p><br/>Yes, Eliott is mad at him, yes, there´s this thin ice between them now, probably, but fuck, Eliott is still Lucas´ best friend and even when he doesn´t feel like he wants Lucas around him, probably, Lucas cares about him and he wouldn´t let anything to happen to him. He wouldn´t let anyone to hurt him.<br/>Ever. </p><p><br/>Lucas sees fucking red. He goes to them and pushes Tom away from Eliott. </p><p><br/>"What the fuck, Lallemant?" Tom says when Lucas stands in front of Eliott to protect him.</p><p><br/>"Get the fuck out of here," Lucas says. His voice is not okay and he probably looks even worse than talks, but whatever. What-fucking-ever, this is Eliott, <em>his</em> Eliott, what it is about. </p><p><br/>"What the hell? Stay away from this," Tom says. "We were in the middle of something with Demaury."</p><p><br/>"I think you´re done here, so leave," Lucas says, not moving inch away from his spot. </p><p><br/>"Are you his nanny or boyfriend?" Tom asks and steps closer to Lucas. "Because you´re acting like a little bitch."</p><p><br/>Lucas shoves Tom harshly to his chest and Tom stumbles backwards. His face turns from mocking to angry in two seconds and before Lucas can react, he shoots his fist towards Lucas and punches him to his nose. </p><p><br/>Lucas is slow because of the sickness and he doesn´t have a chance to deffend himself. He falls backwards with the force and collides with Eliott´s chest. Hands catches his arms. </p><p><br/>"Lucas," Eliott says behind him, his voice concerned. But the only thing what Lucas can hear is <em>Eliott Eliott Eliott´s voice</em> and it reminds him what was that about. <br/>Tom was attacking Eliott, sweet sunshine innocent Eliott. </p><p>The hell Lucas leaves it like this. </p><p><br/>He touches his nose and his fingers are a little dirty from blood. <br/>He´s dead. Tom is <em>dead</em>. Lucas only imagines that this could be Eliott´s nose, all bloody and hurting like bitch, and he´s angry now, too. </p><p><br/>He inhales, exhales, and he takes three steps to Tom and shoves him to his chest until he´s pressed to the opposite wall. </p><p><br/>"You fucking-"</p><p><br/>"Mr. Lallemant!" sounds in the corridor and everything goes quiet. Lucas turns to his side with fists gripped around Tom´s t-shirt and there´s professor Pulain, glaring at him. Lucas looks at Tom once more and releases his t-shirt from his grip, steps away from him.</p><p><br/>"Mr. Lallemant, to the principal office. Now," the professor says and her heels clapping loudly on the floor. Lucas looks back at Tom who has now the look of winner. His ugly smirk, well hiden from the teacher but Lucas sees it clearly. <br/>He clenches his teeth. </p><p><br/>"Mr. Lallemant, imediatelly!" professor Pulain says loudly and angrily and Lucas goes. He has no other chance here, anyways. </p><p><br/>Of course she didn't see the fucking asshole punching Lucas, but when Lucas pushes him away, she saw that clearly. Of course. </p><p><br/>"No, wait, it´s not like that, it´s-" Eliott starts protesting but Lucas turns to him and shakes his head, so Eliott gets quiet again, watching Lucas frustratedly all the way he goes, Lucas can feel his gaze on his back. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>What-fucking-ever. </em>
</p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>Lucas got detention. </p><p><br/>He has to stay in school today whole afternoon. He told the principal he can´t because he has to go to work, but he obviously didn´t care a bit. He said it´s only his problem that he´s fighting other students in school. <br/>Lucas thinks they all must be blind because they don´t see Lucas´ bloody nose (it´s not that bad, thankfuly, but it still hurts). </p><p><br/>Lucas called Alice to tell her such a news and they agreed that Lucas will stay tomorrow little longer in work and clean that place to make it up for today´s absence. <br/>Thank god Alice is such an understanding person for problematic teenagers. </p><p><br/>Lucas sits in the classroom with two other boys and one girl. He sits in the back and pulls out the envelope, opens it and finds polaroid with some kind of meadow full of little flowers and the poem. </p><p>
  
</p><p>No. Lucas won´t cry. He <em>won´t.</em> He´s in classroom with four other people. There´s professor watching him like he´s some prisoner. There´s two boys - one of them good friend of Tom - and a girl. Lucas won´t cry in front of them. </p><p><br/>But fuck. How hard it is to control himself right now. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>You think you are alone but you´re not. </em>
</p><p><br/>This poem is like... all Lucas needs to hear. All those words. And still, when he has it in front of him and reads it, again and again to understand, he can´t believe it. He can´t believe a single word. </p><p><br/>Because, seriously? </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>You think you are alone but you´re not. </em>
</p><p>But he is, isn´t he? He´s completely lost, or that´s at least exactly how he feels. He has no place to live, he avoids his friends to not have to deal with their questions because he really feels like he might break into little pieces with any other person looking at him. Really looking at him. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>You doing it right just by living. </em>
</p><p>How could he. He didn´t do anything right in a long time, because if he would, he wouldn´t end up like this. In this situation. Beaten up. Homeless. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>And everything will be okay. </em>
</p><p>Lucas chokes on a sob and masks it with coughs. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>And everything will be okay. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>And everything will be okay. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>And everything will be okay. </em>
</p><p><br/>Lucas really really hopes so. </p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>Lucas doesn´t see Eliott in school on friday, but he´s not even looking. He´s actually hiding, walking in shadows, sneaking into classes like a ghost. <br/>He doesn´t feel good. His body hurts so much, he´s weak and tired. He couldn´t sleep in night because he was shivering in the fucking basement. It was raining since yesterday evening and Lucas doesn´t even have clean dry clothes to change into after he came back to the basement, so, that´s that. He really needs to figure out what to do with this situation. He´s gonna die like this, soon. </p><p><br/>He should tell Eliott. <br/>Yes, he´s scared, he´s so <em>scared</em>, he´s ashamed and sick and weak - physically <em>and</em> mentally - but this is not funny anymore. This never was funny and never will be. It´s fourteen days. With today, it´s fourteen days. <br/>Two weeks since he left from his childhood house. <br/>Two weeks of living in the fucking basement. </p><p><br/>He should tell his best friend. He should talk to him, directly, and tell him everything what happened. </p><p><br/>But, what if Eliott would pressure Lucas to go to police and report his father? Who could believe seventeen year old boy, when his father is reputable businessman with conections and Lucas is... nothing. And he also has nothing.<br/>Nothing to hold up to. <br/>Noone who could say he´s right, noone to stay by him in this. He would lose again and his father would definitely kill him. </p><p><br/>Lucas walks from school to work, ignoring the rain, lost in thoughts. When he thinks about telling someone, telling Eliott, his heart starts beating like crazy and he feels anxious so much that his stomach hurts. </p><p><br/><em>Fuck, get yourself together!</em> Lucas thinks when he steps behind the counter and starts accepting orders from customers. </p><p> </p><p>The work passes like a blur. Lucas doesn´t even realize and suddenly it´s evening and they´ll be closing soon. </p><p><br/>"Lucas?" Alice comes to him and Lucas snaps his head up to look at her. "So, you know how to close this place, properly, yeah?" she asks. </p><p><br/>"Yes, I remember it very well," Lucas says and nods his head. </p><p><br/>"You doesn´t look very good Lucas, are you okay?" Alice frowns. "You look like you´re gonna pass out any second. You´re pale like a ghost."</p><p><br/>"No, no, I´m alright, just a little sick. Maybe flu or some shit like that," Lucas assures her. There´s nothing to worry about - at least for Alice. </p><p><br/>"You know you can call me anytime, yes?" she says. "You have my number. We´re friends, Lucas," she smiles and pats Lucas´ forearm. </p><p><br/>Lucas feels warm inside. <br/>Friends. They are <em>friends</em>, not only co-workers. <br/>That´s the nicest thing he heard in a very very long time. </p><p><br/>"I know," he says eventually. "Thank you, Alice, seriously."</p><p><br/>"Okay, okay, give me a hug," Alice says and steps around the counter to Lucas, wrapping him into his arms. "I´m so glad you´re here with me in this, Lucas," she says. "You´re the best colleague ever, I swear."</p><p><br/>Lucas holds her a little tighter, enjoying the warmth until it lasts. </p><p> </p><p>Alice and Aiden leave the coffee shop and Lucas stays alone. He puts the sign <strong>CLOSED</strong> on the door in the right time and starts cleaning the place. <br/>He didn´t know it´ll take so much time. So many tables - wiping the spots and dirt, put all chairs up, wash the floor. Clean all dirty mugs and plates and put them on the right shelf. Wipe the counter, check the windows if they´re all closed, lock all doors and finally, finally go. <br/>Lucas starts shaking with the imagine of coming back into the basement. He can´t do that anymore, he´ll lose his mind. </p><p><br/>Okay so, tonight. He´ll go there tonight, and tomorrow he´ll figure it out. <br/>He promises this to himself and walks to the building. </p><p><br/>It´s raining. He´s soaked in a few minutes. Nevertheless, he´s got a plan, and that keeps Lucas in his walk. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>And everything will be okay. </em>
</p><p><br/>Yes. Yes. It will be. It must be. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>And everything will be okay. </em>
</p><p><br/>He can do this. Tomorrow, tomorrow he´ll know what to do, tomorrow he´ll figure it out. </p><p><br/>Lucas comes to the building and suddenly he realizes he doesn´t even know what time is it. He pulls out his phone from the pocket of Eliott´s sweatpants and finds out he´s out of battery. <br/>He fucking forgot to put it on charger in work today. It´s dead. </p><p><br/>Fuck!</p><p><br/>Lucas stands there under the pouring rain and thinks about what he should do. He looks around. It´s friday evening and the street is quiet. Noone´s around. Only chains of raindrops falling down, creating little rivers on the pavement and road. <br/>Lucas thinks about how he could get inside the building because there are his stuff and he has no other place to go. </p><p><br/>He could ring on some random bell and say he brings some mail...? Yeah maybe not, it´s really late for a postman. </p><p><br/>Fuck. <em>Fuck</em>. What he's gonna do. </p><p><br/>Lucas eventually decides he'll go to Yann's. Yann, because when he thinks of telling Eliott, he feels sick. It´s not that awful imagine to tell his best friend, he just knows that Eliott, as caring and kind and understanding as he is, he´s still mad at him. And Lucas can´t get the imagine of Eliott shutting the door closed in front of Lucas´ out of his head. <br/>He knows it´s ridiculous and Eliott would never do that (probably), but the fear is there, the fear is in Lucas and he can´t shake it off. <br/>Eliott would be angry that Lucas didn't tell him before and also that Lucas didn't go straight to him in the first place.</p><p>And also Eliott would know for hundred percent, that Lucas' dad is asshole and he´s beating him, again. <br/><em>Still</em>.</p><p>Fucking hell.</p><p> </p><p>Lucas walks through the street to Yann's. It's not far. Okay yes, it is a little far, but it's okay. Just if the rain stops, it would be wonderful. <br/>Lucas walks slow, because he actually doesn´t want to go there. What Lucas tell him? Like, okay, Yann is his good friend, but he´s not Eliott. There´s no secret silent understanding between Lucas and Yann as it is between Lucas and Eliott. </p><p><br/>Lucas walks, slowly, slowly. What if Yann wouldn´t be at home? Lucas can´t even call him because his phone is dead. </p><p><br/>God, what time is it?</p><p><br/>Why are those situations always only around him?</p><p><br/>Lucas walks and walks, the rain falls and falls. Eliott´s hoodie on Lucas is wet and it's cold on Lucas' skin, even when it's not so cold weather today. It´s cold and heavy with the water. </p><p><br/>Droplets falling to his eyes from his dump hair.</p><p><br/>Ten more minutes of quick walk and he'll be at Yann's. If he´d walk quick. Which he doesn´t. <br/>But now Lucas speeds up. He can´t be more sick than he is already, he´s working on sunday afternoon again. </p><p><br/>Lucas goes faster. He can´t lose his job. </p><p><br/>Cars passing by, drivers go slower and more carefully because of the rain. Lucas doesn´t focus on that. He´s walking down the street, eyes down on the pavement under his feet. <br/>He´s soaked. </p><p><br/>One car slows down next to Lucas and then it stops completely few steps ahead of him. <br/>Lucas doesn´t notice, until he hears the voice. </p><p><br/>"Lucas?"</p><p><br/>Oh.<em> Oh shit. </em></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>WHO IS IN THE CAR?</p><p>tumblr: briallenko<br/>tumblr for this fic with bunch of interesting stuff: stayheremylove<br/>art ig account: briallen.art</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi my dears.<br/>Here you go, finally, you´ll know WHO WAS IN THE CAR. I hope I won´t dissapoint you. ♥<br/>Also I´m not very well lately so I´m sorry in advance if my mental state does something with Lucas´ mental state. </p><p>Take care ♥</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Lucas?"</p><p><br/>
Lucas knows that voice. Of course he knows that. It sounds like the happy childhood moments he had with Eliott at Demaurys. </p><p><br/>
Lucas turns to the car. </p><p><br/>
The window from black audi q5 is down and there's Mrs. Demaury, Eliott's mom.</p><p><br/>
"Oh, h-hi," Lucas stutters, tries to smile.</p><p><br/>
The window on the backseat goes down too and there's Eliott, frowning with open mouth.</p><p><br/>
"Lucas?" he says in disbelief like he wouldn´t be sure if he sees right. "What the fuck, what are you doing here?"</p><p><br/>
"Watch your language, Eli," says his mom and turns back to Lucas.</p><p><br/>
There's Mr. Demaury, Eliott's dad, behind the wheel, nodding at Lucas with smile when Lucas looks at him.</p><p><br/>
"What are you doing here so late?" Lucas asks stupidly. Whole Demaury's family in car in... What is it... Eliott's wearing a suit? Fancy clothes?<br/>
Lucas doesn´t look at himself, in Eliott´s sweatpants and hoodie, dirty and soaked. <br/>
What a fucking joke. He must look like poor dirty homeless. </p><p><br/>
"We were in restaurant on a dinner, celebrating mom's birthday," says Eliott and then shakes his head.</p><p><br/>
Yes, of course, Lucas knew that. "Oh, yeah, happy birthday, Mrs. Demaury," Lucas smiles at the woman, who always been like his second mom. "Hope you had nice evening-"</p><p>"That's not important, where are you going?" Eliott interrupts when his mom wants to reply to Lucas' wish. "You're soaked."</p><p><br/>
"I-I'm going to Yann's," says Lucas. He tries to say as little as possible because he´s tired and he doesn´t have the strenght to making up new lies, he´s exhausted. He hopes it will be enough for Eliott, but according to his face, it´s obviously not. </p><p><br/>
Eliott's frowning again.</p><p><br/>
"Come," he says then. "You're coming with us. You're staying in our house," Eliott opens the door for him, making him space there.</p><p>What? Isn´t Eliott... mad at him?</p><p><br/>
"No, no, I don't want to bother, it's okay, really-"</p><p><br/>
"Nonsense, Lucas, please," Mrs. Demaury says. "You're always welcome in our house," she smiles.</p><p><br/>
"It's still your birthday night, I'm not gonna-"</p><p><br/>
"Come in, Lucas," says Mr. Demaury. "Or Eliott's gonna lose his damn mind, very soon," he chuckles. "You'll save his sanity by coming with us, son."</p><p><br/>
<em>Son</em>.</p><p><br/>
Lucas' breath catches in his throat because he never heard that from his own father. Not this nicely, not this lovingly.<em> "God, why my son must be such an idiot!"</em> his father would say. <br/>
Big lump sits in his throat so he doesn't say anything and get in the car.</p><p><br/>
Eliott's watching him with concern.</p><p><br/>
That's exactly what Lucas didn't want. Worrying Eliott. </p><p><br/>
"Thank you," says Lucas and coughs. "Um.. Do you have... Maybe some plastic bag or anything I can sit on? I don't want to wet your carseat."</p><p><br/>
Mr. Demaury huffs a laugh and Eliott's mom turns to him from the front seat.</p><p><br/>
"You're sweet, honey, but it's okay, really."</p><p><br/>
"Fuck this car, anyway," Eliott murmurs.</p><p><br/>
"Eliott, language!" his mom says.</p><p><br/>
His dad laughs. "You only saying this because you still can't learn how to drive it."</p><p><br/>
"It's stupid car! I swear it hates me!" Eliott frowns more.</p><p><br/>
<em>He's adorable,</em> Lucas thinks and masks his smile behind the palm of his hand when he coughs again. </p><p><br/>
"It doesn´t sound good," says Mr. Demaury, because, obviously, he´s a doctor. "Are you okay, son?"</p><p><br/>
"Yeah, sorry, I-"</p><p><br/>
"No, he´s not," says Eliott. "He has a flu or some shit like that," he looks at Lucas, reaches his hand to him and Lucas flinches away unwillingly, it´s like his reflex now, it´s just his other nature, apparantely. <br/>
Eliott´s eyes go wide and he stops his hand in the air, then looks at Lucas with unreadable expression and slowly reaches out again to touch Lucas´ forehead.  "I think he has a fever, too," Eliott says to his dad, but the sound of his voice changed into something softer, quieter. </p><p><br/>
"It´s okay," Mrs. Demaury says. "We will be home soon and you´ll take a hot shower and put on some dry clothes, alright, sweetheart?" she says to Lucas and smiles and Lucas really really missed this. <br/>
They were always the nicest people Lucas ever knew, the whole Demaury´s family. </p><p><br/>
Lucas looks out of the window. It´s raining so heavily he can´t even see the street outside, or basically nothing there. Just grey and black blurry objects and sparkles of light of the other cars passing by. <br/>
Lucas shivers. <br/>
He´s cold. The clothes is cold on his skin.</p><p><br/>
<em>The next day might be fucking sweet. </em>
</p><p><br/>
Lucas thinks about it, now, in the car with Demaurys. </p><p><br/>
<em>The next day might be fucking sweet. </em>
</p><p><br/>
Lucas thinks he maybe found the next day, even if he still feels like shit and sick as hell. And he lets his lips curl into tiny smile when he feels the strange feeling in his chest what can be called as <em>hope</em>.</p><p><br/>
<em>You think you are alone but you´re not. </em>
</p><p><br/>
Lucas breathes. </p><p><br/>
<em>And everything will be okay. </em><br/>
<em>And everything will be okay. </em><br/>
<em>And everything will be okay. </em>
</p><p><br/>
...</p><p><br/>
They arrive to Demaury´s and Eliott´s mom urges Lucas to the bathroom. </p><p><br/>
"Take your time, okay?" she smiles. "Get yourself warm, honey, you need that. I´ll tell Eliott to bring you some clean clothes," she smiles and leaves him alone in the bathroom. </p><p><br/>
Lucas wants to be quick, really, but he´s shivering and the warm water in nice cozy bathroom feels like heaven. Lucas washes his body, his hair, and when he leaves the shower, there´s clean clothes on the shelf. <br/>
Lucas doesn´t even think if anyone saw him naked, because, after all, he can´t sink any lower than he is right now. </p><p><br/>
It´s Eliott´s sweatpants again, his t-shirt and sweatershirt. It´s soft and dry and clean. And Lucas feels already hundred percent better just by wearing it. </p><p><br/>
Lucas remembers when he was like ten, sitting behind the kitchen table doing homeworks, his mom next to him reading women's magazines.</p><p>Lucas looks up from some annoying math problem and read the sentence on the page written in big black and pink letters. <em>"Sweat is playing big role in relantionship."</em>.</p><p>He screw his face up. That sounds disgusting. He asked his mom what that shit supposes to mean, sweat is annoying and it stinks..</p><p>And his mom said: <em>"Well, yes, but it's true. The role of sweat, I mean. If that person smells nice to you even when he's sweaty or if the scent of someone's sweat doesn't bother you and disgust you at all, you can be sure you found the one and only. Remember, the person who you´re with should always smell nice to you. Always."</em></p><p> </p><p>Now, when Lucas putting on Eliott's worn sweatshirt, he thinks about it again. He doesn´t even know why, he and Eliott are just best friends, right? He brings the fabric to his face and burries his nose in it, inhales deeply through his nose, sniffs the scent.</p><p>It´s familiar. It smells like boy. It smells like Eliott.</p><p>And Lucas...</p><p>Lucas likes it.</p><p> </p><p>He goes out of the bathroom, takes not more than four steps before he stops in is track, because he hears voices from the kitchen. </p><p><br/>
"Did you see him? He looks like he didn´t eat or sleep in weeks," says Mrs. Demaury, concern in her voice and Lucas can imagine the frown on her face, so similar to Eliott´s. </p><p><br/>
"Yes, I saw," Eliott´s dad says. "But we don´t know what happened and I don´t know if I should ask him about it, if he´d want to talk at all."</p><p><br/>
"I hope you two are aware that he´s staying with us?" says Eliott. His parents laughs softly. </p><p><br/>
"Eli, stop acting like you´d be the adult in this house," his mom giggles. "But yes, we´re very aware and we wouldn´t want it any other way."</p><p><br/>
"I wouldn´t let you want it any other way," says Eliott. "Deal with it."</p><p><br/>
"Don´t  be rude, Eliott," says his dad. Then he chuckles. "You´re like me when I was your age. I don´t like it."</p><p><br/>
Eliott´s mom laughs. </p><p><br/>
Lucas stands there, in the hall, doesn´t know what to think and honestly he´s too tired to think anything at all. He goes back to the bathroom door and closes them loudly, then he goes to the kitchen. </p><p><br/>
"Hi, sweetie, feel better?" Eliott´s mom smiles at him, like she always does. Always. </p><p><br/>
"Yeah, thank you," Lucas says quietly and sits on the bar chair around the kitchen table next to Mr. Demaury. Eliott stands there, back leaning to the counter. </p><p><br/>
"You look tired, honey," Mrs. Demaury frowns. He puts the plate of baked potatoes and chicken meat in front of him. "Eat this, you must be hungry, right? Then you go to sleep," she says in her lawyer voice. No arguments allowed. </p><p><br/>
"Thank you, Mrs. Demaury, really," Lucas smiles at her and she smiles back, caresses his back when she walks past him and leaves kitchen. </p><p><br/>
Lucas eats the meal, because he´s hungry, he didn´t eat proper meal in two weeks and it´s so good, this meal, so good. Reminds him absolutely nothing what he ever had, because his mom was never home to cook, his father didn´t cook at all and Lucas is not this good in cooking, yet. <br/>
Lucas eats it, too tired to think about if anyone is there watching him. <br/>
He doesn´t know if Mr. Demaury is still there, or Eliott, but seriously, he´s glad he holds his eyes open.</p><p><br/>
Lucas eats it all and looks up. There´s Eliott, watching him, searching in his face like usually, but this time it´s different, this time Lucas feels wierdly calm with the familiar feeling of that. </p><p><br/>
"Come on," Eliott says and walks out of the door to living room, Lucas follows. </p><p><br/>
"Lucas, can you stay for a little more, please?" the voice of Mr. Demaury stops both boys in their way out of the door. Lucas turns back and sees Eliott´s dad watching him with kind eyes. He gestures to the couch for Lucas as an invitation. "I would like to talk to you for a minute, if you don´t mind," he smiles. </p><p><br/>
Lucas goes, of course he does. He looks over his shoulder to Eliott who´s watching his dad in confusion and then he looks at Lucas shortly before he leaves the room. </p><p><br/>
"Lucas," says Mr. Demaury as Lucas sits opposite to him, and leans on his elbows resting on his knees. He looks at Lucas and Lucas feels good. Mr. Demaury was the kindness itself. And he was a doctor. Lucas can imagine that his patients must absolutely love him. "Lucas," he says again. "I wanted to talk to you about this situation..."</p><p><br/>
Lucas swallows. </p><p><br/>
"Look, I know you your whole life, Lucas, you´re like other son to me and my wife," he says. "You´re the best friend for our son, and honestly, the best friend what we could ever wish for our son to have," <em>but it´s not true,</em> Lucas thinks. He´s the worst friend ever. Eliott deserves better. "I know something is happening. I saw you on the street and I just felt that something is wrong," Lucas looks down. He can´t stand that gaze. It´s too....caring. Lucas is not used to it. "I just wanted to... I don´t know, maybe offer you that I can listen, if you want to tell me. I would like to help you, if you let me."</p><p><br/>
Lucas takes a deep breath. He thinks about the possibility of telling the whole story to someone. He´s finding it hard to tell Eliott, just because it´s Eliott, his best friend for years, his best friend who knows everything about Lucas, everything, but not this. <br/>
This is too dark, to bad, too wrong for him to know. For him to hear. </p><p><br/>
"I want you to know that we all love you and we care about you, Lucas. And I promise I won´t judge you for anything. It just makes me wonder what could possibly take all the joy from you like this," Eliott´s dad says and Lucas thinks about that Eliott is this kind and caring after his dad. </p><p><br/>
Lucas inhales. Mr. Demaury sits back into the armchair, leans his back into the backrest. Lucas looks up awaiting pity in his eyes, but all he sees is concern and care. </p><p><br/>
And Lucas, Lucas who´d never seen an adult man to look at him like this, Lucas, who never had this kind of authority in his life, this kind of acceptance and generousness, he decides there and in that moment that he´ll tell him. <br/>
Maybe it´s because of how nice Mr. Demaury is. Maybe it´s because of his eyes, so similar to Eliott´s. Maybe it´s because Lucas is so tired of all his secrets, of hiding and lying to his closest friends all the time. Maybe because the bruise on his shoulder suddenly hurts like it was new one, and not weeks old. </p><p><br/>
"I ran from the house," says Lucas, because he can´t find in himself to say home to that place of suffering. Mr. Demaury doesn´t move a bit, his face has the same welcoming expression. "I ran, because my dad would kill me. He got drunk every day lately, he got angry and he beated me up," Lucas shrugs like it was nothing but it hurts like hell to talk about it. "I found a job to make some money to pay the rent somewhere, but I ran away before I could earn enough to afford some accomodation."</p><p><br/>
"Wait, when did you run, then?" Mr. Demaury asks. </p><p><br/>
"About two weeks ago or so..." </p><p><br/>
"Where did you live since then?"</p><p><br/>
Lucas says it. Why the hell not. It doesn´t matter anymore, there´s no reason to lie now. "In the basement, in some apartment building."</p><p><br/>
Silence. </p><p><br/>
Mr. Demaury is silent and Lucas is scared for a long moment to look at him. He´s ashamed of himself. Then there´s arms, wrapping around him from the side, squeezing him tightly. It´s Mrs. Demaury, Eliott´s mom, hugging him. </p><p><br/>
"Oh Lucas, my dear boy," she says and kisses his cheek, squeezes him some more and Lucas yelps because the bruises on his ribs are not healed enough yet, and it hurts. <br/>
Mrs. Demaury lets go off of him and looks him up and down.  "Are you okay, sweetie?" </p><p><br/>
"Yes," Lucas forces a smile. "Sorry."</p><p><br/>
"So, you´re staying with us, Lucas, hope that´s clear," Mr. Demaury says and his wife nods. </p><p><br/>
"W-what?" Lucas blurts out. </p><p><br/>
"Well, of course! We love you as much as our Eliott, Lucas, what do you think? That we let you live in some basement? No no no baby, you´re staying here," Mrs. Demaury caresses his arms. </p><p><br/>
"Lucas, I just don´t understand, why didn´t you tell anyone? Your father can´t beating you up like this, his own son, and don´t take any aftermath. That´s against the law, right, my dear?" he turns to his wife. </p><p><br/>
"Yes! Kids abusion, it´s not good. He could go to jail," Eliott´s mom says, looking serious. Lucas can imagine her in front of the judges at the court. He´s sure she´s amazing lawyer. She´s the right amount of badass, she´s beautiful woman (of course, Eliott is as much pretty) and if you get to know her and she likes you, she´s the sweetest person. </p><p><br/>
"No, I don´t want that," says Lucas and shakes his head. "I don´t want to talk about it or report him or anything," he says firmly. </p><p><br/>
"Why not?" Mrs. Demaury says. "I would help you." </p><p><br/>
"You´re very kind, but I just leave it to karma," Lucas says and smiles, because he remembers little Eliott teaching little Lucas about what Karma is and isn´t. He even had the chalk board and he was drawing those little people, connecting them with lines to show Lucas how Karma really works.</p><p><br/>
Demaurys sigh, both of them. </p><p><br/>
"Okay, but if you change your mind in the future, just let me know, okay?" Mrs. Demaury says and Lucas nods. "Now go to bed, take some rest," she smiles and Lucas wants to get up. </p><p><br/>
"Lucas, just one more thing," says Mr. Demaury and Lucas sits back down. "The doctor speaking from me now," he smiles. "Would you mind if I check your injuries?"</p><p><br/>
Lucas freezes. "M-my injuries?"</p><p><br/>
"Yes, I noticed that obviously you´re in pain, I would like to check that you´re okay, if you want. Just to be sure that it´s nothing too serious, okay?"</p><p><br/>
Lucas can´t but nod. He´s ashamed of that, of everything. He´s ashamed he couldn´t protect himself, defend his own body before his own father. But maybe, maybe he will feel a little better, if he´ll be sure he´s really physically alright. </p><p> </p><p>They go to the guest room. Eliott´s mom prepared it for Lucas, there is this huge bed with soft-looking bedsheets, it´s warm inside. On the wall above the bed is this painting of rainy day in city behind the window and Lucas wonders if that´s one of Eliott´s pieces. </p><p><br/>
"Lucas," Mr. Demaury says. Lucas looks back at him and his heart suddenly beats like crazy, when he thinks about someone else will see his body like that. He didn´t look at himself for the past week, he was too disgust with everything. "I just want to say that you have nothing to be scared of, okay? You´re safe here, in this house and you´re definitely safe with me. I´m a doctor, I know what I´m doing, okay?"</p><p><br/>
Lucas inhales deeply, but it makes him coughs. His throat hurts. He nods. <br/>
Then he takes off the sweatshirt and t-shirt. Lucas focuses on one spot on the wall, too afraid to look at himself and at Mr. Demaury´s face. <br/>
Eliott´s dad put his hand on Lucas´ shoulder lightly, then he turns him around to look at his back. </p><p><br/>
"Lucas," Eliott´s dad says. "This not looks good. What are these scars from?" he lightly touches Lucas´ back between his shoulderblades. Lucas recalls the memory of his dad breaking the glass door in living room with Lucas´ body and he winces. </p><p><br/>
"Um..." Lucas doesn´t know what to say. But then he thinks that there´s absolutely no reason to lie anymore. It´s out. He already said what he said, there´s not way back, anyways. "It´s from broken glass," he says eventually. </p><p><br/>
"Did some doctor see that?" </p><p><br/>
"No."</p><p><br/>
"These wounds are deep and pretty big. It should have been treated with at least few stitches," doctor Demaury says. Lucas says nothing. He remembers that night, he remembers he just went to shower and then sleep, had noone to take care of those wounds and he didn´t reach his back properly himself to put at least some bandage on it. "Could you lay on your back on the bed? I check the ribs, it looks pretty bad, too."</p><p><br/>
Lucas does, lays down on the bed and finally looks on his torso. There are bruises on his ribs, blue and purple and one of them looks almost black. It looks even worse than last week. </p><p><br/>
Mr. Demaury lightly touches those spots and then he pushes on some place and Lucas hisses. "I´m sorry," Eliott´s dad says. "Lucas, I think you have broken ribs, didn´t you think about it?" </p><p><br/>
"I did," Lucas admits. </p><p><br/>
"And? Why didn´t you get some help, then?"</p><p><br/>
"Because I´m not adult yet and any doctor would contact my parents. And now, when my mom is not home, it would be my father. And he..." Lucas swallows heavily. "He would kill me, if he´d know."</p><p><br/>
Mr. Demaury sighs. "I think it´s not that serious as it looks, honestly... But I would be rather if I could make an X-ray, if you let me? Tomorrow?" Lucas hesitates. "I won´t tell your parents, if you don´t want that, I promise," he adds and Lucas nods. </p><p><br/>
He sits up and wants to put the t-shirt back on. </p><p><br/>
"Uh, wait with that a little, son, I´ll put something on the wounds on your back so it´ll heal faster, okay?" Mr. Demaury says, smiles at Lucas and leaves the room. <br/>
Lucas sighs, sits on the bed and looks around. It´s such a nice room. There´s furniture from dark wood, there´s tv on the wall, there´s pretty dark-green curtains, now closed. Lucas looks again on the painting above the bed. It´s so pretty. Lucas feels a little melancholic from that, but still, it´s really pretty picture. He looks closer to the corner of it to see some signature and all he finds is simple silhouette of raccoon. </p><p><br/>
So it <em>is</em> Eliott´s art piece. </p><p><br/>
He´s so talented. Lucas smiles with the imagine of Eliott´s parents giving their son´s artpiece to guest room so every person who´s staying there would see it. They are so supportive. Lucas loves this family. <br/>
He truly does. </p><p><br/>
Mr. Demaury comes back with his doctor´s case, Lucas lies on his stomach and lets him do his job. Lucas looks to the half-closed door and he thinks he sees some shadow there, someone´s staying behind the door, but when he blinks it´s gone. </p><p> </p><p>After, Lucas lies in the bed, soft blanket covering his body, he feels like in a dream. He hears knock on the door and when he turns to look, there´s Eliott´s mom with mug of hot tea in her hand. </p><p><br/>
"Hi, sweetheart, did I wake you?" she asks and walks to Lucas. </p><p><br/>
"No, I didn´t sleep yet," Lucas says and smiles at her. She´s so nice. <br/>
She sits on the edge of the bed. </p><p><br/>
"I brought you tea and these pills, take them before sleep okay? If that´s a flu, we have to treat that right so it´ll be gone soon. Eliott has it like two weeks ago."</p><p><br/>
"Thank you," he says. </p><p><br/>
"It´s okay," she says and caresses his hair. </p><p><br/>
"No, I mean, thank you, for everything. For letting me stay here," Lucas feels the lump in his throat. "I know it´s not how you imagined your birthday-"</p><p><br/>
"You´re right, that´s not how I imagined that," she says. Lucas bites his lip, feeling guilty. "It´s much better," she says with all honesty. "You know, Eliott is not the only one who missed you," she´s brushing Lucas´ hair from his face. Lucas stares. What? <em>What?</em> "We missed you too, honey. We didn´t see you for several weeks and you´re like other son to us, you know? So if anything, you´re just a gift for me. The best one, I would say." </p><p><br/>
<em>The next day might be fucking sweet. </em><br/>
<em>The next day might be fucking sweet. </em>
</p><p><br/>
Lucas´ eyes filled with tears, he nods. </p><p><br/>
<em>And everything will be okay. </em>
</p><p><br/>
"So, you´re staying with us, okay? We all know Eliott would kill us with any other way, so we don´t have a choice, anyways," she laughs and Lucas smiles. "Take some rest, baby," she says, kisses his forehead and leaves the room. </p><p><br/>
Lucas takes those pills, drink half of the tea and then he lies there, staring to the dark spot and thinks. He thought he´ll fall asleep immediately because he´s so tired, but no, instead of it, he´s thinking. </p><p><br/>
It´s not that scary anymore, that someone knows. It´s not that scary that he admitted what´s going on in his life to adults. To another person. <br/>
But when Lucas thinks about it, it´s not that scary because it´s Demaurys, who know now. It´s them. So kind. More parents for him than his real parents. They told him several times in the past that they want Lucas to call them their names, Elise and Philipe, but Lucas never done that and he won´t start now, either. He likes to call them like he does because he thinks it shows more respect to them and their authority, which Lucas feels. </p><p>Lucas thinks about how they never made him feel like he´s a burden. He lies here, in this room, and he doesn´t feel like he would bothering anyone, like he would be a burden for them. Yes, he feels a little guilty for appearing exactly on Mrs. Demaury´s birthday, but she´s so kind and honest that Lucas just trusts her words. </p><p><br/>
Lucas feels like this situation finally finds the place in his mind. Like he finally understands what´s happening. </p><p><br/>
He found a place to stay. </p><p><br/>
They said <em>"stay here"</em> and really, Lucas can stay here.</p><p><br/>
He found a place to stay and he doesn´t have to go back to the basement. </p><p><br/>
Lucas thinks about this and he starts crying. <br/>
What did he say? That he will cry after he finds a place to stay? Well, he found the place and he can´t hold it anymore. He burries his face into the pillow to not wake up anyone in the house and he just cries, he´s sobbing and his breath catching every now and then. He feels so relieved. And even when his ribs hurt with the muscle stretching while he´s crying, he doesn´t care. <br/>
He found a place to stay. <br/>
So he cries. <br/>
And he misses his notes with polaroids, which are in the basement with all his stuff. He needs to go there to pick it up. Also his phone is still dead, laying on the bedside table next to him. <br/>
But anyways, who would call him, right?</p><p><br/>
Lucas found a place. He can stay here. </p><p><br/>
<em>And everything will be okay. </em>
</p><p><br/>
Yeah. Maybe it actually really will be. </p><p><br/>
...</p><p><br/>
It´s much later when Lucas finally calms down and then he just lies there, silent tears escape here and there and he´s waiting for the sleep to come. </p><p><br/>
When he finally feels his eyelids heavy enough, he hears the door silently opening. Lucas brushes his cheeks from tears before he looks there. </p><p><br/>
There´s Eliott, closing the door behind him, looking at Lucas. He looks upset. </p><p><br/>
"Eliott," Lucas whispers. "Are you okay?"</p><p><br/>
Eliott sits on the bed, looking down. He looks sad. And nervous. </p><p><br/>
"Did you have a nightmare again?" Lucas asks quietly when he sees Eliott´s face. Lucas knows Eliott has nightmares time to time and right now he looks really upset. Lucas sees it several times when they were having sleepovers in this house, quite often in the past. </p><p><br/>
"No," Eliott says. He looks up at Lucas and frowns. Now it´s Lucas who looks down. He feels so embarrassed with all that what happened, not only in Lucas´ life, but also between him and Eliott. </p><p><br/>
 "Lucas," Eliott whispers, Lucas can feel his eyes on him but he doesn´t look up. He takes a deep breath and swallows. He needs to tell him, now. He has to. He´s literally in Eliott´s house in a guest room, which is ten times more fancy and more nice than Lucas´ room in his childhood house. </p><p><br/>
"Eliott," he says. "I have to tell you-"</p><p><br/>
"Don´t," says Eliott. Lucas finally looks up. Eliott´s eyes, sad and worried. "I heard," Eliott says. "I heard what you told my dad. I´m sorry, I know I shouldn´t have listen, but..." Lucas shakes his head. He´s actually glad he doesn´t have to repeat all of it again. "Lucas, I... I didn´t know," Eliott says like he´d be defending himself, but.. why? It´s not his fault. "I didn´t know, I didn´t see. I didn´t see it´s this serious, I didn´t see-"</p><p><br/>
"I didn´t want you to," Lucas stops him. </p><p><br/>
"But, why?" Eliott asks and Lucas breathes in. That´s exactly the question he didn´t want to hear nor answer.</p><p><br/>
"Because... I was ashamed. I am, still," he admits and his voice is not more than a silent whisper. "Ashamed of my family, of this... situation. And most of all, ashamed of myself."</p><p><br/>
There, he admitted it. Now there´s literally nothing else to say. </p><p><br/>
Eliott takes his face in his hands, Lucas can hear his shaky exhale. </p><p><br/>
"Eliott?"</p><p><br/>
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Lucas," Eliott says and sniffles. </p><p><br/>
"Hey, it's okay, it's okay," Lucas says, reaches his hand to touch Eliott´s forearm. "That should be me who´s sorry, Eliott," he says. "And I am, truly."</p><p><br/>
"No, no, it´s not- I´m not- I..." Eliott stutters and looks at Lucas with teary eyes. </p><p><br/>
Lucas understands. Eliott is his best friend for years, he knows him well. Like he said, there´s this silent understanding between them. They don´t need words to say everything out loud. They just... know. </p><p><br/>
He lies down, puts away the blanket on the other side of bed for Eliott, who lies down next to him. </p><p><br/>
Lucas puts the covers over Eliott, pulls it up to his shoulders. They watch each other in the dark for a few moments. </p><p><br/>
"Can we be okay again, please?" Lucas whispers. He just wants back his best friend without the drama all around. </p><p><br/>
"We <em>are</em> okay, Luc, we´re good, I promise," Eliott says, runs his fingers through Lucas´ hair. Lucas sighs and closes his eyes. The tiredness is finally here together with sleep. </p><p><br/>
"I´m sorry but I´ll be asleep in a minute, probably," he says. </p><p><br/>
"Sleep, you need that," Eliott says and Lucas sleeps. He sleeps and all he dreams about that night is three kind faces above him, all of them saying<em> stay here stay here stay here</em> in a loop. </p><p><br/>
...</p><p><br/>
Lucas wakes up to familiar sound of his ringing phone. He opens his eyes to see his phone on the bedside table, on the charger. Eliott must have done that in the night. Before Lucas can wake up enough to grab his phone, Eliott is there, sitting on the edge of the bed next to Lucas, putting the mug there and picking up the ringing phone. </p><p><br/>
"Who´s Aiden?" he asks and looks at Lucas with unreadable expression. </p><p><br/>
Oh. "That´s my boss," Lucas says and reaches for the phone, Eliott gives him that. "Halo?" he says, trying to sit up. </p><p><br/>
"Lucas, hi, how are you?" Aiden´s friendly voice echoes in Lucas´ ear. </p><p><br/>
"Hi, I´m a little sick but nothing serious," Lucas says and Eliott raises an eyebrow on him. Lucas ignores it. "Did something happen? Should I come to work?" Lucas asks and Eliott frowns at him, shaking his head. </p><p><br/>
"No, no, I´m actually calling because we have an accident in a coffee shop, the conduit broke and we´re flooded," Aiden laughs. </p><p><br/>
"Oh no, oh my god," Lucas sits up properly and leans his back to the headboard of the bed. "I swear I switched off everything properly yesterday before I closed the shop, I wouldn´t leave it like-"</p><p><br/>
"No, it wasn´t that, don´t worry. We bought this place and didn´t check the state of conduit and here we are, it was old and rusty."</p><p><br/>
Lucas breathes with relief. "Ah, okay. Should I come and help you?"</p><p><br/>
"No, we called the professionals, they´ll take care of it," Aiden says. He´s surprisingly calm in situation like this. "I was actually calling to tell you that you´re free for tomorrow and monday, because they´ll be done if soon maybe on tuesday. They said it´s gonna be drying for some time."</p><p><br/>
"Oh..."</p><p><br/>
"Yes, so take these free days to recover, okay?" Aiden says. "Alice can´t shut up about you, how we´re lucky you´re our employee," he laughs and Lucas smiles. Eliott´s frowning. "So we need you in full power, I´ll call you, okay?"</p><p><br/>
"Yes, okay, thanks Aiden, say hi to Alice from me," Lucas says. </p><p><br/>
"Will do, bye," Aiden says and hangs up. Lucas puts the phone back to the bedside table. </p><p><br/>
"Aiden?" Eliott asks. </p><p><br/>
"Yes, like I said, it´s my boss from coffee shop," Lucas says and smiles with it, because seriously, Aiden and Alice are the best. </p><p><br/>
"Hm..." Eliott hums. "Is he nice?" </p><p><br/>
"He is," Lucas says. "He´s the best boss."</p><p><br/>
"His voice sounds young," Eliott says, playing with the fabric of his sweatpants on his thigh. </p><p><br/>
"He is young. I think maybe couple years older than me, but I don´t know that for sure."</p><p><br/>
"Is he handsome?" Eliott asks. Lucas chuckles at that and raises an eyebrow when Eliott looks up at him. </p><p><br/>
"Yeah, I think? He´s a good-looking guy, if you like those hipstery dudes," Lucas answers, amused, he doesn´t know what to think about Eliott´s questions. Why he´s asking like this?</p><p><br/>
Eliott doesn´t say anything to that, biting his lips, looking down to his feet, playing with the carpet with his toes.</p><p><br/>
"Do you want me to settle you up with my boss, Eliott?" Lucas asks, amused with the imagine. "Because I´m sorry but it´s not possible, since he´s dating Alice."<br/>
Eliott´s eyes snap to him. </p><p><br/>
"Alice?" he asks.</p><p><br/>
"Yes, Alice, my co-worker barista," Lucas answers. "They are owners of the coffee shop, they bought it together."</p><p><br/>
"They´re dating?" Eliott asks again. </p><p><br/>
"Yeah, they are. Since their high school," Lucas says and watching Eliott´s face relax. <em>What is this?</em> "You okay? Why are you asking about this?" Lucas is confused. </p><p><br/>
"No, nothing, just curious," Eliott says and smile appears on his face. "So why he called?"</p><p><br/>
"Um, to tell me I have free sunday and monday because of some water accident in the coffee shop."</p><p><br/>
"I wouldn´t let you go there, anyways," says Eliott. "You need to rest to get better, you´re sick."</p><p><br/>
"No, I´m totally fine, don´t wor-" Lucas is interrupted by his own coughing. </p><p><br/>
"I can see that," Eliott shakes his head. "Drink this and take those pills," he says and gets up from bed, walks out of the room. </p><p><br/>
Lucas takes those pills because, after all, Eliott´s dad is a doctor. He takes it, drinks some tea and lies back down under the covers. He´s tired. Okay, yeah, he has to admit he doesn´t feel okay, yet. But it´s gonna be fine. <br/>
He found place to stay. </p><p><br/>
...</p><p><br/>
Lucas sleeps for couple more hours and when he wakes up, there´s Eliott, sitting on the bed next to him, open book on his lap, scrolling through his phone. Lucas turns around to grab his own phone to check the time. </p><p><br/>
"Lucas?" Eliott says, Lucas hums. "Do you feel any better?" </p><p><br/>
"It´s better than ever before," Lucas says and lies back. It´s after noon already. </p><p><br/>
"Dad said that when you´ll be ready, we can go to hospital for the X-ray," Eliott adds, watching Lucas´ face, like usually. And, oh, Lucas forgot about that. Now, when it´s here, he feels a little... trapped. </p><p><br/>
Eliott said <em>we</em>. <em>We</em> can go to hospital. Does that mean he´ll be there, too? Does that mean he´ll see Lucas´ body like that, with those bruises and scars and shits? They saw each other shirtless many times, they saw each other in underwear, they are best friends for too long. And Lucas was never ashamed of himself and his body. He was very comfortable with his look. But now it´s totally different circumstances and his heart beating like crazy. <br/>
It´s because of those signs on his body, the signs he did nothing, nothing at all to stop it. Nothing usefull, at least - becase he remembers very well his voice please <em>"stop, stop, please stop"</em> when his father was kicking him, punching him and whatever else. </p><p><br/>
He coughs, sits on the bed before getting up, slowly, heading to the bathroom. He feels Eliott´s eyes on himself all the way out of the room.</p><p><br/>
...</p><p><br/>
Lucas just can´t look at Eliott. </p><p><br/>
He´s standing there, shirtless, between the cold X-ray walls pressed to his chest and back and he´s barely breathing. It feels like eternity before doctor Demaury finally says it´s done and he can move and get dressed. </p><p><br/>
"So, it´s what I thought," doctor Demaury says, coming to Lucas with X-ray images in his hands, putting them on the lighting board and switch it on to look at it. There´s Lucas´ ribcage and Lucas doesn´t need to be a doctor to see it himself. Fractures of his two ribs on the right side. </p><p><em>Fuck</em>. </p><p><br/>
"This, see?" Eliott´s dad says and Lucas sees in the corner of his eyes as Eliott comes closer. He didn´t say a word since they arrived. Lucas feels stupid. "It´s broken, but it´s not torn off and thankfully it´s not dangerous for you lungs. Don´t you have trouble breathing? Doesn´t it hurt when you breathe?"</p><p><br/>
"Um... yes, but I thought it´s the flu or something," Lucas says and feels so so so stupid. </p><p><br/>
"I´ll stabilize it with some bandage, okay? So it´ll be motionless and heal faster," Mr. Demaury says. "Also this," he points on the other side on the X-ray image on Lucas´ left side. "This is your back, Lucas. This here," he points at some place, "looks like it was injured some time ago and it´s healed by now, so it´s okay, but Lucas, did you have injury like this before?"</p><p><br/>
Lucas shakes his head. </p><p><br/>
"What happened then?" </p><p><br/>
Lucas shakes his head again. "I don´t remember."<br/>
It´s true. His father´s moods last Lucas´ whole life, but he doesn´t remember that it would ever be this serious, like his broken ribs, now. </p><p><br/>
Eliott next to him inhales deeply and Mr. Demaury sighs. "It´s healed, don´t worry about it, son," he says and pats Lucas´ shoulder lightly. "I´ll be back with the bandage in a minute," he says and leaves boys alone. </p><p><br/>
Lucas looks back at the X-ray images. It´s so interesting, really. He thinks about it, if he could do that, if he could be a doctor one day. It could be nice. </p><p><br/>
"Lucas, you have broken ribs," says Eliott, first words in last hour. </p><p><br/>
"I noticed, Eliott, thanks," Lucas says in light tone and bites his lip. </p><p><br/>
"You have broken ribs and you still fought that asshole Tom in school because of me," Eliott says as a statement. "I hope you´re aware that one strong punch to your ribs and you could have pierced lung?"</p><p><br/>
"I didn´t know I have broken ribs back then," Lucas says and turns to face Eliott. "But I don´t regret a fucking thing, Eliott, if you´re asking me this."</p><p><br/>
Eliott scoffs and shakes his head in disbelief. "You can´t be serious, Lucas. You could have died!"</p><p><br/>
"Don´t be so dramatic, Eliott. I´m okay, no?" </p><p><br/>
"You can´t be fucking serious, are you kidding me?" Eliott almost yells. "Did you see yourself? Did you see your body?" Lucas flinches like it´d be another punch to his face. <br/>
Yes, he saw his body, and it´s not looking too good now, but he didn´t think it could be so disgusting to Eliott. <br/>
He looks down. </p><p><br/>
"Well, nobody forces you to look at me, Eliott," he says quietly. "Don´t look at me when I´m so repulsive to you."</p><p><br/>
"No, Lucas, no, that´s not what I meant-"</p><p><br/>
"Okay, Lucas," Mr. Demaury walks into the room. "Come on, lay down, I´ll bind your ribs."</p><p><br/>
Lucas goes, walks past Eliott without looking at him. </p><p><br/>
...</p><p><br/>
"Can we please stop in the building so I can take my stuff from the basement?" Lucas asks when they´re sitting in the car, going home. </p><p><br/>
"Sure, what´s the address?" Mr. Demaury asks and in two minutes they´re there. </p><p><br/>
"I´ll go with him," Lucas hears Eliott telling his dad and both of them get out of the car. They go to the building and Lucas sees the doors are open. Someone´s moving in, there are boxes and some dudes carrying them up the stairs. <br/>
They walk in and Lucas goes down the stairs to the basement, Eliott follows. Lucas switches on the light on his phone and opens the thin door to the back room. His stuff are there, thankfuly, and he starts packing the sleeping bag and blanket to the blue travel bag. </p><p><br/>
"Can you hold this for me, please?" he says and hands the phone to Eliott so he´ll have both hands free. Eliott takes the phone. </p><p><br/>
"You were living here... sleeping here... for two weeks?" Eliott asks in strange voice. Lucas hums, packing his textbooks to the school bag. Notes are there, oof, envelopes are there and Lucas feels relieved. "Lucas..."</p><p><br/>
"It´s okay, it wasn´t that bad as it looks," he says but it <em>was</em> that bad. It was actually <em>worse</em> than it looks. It was cold and dark and scary. </p><p><br/>
"But you.. you´re afraid of the dark," Eliott says, looking around. "And spiders, you´re afraid of spiders, too," he adds. Lucas bites back something sarcastic because Eliott didn´t say that in a wrong way. He was never making fun of Lucas´ fears. <br/>
Lucas shrugs. </p><p><br/>
"I survived, right?" he says and ignores Eliott´s quiet "barely" when he walks out of the room with all his stuff. <br/>
Eliott follows him and Lucas takes his phone back, lightens up the back room and looks around for the last time. He´s not gonna miss this place, he´s sure about that. </p><p><br/>
Lucas closes the door and then there´s arms around him, wrapping around his shoulders, bringing him closer to warm chest. </p><p><br/>
"You´ll never have to go through something like that, ever again, I promise," Eliott whispers to Lucas and kisses him to his hair. Lucas sighs and hugs him too, holds him close for a minute before they go back to car, back to Demaury´s, back <em>home</em>. </p><p><br/>
...</p><p><br/>
"Is this all you have?" asks Eliott´s mom when Lucas puts the half-empty bag on the floor in the guest room. </p><p><br/>
"I-I had more clothes, but I left it in the laundry room and it got lost," Lucas shrugs. Yeah, he could go to his childhood house to take more clothes, but he´s afraid his father will be there and he´s afraid what he could do to Lucas. </p><p><br/>
Eliott´s mom comes closer, hugs Lucas sideways and kisses his cheek. "We´ll figure it out, honey," she says and Lucas feels warm inside. He doesn´t know how to react because he´s not used to adults acting like this around him. </p><p><br/>
Mrs. Demaury took the dirty sleeping bag and blanket what Lucas had in the basement and threw it to garbage with "We´re closing this chapter, sweetheart."<br/>
Lucas didn´t argue. He doesn´t know what to think, how to feel, but he didn´t argue. </p><p><br/>
He lies in bed for the rest of saturday. Eliott is there sometimes, reading some book or drawing to his sketchbook or scrolling through his phone. Lucas gave him back the book called More Than This what he had borrowed from Eliott and the next hour they were talking about it until Lucas fell asleep. </p><p><br/>
On sunday morning Lucas wakes up feeling better. What he notices almost immediately is hill of clothes on the table in a guest room. </p><p><br/>
"Good morning," Eliott peeks in the room. "Come get some breakfast," he smiles. </p><p><br/>
"What´s that?" Lucas asks, gestures to the clothes. Eliott opens the door a little more and looks there. </p><p><br/>
"Oh, that´s clothes I had and I can´t wear it anymore. My mom is crazy and she had hidden it all, could you believe?" Eliott grins and shakes his head. "Well anyways, it´s yours now, so, put on something and come on, we have pancakes!" Eliott lets out excited squeal and runs down the stairs. </p><p><br/>
Lucas smiles fondly. Eliott is adorable. Excited because of sunday pancakes. Lucas gets up from bed, puts on some sweatpants and hoodie. It looks like new. It´s not even old, because back then Eliott grew up so fast that he didn´t have a chance to wear it all. <br/>
Lucas brings the fabric closer and sniffs to it. It´s Eliott, all over it. Eliott and a washing powder. It smells so nice. <br/>
Lucas feels wierdly comfortable to wear Eliott´s clothes. Even when it´s too cool for Lucas, most of it, he feels this strange joy inside that he´s allowed to wear it now.</p><p>Lucas smiles at it, again, he´s really happy. Then he goes downstairs for breakfast. </p><p><br/>
...</p><p><br/>
Monday comes and Lucas goes to school with Eliott, even when Eliott´s parents are sceptical that it´s not a good idea and he should stay in bed for at least two more days. <br/>
But Lucas knows he needs to be there, because his grade got worse since he was in the basement and work and didn´t have a chance to study properly. </p><p><br/>
"Lucas, come here for a second, please?" Mr. Demaury calls him before they leave in the morning. "I wanted to give you this," he says and hands Lucas the key. "So you can come home anytime and not wait for Eliott all the time," he smiles and Lucas´ heart jumps with the word <em>home</em> he just used. </p><p><br/>
Lucas takes the key and squeezes it tightly in his palm. "Thank you, Mr. Demaury," he says. "I was thinking... I would like to pay you for letting me living here, since I have a job and all. Can we agree on a monthly payment?" he asks. He doesn´t want to be a sponger and using Demaurys´ generousness. </p><p><br/>
But Eliott´s dad laughs. "Are you kidding me, Lucas?" he laughs again. "You´re not gonna pay us, that´s bullshit."</p><p><br/>
"Watch your language, Phil," Mrs. Demaury frowns from kitchen. Then she looks at Lucas. "But yeah, it´s absolut bullshit, darling, you´re our family. You´re not going to pay to us anything. Go to school, study, bring home some good grades. That will do it, okay?" she presses a package with snack to Lucas´ hand and kisses his cheek, then she goes to Eliott and does the same. </p><p><br/>
...</p><p><br/>
Lucas finds another envelope in his locker during lunch break. It wasn´t there in the morning, but now it´s here. Lucas takes out polaroid pic with pink bicycle and a poem. </p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Your different is your beautiful. </em>
</p><p><br/>
Lucas stares at it. It reminds him <em>the most beautiful rose</em> poem. </p><p><br/>
<em>Your different is your beautiful. </em>
</p><p><br/>
Did this person really call him <em>beautiful</em>? Lucas reads it again. He thinks, that maybe, <em>maybe</em> really there´s someone who thinks Lucas is beautiful. <br/>
It makes him smile for whole lunch break. </p><p><br/>
When he´s sitting in biology class, opening his textbook, another envelope jumps at him from the middle. Lucas looks around to be sure noone´s giving a shit about him - as usually - and he opens it, in hurry, before Imane´ll come and sit next to him. </p><p><br/>
There are two polaroids, one of them with some graffiti of a bird? And another sky with a tree. </p><p>
  
</p><p>Lucas was never good enough for these metaphores. Eliott is good in it. He understands everything, he´s the smartest. He reads a lot and he´s naturally smart because he´s the superhero, if Lucas remembers right. </p><p><br/>
<em>You weren´t given wings to see the world from a tree. </em>
</p><p><br/>
No, Lucas doesn´t understand. He has no wings. But how cool it would be? He could fly away, somewhere else, far away from this life. </p><p><br/>
<em>You weren´t given wings to see the world from a tree. </em>
</p><p><br/>
"What is that?" Imane asks when she´s sitting next to him and Lucas shuts his book closed in a second. </p><p><br/>
"Nothing," he says. Imane frowns at him before she smirks. </p><p><br/>
"Sure," she says sceptically. </p><p><br/>
<em>You weren´t given wings to see the world from a tree. </em>
</p><p><br/>
Lucas thinks about it and he thinks that it sounds actually really nice. </p><p><br/>
...</p><p><br/>
The rest of the day runs in a light speed. Lucas doesn´t even realize and suddenly the bell rings after last lesson and he can go home. <br/>
What?<br/>
How that happened?</p><p><br/>
"Lulu, you´re okay?" Arthur asks next to him. Lucas nods. He goes to his locker, thinking about this day and he can´t quite recall any lesson he had today. He doesn´t remember teachers, he doesn´t remember what they were talking about in classes. </p><p><br/>
Lucas goes to his locker, opens it up and beige envelope falls on the ground. <br/>
What? Three in one day? Seriously?</p><p><br/>
But the first and the second were nice, so Lucas is excited for this one as well. </p><p><br/>
His phone buzzes in his pocket.</p><p><br/>
<strong>Eliott:</strong><br/>
<em>Sorry, talking to teacher.</em><br/>
<em>Meet you outside in 10 minutes.</em>
</p><p><br/>
<strong>Lucas:</strong><br/>
<em>No worries</em> :)</p><p><br/>
Lucas goes to the bathroom and pulls out the polaroid pic and note. </p><p>
  
</p><p>Lucas feels sick. </p><p><br/>
He doesn´t know why he´s reacting like this on one stupid sentence, but something about it makes him feel awful. </p><p><br/>
This time, he ignores the word <em>beautiful</em>, completely. He focuses on the second half of it. <br/>
<em>Tapestry of scars. </em><br/>
<em>Tapestry of scars. </em></p><p><br/>
Lucas thinks about his body, how it looks like right now, he feels the bandage over his ribs under his t-shirt and he can´t breathe. The bandage feels too tight. It´s strangling him. </p><p><br/>
<em>Tapestry of scars. </em><br/>
<em>Tapestry of scars. </em><br/>
<em>Tapestry of scars. </em>
</p><p><br/>
Lucas can´t fucking breathe. He screws the envelope in his palm and throws it to his backpack before he slips down on the ground, back pressed to wall. <br/>
His ribs hurt, it hurts, he´s trying to breathe like a normal fucking person but it´s so hard and the fucking bandage is too tight too tight<em> too tight!</em></p><p><br/>
Lucas kneels, slips his shaky hands under his t-shirt, trying to find the end to unwrap it off of himself, but he can´t find it, his hands are shaking too much, so he just tugging for it furiously but it does absolutely nothing, it doesn´t move, it´s strangling him more and more, it´s biting to his skin. And his ribs hurt. </p><p><br/>
His phone buzzes. It´s probably Eliott, texting him, but Lucas doesn´t have the time for a reply, he needs to figure this out firstly, or he´ll choke soon. </p><p><br/>
<em>Tapestry of scars. </em><br/>
<em>Tapestry of scars. </em><br/>
<em>Tapestry of scars. </em><br/>
<em>Tapestry of scars. </em>
</p><p><br/>
No no no no no! Those fucking scars should belong to his fucking father, not him, he didn´t want that, he didn´t choose that, he didn´t want this life. He didn´t want to be this useless, this broken. <br/>
<em>"Why is my son the biggest idiot!"</em> his father yells in Lucas´ head. <em>"Get out of here, useless piece of shit!"</em> he yells and Lucas covers his ears but the voice is there, yelling yelling yelling. <em>"You did this! Admit it! Admit it or I´ll kill you, you fucker!"</em></p><p><br/>
Eliott´s calling. The phone screen is lighten up with his smiley face. Eliott needs to help him take off the fucking bandage!</p><p><br/>
Lucas picks up the phone from the ground with trembling fingers, squeezes it tightly and accepts the call. </p><p><br/>
"Lucas?" Eliott´s voice. "Lucas, where are you? I´m waiting outside, at the gate," he says and Lucas squeezes his eyes shut and tries to take one fucking deep breath to answer. </p><p><br/>
"Lucas? Luc, are you there?"</p><p><br/>
"El... Eli...," Lucas gasping for air. He´s panicking. The bandage burns on his torso. He feels like every scar and wound and bruise on his body suddenly calls for attention. He feels dirty. "Eliott..." he whimpers to the phone. </p><p><br/>
"Lucas," Eliott sounds startled. "Where are you? I´m coming for you," he says. Lucas can´t think, it´s ringing in his ears. Eliott´s voice echoes in his ear but he doesn´t hear the words. </p><p><br/>
How can fucking note got to him like this? It´s one freaking sentence. Two lines. One fucking polaroid picture with broken house. <br/>
Lucas drops the phone on the ground, tugs for the bandage again, roughly, more and more and more before there are hands on his, fingers wrapping around his. Lucas looks up and there´s Eliott. </p><p><br/>
"Eli... Eli... I can´t- I can´t... breathe-" he gasps. "Take it off, take it off, p-please."</p><p><br/>
"Lucas-"</p><p><br/>
"I didn´t want this, I didn´t choose this life, I didn´t- I didn´t-" Lucas forces out those words before he coughs, his ribs hurt with that. He tugs for the bandage again. "Take it off, take it off!"</p><p><br/>
"Wait, Lucas, wait, I´ll help you," Eliott says, looking in his eyes. "Let me help you," he says steadily and pulls the t-shirt up to take off the bandage. Eliott´s hands are calm and fast and he unwraps the bandage in a minute. "Is it better?" he asks then, holding Lucas´ shoulders. "Lucas, is it better like this? Take a deep breath."</p><p><br/>
Lucas does just that and it hurts, his ribs hurt, his chest, his throat and head. </p><p><br/>
"What happened?" Eliott asks, watching Lucas´ face. Lucas thinks about the note and about all those shits that happened with his father and it´s all coming back to him and it´s unbearable. </p><p><br/>
<em>Tapestry of scars. </em><br/>
<em>Tapestry of scars. </em><br/>
<em>Tapestry of scars.</em> </p><p><br/>
Last thing he remembers is Eliott´s voice calling his name, hands on his cheeks, forehead, in his hair. And nothing. </p><p><br/>
<em>Tapestry of scars. </em>
</p><p><br/>
Nothing at all. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>HOW HUGE PROGRESS IS IT, HUH? Lucas actually talking about stuff? Proud of my baby boy ♥</p><p>tumblr: briallenko<br/>tumblr for this fic: stayheremylove</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you, MTea, my lady. </p><p> </p><p>Here you go my dears, enjoy the cuteness and fluff in this one.  ♥<br/>I´m so nervousss oh my gosh.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Lucas hears voices. </p><p><br/>
It´s just mumbling at first, but with every other minute it´s becoming clearer and clearer. </p><p><br/>
"Lucas. Lucas. Lucas, wake up. Lucas," he hears the most familiar voice in the world. </p><p><br/>
"Let him rest, Eliott, let him wake up once he´ll be ready," the other voice says. </p><p><br/>
"No. He has to wake up, I need to know he´s alright," says Eliott stubbornly. </p><p><br/>
"He just fainted, he´s okay. It´s nothing serious and his body condition is good," Mr. Demaury says. "He´ll be okay, maybe a little tired. It was just too much for him."</p><p><br/>
"Too much?" Eliott huffs. "It would be too much for fucking army! All he´s been through.. it´s... I honestly don´t fucking understands he´s still working like that."</p><p><br/>
"Well, he´s really strong. And stubborn. You two have it in common," Mr. Demaury laughs. Eliott mumbles something. Lucas can almost imagine his face in that moment. Looking like a grumpy kitten. </p><p><br/>
Lucas feels softness around him, he´s probably in bed, covered by blanket, squishy pillow under his head but still, he feels this heaviness on his eyes that he can´t open them, not yet. Even when he´s trying. </p><p><br/>
"Lucas, Lucas, wake up, wake up Luc, come on," voice close to his ear. Lucas hears sigh. </p><p><br/>
"I leave you alone, I have some work to do," says Eliott´s dad. "But, Eli, be gentle, okay? Let him rest for as long as he´ll need and don´t overhelm him with your temperament," he adds fondly and Lucas hears door opening and closing and then few seconds of silence, before there´s Eliott´s voice again. </p><p><br/>
"Lucas, hey, Luc, wake up, now, it´s so fucking annoying without you ´cause you´re not the silencer between me and my parents and they are driving me fucking crazy... okay I´m kidding I love them, but, could you, maybe wake up already, huh?" Eliott´s speaking in hushed voice and Lucas feels a hand on his cheek and then on his forehead, brushing his hair away, fingers running through his hair and it feels so nice. So <em>so nice.</em> </p><p><br/>
In the next moment, he feels a little more about his body. He feels exhausted. His ribs hurt, his throat feels dry and sore. Eyes burning. And he remembers. He remembers that poem, that breakdown in the restroom, he remembers Eliott being there. He remembers those verse. <br/>
<em>How beautiful you are</em><br/>
<em>a tapestry of scars. </em></p><p><br/>
He remembers and he feels his heartbeat getting faster again. Lucas doesn´t want to think about it, not anymore, not like this. So he forces his eyes open despite the heaviness, despite the burning, despite the tiredness he feels. </p><p><br/>
There´s Eliott´s face, watching him, eyes getting wider when he sees that Lucas is finally reacting. </p><p><br/>
"Lucas!" he breathes out with relief, leaning down to press his forehead to Lucas´ and pulling away again that Lucas can´t even register the feeling of it, the feeling of having Eliott´s face so close to his. "Oh my god, Lucas, are you okay? How are you feeling? You scared the hell out of me. What happened?"</p><p><br/>
Lucas blinks couple times and takes a deep breath. Eliott is just like this, this sweet and caring. He´s like this their whole life. Too furious and passionate. Lucas likes it. </p><p><br/>
"Lucas?" Eliott says again when Lucas doesn´t answer. Lucas doesn´t even know which one of those questions he should pick to answer it. He doesn´t even remember those questions, anymore. His mind is foggy. </p><p><br/>
Eliott´s kneeling next to Lucas´ bed, leaning on his elbows close to Lucas, one hand still in his hair. <br/>
Lucas looks around. Okay no, this is not Lucas´ bed, they are not even in a guest room. They are in Eliott´s room, this is Eliott´s bed, Eliott´s pillow and Eliott´s blanket. <br/>
Lucas doesn´t know how they got from school restroom to here, to Demaury´s, and he doesn´t even want to ask. He feels embarrassed. Like, how many times he has to do something stupid and awkward and humiliating in front of Eliott (and his family) before he´ll can´t even look in his eyes? Before Eliott´ll kick him out of his life, weak stupid idiot?<br/>
<em>Seriously...</em></p><p><br/>
Lucas sighs. "Fuck...," it´s all he says. That´s to his epic first lines after waking up from faint state. <em>Bravo. </em></p><p><br/>
"What?" Eliott frowns. "Are you okay?"</p><p><br/>
"Eliott," Lucas sighs again and swallows. His throat is dry, voice raspy. He brings his hand to cover his eyes. "I´m so sorry, that was so awkward."</p><p><br/>
"What was?"</p><p><br/>
"The... the whole situation, seriously, I´m... I´m so fucking wierd," Lucas groans.</p><p><br/>
Eliott next to him chuckles. "We like wierd, remember?" he says and when Lucas peaks at him from behind his fingers, he´s smiling. <br/>
Yes, they like wierd. This is their motto since they were little, Lucas was wearing the fucking beanie whole spring and summer because of those badly-cutted hair and other kids were laughing at him that he´s fucking wierdo. <br/>
Eliott yelled at them in the middle of the school yard, or playground, "Screw you, idiots!" and then he took Lucas home. <br/>
Lucas sat there on Eliott´s bed, and told him "They are right, Eli. I am wierd." Eliott sat next to him and said "Well, I like wierd. Don´t you?" and smiled and Lucas smiled too because Eliott´s smile always was, is and always will be one of those sunshiny contagious smiles and you just can´t <em>not</em> to smile back at him when he´s doing that. "Yes," little Lucas said, brushed his nose as he sniffled and smiled at little Eliott. "I like wierd, too."</p><p><br/>
And that´s that. </p><p><br/>
Lucas doesn´t say anything to it, he just sighs and ignores the pain around his ribs as he did so. He puts his hands there and feels no bandage, thank god. </p><p><br/>
"I took it off, don´t worry," Eliott says in soft voice. "You don´t have to wear that, technically, it´s just that it could heal faster with bandage."<br/>
The real son of a doctor. </p><p><br/>
"I just felt like I can´t breathe with it," Lucas whispers with the memory of school restroom floor. He feels his cheek getting hot with embarrassment but honestly, he couldn´t care less. Eliott saw him in much worse situations. Like... the weekend when he threw up all over himself at the party. <br/>
And severals other states in the past. They know each other for too long (and yet, sometimes it still seems like it´s not long enough, for Lucas). </p><p><br/>
"It´s okay," says Eliott, rests his chin on his hand. "You just need to avoid fights in school corridors," he shrugs and this little smirk plays on his lips. </p><p><br/>
"I guess," Lucas feels his lips twitching up, too. </p><p><br/>
Contagious sunshiny smile. What he just said. </p><p><br/>
...</p><p><br/>
Mr. Demaury says that Lucas won´t go to school on tuesday and they will see after day in peace how he´ll feel. </p><p><br/>
"Okay," Eliott says. "I´m not going, either."</p><p><br/>
"Oh, no no no, young man, you´re going," says Mrs. Demaury and waves her fork in the air. They´re sitting in the dining room around the table, eating dinner together. </p><p><br/>
"What? No, I´m not! I´m staying with Lucas! He needs some mental support," Eliott says in very defensive tone and turns to Lucas next to him. "Am I right, Luc?" he raises his eyebrows at him and Lucas almost chokes on the bite. </p><p><br/>
"Well,  I mean-"</p><p><br/>
"Stop it, Eli, stop influencing Lucas," Mrs. Demaury laughs. "I´m sure he´ll be quite happy without your silly ideas for one day. Right, honey?" she turns to Lucas with sweet smile. </p><p><br/>
Eliott lifts his hand and covers Lucas´ eyes with his palm, another hand around his shoulders. </p><p><br/>
"Who´s influencing who, now, huh?" he says and his mom laughs again. </p><p><br/>
"Eliott," his dad says. "Let the poor boy eat his dinner, at least." Eliott takes his hand away and when Lucas blinks and looks at him, Eliott winks and smirks.</p><p><br/>
They eat in peace for some time, Eliott nudges Lucas´ knee with his under the table time to time. Then they lay together in the guest room, Eliott plays some movie in the tv on the wall and Lucas really tries to understand what it is about but truth is, he has no damn clue. </p><p><br/>
He´s trying for full fourty minutes before his eyelids get too heavy and he falls asleep. </p><p><br/>
...</p><p><br/>
On tuesday morning, Lucas wakes up by some shuffling on the bed. He opens his eyes and there´s Eliott, all dressed up, ready for school. </p><p><br/>
"Eliott?" Lucas mumbles sleepily. </p><p><br/>
"Oh, sorry I didn´t mean to wake you up," Eliott whispers and leans to Lucas. "Do you need anything? Are you hungry? I made you tea, it´s on the table," Eliott points at Lucas´ bedside table where´s this blue mug with little snowflakes. </p><p><br/>
"Thanks," Lucas smiles. He´ll probably fall asleep again in the next minute. "Could you please bring me my textbooks from the locker?"</p><p><br/>
"Sure," Eliott says. "You can sleep. I´ll be home soon."</p><p><br/>
"Thank you, have a good day and don´t fight without me being there to save your ass," Lucas mumbles with already closed eyes. Eliott huffs a laugh and brushes Lucas´ hair from his forehead. </p><p><br/>
"I would never," he says and Lucas feels this hand pulling the blanket up to cover Lucas´ shoulder, wraping it around Lucas a little tighter and then he´s alone again and asleep. </p><p><br/>
...</p><p><br/>
He sleeps for hours. When he wakes up the next time, it´s almost noon. He goes to bathroom to fresh himself up a little, and truth is, he feels a little better than yesterday. Just a little bit, like, his throat is not that sore and he feels quite rested. <br/>
Although, he still feels his ribs. He looks at it in the bathroom mirror and cringes when he sees that he really, really looks like a fucking tapestry. </p><p><br/>
He goes back to the room with his eyes on those bruises. He stands there, then, shirtless, pressing fingers into those colors, biting his lips around the pain it makes. Then he just caresses the skin over his chest and stomach with his palm and sighs. <br/>
<em>Fuck this shit.</em> </p><p><br/>
"Lucas?" Lucas jumps, heart in throat, startled. Eliott´s there, standing in the open door, staring at Lucas, his lips slightly parted. </p><p><br/>
"Fuck, you scared me," Lucas breathes out. "Hi," he says, grabs random shirt from drawer and puts it on in hurry. The he realizes something. "What are you doing here so early? It´s noon, I´m sure you have afternoon classes, too."</p><p><br/>
Eliott rolls his eyes before he grins at Lucas. "I brought you lunch," he lifts his hand with a bag from chinese restaurant they both love so much. "Also, I didn´t want to be there anymore. So many stupid people, nobody understands my jokes, when you´re not there."</p><p><br/>
Lucas giggles. "Maybe you should stop making rasist jokes, Eliott."</p><p><br/>
Eliott gasps. "My jokes are not racist!"</p><p><br/>
"Sure," Lucas lies back to bed with little smile. </p><p><br/>
"Whatever," Eliott scoffs, puts his backpack down and takes off his jacket. "Are you hungry?"</p><p><br/>
"I am, actually," Lucas says when he just realizes that. Eliott pulls something from his bag and hands it to Lucas. Pile of his textbooks and notes from his locker. </p><p><br/>
"I didn´t know what you want or not so I took everything," Eliott says as Lucas takes it. </p><p><br/>
"Thank you," Lucas smiles and puts it on his lap. </p><p><br/>
"I´m gonna grab some plates, be right back," says Eliott and walks out of the room. Lucas takes the french literature textbook and pulls by the paper between pages to look at his notes, and familiar beige envelope appears under it. </p><p><br/>
Oh. </p><p><br/>
Lucas looks to the door and Eliott seems to still be downstairs, so he opens the envelope and unfolds the paper.</p><p>
  
</p><p>Lucas´ heartbeat gets faster. <br/>
<em>No</em>, not this <em>again</em>. Why is he reacting like this on a few words? It´s not even a bad note. But again, it reminds Lucas his scars and his fucked up life and everything and he feels like he´s suffocating. </p><p><br/>
<em>We all wear scars.</em><br/>
<em>We all wear scars. </em>
</p><p><br/>
Is that something what should make him feel better? That he´s not alone in this? It actually makes him feel even worse, that there´s people in this world who is in similar situation like he is, in their life. It makes him feel sick. </p><p><br/>
<em>Find someone who makes yours feel beautiful. </em>
</p><p><br/>
What a joke. </p><p><br/>
Lucas hides the note to the textbook again and puts it all on the ground next to bed. </p><p><br/>
<em>We all wear scars.</em><br/>
<em>Tapestry of scars. </em><br/>
Beautiful beautiful <em>beautiful</em>. </p><p><br/>
No, he doesn´t understand. </p><p><br/>
"Lucas?" Eliott says when he enters the room with tray of plates and cans of cola. "Are you okay? You look so pale."</p><p><br/>
"Mhm.."</p><p><br/>
"Do you need anything?" Eliott asks as he sits next to him. Lucas looks at him. He considers his options. Then he shrugs a little awkwardly. </p><p><br/>
"Maybe a hug?" he says then, bites his lower lip. He´s maybe a little afraid Eliott would think he´s lame. <br/>
But he should know, Eliott is not like that. He smiles at him and shuffles closer on his knees with open arms. Lucas kneels too, wraps his arms around Eliott´s neck and exhales with relief when he feels Eliott´s arms around him. </p><p><br/>
They stay like this for a while. Eliott, as usually, doesn´t let go off of him until Lucas doesn´t that himself. Eliott whispers quiet "Are you okay?" to his ear and Lucas whispers back "Yes, yes, I am."</p><p><br/>
And for that moment, he really <em>is</em>. </p><p><br/>
...</p><p><br/>
Lucas goes to school on wednesday. Mr. Demaury was a little sceptical about it, but Lucas feels good enough to go. His throat doesn´t hurt anymore, and basically, the only pain he still feels is around his ribs. But he´s aware it´ll be like that for some time. </p><p><br/>
Mr. Demaury drives them to school by car. </p><p><br/>
"Thank you so much, Mr. Demaury," Lucas says when he´s getting out from the back seat. "Have a nice day," he adds as he takes the pile of his textbooks to his hands and huffs with the weight. </p><p><br/>
"You too, boys, take care," he calls at them and drives away. </p><p><br/>
"Here, I´ll take it for you," Eliott says as they walk to the school gate side by side and takes the books from Lucas´ hands. </p><p><br/>
"No, Eliott, I can handle it-"</p><p><br/>
"Stop it, I brought that to you, I´ll take it now too," Eliott smiles and so Lucas goes with it, eventually, smiling like a fool. Eliott is just the best. The <em>best</em>. </p><p><br/>
They go to Lucas´ locker, Eliott leans his side to the lockers at the place, holding those books on his forearms for Lucas to take it. And Lucas does, one after another, putting it back to his locker, leaving there only two for his next two classes. <br/>
He takes them, then, put it into his backpack. "Thank you for helping me," he says to Eliott. Before Eliott can say a word, someone else speaks. </p><p><br/>
"Oh wow, Lallemant. You´re so weak that your poor boyfriend has to carry your stuff," Lucas turns around and there´s Tom with three other boys around him. Lucas clenches his fists tightly. </p><p><br/>
"What is your problem?" he asks in surprisingly calm voice. </p><p><br/>
"Problem?" Tom laughs. "I have no problem, man."</p><p><br/>
"Come on, Lucas, let´s go," says Eliott to him and tugs for his arm. </p><p><br/>
"Listen to your boy, Lallemant," Tom says with ugly smirk. Lucas stops in the movement when he wanted to grab his backpack from the ground. "I see why you chose him, he´s the clever one, right? You need someone clever for your stupid ass."</p><p><br/>
Lucas takes a deep breath, lips pressed tightly together. </p><p><br/>
"Oh, no, wait," Tom says in false realization, palm goes up to cover his mouth. "I forgot, his brain is damaged, too, so you´re perfect for each other-" he says and all his friends laugh with him. </p><p><br/>
For Lucas, that was <em>enough</em>. He won´t stand here like an idiot, listening these bullshits about Eliott. They can say whatever they want about him, but anyone touch Eliott, again: sweet innocent Eliott, and they will pay for it. </p><p><br/>
Lucas takes two fast steps to Tom before there are hands on his arms, pulling him back. In the next moment his back are pressed to Eliott with his arms around his chest, holding him there. </p><p><br/>
"Seriously, this obsession of yours by Lucas and me is getting out of your hands, don´t you think, Tommy?" Eliott says in sweet voice. "It´s getting really wierd. Get a life, man."<br/>
Tom is obviously taken aback, staring at them, lips parted, his friends cackling around him. Eliott doesn´t wait for his fucking response, he picks up Lucas´ backpack and tugs him away by his arm. </p><p><br/>
They´re in the second floor before Lucas finally wakes up from whatever state he was in. "Eliott, Eliott, wait-"</p><p><br/>
"What did I tell you, Lucas?" Eliott stops and turns to him. "What did I tell you?" he repeats and Lucas ´ watching his face, can´t recall what could Eliott thinks by that in this situation. </p><p><br/>
"I don´t... What you mean?" Lucas asks carefully. </p><p><br/>
"I said, no more fights on the school corridor," Eliott says slowly and firmly. "Basically, no more fights. Any kind. And what did you do? You wanted to throw yourself into the group of four fuckers with your broken ribs. And for what?"</p><p><br/>
"They can´t speak like that about you, Eliott!" Lucas says loudly and frowns. </p><p><br/>
Eliott huffs. "They were speaking the same way about you, too!" he says and throws his arms to the sides. </p><p><br/>
"I don´t give a fuck about that!" Lucas scoffs. </p><p><br/>
"Well, I do!" Eliott screams and it echoes the empty hallway. They are probably late for class. But Lucas just couldn´t care less. </p><p><br/>
"Eliott...," Lucas sighs and looks to his feet. </p><p><br/>
"Here," Eliott hands him his bag. "Go to your class, I´ll meet you for a lunch break and then after school," they´re standing at doors to Lucas´ classroom. </p><p><br/>
"Actually, I´m going to work after school," Lucas remembers. "I´ll come home after."</p><p><br/>
"I´ll pick you up," says Eliott.</p><p><br/>
"No, Eliott, it´s okay, I can handle the short way myself, you know," Lucas smiles amused. "You´re worrying too much."</p><p><br/>
"I´ll pick you up," Eliott repeats. "So, Lucas. No. More. Fights."<br/>
He´s looking directly into Lucas´ eyes. "I mean it."</p><p><br/>
Lucas rolls his eyes. </p><p><br/>
"Promise me," Eliott says and picks up his pinky finger. </p><p><br/>
Lucas huffs a laugh. "You´re ridiculous."</p><p><br/>
"Pinky promise, Lucas," Eliott wiggles his pinky in front of Lucas´ face. </p><p><br/>
"You can´t be serious," Lucas says but Eliott just raises his eyebrows at him, waiting with that silly childish gesture. Lucas bites his lips not to smile and with exasparate sigh, because he needs to be a drama queen at first, hooks his pinky by Eliott´s. "Pinky promise."</p><p><br/>
"Pinky promise what?"</p><p><br/>
"This is so stupid, seriously-"</p><p><br/>
"Pinky promise <em>what</em>, Lucas?" Eliott doesn´t move a nerve in his face, it´s quite impressive. </p><p><br/>
Lucas growls. "Pinky promise no more fights."</p><p><br/>
Eliott grins at him and Lucas really can´t be mad, it´s another Eliott´s superpower. Making other people love him with one smile. </p><p><br/>
"I´ll see you at lunch," he says sweetly and walks away. </p><p><br/>
...</p><p><br/>
On a lunch break, Lucas finds another beige envelope. He´s scared to open it, and he doesn´t know if he should wait for Eliott with it, because he feels so much better with him and because Eliott just giving him the peace when he feels trapped in storm. <br/>
He waits full five minutes before he opens the envelope and pulls out polaroid with sun hidden behind the clouds. </p><p>
  
</p><p>But this... this is actually... hm...</p><p><br/>
<em>He was the dream. </em><br/>
<em>He was the dream I had been searching for. </em>
</p><p><br/>
This is actually... quite beautiful. </p><p><br/>
Does this person calling Lucas a <em>dream</em>? Lucas reads that, paying attention to every letter, every word, just to be sure he´s getting it right. </p><p><br/>
<em>He was the dream I had been searching for, the one to wake me up. </em><br/>
<em>He was the dream I had been searching for. </em><br/>
<em>He was the dream. </em>
</p><p><br/>
Lucas eats his lunch with the thought that he might be someone´s dream. He. Lucas. A dream. This is just too unbelievable. </p><p> </p><p>...</p><p> </p><p>"You look different," says Alice and narrows her eyes at him when Lucas walks into to coffee shop that afternoon. "You look actually so good, Lucas. What happened?"</p><p><br/>
"Oh my god," Lucas groans. "That means that otherwise I look way worse than this?" he points at his face. "That´s terrible and I feel the urge to apologize to you and every single person who saw me like that."</p><p><br/>
Alice laughs. "No, I mean, you´re always cute, you know that," she says and Lucas blushes. "But like... you look like you´d be sleeping on a pink cloud at night."</p><p><br/>
Lucas thinks about it for a while. "Maybe I am," he says eventually and grins at Alice. </p><p><br/>
<em>He was the dream I had been searching for. </em><br/>
<em>He was the dream.</em> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Eliott really <em>is</em> waiting for him after work. Lucas sees him standing outside, scrolling on his phone and so he makes him the biggest cup of caramel mocca with extra whipped cream and cacao powder on top of it. </p><p><br/>
"Here you go," he says when he approaches Eliott outside. "Hi."</p><p><br/>
"Oh, I-" Eliott takes the cup. He looks at Lucas. "Hi," he smiles. "What is that?"</p><p><br/>
Lucas shrugs. "Thanks for picking me up," he looks down. "I just thought you´d like this, I made it for you. As a thank you."</p><p><br/>
Eliott grins wide. "That´s nice. How was work?"</p><p><br/>
"It was good," Lucas says as they walk home. "Alice is the best."</p><p><br/>
"Is she?" Eliott asks. </p><p><br/>
"Yes, she told me today that I´m... like... all time cute," Lucas giggles with those words. </p><p><br/>
"Hm... did she?" Eliott asks and his voice sounds different. Lucas looks at him but Eliott has this unreadable expression on his face. </p><p><br/>
"Um... yeah," Lucas says hessitantly. "That was really nice, considering how my face looks like and all." But Eliott seems to not listening. </p><p><br/>
"We all know you´re always cute, there´s no surprise in that," Eliott murmurs. "No breaking news that you´re cute. You just... are. That´s that."<br/>
He´s frowning. </p><p><br/>
"Eliott? Are you okay?" Lucas asks after minutes of silent walking. </p><p><br/>
"Yeah? Why I wouldn´t be?" Eliott raises an eyebrow at him. Lucas watches him for a little and then just drops it and they go home. </p><p><br/>
Wierd. </p><p><br/>
...</p><p><br/>
Lucas finds another envelope in his locker, right in the morning. And, to be honest, it leaves him a little bit in shock. </p><p><br/>
He opens it, there´s polaroid pic of graffiti heart and the poem. </p><p>
  
</p><p>Lucas stares at it for good ten minutes and then he just laughs at himself because for a moment he almost think that this means that the person is falling in love... with <em>him</em>. With <em>Lucas</em>. Which is ridiculous, right?<br/>
What is that mean? How is that even possible? Lucas folds the note and opens it again like the letters could just change with it. But no, there it is. The same note. Those same words. </p><p><br/>
But this is absolutely ridiculous! How is this possible? How can someone fall in love with someone else when they don´t know each other? What if - if it´s true - the person knows Lucas and Lucas doesn´t know him? <br/>
<em>Oh god. </em><br/>
What if they know each other, too well? What if-<br/>
<em>Holy crap.</em> <br/>
What if it´s one of Lucas´ friends?</p><p><br/>
Lucas thinks about it again. <br/>
His friends.... Well... let´s see. </p><p>Yann, totally straight. Lucas should know, he was crushing on him while ago. Yann likes girls and only girls, so this is not possible. </p><p>Basile, he´s straight so much that more is just impossible. He loves girls and girls only. That´s it. </p><p>Arthur. Arthur is... well, Arthur is a little mystery to Lucas, still, after three years of friendship. He was dating Alexia one time and it´s all they know about his love life. But when Lucas considers it, Arthur is out, too. </p><p>Imane - absolutely not. Not only she thinks Lucas is the biggest dumbass, but she´s also dating Sofiane for a while now. </p><p>Manon, she´s too mature for Lucas. She´s traveling around the world and she´s one of those indipendent women and they don´t talk that much with each other, anyways. </p><p>Emma... Lucas has this feeling Emma is kinda still in love with Yann, since they broke up in the first year. </p><p>Also everyone knows he´s gay. So if these notes are written by a girl, there´s no chance for her with Lucas, however sweet and beautiful those poems are.</p><p>And, well, that´s it. </p><p><br/>
It can´t be any of his friends. It must be someone else. <br/>
But who?</p><p><br/>
Lucas´ phone buzzes in his pocket. He pulls it out and there´s message from Eliott. </p><p><br/>
<strong>Eliott:</strong><br/>
<em>Boringggggggg</em><br/>
<em>Pls save meeeee</em>
</p><p><br/>
Lucas can´t help but laughs. </p><p><br/>
<strong>Lucas:</strong><br/>
<em>We parted like 10 minutes ago.</em><br/>
<em>The lesson didn´t even start yet. </em>
</p><p><br/>
<strong>Eliott:</strong><br/>
<em>It´s so boring</em><br/>
<em>Already.</em>
</p><p><br/>
<strong>Lucas:</strong><br/>
<em>Drama Queen.</em>
</p><p><br/>
<strong>Eliott:</strong><br/>
<em>See you after school, then.</em>
</p><p><br/>
<strong>Lucas:</strong><br/>
<em>Can´t. Work. </em>
</p><p><br/>
<strong>Eliott:</strong><br/>
<em>Pick u up at 7:30.</em>
</p><p><br/>
<strong>Lucas:</strong><br/>
♥</p><p><br/>
<strong>Eliott:</strong><br/>
♥<br/>
<em>(would like that coffee again thanks)</em></p><p><br/>
<strong>Lucas:</strong><br/>
<em>(I´m aware)</em>
</p><p><br/>
Eliott.... Eliott is not that either, because he´s Lucas´ best friend since they were kids and he was actually trying to help Lucas to find out who that person is and he would never ever lie to Lucas with something like this. <br/>
So, that would be all to this case. </p><p><br/>
...</p><p><br/>
Lucas hurries to work after school on friday. <br/>
He feels like the envelope in his pocket weighs a ton. He didn´t have a time to open it yet, but he´s desperate to read it, because, what if there will be some hint for the person´s identity? <br/>
If they admitted with yesterday´s note that they are basically <em>in love</em> with Lucas, they could tell him who they are, no? </p><p><br/>
He greets with Alice and stays behind the counter, making coffee for hour and a half in a raw because people on fridays are crazy. Even boys come to see him. Yann, Basile, Arthur and Eliott, sitting in the corner in the armchairs, sipping from the fancy coffee cups Lucas made for them, talking and laughing. </p><p><br/>
Lucas´ watching them for a while and he´s suddenly so grateful that none of them knows about his life situation, just Eliott. Thank god for Eliott. </p><p><br/>
There´s this pause when all customers inside have their coffees and noone new comes inside, so Lucas can rest for a while. Alice goes to the back to Aiden and Lucas opens the envelope, finally. </p><p><br/>
First warning is the polaroid. There´s another broken house. He knows what happened with the first broken house, right? Lucas is scared to read the text and yes, his eyes catches the one familiar word. </p><p>
  
</p><p>Of <em>course</em>. <br/>
Of course that this person will just reminding Lucas his flaws, again and again.<br/>
When he looks at the note all around, it´s actually pretty.... <em>intimate</em>. </p><p><br/>
<em>I want to trace the map of you, my fingers a compass...</em>
</p><p><br/>
Lucas almost feels the light touch of fingers on his body. He almost feels those fingers traveling around his back, his chest, his arms and neck...</p><p><br/>
He shivers. </p><p><br/>
<em>Fuck. </em>
</p><p><br/>
O-okay, it´s pretty intimate. But on the other hand...</p><p><br/>
<em>...every part of you, every scar, every bruise...</em>
</p><p><br/>
Why they need to remind him that? All the time? Lucas thinks about it and he just wants to forget all that. He can´t, of course, because his ribs still hurt and will be for few more weeks, accoring to doctor Demaury. He can´t forget it. He sees those bruises every day in bathroom. He sees it all, scars, bruises, colorful spots. </p><p>But he´s trying. Despite it all, he´s trying. </p><p><br/>
<em>I want to know every part of you...</em><br/>
<em>Your freckles the constellations which in my heart I will chart</em><br/>
<em>so when I close my eyes</em><br/>
<em>I´ll have you in my stars forever. </em>
</p><p><br/>
Lucas feels his cheeks getting hot. <br/>
It´s just so intense, every word of this one note. </p><p><br/>
<em>I´ll have you in my stars forever. </em><br/>
<em>I´ll have you in my stars forever. </em><br/>
<em>I´ll have you in my stars forever. </em>
</p><p><br/>
...</p><p><br/>
"Movie night!" Eliott calls out with excitement. <br/>
They all are going to watch a movie together in Demaury´s living room. Lucas sits on the ground on the soft fluffy carpet, back leaning to the couch behind him. This feels so nice. Like when they were little and Lucas came for sleepover. </p><p><br/>
"Lucas? Do you want a hot cocoa?" Eliott peaks at him from the kitchen door. </p><p><br/>
"Sure," Lucas says and adjusts himself on the ground. He´s quite tired today. He´s tired from the week and mostly from the work because fridays are really crazy in coffee shop. <br/>
Lucas thinks about the note. He can´t get it out of his head. And with that he can´t stop the loud beating of his heart and flushed cheeks. <br/>
<em>Fuck</em>.</p><p><br/>
Eliott comes back after ten more minutes. "Mom! Dad! Come on!" he calls out loud on his track and then he hands the mug to Lucas. Lucas takes it in his hands but Eliott´s suddenly taking it back from him. "Wait," he says and brings it closer to his lips and takes a sip. Lucas watches every movement. Eliott hums, handing it back to Lucas. "I thought I made it too hot, but it´s okay like this, you won´t burn your tongue."<br/>
Lucas´ eyes widen. </p><p>They drank from same cup before, of course, they are best friends for years. But this was probably the sweetest and the most pure gesture Lucas ever saw. <br/>
He tries to control his breathing when Demaurys walk in the living room, Eliott´s dad sits in the armchair, Eliott´s mom next to Eliott on the couch. Eliott´s sitting right behind Lucas, so Lucas´ now sitting basically between Eliott´s legs.</p><p><br/>
"Are we ready?" asks Eliott. Lucas sips from the mug. The hot cocoa is so damn good. He hums with it. </p><p><br/>
"Wait with it, honey," says Mrs. Demaury. "I want to talk to you two, darlings, about something." Lucas and Eliott look at her. "Phil´s sister, Anne, will come tomorrow and she will be sleeping here in our house till monday, because she´s looking for an apartment in this area and me and your dad, Eliott, will go with her on sunday, so we won´t be here almost all day."</p><p><br/>
"Okay," Eliott nods and turns to the tv screen again. </p><p><br/>
"Wait, that´s not all," his mom says. "Lucas, darling, would you mind to be for two nights with Eliott in his room? I´m asking because the other guest room is still in recontruction and we have no other option where Eliott´s aunt could sleep and be comfortable there."</p><p><br/>
Lucas blinks. "Oh, no! Not at all, oh my god, I´m so sorry it´s complicated because of my presence here, of course she can-"</p><p><br/>
"Nothing is complicated because of you, Luc," Eliott rolls his eyes and touches Lucas´ hair. "The reconstruction is taking fucking ages!"</p><p><br/>
"Watch your language, Eli," Mrs. Demaury says. "But yeah, it´s true. It should be done long time ago. Don´t worry, honey," she smiles at Lucas. "There´s no problem with you being here. We love having you here. So Eliott can annoy someone else than us," she laughs and her husband joins her. Eliott groans but Lucas sees he´s smiling too, just a little, but it´s there. </p><p><br/>
"Should I move to Eliott´s now?" Lucas asks and wants to get up from the floor but Mr. Demaury shakes his head. </p><p><br/>
"No, Lucas, today it´s all yours. Elise just wants to make the room ready tomorrow around lunch, change bedsheets and stuff like that, you know," he says. </p><p><br/>
Lucas nods. "Okay, tomorrow morning, then," he says. </p><p><br/>
"Can we watch the movie now?" Eliott whines, tilting his head back. Lucas turns back to the screen. </p><p><br/>
"Yes, oh my god, you´re so impatient," Mr. Demaury laughs. "I would like to know where you have that from," he adds and places his hand on his wife´s knee with a little private smile. </p><p> </p><p>The movie is good, Lucas thinks. He´s so tired that he can´t focus very well in some moments. Eliott´s fingers running through his hair also not helping from the sleepy state he´s in. <br/>
Cocoa mug is empty and Lucas shivers with cold. He brings his knees to his chest and embrace them with his arms. <br/>
Then there´s blanket, wrapping around him. "Here," Eliott says softly and covers Lucas with it. Lucas mumbles quiet <em>thank you</em> and rests his head on the side to Eliott´s knee. </p><p><br/>
It´s comfy. It´s nice. It´s so nice, gentle hand in his hair, blanket around him, movie playing on the huge screen. It´s so  much alike when they were kids. So much like that. </p><p><br/>
He´s asleep in a few minutes, despite the fact he´s really trying not to sleep and watch this movie with his favourie people. But he can´t control it. He can´t hold his eyes open anymore. <br/>
And then, he sleeps. <br/>
<br/>
</p><p> </p><p>It´s dark and silence all around him when he hears the voice what wakes him up a little. "Lucas, come on, let´s go to bed," Eliott says, tugging for his arms. Lucas mumbles something he can´t even recognize himself. He just wants to sleep. "Come with me," Eliott slips his hands around Lucas´ waist and lifts him to standing position. </p><p><br/>
"Hmm... ´m tired," Lucas mumbles. "´m sorry."</p><p><br/>
"All good, come on, sleepy head," Eliott leads him to the room and Lucas wakes enough to put one feet before the other and walks upstairs to the room. </p><p><br/>
"Thanks...," Lucas sighs when he collapses on the bed. "You... the best. I swear."</p><p><br/>
Lucas hears Eliott´s chuckle, then feels the warmth covering him, and then nothing.<br/>
He sleeps and sleeps and he dreams about four aunts called Anne Demaury who come for a visit and give a little trucks to little Eliott, each one of them. Little Eliott has four trucks and he gives three of them to Lucas, because little Lucas has nothing except badly cutted hair under the beanie. </p><p><br/>
...</p><p><br/>
Lucas wakes up, again, with a ringtone of his phone. It´s like déja-vu, because again, it´s saturday, and again, his phone wakes him up. </p><p><br/>
He squints his eyes on the screen. It´s still dark in the room and when Lucas looks at the time, it´s 4 in the morning. Familiar face with kind eyes and blonde hair watching him from his phone screen. </p><p><br/>
He accepts the call, shuffling to sitting position on the bed. </p><p><br/>
"Halo?" he says and his voice sounds higher and raspy with the sleep.</p><p><br/>
"Lucas? Hi, my dear, how are you?" his mom´s voice, so familiar and also so strange sounds into his ear. </p><p><br/>
Lucas thinks for a few seconds, confused with the odd hour and his mom´s voice, so loud, so <em>living</em>. "I´m fine...," he says, rubbing his eyes, half-sitting half-laying on the bed, back leaning to the headboard. </p><p><br/>
"Are you okay, Lucas?" his mom asks. "You sound wierd."</p><p><br/>
Lucas chuckles. "It´s four in the morning, mom, I was sleeping."</p><p><br/>
His mom gasps. "Oh my god! I´m sorry, I forgot the time difference. I´ll let you sleep and call you later-"</p><p><br/>
"I´m already awake, mom, there´s no use, you have to tell me how are you, now," Lucas says and smiles when he hears his mom giggles.</p><p><br/>
"Okay then," she sighs and tells him how she was in Germany and then in Russia, talking to very rich business men, making contracts for her company. </p><p><br/>
"Wait, and where are you now?" Lucas asks because the last time he knew she was still in Germany. </p><p><br/>
"I´m in Japan," his mom says. "Almost two weeks, already."</p><p><br/>
Oh... that´s so far away. </p><p><br/>
"What is it like? The city. Does it really look like from future? Do they have flying cars?" Lucas asks. His mom laughs. </p><p><br/>
"Well, yes, it looks like from future, it´s incredible. My hotel has huge garden on the roof, it´s so beautiful. But I didn´t see any flying cars, yet, but I´ll let you know," she says and laughs before she sighs again and her voice sounds suddenly more serious. "Lucas, I wanted to talk to you about something."</p><p><br/>
"Yes?" Lucas sits more up on the bed, already fully awake. He talks in hushed voice the whole time, afraid he could wake up someone in the house. </p><p><br/>
"Yeah, um...," she hesitates, Lucas can hear she´s nervous and he immediately gets nervous too, awaiting what´s the news for him. "My company wants me to stay here, in Japan. We´re moving half of the whole firm in here, half of all employees and they want me to be the manager of the branch. The boss in here, basically."</p><p><br/>
Lucas is silent for a minute, processing the information he just got. What? That would mean that his mom would stay there, move in there? For good? But, but what about... what about <em>him</em>?</p><p><br/>
"Lucas?"</p><p><br/>
"You mean like... move in there?" Lucas asks in quiet voice, just to understand it right. </p><p><br/>
"Well, yes. I mean... the company bought me this huge apartment in the hotel building, it´s amazing view from there, you can see whole city," his mom says and in her voice sounds excitement. She already loves it there, doesn´t she? "And I have to say I´m really good in leading the branch, I have the respect from employees and support from my bosses and I already made this important million euros contracts in both Germany and Russia and I´m basically in the middle of negotiations of another contract here, in Japan, and...," her voice trails off. </p><p><br/>
Lucas can hear how she´s happy with all that, all of that what happened, and Lucas can´t and won´t be in her way to happines. He never was and never will be. However sad it makes him.</p><p><br/>
"Do you really want this? Do you like the job?" he asks then.</p><p><br/>
"Yes, Lucas. I love the job," she doesn´t hesitate for a second. "I know it probably makes me workoholic, but I´m enjoying working like this, I really am."<br/>
Lucas believes her. </p><p><br/>
"Okay," is the only thing he says. </p><p><br/>
"And how are you, darling?" she blurts out. "Elise Demaury called me days ago and told me you´re staying in their house? Is that right?"</p><p><br/>
Lucas knew Mrs. Demaury would call his mom, they talked about it, but he didn´t know she already did that. <em>Days ago,</em> his mom said. How many days ago? How so his mom calling him now, and she did not right after that to check if her son is okay? How many of all those informations Mrs. Demaury really said to her?</p><p><br/>
"Yes, I´m living with them now," he says flatly. "They were so kind to let me stay here."</p><p><br/>
"That´s good, I remember when you were little, you never wanted to come home when you were playing with Eliott in their house," his mom laughs. "I remember you were crying after every sleepover that you want to stay there and live with Eliott in his room."</p><p><br/>
"Do you?" Lucas can´t help but ask. His mom was never home, how can she remember such a thing? Lucas sees it clearly, now. Why he was crying that he had to go home. Why he never wanted to come back. Why he never wanted to leave the Demaury´s house, holding the gate, crying, his father tugging him away. <br/>
He knows why, now. </p><p><br/>
"Yes," his mom says. Then she takes a breath. "Lucas, I have to go, I have a meeting. I´ll call you some other time, okay? Take care, baby."</p><p><br/>
"Bye, mom," Lucas says and puts the phone on the bedside table. </p><p><br/>
He lies back, covers himself with blanket, hides his head under it, too. He stays like that, doesn´t know how much time passes, but when he sits on the bed next time, it´s sunrise behind the window. <br/>
He gets up, strips the bed and blanket and pillows from bedsheets, folds it, carefully, puts it all on the pile. Then he starts gathering his stuff, his textbooks and notebooks for school from the desk, his hoodie (Eliott´s old hoodie) from the chair, clean everything from the ground and shelves (okay it´s not much, Lucas doesn´t have much stuff in this house, all of it stays in his childhood house, but he found out he doesn´t need any of it). </p><p><br/>
When he´s done, he sits on the bare mattress in sweatpants and sweatshirt, reading all those poems he recieved again, avoiding the one he rumpled in the school restroom on monday. <br/>
He reads them and he loves them. He thinks about that he needs to buy some notebook to put all those photos and notes there, like in a photoalb, to have it like his private book what can read only him. </p><p>He knows it might sound a little ridiculous and a little miserably, but Lucas thinks that whoever it is, who sending him all this, it doesn´t really matter, if they never tell their identity. Lucas will always have these to remember that once he mattered to someone. Once he mattered to someone enough for taking the work with poems and photos. </p><p>And it´s really really warming thought. </p><p> </p><p>Eventually, Lucas goes downstairs to the kitchen to make himself some tea. When he´s pouring the hot water from kettle to the mug, someone enters the room as well. </p><p><br/>
It´s Mrs. Demaury, Eliott´s mom. </p><p><br/>
"Hi, honey, already awake? It´s so early," she says and smiles, taking her own mug to make some coffee. Lucas looks at those big wooden clock on the wall and he sees it´s half past six, really early. </p><p><br/>
"Yeah, mom called me and I couldn´t sleep after that," he says and when Mrs. Demaury looks at him, he knows that she knows he knows. "She´s moving to Japan," Lucas says, holding the mug between his palms, ignoring the burning pain. </p><p><br/>
"I know," Mrs. Demaury says, leans her back to kitchen island, opposite to Lucas at the counter. "I called her on sunday," oh, so whole week and his mom called today. Okay. "I told her we´re keeping you with us until she´ll come back or you´ll decide otherwise, and she told me she won´t come back because she moved there, to Japan. She told me she wants to tell you herself, so I didn´t tell you," Mrs. Demaury looks apologetic. </p><p><br/>
"It´s okay," Lucas smiles at her, little weakly. "Did you tell her... Did you tell her that... my... my f-father-"</p><p><br/>
"No," she says. "I didn´t know if you want that, so I only told her that it´s best for you to stay with us, that´s all."</p><p><br/>
"Thank  you," Lucas sips from his tea and burns his tongue. The memory of Eliott sipping from Lucas´ hot cocoa to check if that´s okay for him, re-appears in his mind. Lucas feels his cheeks go pink. </p><p><br/>
"I think she should know that, Lucas, but I also respect you´re adult man and you´re responsible enough to make this decision by yourself," Mrs. Demaury puts her hand on Lucas´ forearm. </p><p><br/>
"I´m not adult, yet," he says but she only shrugs with smile. "She... she was never home, anyways," Lucas shrugs. Lucas actually thinks his mom went through a lot with her husband, Lucas´ dad, and that´s why she created this career for her. To escape. She couldn´t know that the man would take Lucas as a compensation for it and let him eat all the shits for it. <br/>
For everything. </p><p><br/>
"I understand," Mrs. Demaury says. </p><p><br/>
"Um, why are you up so early?" he asks then to change the subject. </p><p><br/>
"To clean the house a little, get it ready for Anne´s arrival."</p><p><br/>
"May I help you with it?" Lucas offers. He looks around and the house is squeaky clean, but whatever needs to be done, he´s willing to do it. </p><p><br/>
"Oh, you´re so sweet, honey, but you don´t have to, really," she says. </p><p><br/>
"I want to, if you´ll let me. At least I´ll think about something else," Lucas smiles. "I just didn´t want to wake anyone," he adds and Mrs. Demaury waves her hand. </p><p><br/>
"Don´t worry. Phil is already awake and Eliott´s room is soundproof. We had to do it when the obsession with dubstep started at his sixteen," she shakes her head fondly and Lucas giggles. </p><p><br/>
So they go and start cleaning. Lucas wipes the non-existent dust from all surfaces, straightens the pillows on the couch and puts few books from coffee table to the shelves. <br/>
Then Mrs. Demaury calls him if he wants to go to garden with her, re-pot some plants from pots to the ground. </p><p>There´s where Eliott finds them, when sun is already above their heads. </p><p><br/>
"Here you are," he says and comes to them. "I was wondering where are you," he says to Lucas, "when I found your bed bare and you were nowhere to be found."</p><p><br/>
"Oh, you already made this in your room, honey? You´re so sweet," Mrs. Demaury says. "You can go now, we´re done here, anyways. You two can think about what you want for lunch."</p><p><br/>
"I´ll order pizza!" Eliott doesn´t hesitate, it makes Lucas smile. </p><p><br/>
"We can´t have pizza so often, Eli," his mom shakes her head, amused. </p><p><br/>
"Okay, just me and Lucas. Come on," he tugs Lucas by his hand to the house, Mrs. Demaury laughs fondly behind them. </p><p><br/>
Lucas thinks, yes, it really is best for him, staying with Demaurys. <br/>
The <em>best</em>. </p><p><br/>
...</p><p><br/>
Anne Demaury is... loud. </p><p><br/>
She´s there for five minutes and it´s full house of her. She´s pretty and passionate woman in her fourties, Lucas thinks, and she´s a writer. She´s rich and she likes to let people know that about her, by everything she does. <br/>
Her clothing, fancy. She looks like she´d go to theatre, or to fancy restaurant, all the time. She´s saying that she always has to look representative, which reminds Lucas a little bit what his father said about his childhood house, but the thought is fastly gone with another Anne´s story, telling loudly and with every little detail.<br/>
Her jewerls, shiny pearl necklace around her neck and gold bracelets and rings. She´s waving her hands in the air when she´s talking and Lucas, sitting close to her, tries to shuffle himself a little away, but she always finds her way close to him, again. <br/>
She likes him. <br/>
And despite all of that, Lucas likes her too. He can see that under this loud and shiny surface she´s just as kind and caring as every other Demaury. </p><p><br/>
"Lucas, you´re such a sweet boy," she says to him for god knows how many times since she arrived. "It´s such a pity we didn´t meet sooner, I would love to see how adorable kid you surely were."</p><p><br/>
"I don´t think I was adorable kid, Miss Demaury," Lucas says.</p><p><br/>
"He <em>is</em> adorable- um, I mean, <em>was</em>, he was adorable kid," says Eliott from the other side of couch. "The most. Every other pic on this house´s walls is me with him as kids."</p><p><br/>
"Oh! I have to take a look, then," Anne calls out. "Will you go with me, Lucas, darling?" she smiles at him when she stands up from the couch. </p><p><br/>
Lucas opens his mouth to answer but Eliott speaks first. "I think we´re tired and will go to sleep, it´s late," he says and gets up as well. "Right, Lucas? Aren´t you tired?"</p><p><br/>
"Um, I mean-"</p><p><br/>
"Oh my goodness, it´s 11? Already?" Mrs. Demaury says, looking at her wristwatch. "You boys go to bed, if you´re tired," she says and exchange this look with Eliott Lucas doesn´t understand, but he follows Eliott out of the living room. </p><p><br/>
"It was nice to meet you, Miss Demaury," he says and she blows a kiss to his way. Eliott tugs for his arm and leaves faster, god knows why. </p><p><br/>
...</p><p><br/>
They brush their teeth and change into pajamas before they jump to Eliott´s huge bed with two blankets and several pillows. </p><p><br/>
Lucas lies on his back because his ribs still hurt when he´s on his side. He starts feeling the exhaustion from this day, which started so early with the phonecall. </p><p><br/>
"My mom moved into Japan," he whispers. He just wants to tell his best friend. </p><p><br/>
Eliott is silent for a moment. "Really?" he says then. </p><p><br/>
"Yeah..."</p><p><br/>
"I´m so sorry, Luc," says Eliott and turns to him with his whole body. </p><p><br/>
"It´s okay, it´s not like I´d really know her, anyways," Lucas shrugs, staring into ceiling. "If Japan is her dream..."</p><p><br/>
There´s silence again. Minute. Two. Three. </p><p><br/>
"Did you ask her if there are flying cars?" Eliott asks then and Lucas´ lips widen into grin. </p><p><br/>
"She said there aren´t," Lucas says, Eliott scoffs. </p><p><br/>
"Then she´s not in Japan, probably," he murmurs, Lucas smiles more. </p><p><br/>
It´s just few more minutes later, when Lucas´ eyelids are too heavy to let his eyes open, when Eliott speaks again.</p><p><br/>
"Lucas?" Eliott´s voice whispers to the dark.</p><p><br/>
"Mhm," Lucas doesn´t open his eyes. </p><p><br/>
"I was thinking..."</p><p><br/>
"About what?"</p><p><br/>
"What are Lord Farquaad and Shrek doing right now in gay version of Shrek in paralell universe?"</p><p><br/>
Lucas bursts a laugh. "What?" he blurts between giggles. </p><p><br/>
"I mean, what if Lord Farquaad lies his head on Shrek´s lap," Eliott says and Lucas´ laughter grows louder. It´s just that the imagine is so funny and ridiculous. "What if they have mud bath together," Eliott continues and Lucas covers his mouth with his palm to stop the uncontrolable loud laugh but it´s no use. "What if it´s actually Shrek who lies his head down on Lord Farquaad´s lap and let his boyfriend runs his tiny fingers through his invisible hair," Eliott says and Lucas can see he bites his lips to stop the smile but Lucas can´t care enough, because he´s lauging like crazy, he´s snoring with it, his stomach and those damn ribs hurt like hell but he can´t not to. </p><p><br/>
He can´t breathe but this time it´s not scary, this time it´s laughter from the stupid things Eliott just said and the imagine of those words playing in Lucas´ head and he can´t stop. He can´t <em>stop</em>. </p><p><br/>
He laughs, and maybe, over the noise he´s making, he hears Eliott´s giggle. But he just can´t stop it. He knows there´s three other people in this house, three adults - to be specific, and he can´t stop laughing. He really hopes Mrs. Demaury was telling the truth about Eliott´s soundproof room. <br/>
Lucas grabs the pillow and presses it to his face to be quiet, he feels the tears from laughing falling down on sides of his face and he can´t stop, he´s snoring with it and it´s probably the ugliest laugh he ever let himself have in front of other person, but it´s so welcoming after all those stuff he went through. </p><p><br/>
It lasts long until he´s finally calm enough to put the pillow away from his face. He lies there on his back, closes his eyes and breathes deeply, but still can´t stop those giggles. </p><p><br/>
"Are you okay?" asks Eliott, amused, next to him. </p><p><br/>
"That´s your fucking fault," Lucas says but he´s grinning. "I almost died."</p><p><br/>
"I mean... the real danger is there for Lord Farquaad," Eliott says. "Imagine those sex positions he has to do in bed because Shrek is an org."</p><p><br/>
Lucas laughs again. "Nooo!" he hits Eliott with the pillow. "Stop!" he laughs and attacks Eliott with that fucking pillow again and again until Eliott rips it from his hold and throws it across the room. "Stop it, I can´t get those images out of my brain," Lucas says in loud whisper. "And I probably woke up whole house because of you," please let this walls be soundproof.</p><p><br/>
"What? That´s not my fault! You were the one who was shipping Shrek and Lord Farquaad. I wanted it to be prince Charming. They are closer with their height, the sex positions would be much easier like that-"</p><p><br/>
Lucas leans to Eliott and covers his mouth with his hand. "Stop. This. Shit. Now." He tries to say it seriously, he really does, but he can´t stop giggling. </p><p><br/>
Lucas is there, upper half hovering above Eliott, palm on his lips. He sees Eliott´s eyes, smiley, shiny, pretty. And, you see, when Lucas watches Eliott now, it feels so different. </p><p>It´s like Lucas has completely new eyes. </p><p><br/>
As they are like this, Lucas´ hovering above Eliott, feeling the softness of Eliott´s lips on his palm, Eliott´s eyes burried into his own, and it´s dark in the room, really, the only source of light is the moon behind the window, but Eliott´s eyes shine no less than usually. Like fireflies. </p><p>
  <em>Ma luciole, my firefly, the only light I need. </em>
</p><p><br/>
And, you see, Eliott always has been pretty. He was pretty as a blond kid, he was pretty in his fucking puberty and he was pretty yesterday or this morning, but now, when Lucas´ looking at him in the moonlight, now he's <em>beautiful</em>. </p><p>This is Eliott, his superhero since they were kids. This is Eliott, sunshine boy, Lucas' safe place. <br/>
<em>Eliott</em>, Lucas thinks, <em>my best friend. </em><br/>
But it feels so wierd in this very moment to think that. </p><p><br/>
Lucas inhales and in that moment Eliott licks his palm with his tongue and Lucas pulls his hand away like it would burn. </p><p><br/>
"Disgusting," Lucas says and giggles again together with Eliott but it sounds a little shaky to his ears. "Let´s go sleep or you´ll be zombie in the morning," he adds with amused smile and lies down again, brings the cover up to his chest. </p><p><br/>
"I won´t," Eliott frowns and Lucas just laughs and closes his eyes. He hears some shuffling next to him and his heart beats like crazy in his chest and he´s tired, he really is, he just doesn´t know how he would be able to fall asleep now with so many thoughts in his mind. </p><p><br/>
He thinks and thinks, he thinks about the strange feeling in his stomach, about the tightness in his chest, about how his ribcage feels suddenly too small and tight for his beating heart. </p><p><br/>
He thinks and thinks until his thoughts are stopped by touch of lips against his own. It´s there and in the next second it´s gone and Lucas needs few seconds to realize if that really happened or not, before he opens his eyes and there´s Eliott, lifted on his elbow, watching Lucas´ face. </p><p><br/>
"Eliott, what-"</p><p><br/>
Another kiss, Lucas inhales against those lips pressed to his, little longer this time, few seconds, firmly, softly, sweetly, and before Lucas can react it´s gone again. </p><p><br/>
Lucas gasps, looking at Eliott with wide eyes and parted lips. Eliott just kissed him. <em>He kissed him.</em> Twice. He kissed him and now he´s watching Lucas´ face with a fear and maybe a little hope and Lucas knows him for so long but now he just can´t for the godsake figure out what is in Eliott´s mind. </p><p><br/>
And he´s so, so <em>beautiful</em>. <br/>
And Lucas... Lucas wants this. </p><p><br/>
Eliott's looking at Lucas and all Lucas can think about is <em>My Eliott, My Eliott, so beautiful</em>. And<em> he's right here, and he's kissing me, like he'd wanted it for long time.</em></p><p><br/>
"Eliott..." Lucas whispers just because he wants to try if his name tastes differently now.</p><p><br/>
And it does.</p><p><br/>
Eliott smiles, just a little, tiny smile in the corner of his pink lips, and he leans to Lucas and kisses him again, and this time, Lucas tangles his fingers in Eliott's hair, holding him close, kissing him back.</p><p><br/>
Everything feels different now. And everything is <em>better</em>.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK  if you feel up to.<br/>also thanks for sweet asks, I love you.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi darlings, I´m so sorry for the wait, I didn´t feel ok and I had probably writers block or whatever shit that was.<br/>Anyways, here, another chapter. </p><p>Also, I warned you that I have planned a lot of shit, right? I think I did.<br/>Enjoy ♥</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><br/>So, <em>that</em> happened.</p><p><br/>Lucas is afraid to wake up. He´s afraid to open his eyes, to face the reality. He´s afraid it was all a dream and he´s afraid what would that mean if that <em>wasn´t</em> a dream, but pure, blissful, sweet reality. </p><p><br/>In the night, when Eliott kissed him for the third time and Lucas kissed him back, their lips didn´t separate for a very very long time. It was all hot breaths and beating hearts and shaky sighs and hands. Lucas has this feeling that Eliott´s hand is imprinted to his face and neck since then. </p><p> </p><p><br/>The night.</p><p>Lucas lets his fingers in Eliott´s hair, gripping it tightly and holding his face close, the other hand wrapping around Eliott´s shoulders, slowly, running across the body and holy crap, what a body is <em>that</em>. Those muscles, broad strong shoulders, Eliott. <br/><em>Eliott. </em><br/>Eliott, and his hands on Lucas´ cheeks and neck and in his hair, fingers slipping down his arm to his hip and back up again. His lips, the softest thing in the world, Lucas is sure about that. <br/>So, his lips, kissing Lucas, nipping by his bottom lip and biting to it, their tongues dancing together, leaving Lucas´ breathless. </p><p>They flip a little, both of them to their sides and Eliott´s arm around Lucas´ waist pulling him closer, pressing him to his body, when Lucas hisses. </p><p><br/>"Ouch, fuck," he screws his face. </p><p><br/>"What is it? Are you okay?" Eliott asks a little breathless, his hair a mess, his lips red, his cheeks flushed. Eyes glazed. And god, he´s <em>so</em> beautiful. </p><p><br/>"Y-yes, sorry, it´s j-just...," Lucas stutters, he can´t fucking catch a breath and he exhales, frustrated with his awkwardness. He lies to his back again. "Sorry, it´s just my ribs hurt when there´s pressure on them or... change of, um, position...," he rolls his eyes and rubs his forehead. </p><p><br/>"Oh, I´m sorry I didn´t mean to hurt you," Eliott says, lifting on his elbow, watching Lucas´ face. He lifts his hand and puts it on Lucas´ chest, slipping with it down to his ribs and stomach, hips, caressing the skin slowly, lightly, over the fabric of Lucas´ - Eliott´s - t-shirt. </p><p><br/>"You didn´t," Lucas whispers because he doesn´t trust his voice to not sound too shaky. "You didn´t hurt me," he says and his breath catches when Eliott smiles and leans his face closer to Lucas´. "I should be used to it by now, sorry it´s-"</p><p><br/>Eliott kisses him midsentence. "It´s okay," he whispers, looking into Lucas´ eyes, kisses his cheek, his nose, pressing soft kisses one next to another. Lucas´ eyes flutter shut with the feeling, feeling of Eliott´s lips on his skin, Eliott´s hand caressing his torso from stomach across ribs and chest and collar bone to his neck, stays there and holds Lucas like that, Eliott´s thumb stroking his jaw while Eliott´s lips are under his ear. "Lucas," Eliott whispers there and Lucas´ shivers, his hand grips Eliott´s forearm. <br/><br/></p><p><br/>It´s just that Lucas never had someone like this. He never found interest in girls and since he was best friend with Eliott, he didn´t care about spending his time with anyone else, honestly, because Eliott was always too cool for little Lucas to not want to be with him all the time, you know? And when he realized he likes boys, he met Yann, he was his classmate, he sat with him in classes - because Eliott was year older, anyways - and he thought he liked Yann. He had maybe a little crush on him. <br/>But nothing happened, because Yann was just a friend and Lucas was just a friend for him, too. And that´s cool, that´s okay, Yann dated Emma and then some other girls and with time Lucas stopped thinking about him like that, until one day he suddenly realized that Yann is nothing more than his friend and that was it. </p><p>Lucas was also very afraid to have anyone like that, to let anyone into his life, to let anyone know Lucas enough, to let anyone really see him, to let himself be known by someone so deeply, his every secret, that there´s nothing left to hide anymore. <br/>It was because the thing with his father lasted since he can remember. It was just happening. When he was little, it wasn´t very often. Time to time he recieved punch, hit, kick, slap. It was because he wasn´t good son, that´s what his father always told him. That he´s stupid and he´s an idiot. <br/>Truth is, Lucas is naturally smart. His mother knows more than ten languages. And Lucas has to admit his father is very smart, too. If he wasn´t, he wouldn´t be so successful in his job. And Lucas, son of two smart people, has it in his genes. He´s very good in studying and he always was. He remembered everything anyone told him. He remembered every word from Eliott, who was always playing the teacher and Lucas was his student, when they were kids. And even when Lucas learned later that those informations what Eliott gave him were mostly false, he remembered them, still. It was funny, actually, because Eliott made up those stuff, as a little boy, for Lucas, to have fun with the game. And Eliott, standing in front of his chalk board in the Demaury´s garden with Lucas on the chair with notebook and purple crayon in his hands, was actually very adorable. Eliott always took his notebook and wrote there huge red A and told Lucas he´s the smartest and most talented student he ever had the honor to teach. Lucas was proud, always. He knew Eliott was never teaching anyone else except Lucas, but still, the praise from older cool kid, from Eliott, was everything to him back then.<br/>And still is, since then to these days, honestly. </p><p>And then, it got worse at home. His father was more aggressive and he started drinking way more than before. Lucas was beaten up so often he can´t count. Bruises and scars on his body, like the fucking tapestry from the poem. And then, on his face, too. <br/>He came to school with purple and blue bruise around his eye and Eliott didn´t give him a minute in peace with his questions. Lucas was trying to make up some stupid excuse, but he didn´t think Eliott believed him. <br/>Until one day, Lucas told Eliott. He was too scared, too upset, too in pain. </p><p>It wasn´t a relief, as he thought it could be. New kind of heaviness settled into his stomach, because now, his best friend, Eliott, knew about it. And he felt like weak piece of crap. So every time he came with new bruise and Eliott asked him if it´s from his father, Lucas lied. Lucas lied, but deep down he knew Eliott knew he was lying. But he was too scared to tell the truth, the full truth, to anyone. So he lied and lied and lied. </p><p> </p><p>And look at him now. </p><p><br/>His best friend, Eliott, the sweet innocent Eliott, smart, wonderful, beautiful sunshine boy Eliott, he´s there, kissing him like worship, smiling into those kisses, whispering his name, whispering to his skin "Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, Lucas, you´re so beautiful," with kisses in between and Lucas feels... Lucas feels everything. </p><p><br/>"That´s you," Lucas breathes out, cupping Eliott´s face with one hand, stroking the soft warm skin. Honestly, how can he even compare to Eliott´s beauty? Or anyone, really. </p><p><br/>Eliott presses smile to Lucas´ cheek. And Lucas doesn´t know what this means, that they´re kissing now. He doesn´t know what is going to change between them and what will stay the same, but he can´t think about it. Not now, not with Eliott´s body pressed to his, not with their tangled limbs, not when Eliott catches Lucas´ hand and interlocks their fingers on the pillow. </p><p><br/>And Lucas is tired, he really is. It´s just that it´s the middle of the night, he´s up since 4am and he´s exhausted. But when he lies there, Eliott´s lifting himself on the elbow next to Lucas´ head with his hand in Lucas´ hair, fingers of the other hand tracing Lucas´ features, his eyebrows, his nose, his cheekbones, hairline, his jawline and chin, it seems like he would be drawing on Lucas, or maybe drawing Lucas, with sweet smile on his lips, enamoured eyes, and Lucas doesn´t want to sleep. </p><p><br/>He holds Eliott´s forearm with one hand and his t-shirt with his other hand like he´d be afraid Eliott could just... pull away and leave him like that. And maybe Lucas really is afraid of that. But he also trusts Eliott, with his whole life. And he knows him. And Eliott knows Lucas, too. Eliott knows every side of Lucas, he knows him so much like noone else ever did and ever will do. <br/>Lucas doesn´t want to sleep, he doesn´t want to loose one single second of this night, of this feeling. That´s why he´s angry with himself when his eyelids feel so heavy it slows his blinking and Eliott notices. </p><p><br/>"You can sleep, sweetheart," he says and the petname tickles in Lucas´ stomach. He likes it more than he could ever admit and keep his image of mature man. "Or you´ll be zombie in the morning," Eliott repeats Lucas´ words and Lucas´ lips widen into the smile. </p><p><br/>"No," he says, forces his eyes open, watching Eliott´s face. He looks like a dream. And Lucas doesn´t want to wake up from it, ever.</p><p>
  <em>He was the dream I had been searching for...</em>
</p><p><br/>Eliott smiles and kisses Lucas again, just a little, just a soft touch. Then he caresses his cheek. "You´re tired, you can sleep," Eliott says again. "We´ll be here in the morning."</p><p><br/>He didn´t say <em>I´ll be here</em>, he said <em>We´ll be here</em>. <em>We</em>. Lucas feels warm inside. </p><p><br/>"I don´t want to sleep," Lucas says, tightens his hold on Eliott´s forearm. God, he´s so tired. He just wants to look at Eliott´s face a little longer. He just wants to look at him in this new light. No, not the moonlight, but this beautiful beautiful light - Eliott´s light. He just wants to look at Eliott with his new eyes he got tonight, new eyes which see all the beauty Eliott is and always was. "I don´t want to sleep," Lucas sighs again, frowns when Eliott´s face looks too blurry in the dark. </p><p><br/>Eliott´s fingers on Lucas´ face travel up, softly, caressing the skin over his eyes and Lucas has to close them when Eliott touches his eyelids. Eliott kisses him there, on his eyes. And when Lucas wants to opens them again, it´s hard task for him. He tries, anyways. </p><p><br/>Eliott presses their foreheads together. "We´ll be here in the morning," Eliott whispers again and Lucas doesn´t think about what that means for them, when Eliott´s breath fans across his face. Eliott lies on his side next to Lucas, their bodies touching with all the lenght, only that Lucas lies on his back to make it painless. But they don´t mind, Lucas, because he´s really tired and because Eliott is still there, hugging Lucas´ across his chest with one arm, and Eliott doesn´t mind either, he just presses his forehead to Lucas´ temple, pulls the blanket up to cover them both. "Good night, beautiful," he whispers and kisses Lucas´ cheek and Lucas wants to respond, but it comes out only as a muffled sigh, and in a moment he sleeps, holding Eliott´s arm with his hands and he feels the safest he ever felt in his life. </p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>So, in the morning, Lucas is afraid to open his eyes. </p><p><br/>Was it real? Did it really happen? What Eliott thinks about it? What if he wouldn´t remember? What if he realizes it was a mistake? What if he wouldn´t want to talk about it? What if he wouldn´t want to be Lucas´ friend anymore, because it´s gonna be wierd between them, now? What if what if <em>what if...</em></p><p><br/>Lucas´ spiraling is suddenly stopped when he realizes the weight of an arm hugging his chest. There´s fingers, drawing to the skin on his arm, coming up to his shoulder, slipping a little under the sleeve of his t-shirt, then going up to his neck and finally his face, where the hand stops, cupping Lucas´ face lightly, brushing the skin on his cheek and under his eyes. </p><p><br/>There´s lips, pressing to Lucas´ other cheek and then there´s happy sigh and nose, nuzzling to Lucas´ skin. </p><p><br/>Lucas´ heart´s beating fastly in his chest, his mind is yelling at him and he doesn´t know what to feel, until he settles with excitement and opens his eyes. </p><p><br/>There´s smile, sweet and pink, there´re eyes, green and grey and blue and bright.<br/>There´s Eliott. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>He was the dream I had been searching for, the one to wake me up. </em>
</p><p><br/> And, you see, Lucas saw Eliott in the morning so many times he can´t count even if he wanted, but this feels so different. This is the sight with his new eyes, and he sees Eliott´s beauty, which leaves him speechless. </p><p><br/>"Good morning," Eliott says softly, never stop smiling. He´s glowing. His hand still caressing Lucas´ skin and Lucas fights with those shivers, running through his body. </p><p><br/>"Hi," he says, voice raspy in the morning. Eliott smiles wider. </p><p><br/>"Did you know that your eyes are extremely blue in the morning?" Eliott asks when Lucas blinks at him. "Like comets."</p><p><br/>"Comets are not blue," Lucas says. "Comets are flying stones of ice and dust, they are not blue."</p><p><br/>"Sure they are," Eliott says and raises an eyebrow at him. "I googled it."</p><p><br/>"Oh, did you?" Lucas asks and Eliott nods. "Well, your eyes are brighter than comets or stars ."</p><p><br/>"You like my eyes?" Eliott bites his lip. </p><p><br/>"Yes."</p><p><br/>Eliott grins happily. "Hm, and I love yours."</p><p><br/>"Yeah?" Lucas must look like enamoured puppy, but he can´t care enough to control it. </p><p><br/>"Mhm," Eliott hums, brushes their noses together. "You know what else I love?" </p><p><br/>"What?"</p><p><br/>"Your nose," Eliott runs his finger on Lucas´ nose, from the bridge to the tip. "The cutest nose ever. And, and also your lips," Eliott brushes Lucas´ bottom lip with his thumb. "Pure perfection," he whispers and presses his lips to Lucas´. </p><p><br/>Is that even possible for every other kiss to be better than the one before? And the next one is better again, and the next one is the best until the next one comes. </p><p><br/>Lucas lost the track of time. He kisses Eliott, Eliott kisses him, Lucas lets Eliott kissing him and let himself be kissed. He actually thinks it´s something what he can´t understand, not yet, at least. Because <em>what</em> is happening? They are best friends for years, what changed? When it changed? How long Eliott wanted to do this? Because, Eliott really looks and acts like he wants this. So much. <br/>And Lucas, yes, Lucas wants that too, that´s why he´s leaving free way to Eliott. He thinks <em>do whatever you want with me, I let you do it, I let you do anything</em>, and wierd thing is, it´s not even a little bit scary for Lucas, not this morning. </p><p><br/>It, of course, comes later. </p><p><br/>They get up from bed, they brush their teeth and when Lucas wants to put on some clean t-shirt, the wounds from the broken glass on his back between his shoulder blades start itching. Just like that, out of nowhere.</p><p><br/>He finds the ointment from Mr. Demaury. He gave it to Lucas that it´s gonna heal faster with it, and it´s actually much better, it doesn´t even look that bad anymore, it´s been three weeks, after all. But time to time it likes to be reminded to Lucas and it starts hurting, itching, throbbing, whatever.</p><p><br/>Lucas takes the ointment and turns his back to mirror to see where he has to put that healing cream, but it´s painful for his whole arm. He manages, it just lasts longer. </p><p><br/>"I´ll do it," Eliott appears in the bathroom door. "If you want?" he asks to be sure if Lucas agrees, so Lucas nods and hands him the tube. <br/>Eliott´s fingers are warm, the ointment is cold, and all together it feels actually nice, to have someone who helps you in situations like this. It´s nice to have someone who actually really <em>cares</em>. </p><p><br/>Eliott leans down and kisses the back of Lucas´ neck, then he traces his spine from up to down, slowly, his fingers caressing Lucas´ skin, his hips and slip to the front, touching Lucas´ stomach and chest. <br/>Lucas shivers. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>I want to know every part of you, every scar, every bruise, I want to trace the map of you, my fingers a compass, your freckles the constellations...</em>
</p><p>Suddenly, Lucas´ body tenses. <br/>Not because of the poem Eliott´s touching recalls, but because of the sudden uncertainty which hit him out of nowhere. Eliott´s touching him, kissing his neck and shoulder, nuzzling to the space in between, sighing contently, hugging Lucas from behind and Lucas sees them like that in the mirror, Eliott´s closed eyes and smile on his lips, and he just... doesn´t know. </p><p><br/>"What is it?" Eliott asks when he notices Lucas is all tense, because of course he notices, he always does. </p><p><br/>"Nothing," Lucas responses, trying to calm the fuck down, because why is he freaking out? What is wrong? Eliott is there, he was there in the night and he was there in the morning and he´s here right now. So what´s the matter?</p><p><br/> "Lucas... What is going on?" Eliott asks, whispering those words to Lucas´ ear. </p><p><br/>"Nothing...," Lucas sighs, feeling quite embarrassed by himself. </p><p><br/>Eliott´s hands unwraps from Lucas and he stands in front of him, watching his face. "Do you... do you regret we did what we did?" he asks hesitantly with wary eyes. </p><p><br/>"Do you?" Lucas asks. He hates the need in him to be constantly assured about every little thing. But he needs it. He just does. It is what it is. </p><p><br/>Eliott immediately shakes his head. "No. <em>No</em>, Lucas," he cups his face. "I don´t regret a thing."</p><p><br/>Lucas exhales. "Me neither," he says and relaxed when Eliott smiles.</p><p><br/>"What is going on, then?" Eliott doesn´t drop it. But this time, Lucas is glad. </p><p><br/>"What... I mean...," he wants to ask and don´t know how. "I don´t know? What is going on, Eliott? What is this?" he waves his hand between them. </p><p><br/>"We´re...," Eliott starts and his eyes drop down before coming back to Lucas´ face.</p><p><br/>"What?" Lucas needs to know. He needs to hear what Eliott thinks, what he wants. And, well, Eliott tells him. </p><p><br/>"Well, I would like to be your boyfriend, if you want me to," Eliott says with shy smile, adorable. </p><p> <br/>"Really?" Lucas asks and feels the corner of his lips twitching up. </p><p><br/>"Yes, Lucas," Eliott says and kisses him, smiling into it. "I want to be with you, really really be with you. I want that."</p><p><br/>"Are you.. serious?"</p><p><br/>"Yes, I am like I never was before. I´m more serious than pope´s speech," Eliott says and Lucas giggles. Eliott is just... impossible. "Do you.. want that? Be with me?" Eliott asks then, shy and unsure. </p><p><br/>And Lucas thinks about it and yes. He wants to be with him. He wants to be with Eliott.</p><p><br/>"Yes," he says then. "I want that, too." Eliott smiles and exhales with relief. Lucas steps closer and presses his forehead to Eliott´s. "I want to be with you, too," he whispers to the space between them. They kiss, then. They kiss and none of them has to hold himself back. <br/>And they are boyfriends. Lucas thinks about it and he likes it, a lot. He likes it so much that he feels the urge to cry and sing and jump and yell, all of it at once. So instead, he wraps his arms around Eliott´s neck and hugs him, and he feels the absolut bliss when Eliott hugs him too, tight, burrying his face into Lucas´ neck. <br/><em>This is the best,</em> Lucas thinks. The <em>best</em>. </p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>Eliott´s parents are gone with aunt Anne all sunday, so Lucas and Eliott can do whatever they want without watching over their shoulders if someone sees them. Lucas is not sure if Eliott wants for his parents to know. He doesn´t even know why, he just thinks about it while they´re eating breakfast and he´s not sure with an answer. </p><p><br/>"Do you want people know about it?" Lucas asks with mouth full of toast. It´s somehow easier to talk like this about serious stuff, he doesn´t even know why. He´s mumbling those words around the food in his mouth and it feels... not so scary. Eliott maybe won´t hear him. "Like, your parents."</p><p><br/>"About what?" Eliott asks, grabs Lucas´ hand and holds it on the table. He doesn´t stop smiling since the time Lucas opened his eyes in the morning. </p><p><br/>Lucas bites another piece. "About... this," he waves his hand with toast between them.</p><p><br/>"Us?" Eliott says the word so easily. Lucas nods. "I want <em>everyone</em> to know about it!" He calls out loud. "I want everyone to know that you´re <em>my</em> boyfriend, so noone has a chance in here, anymore," he grins at Lucas and kisses his knuckles. </p><p><br/>And Lucas is not quite sure if Eliott´s talking about the person who´s sending Lucas those poems, or just in general, about everyone, because let´s be honest, noone´s trying to get Lucas as <em>theirs</em>. But then Eliott kisses his inner wrist again and again and whispers there happily <em>mine</em>, Lucas feels so warm and nice and so <em>happy</em>, like never in his life. </p><p> </p><p><br/>They´re lying on the couch in the living room, playing with each other´s hands, tickling and giggling and kissing, when Lucas stands up from the couch, hair all mess, lips burning red, eyes wide and agitated. </p><p><br/>"I have to go to work," he says when he realizes. Thankfully he has plenty of time, but doing this <em>thing</em> with Eliott could let him forget about the world, very easily. </p><p><br/>"Nooo," Eliott whines, reaches his hand from his laying position, grabs Lucas´ sweatpants and pulls him closer. Lucas goes, because he can´t not to. </p><p><br/>"I have to go," he repeats. Eliott tugs him down until Lucas falls on him and Eliott traps  him in his arms, pressing him to his chest. </p><p><br/>"No. I won´t let you go," he murmurs and pecks Lucas´ forehead couple times before burries his face to Lucas´ hair. "We´re gonna stay here, like this, forever."</p><p><br/>"Okay, if by that <em>forever</em> you mean like next... ten minutes, then sure," Lucas presses a kiss to Eliott´s chest and lies there, hugs him like that, feeling the pain in his ribs with the pressure to his chest but can´t care enough to do anything about it, not when they are like this, not when Eliott holds him like Lucas meant whole world to him. Not when he feels this safe and protected, here, in Eliott´s arms. </p><p><br/>They really stay like this for the next ten minutes. And another ten, just because. And then Eliott walks Lucas to the work, despite Lucas´ protests. <br/>"I´ll walk my boyfriend to work, Lucas, stop it," he says. They hold hands all the way and Lucas tries to get used to this feeling, completely new and completely wonderful. Eliott´s hand, they fingers interwined, the squeezing time to time, it´s amazing. Everything about it is overhelming in the best way possible. Lucas´ eyes watching those hands, swaying between their bodies together, like it´s one of the world´s wonders. <br/>It definitely feels like it.</p><p>Then they stop on the street at the coffee shop.  "I´ll pick you up after your shift," says Eliott and cups Lucas´ face to kiss him. </p><p><br/>"Eliott, seriously, I can come home by myself, I´m a big boy-"</p><p><br/>"Stop it," Eliott pecks him on the lips. "I want to. I want to be with you, remember? I want to walk you to work and pick you up and hold your hand on the way home, I want that all and much more. So let me, Lucas, let me to do that for you," he´s looking directly into Lucas´ eyes and Lucas needs a moment to process it all. </p><p><br/>He leans forward and kisses Eliott, put into that kiss all his gratefulness and all his happines he feels with Eliott. When he pulls back, Eliott chases his lips and when he opens his eyes, they look dreamy. <br/>Lucas loves them so much. </p><p><br/>"Thank you," he says, presses another kiss to Eliott´s lips before he steps back completely and goes to the door. "I´ll be done in seven," he says, blows kiss to Eliott before he enters the coffee shop. </p><p><br/>"Uuuuh, who is that?" Alice asks. "Is that your boy? He´s a snack!"</p><p><br/>"Um... yes," it´s all Lucas says because, hm, yes, Eliott <em>is</em> his boy, it looks like that, yeah, and <em>hell yeah</em> he´s a snack. </p><p><br/>Alice only smirks at him knowingly and then they´re working, and talking, and it´s fun and nice, as always around Alice. And suddenly there´s Eliott, standing outside, waiting for Lucas. <br/>Lucas´ heart jumps in his chest happily and he starts preparing hot chocolate with wipped cream for Eliott. Something else than usually and something good to warm him up. </p><p><br/>"Awww, that´s so cute, oh my god, he´s picking you up?" Alice coys when she notices Lucas´ gaze. "What´s his name?"</p><p><br/>"Eliott," Lucas says and can´t stop the smile with the sound of Eliott´s name. </p><p><br/>"Eliott and Lucas, hm...," Alice taps her chin. "I should think about some ship name for you two," she grins and Lucas rolls his eyes but he´s smiling too. "You´re so cute, all blushing and stuff, come here," she opens her arms to offer the hug which Lucas gladly accepts. "I´m so happy seeing you like this, you know?" she says. Lucas hugs her closer. </p><p><br/>"Thank you, Ali," she mumbles and smiles. "You´re the best."</p><p><br/>"I know. And you´re the cutest," she says and then someone clears their throat next to them and they pull away just to see Eliott behind the counter. </p><p><br/>"Oh, hi," Lucas says and smiles at him. Eliott´s glaring at Alice. </p><p><br/>"Hi, oh my gosh, so nice to meet you," Alice says, smiling like a sun. "Eliott, right? I´m Alice, Lucas´ colleague," she reaches her hand to him. <br/>Eliott looks at the hand and back at her, then he slowly squeezes it. </p><p><br/>"I´m Eliott, Lucas´ <em>boyfriend</em>," he says with emphasis on the last word. Lucas blushes when he hears Eliott telling this to someone else. It sounds so... official. "Hi, baby," Eliott turns to Lucas with sweet smile and leans across the counter to kiss his cheek. "Shall we?"</p><p><br/>"Yes," Lucas takes off his barista apron, hangs it on the hook and grabs his hoodie. "Bye, Ali, see you tomorrow," he says and Alice pats his shoulder. </p><p><br/>"See you," Alice sing-songs, Lucas goes to Eliott and hands him the cup. </p><p><br/>"For you," he says. "Thanks for picking me up," they meet halfway to kiss and as they walks to the door and out of the coffee shop, Lucas turns to Alice and sees her mouthing <em>you´re so cute</em> and making a heartshape from her hands at them. Lucas laughs and Eliott grabs his hand, pulling him out. </p><p><br/>"Let´s go," he says and closes the door behind them with last glare inside. </p><p><br/>"Everything okay?" Lucas asks. </p><p><br/>"Why she´s hugging you like that? What colleagues doing this?" he asks and Lucas can´t quite figure out his tone. </p><p><br/>"Hm, she hugged me because she saw you outside waiting for me and-"</p><p><br/>"So she´s hugging you because I´m outside? Why she´s telling you you´re cute like that?" Eliott keeps asking, leaving Lucas confused. </p><p><br/>"I-I don´t know, Eliott, I told you before she called me cute, remember? This is not the first time she said things like that to me, she´s just nice," Lucas shrugs. </p><p><br/>"Too much," Eliott mumbles and sips from the cup. </p><p><br/><em>Oh</em>. </p><p><br/>Okay, Lucas understands now.</p><p><br/>"Wait, are you jealous?" he asks in disbelief. "You´re ridiculous."</p><p><br/>"Am I?" Eliott asks. "She´s too touchy with you, don´t you think?"</p><p><br/>"No, she´s always like this," Lucas says. "I like her. I like her that way."</p><p><br/>"Do you?" Eliott turns to him. </p><p><br/>"Hey, I told you before she´s dating Aiden, right? Since they were sixteen. And, Eliott, if you still didn´t realize that until now, let me remind you that I´m gay," Lucas says and chuckles. "I´m literally your <em>boyfriend</em>, you said that yourself."</p><p><br/>"Hmpf..," Eliott huffs and looks around just to not meet Lucas´ eyes. </p><p><br/>"You´re so sweet," Lucas says and hugs him around his middle, his ear to Eliott´s shoulder. </p><p><br/>Eliott sighs and wraps his cup-free arm around Lucas. "Sorry."</p><p><br/>"It´s okay," Lucas says. "I liked it," he leans up to kiss him. And keep kissing him until there´s smile on Eliott´s face. "So, what´s the plan for tonight?" he asks then into the space between their lips. </p><p><br/>Eliott blinks couple times before he clears his throat to speak again. "Um... I think we´ll figure it out."</p><p> </p><p><br/>"Lucas! Darling!" Anne Demaury calls out when they enter the living room. "I missed you today, aww, I was telling Phil and Elise I just wished you went with us today, seriously, I wanted to hear your opinion at those apartments we found, you know? I think it would be so much better with opinion of someone´s younger and, just, you."</p><p><br/>Lucas stares. Eliott stares. </p><p><br/>"I mean... Eliott is young?" Lucas points at that. "And I had work."</p><p><br/>Anne absolutely ignores the first part Lucas just said. "Ohh, so young and you´re working already? How so? Where are you working? What are you doing? Hopefully something safe, because you´re way too cute to be in some dangerous place or alone, you know? Am I right, Elise?"</p><p><br/>Mrs. Demaury looks as shocked as Lucas feels. Before she can say anything, Eliott sighs and turns to Lucas. </p><p><br/>"Let´s go make some popcorn so we can go upstairs, yeah?" he says and grabs Lucas´ hand to pull him away. Lucas notices Mr. and Mrs. Demaury´s eyes fall to their interwined fingers. But before Lucas can decipher their reactions, Eliott´s aunt speaks again. </p><p><br/>"Oh, no, I want to talk to this adorable boy for some more time," Anne says, stands up, tugs for Lucas´ hand and leads him to the couch where she pushes him down. "I would like to know more about you, darling. Where are you from? What are your parents doing? How old are you? What about your plans for future, hm? Do you think about college already?" she´s throwing those questions on Lucas that his head starts to spin. He looks at Eliott standing at the doorway, frowning. </p><p><br/>"Lucas just finished in work, he´s tired," Eliott says defensively. </p><p><br/>"Oh my god, of course! Your work! So, tell me about your work first?" Anne says and she stares at Lucas with expecting eyes. </p><p><br/>Lucas shifts a little on the couch. "Um... I´m barista in coffee shop," he says. </p><p><br/>"Oh my goodness and I love coffee! It´s amazing, really, I bet you´re making the best coffee in town, right?" she pats his knee. Lucas shuffles again. </p><p><br/>"I´m... I´m trying my best," he says and smiles politely. He doesn´t hate it, all around, but he doesn´t like this, either. He doesn´t like when someone has shit tons of questions on him and his life. He hates to answering them. <br/>The only person who´s allowed to questioning him, always was and always will be Eliott and Eliott only. </p><p><br/>"Oh, don´t be so humble, I´m sure you´re doing great," Anne says and smiles widely before she sips from her cup of tea. "So, what about your future plans? You´re eighteen? Like Eliott, right?"</p><p><br/>"Uh, no, I´m seventeen, actually," Lucas says. And that´s it. He has nothing else to say because his future plans? He has none. He didn´t have the time to think about it, because all he was thinking about was how to survive in his own childhood house. <br/>And now, when Anne reminded him that, he starts panicking. <br/>Fuck, he didn´t think about it. At all.<br/><em>Fuck</em>. </p><p><br/>"Anne, let him breathe," Mr. Demaury says. "Don´t mind her, Lucas, she was always furious like this about other´s life. That´s because she doesn´t have one herself," he chuckles, Anne gasps and Mrs. Demaury smacks her tongue at her husband. </p><p><br/>"Rude, Phil," Anne says but she´s smirking at her brother, so it seems like she´s not offended at all, and Lucas breathes out with relief. </p><p><br/>"Lucas, honey, you look tired," Elise says in kind voice. "Go take some rest, okay?"</p><p><br/>"Come on, Lucas," Eliott says, standing in front of him with bowl of popcorn and two cans of cola tucked in his pockets. "We can watch movie or... something," he´s holding his hand for Lucas to take it and Lucas... does. He doesn´t mind what Demaurys think. He just wants to find the comfort in Eliott´s touch, and he feels it since the second his skin meets Eliott´s. </p><p><br/>"Eli, popcorn and cola is not a dinner," his mom says. "Take something normal to eat."</p><p><br/>"Later," Eliott says, leading Lucas upstairs, walking into his room and closing the door behind them. Lucas falls on the bed and lets out a long breath. "Are you okay?" Eliott asks, leaning against the closed door. "I know, she´s a lot. Sorry about that," he says and goes to the bed, putting the bowl of popcorn on the table, cans of cola next to it before he sits next to Lucas. </p><p><br/>"No, it´s fine," Lucas says, looks at Eliott from his laying position. </p><p><br/>"Are you sure?" Eliott asks again. "She was asking a lots of personal questions. Like, about your family and life and everything and I know you don´t really like that and it could make you uncomfortable."</p><p><br/>Sweet caring boy. </p><p><br/>"I don´t want to think about it," Lucas says. "I don´t want to think at all, actually."</p><p><br/>"Yeah?" Eliott brushes some hair from Lucas´ forehead. "So what you want to do?" he asks and Lucas looks at him and Eliott´s looking back and there´s exactly two seconds of tense silence before their lips meet in the middle, desperately, passionately, sighs escaping, hands grasping, bodies flipping from side to side to all around and again, legs tangling together. </p><p><br/>Lucas lies there, legs around Eliott, arms around his neck, gripping by the strands of his soft hair to pull him closer and closer, to kiss him deeper and deeper. </p><p><br/>"Ah, Lucas, you-" Eliott´s trying to say whatever what Lucas doesn´t let him. He slips his hands down from Eliott´s neck to his back, lower lower to his hips, he grabs the hem of Eliott´s t-shirt and pulls it up and over his head. They have to separate for a moment and when Lucas looks at Eliott´s face then, he´s stunned, all over again, like always. Because Eliott, his hair all mess, lips red and swollen, cheeks flushed and his eyes, eyes sparkling like the sea in the moonlight. And the body, pale skin, muscular, warm, skin smooth like a silk. He´s unbearably beautiful, so much, that it takes Lucas´ breath away, like it´d be the first time he saw him like that. Which it isn´t. </p><p><br/>"You´re so freaking beautiful," Eliott breathes out like he would read Lucas´ mind. </p><p><br/>"No, that´s y-"</p><p><br/>Eliott´s lips are there again, on Lucas. On his lips, his jaw, his neck, and Lucas feels Eliott´s hands under his t-shirt, on his bare skin, and he shivers, it feels so good. He finds Eliott´s lips again and flips them over, sits on his lap and takes the shirt off before leaning down again kissing Eliott like crazy. </p><p>The bare skin on bare skin sensetion does exactly what Lucas needed. It makes him stop thinking. He doesn´t think about anything, anything at all, just Eliott. Just Eliott´s lips, his kisses and his touches, soft and light and hot and burning in the best way possible. Eliott´s fingers on his back, caressing his chest and stomach, tickling on his hips, holding his neck and tilting his face to kiss him deeper.<br/>They kiss until they can´t breathe and then some more. And more. </p><p><br/>Eliott´s kissing him in absolut obscene way. His tongue licking in Lucas´ mouth, leaving him gasping for air, and it feels too good to be stopped, but Eliott does that, anyways. </p><p><br/>"Lucas, Lucas," he pants under Lucas, "your ribs, we should-"</p><p><br/>"I don´t care, I don´t care," Lucas repeats breathlessly, grinding their hips together and Eliott hisses, his eyes falling shut and mouth dropping open. </p><p><br/>"Fuck," he lets out. "Lu-Lucas," he swallows. "We should be more careful about your ri-"</p><p><br/>"Eliott," Lucas sighs, lets his head falls backwards until he looks at Eliott again, lowering himself so his face is right above Eliott´s. "I know you care about me and I appreciate it, I really do. But, could you just, for fucking once, shut up and kiss me until I forget my own name? Please?"</p><p><br/>Eliott stares, obviously a little speechless and out of breath, just like Lucas is, but Lucas doesn´t move a nerve, he´s just there, trying to communicate with his eyes and eventually he must do something right because Eliott lets out holded breath with "Fuck, Lucas..." and urges forward to kiss him again.</p><p><br/>And yes, it´s working. Lucas feels like he´s in heaven. Eliott makes him feel like that. Actually, Eliott makes him feel so <em>much</em>. Not only with his touch, which is definitely burning on Lucas´ bare skin. But also with his whole personality, with the fact that he´s caring that much. With the fact that he just wants Lucas to be safe and happy and loved. <br/>He´s an angel, right?</p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>"This feels nice," Eliott mumbles with closed eyes. He´s laying on his stomach, hands under his chest like the most adorable person ever, just like when he was a kid and he and little Lucas were laying next to each other under the blanket and sharing secrets, giggling quietly into the night. <br/>Lucas lies next to him, his fingers tracing the freckles on Eliott´s back, touching the softest skin he ever felt, drawing little invisible pictures there, and yes, it really feels nice. <br/>He sees Eliott´s eyes closed, tiny smile on his lips, and Lucas thinks that Eliott will probably fall asleep soon. And Lucas is here, allowed to watch that intimate moment. </p><p><br/>Lucas connects two freckles with invisible line his finger makes.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>I want to trace the map of you, my fingers a compass, your freckless the constellations...</em>
</p><p><br/>It hits him, the verse of the poem he recieved, in this moment, when he´s looking at Eliott´s back and really, his freckles looks like tiny stars.</p><p><br/>"Your freckles look like constellations," he says softly out loud for Eliott to hear. "It´s beautiful," he adds. There´s silence for a moment. </p><p><br/>"You´re beautiful," Eliott whispers, not opening his eyes, just smiles more. </p><p><br/>"Yes, you´re right. <em>My</em> beautiful. You´re my beautiful," Lucas says and leans forward to kiss Eliott´s shoulder. </p><p><br/>"That´s not what I meant and you know it," Eliott murmurs and yes, of course Lucas knows it. But it doesn´t change the fact that he hears it there and that, now, it´s true. <br/>He can´t believe that it´s only like 24 hours since their first kiss. </p><p><br/>"So, wait, you´re saying you´re not mine, then?" Lucas asks with false offense and caresses Eliott´s back with his whole palm. Eliott grins. His lisp are red and Lucas still feels his own lips buzzing, with all the kissing they did before. </p><p><br/>"I've always been yours," he says and Lucas is taken aback with this confession. He shuffles closer, watching Eliott´s peaceful face in the soft light of the lamp. Eliott sleeps. He sleeps and he´s stunning. Lucas leans over him, switches off the lamp and the room is drowning in the dark. Lucas pulls the blankets up around both of them, leans closer to kisses Eliott´s cheek. "Good night, baby," he whispers, just to try how the pet name sounds from his lips.<br/>He likes it. He likes it a lot. </p><p>He lies there, snuggles closer with his cheek smushed on Eliott´s shoulder and closes his eyes. <br/>He dreams about two little boys in the house on the tree, curled up inside sleeping bags, lighting the wooden ceiling with their torches, sharing secrets, telling stories and giggling until their cheeks hurt. </p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>The thing is... their friends are not even a little bit shocked, they are not even a little bit surprised. </p><p><br/>Lucas and Eliott wake up in the morning, eat some breakfast, and when they are ready to school, it´s still a little too early and so they take a walk. <br/>It´s nice, tangled hands swaying between them, Eliott time to time lifts them to kiss Lucas´ hand or leans to kiss his cheek. So casually that Lucas is a little impressed by his actions. He acts like this is normal between them, like they, the best friends since they were kids, suddenly holding hands and kissing, like it´s absolutely normal. <br/>But Lucas is still overhelmed with all this. He still can´t get use to it, that Eliott is his boyfriend now and Lucas is Eliott´s. That they´re dating. </p><p><br/>Okay, yes, he wants this. He doesn´t know since when, because he was never thinking about it before, but now, now he thinks about it. A lot. And he wants this. He wants to be with Eliott, just like they talked yesterday morning.<br/>He wants this. <br/>But that doesn´t mean that he´ll be all fun and shit with it from day to day, no? He needs some time to process it, to realize that this is real, to realize this is his life and he can kiss Eliott now, he can hold his hand and actually just hold him, he can touch him and hug him and everything. Okay yes, they were hugging and touching and holding before, too, maybe. But this feels totally different. This feels thousand times more private, million times more intimate. </p><p><br/>So, when they walk through the school gate and join the group of their friends, Lucas´ breath catches in his throat and the hand in Eliott´s starts burning. He´s sweating. He´s nervous. He´s afraid of those comments which are definitely coming their way. <br/>He was never so wrong. </p><p><br/>"Fucking finally!" Yann whines with his head tilted backwards. </p><p><br/>"Oh my god, my prayers had been heard out and those motherfuckers actually talked," Arthur sighs and shakes his head. "It lasted forever."</p><p><br/>"Do you two know how many bets I lost because of you two?" Basile snaps at them. "Why you couldn´t talk things out sooner, seriously? What the hell? I´m broke because of you two, I lost lot of money. That much I trusted in you."</p><p><br/>Lucas was watching them with confused frown and open mouth. "W-what? Wait, what?" Eliott only laughs, pulls Lucas closer by his hand and hugs him around his shoulders. </p><p><br/>"Well, yes, you´re finally a couple, officially, so we can stop plotting and move on," Arthur says and rolls his eyes. "It´s been quite long and it became really boring."</p><p><br/>"Yes, so, let´s move on," Yann says and slaps his palms together before he smirks. "Guys. I got new Fifa, we can play this friday? Come to my place and we can have a battle..."</p><p><br/>Lucas stops listening. <br/>So, they all were thinking that Lucas and Eliott should be together? The whole time? But... but why did they think that Eliott and Lucas would want it? Like, yes, they want it, both of them, but <em>now</em>. Not <em>then</em>, not <em>before</em>. <br/>Right?</p><p><br/>His friends are so wierd. </p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>Lucas goes to work after school. Eliott stops at the coffee shop entrance, takes him in his arms and kisses him as a goodbye and "good luck in work, sweetheart" and Lucas´ heart melts a little bit. Then he says "I´ll pick you up after, gonna miss you," and Lucas swoons on the pavement. <br/>How is Eliott so cute, seriously?</p><p><br/>"How are you two so cute, seriously?" says Alice when Lucas steps behind the counter. "Ah, young love," she says dreamily and walks past Lucas to the back. <br/>Lucas´ taking off his jacket and finds beige envelope in the pocket. He puts on the barista apron before he opens it. </p><p>There´s graffiti of treble clef on the polariod pic. </p><p>
  
</p><p>Lucas remembers that one time he said to Eliott, it was maybe two years ago, that sharing music with someone is like strip down one part of his soul. Eliott didn´t laugh at him, back then. He didn´t mock him about him being a philosopher as fuck. He just thought about it for some time and then he said "In that case I think my soul is naked for years."</p><p><br/>Lucas reads the poem. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>Teach me that music that flows beneath your skin.</em>
</p><p><br/>It feels wierdly intimate. At least for Lucas. Because if Lucas let anyone know him, know his music, his favourite artists, or let them hear him playing the piano, he would feel absolutely exposed. And with that also very vulnerable.</p><p><br/>Or, maybe, is that a metaphore? Lucas is not good with metaphores. Eliott is. Lucas thinks about calling Eliott, sending him the poem, taking a photo or just show him once he´ll be home. <br/>But then he remembers how was Eliott jealous of Alice, and how it made him sad and angry, and Alice is a girl, very taken girl, so not a chance with Lucas, but still. Eliott cares. And this person who´s sending poems, is it a girl or a boy? Does Lucas know them or not? What this poem means? What all those notes mean?<br/>Lucas would show Eliott and Eliott would be jealous and probably hurt. Lucas doesn´t want that for Eliott. He doesn´t want to destroy something what just started. Something so beautiful. </p><p><br/>So Lucas shoves that envelope back to his pocket and starts working, making coffees and serving cakes and today is quite nice day in work and yes, he knows it´s fucking monday. But when he sees Eliott, standing there, waiting for him, everyday with Eliott feels like friday. Like the day you´re looking forward to. </p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>"Good luck with your exam," says Lucas and snuggles his nose against Eliott´s in eskimo kiss. They´re standing at Lucas´ locker on wednesday morning, Lucas´ arms around Eliott´s neck, Eliott´s finger in the belt loop of Lucas´ jeans (actually Eliott´s old-new jeans and Lucas looks fucking bomb in that) tugging him closer, smiling like the sakura blooms. Gorgeous. </p><p><br/>Anne Demaury left the Demaury´s house on monday evening, like she should. They were saying their goodbyes in the Demaury´s hall and she wanted to pull Lucas into a hug with "Lucas, darling, I´m going to miss your adorable face so much," but Eliott held him so strongly that for a moment it was just Eliott against his auntie Anne, dragging Lucas between them. Lucas saw Eliott´s dark glare at his aunt until Mrs. Demaury coughed and Anne sighed, released her grip on Lucas, and said "Well, I´m moving into the apartment quite close to this place, so I´m pretty sure we will see each other more often," and Lucas felt Eliott gripping him a little tighter. <br/>He´s cute. </p><p>The Anne´s leaving also meant that Lucas had back his room. His guest room. So he moved from Eliott back there again. If he felt strong arms wrapping around him and warm body pressing to him from behind in the middle of the night, noone needs to know. </p><p><br/>They miss each other. <br/>It´s ridiculous, because they literally live together and they spend all their free time together, but those nights are not it. They were cuddling and snuggling and kissing in Eliott´s room on tuesday evening when Eliott´s dad knocked at the door. Lucas startled and jumped on the bed under Eliott, but Eliott, with his t-shirt on the floor and Lucas´ half up his chest, let out exasperated groan and yelled "What! It´s not that either of us could get pregnant!" and, yes, Lucas almost died there. From shame. Eliott has no boundaries, obviously. </p><p><br/>They miss each other. It´s ridiculous. But it´s the fact. </p><p><br/>Eliott smiles. "It´s gonna be hard for me when my head is so full of you, to think about the exam, seriously," he says and his hand on Lucas´ lower back pulls him closer. "Sweetheart," Eliott whispers and Lucas smiles, fighting the blush. He can´t fucking blush everytime Eliott says that. It was already so many times and yet, Lucas is there, reacting like twelve year old girl when she sees High School Musical for the tenth time. <br/>Fucking hell. </p><p><br/>"Well well well. Aren´t that those two lovebirds, again?" Tom´s voice says few steps away. Lucas´ hands slips from Eliott´s shoulders to his chest. "Lovebirds. So fitting to their brain capacity, am I right?" Tom says and his friends laugh. </p><p><br/>Lucas doesn´t look at him and neither Eliott. Lucas exhales through his nose with closed eyes and pursed lips.</p><p><br/>"Eliott, I know I promised you no more fights," he says in hushed voice. "But I swear it´s so fucking hard right now to keep that promise and not kick that dick´s ass-"</p><p><br/>"Lucas...," Eliott giggles and it would be enough to distract Lucas, every other day. But not now. </p><p><br/>"Oh, and they are deaf, now, too," Tom continues. "They are both so fucked up in their lives but this... this is the shittiest thing that could happen to them. Now they are absolutely without a chance to get into some good company," he´s talking in ugly voice like he knows he´s funny and people around him are laughing, stupid, so he gets his viewers, but in Lucas it´s awakening violent thoughts that he´s a little scared from his own mind. It reminds him his father too much. </p><p><br/>"I swear, my ribs are okay, I promise, it doesn´t even hurt anymore, just one kick into that stupid fa-" Lucas talks to Eliott and then there are suddenly Eliott´s lips on his and that´s the distraction Lucas can´t ignore, because, after all, this is Eliott, his <em>boyfriend</em>, kissing him like that in the school corridor between dozens other people. <br/>Lucas wraps his arms back around Eliott´s neck, tilting his head to deepen the kiss and it´s wonderful  and maybe a little too passionate for a school areal, but whatever, who the fuck cares. </p><p><br/>Lucas has this feeling he hears cheering around them and maybe Tom says something more, but he couldn´t care less. He doesn´t hear anything. It´s the magic of Eliott, Eliott and his lips. He doesn´t hear anything when Eliott touches him like that. <br/>He´s in private bubble now, just him and Eliott. Just the two of them, together. And it feels so good. And when Lucas bites Eliott´s bottom lip and he smiles and Lucas smiles too and then they are just smiling into the kisses, until they realize it´s too quiet around them and they are alone at the lockers. </p><p><br/>"Fuck, you´ll miss your exam!" Lucas curses, grabs Eliott´s hand and tugs him to the staircase, they run to the first floor, laughing like idiots, really. There they kiss with quick "bye" and "good luck" and "see you later" and part their ways to their classrooms. </p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>"So, Lucas," Mr. Demaury says at dinner on wednesday evening. Lucas´ head snaps up and he´s thinking about the worst, immediately. What if Mr. Demaury would want to give him the speech "if you hurt my son I will kill you"? Or what if Demaurys had enough of him and need from him to move out? What if they don´t want Lucas to date Eliott? <br/><em>Fuck... </em></p><p><br/>"Lucas," Mr. Demaury says again. "Son. I was thinking about that, hm... Do you have some stuff in your house you would like to pick up?" he asks and Lucas just stares for a minute or two. </p><p><br/>"F-from my childhood house?" Lucas asks in weak voice and feels like Eliott´s hand squeezes his knee under the table reassuringly. </p><p><br/>"Yes. I don´t know, maybe... your clothes or stuff for school or your favourite sneakers or literally anything. Do you have something like it there?" Eliott´s dad asks. </p><p><br/>Lucas thinks about it for a moment. He could use his laptop, that´s true. He always borrows Eliott´s when he really needs it, but having back his own could be nice. Also yes, his favourite sneakers are there, too. He has only one pair of shoes since he left and it´s been quite uncomfortable. And he has several Eliott´s books borrowed in there, too. He wants them back. </p><p><br/>"Um, yes, I have there few things I could use," Lucas says eventually. </p><p><br/>"Okay, I was thinking we could go there, together? I´ll drive you there and go inside with you, don´t worry. We can do it while your father will be still at work, you can grab your stuff and we´ll leave, if you feel up to, what you think?" Mr. Demaury asks kindly. And Lucas appreciates it, a lot, but it doesn´t stop the lump in his throat to grow to the football size. </p><p><br/>"Okay," he chokes out. </p><p><br/>"What about tomorrow?" Mr. Demaury asks. <br/>Fuck, tomorrow, thursday, so soon. </p><p><br/>"Okay," he answers. </p><p><br/>Yes, whatever. He doesn´t care. No. His father can go choke for what he cares. He´ll just go there, take his stuff and leave. That´s it. He can do it, it´s not a big deal. </p><p><br/>He can do it. </p><p> </p><p><br/>That night when Eliott wraps his arms around Lucas, Lucas snuggles closer to him, holds him tightly, burries his face into Eliott´s neck and inhales the scent. Coconut. Sunflowers. Summer. Eliott. </p><p><br/>"Are you okay, sweetheart?" Eliott asks, caressing his back. </p><p><br/>"Yes," Lucas whispers. He´s not sure if Eliott realizes it´s a lie, but he squeezes him tighter and that´s the only thing that matters for that moment. </p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>On thursday morning, Lucas finds new envelope and inside the note with one <em>very</em> interesting word in it. There´s polaroid pic of some tiny flowers in the middle of... some bush? He doesn´t recognize it. It seems like it´s two different plants middling together. </p><p>
  
</p><p>He reads it and reads it and something inside him feels warm before he realizes he´s thinking about Eliott. Of course that Eliott makes him feel like that, all the time, warm inside. <br/>But then  he thinks about that the person, who´s writing those notes, feels something to Lucas and Lucas suddenly feels bad for hurting that person, whoever it is. Even when he´ll find out who that is, he can´t and won´t and doesn´t want to leave Eliott. Eliott is the only right thing in his life and yes, he´s the most important person to Lucas, always was and always will be. <br/>That´s it. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>In the right love...</em>
</p><p><br/>What is the <em>right</em> love, anyways? Something what feels right or what others think that´s right? Or something safe, unproblematic? What is it... Lucas thinks it´s different for everybody. Everyone can feel differently about love and about what is right and what not. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>In the right love we will discover new love for ourselves. </em>
</p><p><br/>Lucas never thought about selflove. He wasn´t learned to it as a kid. Actually, he was told that he´s the biggest idiot, the biggest problem, the biggest dissapointment, all his childhood and puberty. He wouldn´t even know the word <em>selflove</em> if he wouldn´t hear Manon talking about it with Daphné one time when they all were outside in the park. </p><p>Maybe, maybe when Lucas´ll find the right love, he will discover the new love for himself, too. </p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>Another note is tucked in his chemistry textbook. Lucas finds it as he´s walking to his locker to put his books there. It´s polaroid with graffiti of this... um... moon? And heart. And the poem, the poem is... <em>something</em>. </p><p>
  
</p><p>Wait. </p><p><br/>Wait wait <em>wait</em>. </p><p><br/>No. This is not... this is not possible, right? Because, what? <em>Fell in love?</em></p><p><br/>Okay, no, <em>again</em>. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>I fell in love with that strange world he was. </em>
</p><p><br/>Yes, that´s it, it´s <em>there</em>, written in this black letters on the piece of paper. Lucas feels wierd. So wierd. Because, this note, it means that... it basically means that the one who´s writing them is <em>in love with Lucas</em>, like literally <em>in love</em>. <br/>Okay, yes, the previous note was a little hint.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>The problem with falling in love is that everything else in life becomes boring by comparsion. </em>
</p><p><br/>Yes, <em>that</em> one. </p><p>But this one? There could be literally <em>I fell in love with him</em> and it would mean the same. Lucas feels bad. One could think it´s the good thing to recieve love note like this, right? But it´s not good at all. </p><p>For Lucas it means two things. </p><p>One, he will probably hurt that writer, because he´s with Eliott and he will be with Eliott. Until Eliott will want him, that is.  </p><p>Two... is this cheating? Because, if yes, he should tell Eliott. He doesn´t want hurt Eliott, either. He doesn´t want to have secrets like this, hiding things in front of his boyfriend. <br/>He should tell Eliott, for sure. If Eliott got a note with someone telling him they are in love with him and Eliott wouldn´t told him, Lucas would be probably hurt, too. It´s a bit ridiculous because, seriously, who is <em>not</em> in love with Eliott? Who couldn´t be in love with this sunshine?</p><p><br/>So, Eliott was right all the time, since February, huh? These really <em>are</em> love letters. These notes were love letters, all the time. </p><p><br/>He should tell Eliott. </p><p><br/>"Lucas, let´s go, dad just called me he´s waiting outside," Eliott calls after Lucas as he´s walking down the stairs to him. </p><p><br/>Right. They go to his childhood house now. Lucas´ heart starts beating like crazy and his stomach hurts. Nerves. Stress. </p><p><br/>Okay, he´ll tell Eliott after they´ll be home again, in bed, he´ll tell him then. </p><p><br/>Now, he takes Eliott´s hand and goes to the car with him. </p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>It´s so strange feeling to open the front door again, after four weeks since he left. Mr. Demaury and Eliott are right behind him, so Lucas feels safe with them. That doesn´t mean his heart is not racing inside his chest, because it does. Like crazy. </p><p><br/>Lucas walks to the kitchen.<br/>There are several bottles from alcohol, mostly from beer. He winces with the memory when he last saw his dad standing there, drinking the beer, throwing the mug after him. Lucas looks down like he wouldn´t want to step on the shards, but there are none, of course. <br/>He´s going to be insane. </p><p><br/>"Lucas," Eliott´s dad says. "Go for your stuff to your room, okay?" he says and Lucas nods, goes to the stairs and walks up, slowly, Eliott, thankfully, follows him there. </p><p><br/>Lucas opens the door to his room and gasps. It looks like something would exploded there. Bedsheets on the ground, table turned upside down, posters from the walls ripped into tiny pieces all around. His wardrobe open and clothes fallen down inside, some of it around the floor. His desk chair has broken leg. </p><p>Lucas looks around the mess. It must have done his father after he realized that Lucas left, probably. Lucas can imagine him coming here, yelling <em>where the fucker is again</em>, drunk, his violence and alcohol together -  the worst combination ever. </p><p><br/>Lucas sniffles and then he realizes he´s crying. <br/>Fuck, <em>no</em>. He wipes his tears and walks inside, takes the linen bag from the ground and stuffes inside his blue hoodie, grey jeans and sneakers, then he goes to his wardrobe and from the bottom of it he pulls out his laptop and Eliott´s books. <br/>Yes, he was hiding his stuff. What about it. </p><p><br/>He puts it all inside the bag and goes to the door again, to Eliott, who´s standing there, shockingly looking around. </p><p><br/>"Sweetheart," he whispers, reaching his hand for Lucas. "I´m so sorry," he says. "This is terrible. Come on, let´s go home."</p><p><br/>Lucas wipes his cheeks again, because the tears just silently falling. Eliott takes the bag and the laptop from Lucas, holds his hand and leads him downstairs. </p><p><br/>"Eliott?" Mr. Demaury calls from the hall leading to Lucas´ father´s home office room. "Can you come here for a second, son?" Eliott looks at Lucas, puts those stuff on the ground and squeezes his hand. </p><p><br/>"I´ll be right back," he says to Lucas and walks away. Lucas looks around, then he goes, takes those bottles and throws them to the trash bin, which is full. There´s dirty dishes in the sink, Lucas puts it into the dishwasher. Then he wipes the surface of counter and kitchen island with the rag. It looks much better like this. <br/>Lucas doesn´t know why he did that. Old habbit, he supposes. </p><p><br/>He hears Eliott´s and Mr. Demaury´s muffled voices and he goes there, to them, to ask what´s going on. </p><p><br/>They´re in the hall leading from the living room to the office. Lucas is few steps away when Mr. Demaury notices. </p><p><br/>"Uh... L-Lucas, son, could you wait outside, please? Please, just for a minute," he says in a wierd voice and Lucas wants to ask what´s going on, when he sees him. </p><p><br/>On the floor in the hall, right next to the door to the office. <br/>Motionless. </p><p><br/>His father. </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I know it´s absolut mess...</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Oh my dear lord i´m so terrible with updatessss how is that possible!?<br/>I mean, the work is going to kill me, every day I´m out of house since very morning to very evening and now i´m starting the driving lessons.<br/>Fuck.<br/>FUCK IT I´M GONNA EDIT TOMORROW, sorry for mistakes. </p><p>Anyways, darlings, love you, thank you for waiting for me and enjoy ♥</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Dad, dad, look at me, hey, look at me, dad, dad," Lucas is kneeling on the ground, hands on his father´s chest, shaking with him. "Dad, dad, you hear me?" he´s repeating again and again. </p><p><br/>"Lucas, stop it," he hears next to him, feels the hand on his shoulder, but he doesn´t care, he doesn´t listen. He´s shaking with his father but he´s not waking up. </p><p><br/>"Dad, dad, wake up," he says again and takes his father´s head to his hands. He immediately feels the wetness on the back of his dad´s head. Lucas slowly pulls his hands away. There´s blood on his fingers. Lucas stares at it, then he looks at his father´s pale emotionless face. </p><p><br/>It´s seriously so wierd. Lucas was so scared of his father, ever since he remembers. He was <em>so</em> scared. He never stand this close to him, not without a pain, not without being beaten up. When he was this close, it was mostly because his father was kicking him, beating him, choking or holding him against the wall. Other times Lucas was keeping his distance, metres away from his father. <br/>Now, when Lucas sees him on the ground, motionless, eyes closed and mouth half open, it´s wierd to admit he´s scared, again. His father´s not moving and Lucas is here, scared that he can wake up any second and punch Lucas. And he´s scared that the man won´t wake up at all. <br/>Why? Why when his father was never nice to him? Never accepted him as a son, never accepted him even as a human being. But still, Lucas can´t find in himself to be happy seeing his own father like this. <br/>It´s still his father. <br/>The man Lucas lived with for almost eighteen years, his whole life. </p><p>Yes, Lucas is scared his father could kill him, of course. No, he didn´t forget the sight of his room which he saw few minutes ago. No, he didn´t forget all those injuries he got from him, those stupid broken ribs which still hurt like bitch. </p><p>Now, Lucas is staring at his bloody hands and in his head is such a mess. He doesn´t know what to think, he doesn´t know how to react. How should he react? Should he give him the first aid? Lucas can´t recall how he learned that in school. He doesn´t know how to do that. Should he stop the bleeding? But, what if he´d hurt him more by moving with him? <br/>Lucas smells the alcohol from his father. The awful scent is all around them. It can´t be ignored so easily. It´s present. </p><p>
  <em>Fuck. </em>
</p><p><br/>Lucas doesn´t know how to react, what to do. So he does nothing, he´s just there, staring at his hands and his father´s face, here and there, here and there. </p><p><br/>"Lucas, baby, come here," he hears Eliott somewhere from his left or maybe right or maybe he´s just a voice in Lucas´ head, who knows. He can´t move. </p><p><br/>There´s Mr. Demaury, kneeling now next to his father from the other side, putting some folded towel under Lucas´ dad´s head, pressing to it. </p><p><br/>"Lucas, son, you hear me?" he asks and looks at Lucas. "He´s breathing, okay? He´s breathing, he just hit his head, I already called an ambulance, they will be here any minute."</p><p><br/>Lucas looks at his father´s face. What? That he´s breathing? He looks dead. Lucas thinks he looks dead. He looks like he´s dead for days. Not that Lucas ever saw dead body before, not in real life, only in tv, but this greenish pale color of his father´s face, little yellow, maybe, too, it doesn´t look very lively. </p><p><br/>"Eliott, take Lucas´ stuff and put them in the car," Mr. Demaury says to Eliott. So Eliott is here, yes? Yes, he´s here, he´s not only in Lucas´ head, he´s really <em>here</em>. That´s good. Good good <em>good</em>. <br/>There´s footsteps and there´s silence and there´s noise and there´s everything and there´s nothing. </p><p><br/>"Eliott, listen, I need you to take Lucas home, okay?" Mr. Demaury says, standing there, Lucas sees his shoes and shins from his position on the ground next to his dad´s body. <br/>Why he thinks <em>body</em>? It´s still <em>him</em>, his <em>dad</em>, he lives, he´s breathing. It´s still his <em>father</em>. </p><p><br/>"But, dad, how-"</p><p><br/>"Here, take the car and drive him home," Mr. Demaury says to Eliott and there´s clinking of keys. </p><p><br/>"No, I can´t take the car, I don´t have the licence yet, and you know how bad I am with your car," Eliott sounds wary. </p><p><br/>"Eli," Mr. Demaury says. "You can do it, I trust you. Remember how we were learning that together. Drive slow, watch the street signs, you know the way. I´m going to stay here and go to the hospital with an ambulance."</p><p><br/>"Dad, I-"</p><p><br/>"Eli, take care of Lucas, okay?" Mr. Demaury whispers and there´s silence. Lucas can´t tear his eyes from his bloody hands. He saw his own blood so many times just because of this man. Like, for example the time he threw the mug on Lucas and Lucas stepped on the shards, cut his foot. <br/>This is not his own blood. He doesn´t even know why he feels so triggered by his father´s blood. Maybe because he was always acting so powerful that Lucas forgot he´s also a human, he´s also vulnerable and he can also bleed. <br/>Now, Lucas sees it. It´s creeping into his mind, the thought of his father being only human, after all. He´s cruel, he´s violent and furious and aggressive. And after all, he´s another unhappy human. </p><p><br/>"Lucas, come with me," says Eliott next to him and there´s arms around his waist pulling him up. </p><p><br/>"No," Lucas says, watching his father. "No," he repeats, stumbles backwards but Eliott´s there, holding him around his chest from behind, tugging him away. But, but he can´t leave like that, no? He can´t leave, he needs to wait and see what will happen next. Is his father going to die? Is this the last time Lucas sees him? Should he say goodbye or something? <br/>What will happen when he´ll survive and find out Lucas was here? What then? Then he´ll absolutely come and kill Lucas. For sure. </p><p><br/>"Ambulance is here," says Mr. Demaury. "Go home, boys. Lucas, go home, I promise I´ll stay with your father the whole time and I´ll tell you everything when I´ll come home, okay?"</p><p><br/>Lucas shakes his head. "No."<br/>Lucas doesn´t even know why he should want to stay. Why he´s saying that. He doesn´t want to stay, is the fact. He just doesn´t know how to feel. Relieved? Scared? Worried? Should he cry? He doesn´t feel like crying. </p><p><br/>"Eliott, take him home," Mr. Demaury says and Lucas sees he exchanges glances with his son and Eliott pulls Lucas away. </p><p><br/>They get into the car, eventually, paramedics walk around them into the house and that´s all Lucas sees before Eliott tugs him to the car, opens the door, Lucas sits there and Eliott puts the seatbelt around him. </p><p>They leave the house, Lucas´ childhood house, again, after a month since the first time he did just that, in the middle of the night, alone. Lucas´ looking from the window but he doesn´t really see anything. He ´s just sitting there, his bloody hands in his lap, palms up to not make those fancy jeans dirty. He doesn´t percieve if Eliott´s driving is good or bad or through which street they´re going now, and how long the way back to Demaury´s taking them, but suddenly the car stops and there´s Eliott, opening the door, unwraps the seatbealt from Lucas and leading him home by the arm around his back. </p><p><br/>Lucas goes. <br/>But only because it´s Eliott. </p><p><br/>"Hi, darlings," Mrs. Demaury greets them when they´re passing by the kitchen. "Where is your dad, Eli?" </p><p><br/>"He...," Eliott looks at Lucas and back to his mom. Lucas feels the silent communication but he can´t stop staring at the blood. He wants it gone. It already dried and it looks dark. "He went with Mr. Lallemant to the hospital," Eliott says and then there´s silence for a moment. </p><p><br/>"Tell me if you need anything, Eli, okay?" his mom says in soft voice. Then she´s there, cupping Lucas´ face and lifting it up to look him in the eyes. "Are you okay, honey?" she asks and her eyes are so peaceful. Lucas loves them. </p><p><br/>"Yes," he says but it sounds wierd. She doesn´t believe him, that´s clear, but she smiles anyway, strokes his cheeks before she lets them go. </p><p><br/>Eliott takes Lucas to the bathroom and takes off his hoodie. "Let´s wash our hands, baby," he says and Lucas really appreciates he´s not pointing at his hands, but <em>their</em> hands. It doesn´t sound so awful that way. <br/>He lets Eliott to wash his hands, looking at the water changing colors from red to orange to clear again and Lucas hands are clean. Lucas changes his jeans to sweatpants Eliott hands him and puts on another hoodie. He´s cold. <br/>He sits on the bed in his guest room.</p><p><br/>"You´re shaking," says Eliott, takes the blanket and wraps it around Lucas´ shoulders like a cape. "I´m gonna make some tea, be right back, okay?" he says, watching Lucas. There it is, the searching gaze, again, like Lucas was used to it, before. <br/>Before he left the house. </p><p><br/>"Okay," he says and nods and Eliott kisses his forehead before he leaves the room. </p><p><br/>Lucas sits there for some time, on the edge of the bed and then he decides he doesn´t want to think anymore, so he stands up, takes his phone and earphones and play the first reccomended song the youtube offers him. </p><p><br/>He lies down, on his stomach, ignoring the pain in his fucking ribs - still there, still present - ignoring that the breathing is harder for him like this.<br/>He´s tired of pain. He´s tired of feeling the pain all the fucking time. He´s tired of feeling anything, honestly. He´s tired of thinking. He doesn´t want to feel, doesn´t want to think. <br/>He lies his forehead on his folded arms, closes his eyes and focuses on the lyrics, so he doesn´t have to think about his own fucking life. </p><p>And because he´s never lucky, never in his fucking life he was lucky enough to do anything right, anything good, to got anything good from the universe, the <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZkzY29DKHEQ">song</a> that plays hits him hard, like a punch to his stomach.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>Holding back the flood in</em>
  <br/>
  <em>This skyscraper town</em>
  <br/>
  <em>You gave all that sweat and blood</em>
  <br/>
  <em>Now you think you're gonna drown</em>
  <br/>
  <em>You can't tell that you're bigger</em>
  <br/>
  <em>Than the sea that you're sinking in</em>
  <br/>
  <em>And you don't know what you</em>
  <br/>
  <em>Got but you got it at your fingertips</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Ooh, you got it in you</em>
  <br/>
  <em>Ooh, you got it in you</em>
</p><p>
  <em>When the lights go out and</em>
  <br/>
  <em>Leave you standing in the dark</em>
  <br/>
  <em>No one ever told you</em>
  <br/>
  <em>This would be so hard</em>
  <br/>
  <em>I know you think your fire is burning out</em>
  <br/>
  <em>But I still see you shining through</em>
  <br/>
  <em>You got it in you</em>
</p><p><br/>Suddenly Lucas just wishes his mom was here, with him. Like that one time when she was home for few days, Lucas came from school and his father yelled at him and slapped his cheek - Lucas doesn´t even remember what he did so bad back then to deserve that. Lucas was hiding under his blanket, in his bed, after, and his mom came to him, lied next to him and they talked about every stupid shit his mom could make up until Lucas felt better, until he forgot why he was sad in the first time.</p><p><em>No one ever told you this would be so hard...</em> Lucas feels like everyone else knows what Lucas feels, everyone else except Lucas himself. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>Not everything you hear</em>
  <br/>
  <em>Should sound like the truth</em>
  <br/>
  <em>'Cause nobody else's words</em>
  <br/>
  <em>Can define you</em>
  <br/>
  <em>Maybe you don't see it but you're</em>
  <br/>
  <em>Quicker than the world can spin</em>
  <br/>
  <em>You should know what you got</em>
  <br/>
  <em>'Cause you got it at your fingertips</em>
</p><p><br/>Lucas lets the tears fall. He doesn´t sob, no hiccups, no shaking in his shoulders. It´s just silent tears falling from his closed eyes, just a few, and Lucas just lets them, they soak into the pillow he´s laying on.<br/><br/></p><p>
  <em>Ooh, you got it in you</em>
  <br/>
  <em>Ooh, you got it in you</em>
</p><p>
  <em>When the lights go out and</em>
  <br/>
  <em>Leave you standing in the dark</em>
  <br/>
  <em>No one ever told you</em>
  <br/>
  <em>This would be so hard</em>
  <br/>
  <em>I know you think your fire is burning out</em>
  <br/>
  <em>But I still see you shining through</em>
  <br/>
  <em>You got it in you</em>
</p><p><br/>Lucas feels worse after the music than before, so he opens his eyes to turn the phone of and there´s Eliott, laying next to him on the bed, reaching his hand and touches Lucas´ arm slowly, carefully, caressing him over the hoodie. </p><p><br/>Lucas puts the phone and earphones on the bedside table. </p><p><br/>"Lucas," Eliott speaks, softly, just a whisper. </p><p><br/>"Yes," Lucas says, lies back and looks at him. </p><p><br/>"Let me be here for you, Lucas, my darling," Eliott says, brushing hair from Lucas´ forehead. Lucas looks at him and looks at him and then he cuts the distance and hugs Eliott, wraps his arms around him and holds him and Eliott holds Lucas back in a second. </p><p><br/>"I´m sorry," Lucas whispers to Eliott´s neck. </p><p><br/>"What are you sorry for, sweetheart?" Eliott asks, caressing his back. "You did nothing wrong."</p><p><br/>Lucas breathes in and out. "I did nothing right, either," he says when he realizes how true that is. </p><p><br/>Eliott exhales long breath. "I know you think that, but you´re not a failure, Luc," Eliott says. "You´re strong and smart and wonderful. You did nothing wrong and you will be okay, I promise."</p><p><br/>It maybe sounds cheap, like someone would giving a promise to little kid about anything in this world, not taking it very seriously, but to Lucas it´s everything from Eliott. <br/>And he calms down with it. Because Eliott never lied to him. Eliott is the only right thing in his life and when he promises something, it must be true. </p><p><br/>"Okay," Lucas says then. "Thank you."<br/>Eliott kisses his cheeks couple times, pulls the blanket over them. </p><p><br/>"You can sleep, sweetheart, if you´re tired," he whispers to Lucas´ ear. And Lucas <em>is</em> tired, that´s true. But he´s also afraid what he could see in his dreams if he closes his eyes now and sleeps. <br/>But here, with Eliott, feeling all safe and protected, here he´s comfortable and he really must fell asleep, because the next thing he hears are hushed voices as he´s slowly waking up. </p><p><br/>"How is he?" Mr. Demaury whispers. "I should tell him about his father."</p><p><br/>"He´s sleeping," Eliott whispers and tightens his arm around Lucas´ shoulders. "Later, not now. It´s too much in this moment." </p><p><br/>"Okay," Eliott´s dad replies. "I´m proud of you how you handled the ride home, Eli. You´re great."</p><p><br/>"Thank you, dad," Eliott whispers and Lucas can imagine the shy happy smile on his face. He opens his eyes to see it and also to ask about his father. <br/>He needs to know. </p><p><br/>"W-what...," he starts, voice raspy, blinking around. It´s dark behind the window, and also in the room. </p><p><br/>"Lucas," Mr. Demaury stands in the open door. "How are you feeling, son? You should take some more rest."</p><p><br/>"What is with my father?" Lucas asks, sitting on the bed. "Is he...? Will he, um.. I mean-"</p><p><br/>"He´s alright, Lucas," Mr. Demaury says. "According to all what we saw in your house, he got drunk, fell and hit his head. In the hospital they had to pump out his stomach and he got few stitches on the back of his head, but after all it was nothing serious and he´s alright. They´re waiting when he´ll wake up."</p><p><br/>Lucas listens, trying to process all those informations. <br/>So, his father is gonna be okay. Alive. Safe. And he drank so much alcohol that they had to pump out his stomach. That´s <em>wonderful</em>... He can´t get any lower, right?</p><p><br/>"Elise called your mom, Lucas, to inform her about it," Mr. Demaury says and Lucas´ eyes snap to him. "Is that alright with you? We thought you wouldn´t feel to do it and it´s absolutely okay and uderstandable, really."</p><p><br/>"Yes, um... thank you. I´ll call her in the morning," Lucas decides. He has no energy calling her now. And he´s definitely not in the mood. But maybe, when his mom will hear this, she would be more willing to come home to Lucas? <br/>It´s nice imagine. </p><p><br/>"Okay," Eliott´s dad smiles kindly. "I´ll let you rest, goodnight."</p><p><br/>"Um, Mr. Demaury?" Lucas calls after him and when he turns around to Lucas again, Lucas says "Thank you. For everything. You´re s kind to me, all of you," he looks at Eliott laying next to him and Eliott smiles. "I don´t know what I would do without you."</p><p><br/>"Lucas, as my dear wife loves to say - we love you. You´re part of this family, you always were and always will be. So, you´re welcome," he says and Lucas nods, feeling like he might cry happy tears. "Good night, boys." </p><p><br/>"Good night, dad," Eliott says and his dad closes the door. It´s dark and silence. Lucas lies back to Eliott, head on his shoulder, arm hugging his chest. "Are you... happy?" asks Eliott and hugs him tightly. "Are you happy about it?"</p><p><br/>"About what?" Lucas asks, even when he probably knows what Eliott has on his mind. </p><p><br/>"About your father... being alright," Eliott whispers hesitantly, like he´d be scared to say it out loud. Lucas understands. He´s scared about it, too. He´s scared about his thoughts, sometimes, because it´s not always a good stuff. </p><p><br/>"I know he hurt me a lot," Lucas says. "I know you know that, too," Eliott squeezes his arm. "And it´s shitty, it really is, and part of me hates him for it, for all of it. And then I hate myself for the hate, you know?" Lucas rubs his eyes. Eliott doesn´t say anything. "But I wouldn´t wish anything bad to him. Bad, I mean, worse than what happened. I couldn´t. I couldn´t wish for him to... to die. That´s terrible thought. I guess I didn´t have it in me," Lucas feels a little relieved that he doesn´t feel such a hate as his father had always for him. </p><p><em>I´m not like him. </em><br/><em>I´m my own person.</em> </p><p><br/>"I understand," Eliott says. "You´re not like him, Lucas. I hope you know that."</p><p><br/>Lucas smiles a little. "I know. Thank you, for telling me."<br/>Eliott kisses his forehead. <br/>Lucas maybe is a little scared what his father´s going to do once he´ll be okay again, standing strongly on his feet. What if he´ll find Lucas and kill him - this time for real? </p><p><br/>"I think the karma did her thing, you know?" Eliott says and in Lucas´ mind is the memory again, memory of two little boys, one of them teaching the other about karma. </p><p><br/>"Yes," Lucas whispers. "I know."</p><p><br/>They lay in peace for some time, Lucas listens Eliott´s breathing, feeling his heartbeat under his hand and he feels content. Yes, he´s still in shock with what he saw today, with his father´s situation, and he feels the urge to checking out his hands every minute just to see if they´re still bloody or not. <br/>But on the other hand it´s calming to know that his father is alive. After all that shit, Lucas can´t deal with the possibility that he would be happy if his father died. He really doesn´t think that would make him happier. And the imagine is awful. It´s terrible. </p><p><br/>"Eliott?"</p><p><br/>"Yes, sweetheart."</p><p><br/>Lucas smiles. "You´re the best thing in my life, you know?" he says. "I feel like you´re the only right thing I´ve ever had. The only right person."</p><p><br/>Eliott doesn´t say anything, but Lucas just wanted for him to hear this from Lucas, he just wanted to tell Eliott. Because it´s true. The only person who would never lied, who would never do anything to hurt Lucas.<br/>That´s Eliott. Sunshine. </p><p><br/>"Good night," says Lucas and hugs him closer. </p><p><br/>When he´s almost asleep, he feels the lips on his forehead whispering "Good night, love."</p><p><br/>The best feeling ever. </p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>It´s very early friday morning when Lucas wakes up with the ringing of his phone, <em>again</em>. <br/>It´s his mom, <em>again</em>. </p><p><br/>Lucas feels relieved. He finally has a chance to talk to her about this situation and she´ll know what was happening in the house and she´ll realize that her husband is alcoholic. If she doesn´t know, yet. </p><p><br/>He´s sleepy, his eyes are barely open, but he leans for the phone, sees his mother´s face and accepts the call. </p><p><br/>"Hi, mom," he says, trying to be quiet because Eliott is sleeping next to him. </p><p><br/>"Lucas?" his mom´s voice sounds furious. "Do you mind explain to me what happened to your father? And why Elise Demaury called me about it? Am I getting it right that you weren´t at home for whole month?"</p><p><br/>She sounds angry. Lucas is confused, why is she angry at him? She knew Lucas lives with Demaurys now, they talked about it the last time. </p><p><br/>"Mom, you knew I´m with Demaurys, I told you that the last time we spoke-"</p><p><br/>"Yes, yes, but I didn´t realize that you´re like... <em>living</em> with them? For good? That it´s permanent state, like, in a long term," she says and okay, <em>okay</em>, this is nothing to be worry about, Lucas supposes. He´ll just explain and it will be alright. </p><p><br/>"No, I´m living with them, because I needed to left the house, because-"</p><p><br/>"Lucas," his mom interrupts him, again, like she likes doing so, apparantely. Lucas shuts his mouth. Eliott next to him shuffles and wakes up, probably, but Lucas focuses on the phonecall. "You telling me you just ran from home, am I right?"</p><p><br/>"Yes, I had to," Lucas says. "I was scared that he´d kill me."</p><p><br/>There. It´s out.</p><p><br/>"Do you know what happened to your father yesterday, Lucas?" his mom asks. "He could have died, you know that?"</p><p><br/>"Yes, I was there when the ambulance came for him," Lucas says, breathing deeply, trying not to recall himself the images again. </p><p><br/>"And where were you when that happened?"</p><p><br/>"I don´t know when that happened, mom, because I wasn´t in the house for a month, as I already told you, twice," Lucas says as calmly as possible. Truth is, he just doesn´t get it. His mom is in Japan, <em>fucking</em> Japan, instead of being here and being the mother for Lucas she supposes to be. And now she´s angry because Lucas wasn´t home? She´s angry that Lucas didn´t stay home with abussive father?</p><p><br/>"If you were there, you could have stop this from happening, you know?" his mom says. "He wouldn´t do that if you were there. He would be alright. Now he´s going to rehab, did you know that?"</p><p><br/><em>Oh</em>. His father is going to rehab? Because of the alcoholism, Lucas supposes. <em>Finally</em>. </p><p><br/>"No, I didn´t know that," Lucas says quietly and feels this hand on his arm as Eliott sits next to him. </p><p><br/>"No, because you doesn´t give a damn about your own father," she says. She doesn´t even sound angry anymore, she sounds like she´s stating facts. Lucas feels tears in his eyes and big lump settling in his throat. <br/><em>Fuck</em>.<br/>His mother doesn´t get it, right? She doesn´t understand what was happening at her house, because she´s too busy flying all around the world and living her best life. And she, who´s never give a fuck about her own son is now mad that Lucas saved his life by running away? <br/>Lucas feels the tears fall. Fucking <em>again</em>. </p><p><br/>"But, mom, he was so mean to me," Lucas whispers desperately. Eliott holds his other hand in his both, watching Lucas´ face, worried. <em>Again</em>, he´s always so worried because of Lucas. </p><p><br/>"So you just, what? Left? Just like that? You ran from your home?" his mom asks. </p><p><br/>"Y-yes, if I stayed, he would kill me-"</p><p><br/>"Don´t be so dramatic, Lucas. If you were there, this wouldn´t happened, you know that, right? They had to pump out his stomach and now he´ll be stuck in rehab, because you weren´t there to stop him, to help him-," his mom sighs, obviously frustrated. </p><p><br/>"M-mom, he was beating me up, every day, I couldn´t st-"</p><p><br/>"Maybe he´s a little... fiery, but he´s a good person and he´s your father, Lucas. He was more parental figure to you than I was, because, god, I´m not the maternity type, at all, I´m more like careerist...," she rumbles and Lucas stops listening. </p><p><br/>And he suddenly realizes his mother has no clue. She was never beated up by his father, her husband, as Lucas thought before. She didn´t create this career to protect herself. She didn´t leave for job to escape, because she had nothing to be afraid of, she had nothing to run away from. <br/>Just Lucas. <br/>She didn´t want to be mother of little boy who was in her career way. </p><p><br/>"Mom...," Lucas tries one more time. He just wants her to understand. He needs her to understand, to know what was going on. </p><p><br/>"Lucas, dammit, I can´t talk any longer, I have this meeting and I can´t be late," she says and sounds in rush. </p><p><br/>"B-but-"</p><p><br/>"I´m the manager, after all, I have to be on time, everywhere."</p><p><br/>"Please, wait-"</p><p><br/>"I´ll call you later, okay?"</p><p><br/>Lucas takes a deep breath. "Don´t bother," he says and hangs up. Lucas brings his knees up to his chest, puts his elbows on his knees, heels of the hands presses to his eyes to stop the tears. It´s useless, anyways. </p><p><br/>"Lucas, baby," Eliott says next to him and there´s this hand on his shin, caressing his leg. </p><p><br/>Lucas breathes in and out. "What time is it?" he asks. </p><p><br/>"It´s not even five," Eliott says after few seconds. <br/>Good. They still have more than an hour to sleep before they have to start getting ready for school. Lucas lies down on his side facing the window, curles up into himself and closes his eyes, brushed his cheeks and breathes deeply. <br/>It´s okay, he thinks. It´s okay, because what is worse than not having any parental figure in his life? Having <em>bad</em> parental figure in his life. He doesn´t need this, no. He´ll be better on his own, he´ll be eighteen in less than three months. He has a job. He can do it. </p><p><br/>Lucas blindly reaches for the blanket and pulls it up to cover himself. He feels Eliott shuffling around before he presses himself to Lucas´ back and kisses his shoulder. He doesn´t say anything and neither Lucas, but they hold each other and that´s for Lucas, somehow, more than thousand words. </p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>They walk to school together, Lucas feels tired and Mrs. Demaury offered him to stay home, with Eliott, both of them, together, which is strange and also very kind, but Lucas actually wants to go to school, to get some distraction. <br/>He doesn´t think about his mom´s call. And when his mind gets there, to the memory of her mad voice and all those words she said, Lucas just thinks she´s overworked and she didn´t mean it like that. <br/>She doesn´t know what was going on and she probably didn´t even hear Lucas telling that to her, mostly because Lucas was choking on tears and his mom was busy and distracted by her work. <br/>It´s all okay, he can tell her some other time, once she´ll have the time for him. Lucas is not mad at her. He actually stopped giving a fuck. <br/>He thinks that could be the best thing he can do for himself. </p><p><br/>So he gets up from bed that morning, watches Eliott´s face for a while before he kisses his cheek when comes the time to wake up for school. They take some breakfast (even when Lucas feels his stomach is all curled up, he eats few bites of croissant) and then they walk hand in hand to school. </p><p><br/>Eliott kisses him goodbye in front of the door to Lucas´ next lesson and then they meet at lunch and then Eliott walks him to work and sits at the table to be there with him. <br/>Lucas tells him, several times, that he´s okay and Eliott doesn´t have to loosing his time here with him, but Eliott insists that he wants to be there and read or draw or learn something for school. <br/>Yes, Lucas knows it´s shitty excuse, who wants to study on friday afternoon, right? But he has to admit that seeing Eliott his whole work shift is really nice. They keep smiling at each other over the room and when there´s calm and no new customers, Lucas comes to him to steal a kiss and looks what Eliott´s drawing. </p><p><br/>"You guys are too adorable, seriously," says Alice. "I think I have to start drink sugar-free latté because of your sweetness."</p><p><br/>"You´re so kind, Ali," Lucas smiles at her. </p><p><br/>"Tell me something," she says and leans to Lucas. "He doesn´t like me, am I right? Eliott."</p><p><br/>Lucas hesitates. He was hoping she didn´t notice but of course she did. Lucas sighs. He looks at Eliott who´s shooting glances their way trying not to be obvious. He´s so cute. <br/>Lucas shrugs. "He´s just..."</p><p><br/>"Jealous?" Alice asks with raised eyebrow. </p><p><br/>"Overprotective," says Lucas instead. "I swear he´s the biggest sweetest sunshine in this world."</p><p><br/>Alice smiles and nods understandingly. "That I can understand."</p><p><br/>"Really?"</p><p><br/>"Yes," Alice lets out a short laugh. "Honestly, Lucas, do you see yourself in the mirror sometimes? Because that face?" she waves her hand in front of his eyes. "It´s too precious. Need to be protected."</p><p><br/>"What?" Lucas frowns. "No, what? That´s not true."</p><p><br/>"Oh boy," she sighs. "Eliott is one lucky man. You´re too cute, really, just... stay yourself," she grins at him and goes to the back to Aiden. <br/>When she´s gone, Lucas takes the chocolate muffin and brings it to Eliott. </p><p><br/>"Here, you must be hungry," he puts the plate in front of him on the table. </p><p><br/>"Thank you, sweetheart," Eliott smiles, looking like the cutest little darling. Lucas sits next to him. </p><p><br/>"It´s so wierd," he says. "Normally it´s crazy in here, on friday afternoon. Where is everyone?"</p><p><br/>Eliott shrugs. "At least you can take a breath, that´s good thing," Eliott puts his arm around Lucas´ shoulders and pulls him closer. "And you can be with me, that´s a great thing," he mumbles to Lucas´ ear and kisses his cheek. </p><p><br/>"That really is a great thing."</p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>You know what feels nice?<br/>Being held by someone. <br/>And not just someone, but <em>Eliott</em>. Especially Eliott. </p><p><br/>It feels so good. Lucas thinks he´ll never get bored about it. About being in Eliott´s proximity. About holding his hand, stroking his hair, feeling his arms around himself. He can´t imagine a moment when Lucas wouldn´t want for Eliott to touch him. He can´t imagine a moment when Lucas would just pull away or just simply doesn´t want from Eliott to reach out for him and hold him close.<br/>Nope. Not possible. Never gonna happen.</p><p><br/>When they´re watching movie with Eliott´s parents that friday night, it´s Eliott´s head on Lucas´ lap, Lucas´ hand in Eliott´s hair, ale later, later it´s Eliott sleeping like that, hugging Lucas´ waist as Lucas half-sitting half-laying on the couch, Eliott´s head on his stomach. <br/>They wake up on saturday morning curled up together on the couch in the living room, covered with blanket. They wake up into the smell of pancakes from kitchen. <br/>Lucas is not thinking about embarrassement in front of Eliott´s parents anymore. It is what it is. And the hell he would be ashamed of being with Eliott. Never. </p><p><br/>When they are in the Demaury´s garden on saturday since very morning, because it´s very warm day in the beginning of May, they take huge blanket and lay there, under the sun, Lucas with his textbooks to study and Eliott with some book he´s currently reading, they start with brushing their fingers together, caressing each other´s pink fingers and they end with Eliott laying on his back, Lucas on his stomach, upper half on Eliott, caressing his features. Watching how his eyelashes are almost gold on the sun and how his eyes sparkle like little stars. <br/>Lucas puts his chin on his hand on Eliott´s chest and with the other hand he´s running his fingers through Eliott´s hair, so soft and fluffy and pretty. The sun is warm, the Demaury´s garden is pretty and private with bushes all around the fence like a green wall, and Eliott is here and he´s beautiful. And Lucas can have it, he can have it all. <br/>This can´t be true. </p><p><br/>"What are you thinking about?" asks Eliott and Lucas´ eyes snap to him from wherever they were a second ago. He got a little lost in thoughts. Eliott smiles at him, eyes opened just a little, just to look at Lucas from his lying position. </p><p><br/>"Nothing," Lucas says and moves with his fingers in Eliott´s hair, massaging the skin there on Eliott´s head. "Just about this situation, you know?" he adds. </p><p><br/>"What situation?" Eliott asks a little warily. </p><p><br/>"You and me."</p><p>Lucas ignores the tickling in his stomach with that. </p><p><br/>"And?" Eliott takes his hand from under his neck and touches Lucas´ face. "What´s the inference of your thinking about us?" <br/>Oh, yeah, how could Lucas forget that Eliott is here just to throwing the <em>us</em> word around like it´d be his second naturality. (The first one is being cute, obviously.)</p><p><br/>Lucas shrugs. "Just, you know... I´m happy like this."</p><p><br/>"Like what?" Eliott asks with smile slowly creeping onto his lips. </p><p><br/>"Like <em>this</em>," Lucas says and leans to kiss Eliott´s chin. "With you," he mumbles to the corner of Eliott´s smiling lips. <br/>And in the moment Eliott grabs Lucas´ face to kiss him properly, his phone buzzes. "Wait," Lucas says and Eliott sighs, lets his head fall back down and his eyes shut. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <strong>Yann:</strong>
  <br/>
  <em>Today in park. You coming. </em>
  <br/>
  <em>No excuses. </em>
</p><p><br/>Lucas knows that their friends were planning to meet up in park, all together, but when he looks at Eliott and all around them, they are in the garden, laying on the blanket under the sun. And when he realizes they would be doing the same thing but in the park full of people, no thank you. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <strong>Lucas:</strong>
  <br/>
  <em>I´m not coming. </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <strong>Yann:</strong>
  <br/>
  <em>I said no excuses. </em>
</p><p><br/><strong>Lucas:</strong><br/><em>I have no excuses.</em><br/><em>I´m just not coming.</em> </p><p>
  <br/>
  <strong>Yann:</strong>
  <br/>
  <em>Whyyyy</em>
</p><p><br/>Lucas looks at Eliott who has closed eyes and tiny smile on his lips, sunbathing so close to him that Lucas wants to just wrap him in his arms and hold him like that forever. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <strong>Lucas:</strong>
  <br/>
  <em>I just want to be with Eliott.</em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <strong>Yann:</strong>
  <br/>
  <em>....</em>
</p><p><br/>Lucas puts his phone down and then his head too, snuggles closer to Eliott, presses his face to Eliott´s biceps. "Mmm, you´re so warm from the sun," Lucas sighs. "It feels so nice."<br/>He feels Eliott´s hand on his face and in his hair and then the phone buzzes again. "Fuck that," Lucas says. "I don´t care, I´m not gonna look."</p><p><br/>"It´s mine," Eliott says. Good, Lucas doesn´t even have to open his eyes. "Um, Lucas?" Eliott says after some time. Lucas hums. "Baby, let´s go to the park with our friends, hm?"</p><p><br/>Lucas looks at Eliott. "What? No, I don´t want to go."</p><p><br/>"But I already told Yann we´re going," Eliott says and rolls on his stomach and then he sits on the blanket. </p><p><br/>"And I already told him I´m not going anywhere," Lucas says and shuffles on the blanket to put his head on Eliott´s lap. He nuzzles to his stomach. "Because I want to be just with you."</p><p><br/>"You can be with me in the park?" Eliott says, watching him with pretty eyes and cute smile. </p><p><br/>"It´s not the same. There is no privacy," Lucas mumbles. </p><p><br/>"What you need privacy for?" Eliott frowns with confusion but Lucas knows it´s only a sharade. </p><p><br/>"I don´t want to listen their stupid rambling, it´s not interesting to me. <em>You</em>´re interesting to me."</p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>The problem with falling in love is that everything else in life becomes boring by comparison.</em>
</p><p><br/>"Lucas, please," Eliott says, cupping one side of Lucas´ head. "Please, baby, come with me to the park. Your friends miss you. You weren´t hanging out with them in the past weeks because... well...," Eliott purses his lips. Yes, Lucas knows. Because he had to working and didn´t have a time for anything, especially for his friends. </p><p><br/>"I don´t want to go," Lucas whines and rubs his cheek to Eliott´s thigh. "Please, cancel it so we can watch Shrek 2 or do literally anything else than be around people."</p><p><br/>"It´ll be fun, I promise," Eliott says and leans down to kiss Lucas´ temple. "And if you´ll be bored, you can always sleep at me on the freaking blanket and not interact with anyone, hm?"</p><p><br/>Lucas considers it. <br/>He really really doesn´t want to go. He wants to be with Eliott here, in their private bubble. Lucas is happy here. And he doesn´t want to listen any bullshits from boys. Or looking at those "aww" faces girls will be surely doing. </p><p><br/>"Please," he says again. "Let´s stay here. Just you and me."</p><p><br/>Eliott sighs. "It will be us in the park, too. Come on."<br/><em>Us</em>. <br/>Us us <em>us</em>. <br/>Okay. Fuck. </p><p><br/>Eliott gets up and pulls Lucas with him, then they take the blanket and go to the park. </p><p><br/>"Um, Eliott, we didn´t take any food," Lucas notices when they can already see the familiar group of people in front of them. "It will be picnic without food, I don´t like that."</p><p><br/>"Yann promised they order pizza," Eliott says and squeezes Lucas´ hand. <br/>And, okay, pizza sounds nice. Especially when Yann paying for it. </p><p><br/>"Look who decided to please his friends with his presence," Arthur calls out. "Lulu, my boy, I missed you!" </p><p><br/>"Lulu!" Basile yells. "Why I have this feeling I didn´t see you in years?"</p><p><br/>"I don´t know, Bas, we saw each other yesterday in school," Lucas says and sits on the blanket next to Eliott. "Where´s the pizza?"</p><p><br/>Yann snorts. "So that´s why you came? For pizza?" he shakes his head with amused smile. "Why am I not surprised?"</p><p><br/>"And here I was thinking you missed your buds," Basile says and shakes his head with (hopefully) fake dissapointment. </p><p><br/>"No. I came because my boyfriend dragged me here," Lucas nudges Eliott´s shoulder. "And because you," he points at Yann, "don´t take my <em>no</em> as an answer and texting Eliott instead. Like, seriously, that´s not cool."<br/>Lucas feels a little left out. <br/>Yes, he knows it´s wierd to feel like this with stupid texts and not with actually not-hanging out with his friends, but he just feels like a stupid kid, when he said no and Yann texted Eliott instead and convinced him to convinced Lucas. </p><p><br/>"Come on, Lulu," Yann rolls his eyes. "You can´t be like a rat, hiding in black holes all the time," Lucas unwillingly shivers when Yann´s words recall the black basement with rats inside. He shivers and Eliott notices, of course, like always, and he looks at Lucas with question in his eyes. <br/>Lucas ignores that. </p><p><br/>"How did you convince him, anyways?" he asks Yann. "What did you promise? Because Eliott is not like me and he wouldn´t let himself be bought by fucking pizza. What kind of dirt you have on him, huh?" </p><p><br/>"Nothing!" Eliott blurs out. Lucas looks at him, confused. Eliott´s staring at Yann with unreadable expression. <br/>What´s going on?</p><p><br/>Yann laughs. It sounds wierd. "Lulu, bro, we all just wanted to spend some time with you, that´s all. We miss you. You´re our friend. Am I right, guys?"</p><p><br/>Arthur and Basile nod their heads and girls obviously doesn´t give a damn about this. Imane´s braiding Daphné´s hair, Manon´s sunbathing while reading a book and Emma with Alexia are watching something on the phone, each of them one earbud in their ears. <br/>And, okay, Lucas has to admit it´s really nice from his friends to not forget about him and still want to spend time with him. </p><p><br/>So, that´s that. They´re spending time together, whole saturday afternoon. Guys talking and laughing and Lucas mostly listens. Not that their talks would be any interesting, but it´s just nice to be like this with his friends, with Eliott, and another plus is that he doesn´t have to think about his father in hospital or rehab, his mom in Japan and his childhood house, completely empty, now. <br/>He thinks about Eliott, about his laughs and his smile and his bright eyes, he thinks about his friend, Yann, Basile and Arthur, about how long way they have behind since the first year in high school. He thinks about how neither of them is studying today, even when the bac is so fucking close. They just wanted to spend some time together, school-free, just them. <br/>That´s really nice. </p><p><br/>In one moment, Eliott´s talking to Yann and Lucas sits there on the blanket alone, when Manon suddenly appears out of nowhere next to him, and in a second there´s Daphné on his other side. </p><p><br/>"What the-"</p><p><br/>"So, you and Eliott, hm?" Manon asks with raised eyebrows and innocent smile. </p><p><br/>"Yeah? And?" Lucas says. Don´t get him wrong, he´s not ashamed of being with Eliott - god, no - and he´s not scared to admit that. He just doesn´t understand why girls who never talked to him any often or like... were not his <em>friends</em> friends are suddenly so damn curious about his life. <br/>And then he realizes it´s all because of Eliott. <br/>Eliott is the interesting subject in this whole thing. Lucas only happens to be his boyfriend. That´s it. </p><p><br/>"Aww, that´s so cute, Lucas, i´m so happy for you two," says Daphné and hugs him sideways. Ahh, here it is. "Aww" faces. </p><p><br/>"Thanks," he says and looks at Eliott. He would like to know what is going on in the conversation he´s having with Yann. <br/>Maybe Eliott will tell him later, when they´ll be alone again. </p><p><br/>Lucas doesn´t pay any much attention to the rest of the afternoon. At one point he puts in his earphones and listens some music, doesn´t care about what others talking about. Is that rude? Actually, Lucas was always like this with his friends, even when he and Eliott weren´t together. <br/>They were all talking and stuff and Lucas was always the listener, and when he didn´t want to be, anymore, he got lost in thoughts or he listens the music. And that was that. <br/>And noone ever cares.<br/>They feel good because they all are together and Lucas feels good because he´s there. </p><p><br/>He even asked Eliott one time, long before they got together, if that´s wierd or if that´s okay with that. And Eliott just smiled and put his hand around Lucas´ shoulders. "We know you, Luc, we know who you are and how you´re acting and what you´re doing, so don´t worry about it. Just do whatever you feel up to, we´ll be there, always."<br/>Lucas knew they don´t know him, not really, because they never were in Lucas´ childhood house and they never knew how Lucas´ parents are, but that´s alright. <br/>They are friends, and that´s that. </p><p><br/>It ended up exactly like Eliott said. <br/>Lucas fell asleep with the earphones in and <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YYOKMUTTDdA">music</a> on. <br/>And what about it. <br/>And when he woke up, they eat pizza and later they go home. <br/>And Lucas loves his friends, really, but he was used to on Eliott, for such a long time, since he was little, so he somehow learned to not need many people around him. </p><p><br/>Just Eliott. </p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>There´s note in his locker on monday lunch break. </p><p><br/>There are two polaroid pics of sky. The writer really is a sky lover. And then there are those words and Lucas has teary eyes while reading that. </p><p>
  
</p><p>But that´s not true, is it? <br/>He was never enough. Never enough for his mom to stay with him and let go off of her work. Not enough for her to care more about him than her career. <br/>He was never enough for his father. Constantly dissapointment, never good enough, never smart enough, never man enough. He was never enough for his father to quit drinking and talk to him like a normal person, normal human being, normal fuctional father, talk to him without yelling and punching. <br/>He was never enough for anyone, this is complete bullshit. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>You are enough, a thousand times enough. </em>
</p><p><br/>Abso-freaking-lutely. </p><p><br/>He´s not enough even for the people in this school. Like this morning, when those two girls came to talk to him. <br/>"Hi, you´re the Eliott Demaury´s boyfriend, right?" sounded behind him and Lucas turned around. There were two girls Lucas didn´t remember ever seeing. New faces in front of him. <br/>"I´m Lucas," he said, not really sure why they were asking. <br/>"So, are you dating Eliott or not?" one of them asked with confused frown. <br/>"Yes, it´s surely you, I saw you two together," said the other one. "So you are Eliott´s boyfriend?"<br/>"You know I have a name," Lucas says. "My name is Lucas."<br/>He doesn´t know why he´s reacting like that. It´s not that he doesn´t want to admit the fact he´s dating Eliott. God, he would love to scream it out of the roofs, if he´d have a chance. But something in him is tired of labels. He just wants to be known by his name. By his real name. No nicknames, no labels. He had them plenty with his father. <br/><em>Idiot. Useless. Dumbass. Fag. Fucker. Dissapointment. Stupid. </em></p><p>He doesn´t need anything else. </p><p><br/>So, yeah. He´s not enough for anyone, apparantely. </p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>On tuesday evening when Lucas comes home from his shift, Eliott runs upstairs to take a shower and he says Lucas to wait in the kitchen so they can make something to eat when he´ll be done. </p><p><br/>In the kitchen is Eliott´s mom. They greet with Lucas, as usually, say each other few words like how was school and work and some other stuff and then Lucas takes some juice from the fridge and sits on the bar chair behind the kitchen island, when Mrs. Demaury speaks again. </p><p><br/>"Lucas, honey?" Eliott's mom says as she stands opposite to Lucas, leans her elbows on the kitchen island. Lucas looks at her and smiles. "I was thinking... I want to ask you again if you didn't change your mind about reporting your father for abusion."</p><p><br/>Lucas freezes. Fuck. No, he... He actually stopped thinking about that some time ago, it was out of his mind, completely gone.</p><p><br/>"If you're afraid you could hurt him or something, you should know that this is bad and he deserves to take the responsibility for hurting you like that, for years, Lucas," Mrs. Demaury says very seriously and Lucas knows she doesn't mean to sound so harsh and Lucas also knows how serious situation that is, but he just... can't.</p><p><br/>There's silence for a moment.</p><p><br/>"Lucas, I don't want to force you to do anything, I won't push at you. I just want to let you know that I would be with you, if you'll decide to do it."</p><p><br/>Really, Demaurys are the best people Lucas knows.</p><p><br/>"I, um.. I'm not scared that I would hurt him," yes, he is. "I'm actually scared that it would hurt me more than him and... And I'm not sure if I would be able to handle it," Lucas says quietly.</p><p><br/>Is he feel stupid with this confession? <br/>Damn yes, he does. <br/>But it´s not a lie. He just doesn´t want to go through another hell and he still remembers his mom´s phonecall and her voice blaming him for everything that happened with his father, and he doesn´t really feel like stand up against his father and make it worse. <br/>Not for his dad. But for himself. He feels so vulnerable and fragile that one bad word and he would break apart. That´s the feeling he has inside his stomach. Nonstop.</p><p><br/>Mrs. Demaury nods. "I understand," she says and when she´s passing around him, she kisses his forehead. "It´s going to be better and better with time, I promise."</p><p><br/>Lucas prays for her to be right. </p><p><br/>"The only thing I am really afraid of...," he continues, doesn´t even know why, honestly. "Is that my father will be okay soon, and with okay I mean with his senses, thinking rationally, and he can come and do whatever he wants with me, because I´m not an adult, yet. So, basically, he owns me. Until I´m gonna be eighteen, he can do whatever he wants."<br/>Lucas shivers. He hates the imagine. And he can´t even admit that he´s actually terrified with the imagine of his father bursting into Demaury´s house, dragging Lucas out of here and noone will ever see him again. </p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>There´s another note on wednesday in his pocket. This one is long. Lucas takes out the polaroid pic with graffiti and it makes him chuckle out loud. <br/>It´s funny. <br/>And cute. </p><p>
  
</p><p>And again, Lucas imagines the person walking around, spraying graffiti before taking a polaroid pic of it. It´s funny. It´s really funny. If that´s really like that and the person is making those graffiti for him, for this all poems project, for Lucas, it sounds too incredible to be true. <br/>And a little concerning. </p><p><br/>And Lucas feels like he really has to tell Eliott, soon. Because, what is this note about?</p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>It´s good to be with someone who has been through hell-</em>
</p><p><br/>Is it about Lucas and the hell he´s been through? Or the person is talking about their own troubles? Maybe they went through hell, too? Maybe they feel just as lost as Lucas feels and this note is about both of them?</p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>Life is hard and strange and a lot of shit happens. </em>
</p><p><br/>Yes, that´s so true. Lucas laughs with it. This is so fitting. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>...when someone´s been through the worst of it already, pain doesn´t come as much of a surprise. </em>
</p><p><br/>Lucas reads it and thinks about that he´s probably didn´t went through the worst, yet, because the pain is always surprise for him. He can´t just get used to it, it´s not possible. It´s not fucking possible, the pain is always so destructing for him and he can´t count with it in advance, just like that. <br/>Yes, he´s awaiting the pain, always. But he´s never ready for the force of it. <br/>Fuck. </p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>Lucas thinks about it all thursday. He needs to tell Eliott. He forgot about it when the shit with his father happened, but he needs to do that, as soon as possible. He needs to tell Eliott about those notes. He´s afraid Eliott could be hurt with such a secret. </p><p><br/>It´s not literally secret, because they were actually talking about it like two weeks ago. Eliott asked Lucas about notes and Lucas said that yes, he´s still recieving them and no, he still doesn´t know who keeps sending them to him. </p><p><br/>But this is different. Situation changed. Lucas needs to tell him, soon. <br/>And he will. </p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>Lucas gets another note on friday (no, he didn´t tell Eliott yesterday because he actually fell asleep before Eliott returns from the bathroom, too exhausted from work) and this one makes his heart beating like crazy. <br/>There´s graffiti with black heart and those fucking words-</p><p>
  
</p><p>FUCK. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>And I love you...</em>
</p><p><br/>They <em>love</em> him. The writer, whoever it is, loves him. Is that right? Eliott and his prediction about love letters is now confirmed for two hundred percent. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>You have robbed me of all heart &amp; mind and I love you, sweet bandit of my soul. </em>
</p><p><br/>Lucas has to admit that he never heard most beautiful words. This is so pure. So passionate. So beautiful. So... unreal. </p><p><br/>Can someone love someone else without knowing him? Can someone fell in love without talking to that person? Getting to know him?<br/>Lucas has so many questions, but the biggest of all of them is: <em>Will I finally find a way to tell Eliott about all of this?</em></p><p><br/>And he gives himself an ultimatum. He´ll tell Eliott tonight, after work. He needs to tell him. He feels absolutely awful for keeping it from him. </p><p><br/>So, Lucas lets Eliott walk him to work, then pick him up after, and then they are here, all clean from shower in clean sweatpants and hoodies in Eliott´s bed, ready to watch some movie Eliott´s looking for in his laptop that´s sitting on his lap. </p><p><br/>Okay, okay, Lucas´ll tell him. About the poem. About the writer being apparantely in love with Lucas. About how Lucas doesn´t want to hurt anyone but especially not Eliott, so he´s telling him now. <br/>Also about the fact that he wants to be with Eliott and even if he knew the identity of the writer (which he doesn´t), he wouldn´t leave Eliott for them, because Eliott is the only thing that matter. Eliott is the only right thing, in his life and yes, he wants to be with him for as long as Eliott would want him. <br/>And that´s that. </p><p><br/>When Lucas puts it all in lines inside of his head, he´s ready. He checks his phone to know what time is it and meets with black screen. <br/>His phone is dead. <br/>Shit. </p><p><br/>"Hey, do you have another charger? My phone is dead," Lucas asks Eliott, lifting his head from his shoulder.</p><p><br/>"Sure, look in the drawer," says Eliott, keeps watching the screen of his laptop, moving with some files on the homepage. Lucas kisses his cheek, smiles when Eliott smiles (it´s really just <em>that</em> simple) and goes to the desk to check the drawers. He opens one after another and no charger there. When he opens the third one, he freezes on spot.</p><p><br/>No. <em>No</em>, it's not possible. How...? No. No no <em>no</em>.</p><p><br/>Lucas stares at it and tries to understand. Tries to find some sense in that, some explanation, but finds <em>none</em>.</p><p><br/>There's package of beige envelopes. How many? Twenty? Maybe more. There are random polaroid pics. Pieces of paper from <em>that</em> notebook. Few of them with words on them. The writing... Lucas even sees the black pen there. Lucas takes the polaroid pic of another sky to his hand, stares at it, not understand shit.</p><p><br/>"Baby? Did you find-" Eliott stops talking when he notices what Lucas´ holding.</p><p><br/>It's not... It's <em>not</em> true. Eliott is the only thing what is <em>right</em> in his life, what is <em>true</em> and <em>real</em>. And still... All of it was a <em>lie</em>? Or, or maybe not but, but he was lying to Lucas all the time when they were talking about those notes. He was lying all the time?</p><p><br/>Lucas feels sick. He looks at Eliott, who sits there with shocked and maybe a little scared eyes.</p><p><br/>"What is it?" he asks even when he already knows. Eliott moves his lips but doesn´t say anything. "It... It was you, all along?" Lucas chokes out. "It was <em>you</em>?"</p><p><br/>Eliott starts shaking his head but he still doesn't say a word. Lucas tries to understand. He can't. He can't find any sense in that.</p><p><br/>"It was you?" he asks again. "You were... What? Playing with me like that?"</p><p><br/>Eliott shakes his head, gets up from the bed. "No, Lucas, please, let me explain-"</p><p><br/>"Would you ever tell me about this? Would you ever tell me if I didn´t find out like this?" Lucas asks and he doesn't recognize his own voice.</p><p><br/>"I-I <em>would</em>- Lucas, yes, I just wanted-" Eliott stutters and Lucas' ears start ringing.</p><p><br/>"I can't think," he says. "I don't understand, I don't even.. I don't-" he looks at the polaroid photo between his fingers. Sky lover. Lucas was thinking so many times about the writer, that he must be skylover. Now he recalls all those moments when he was walking with Eliott and Eliott just told him, out of nowhere<em> look at the sky, Luc, it´s so pretty.</em> And when Lucas looked at him, Eliott´s head was tilted back, face up as he was watching the sky like another from world´s wonders. <br/>Eliott is the skylover. <br/><em>Eliott is the writer. </em></p><p><br/>"Lucas, please, just listen," Eliott says, stepping closer. "You know me, you know that I would never-"</p><p><br/>"Do I? Do I really know you?" Lucas asks, Eliott stares with guilty eyes. Beautiful. Beautiful eyes. Lucas feels betrayed. He feels... Ashamed. Again. "I thought... You were the <em>only</em> right thing in my life, Eliott, the only<em> true person,</em> and now it's... It's not even true anymore."</p><p><br/>"No, Lucas, don't say that," Eliott says. "It <em>is</em> true, it <em>is</em>, it's still me and everything I ever told you was and is true, I swear."</p><p><br/>"But you... You lied to me the whole time? At the beginning you were pretending to help me find out who's sending me those...," he shakes the polaroid pic. "Did you have fun the whole time?" Like that one time in February, they were standing in the school yard and Eliott was pointing at one person after another as they were walking around them, and he was saying <em>this one? What about this one? Ahh, that one looks at you like he would write you some love letter. </em><br/><em>These are not love letters, Eliott!</em> Lucas said and blushed and Eliott rolled his eyes with smile. <br/>Yes, like that one of many times. Lie. Fake. </p><p><br/>"What? NO! No I didn't-" Eliott takes another step closer and reaches his hand to Lucas to hold him, but Lucas steps away. </p><p><br/>"Don't," Lucas says. "Don't touch me," he says and it burns on his tongue.</p><p><br/>"Lucas, please," Eliott says. "Let me explain. I never wanted to hurt you."</p><p><br/>Yeah. <br/>Of course. </p><p><br/>"Don´t talk to me," Lucas says and then he runs out of that house he started calling <em>home</em> - not because of warm bed, but because of Eliott. <br/>It was only <em>Eliott</em>. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>HOLY SHIT WHAT DID I JUST READ!<br/>Me @ me after editing.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I sincerely apologize for such a long ass wait. I won´t writing here any excuses, it´s useless. </p><p>Thank you all for your patience and for those cute sweet kind asks. </p><p>This chapter is from Eliott´s pov.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>This is a story about a boy named Eliott, who´s living his best life. </p><p><br/>Well, almost. </p><p><br/>Eliott grew up in loving family. His parents, highschool lovers, married around twenty, having baby Eliott in the age of twenty-one, and still managed to study college and became very successful in their jobs, after. They are the perfect example of unconditional love. Eliott saw fights between them, just a few, not much, and every argument ended up with a hug and a kiss. They were non-willingly showing Eliott how to communicate and that the fights are useless in marriage, because at the end of the day, it´s only the other person what´s matter the most. </p><p><br/>Eliott met Lucas when he was little and since then, everything was different. </p><p> </p><p>It happened that Eliott´s mom was lawyer of Mrs. Lallemant´s company. One day little Eliott was with his mom in her office. His mom´s office was amazing, Eliott loved that. It looked in there like in a movies. His mom looked so powerful, sitting behind her huge heavy desk from dark wood, two comfortable chairs for visitors and clients in front of her, and then there was this small modern grey couch with coffee table where Eliott was sitting all the time, drawing or reading or whatever he wanted, maybe with a quiet mumbling or crooning for himself. He was good-behaving kid. He wasn´t trouble maker, he was kind to everyone and maybe a little too joyful. But that wasn´t anything bad. That´s why his parents were confused that Eliott didn´t have any real friends and he was mostly on his own. Little Eliott was absolutely okay with that, he never complained. His mom said: "Eli, sit here and draw or something, I need to work for a while, okay?" and Eliott sat there, drawing, never tired of drawing, actually, he sat there, humming to himself some songs he heard in tv, drawing for hours. </p><p><br/>Mrs. Lallemant walked into the office with little boy. </p><p><br/>"I´m so sorry, Elise, but I had to take Lucas with me," she said to Eliott´s mom. The boy behind her - Lucas - looked sad. "He didn´t see me in three months and I´m leaving again tomorrow, so he doesn´t want to let go off of me," she sighed. </p><p><br/>Eliott´s mom smiled. "It´s okay, really, Eliott is with me, today, too," his mom nodded his way and Mrs. Lallemant turned to him. </p><p><br/>"Oh, hi, Eliott, I didn´t notice you´re here, you´re so quiet," Mrs. Lallemant said and ripped her skirt from Lucas´ grip. "Lucas, go sit over there, I need to work now, okay?"</p><p><br/>"Hi," Eliott whispered when Lucas approached him, slowly, hesitantly, watching him with huge blue eyes and a little wet eyelashes. "I´m Eliott," Eliott continued in a whisper to not disturbing the working women. "You are Lucas?"</p><p><br/>Lucas nodded. </p><p><br/>"Want to draw with me?" Eliott asked and handed the green crayon to Lucas. Lucas took it, then he looked over the table and took another crayon, grey, and then another, blue. He looked into Eliott´s eyes, then back to the crayons, repeated this a couple times and then he finally bended over the table and started drawing on the clean page in Eliott´s open sketch book. <br/>Eliott didn´t mind. He had plenty sketch books. </p><p><br/>Lucas looked up. <br/>Eliott smiled.<br/>Lucas smiled.  </p><p>And that was it. </p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>Eliott met Lucas when he was eight. <br/>Lucas was seven back then and he was the tiniest seven years old boy Eliott ever saw. The next day, Eliott was in school, walking through the corridor, when he saw the familiar brownish messy hair. </p><p><br/>"Lucas?" he called out. Few kids turned at him and the watching teacher shushed him. But he didn´t care because there was this boy, <em>this</em> boy from his mom´s office, the boy with who was Eliott drawing all afternoon and who then fell asleep on the couch. "Lucas! What the frick? We´re going to the same school! Oh my little Jesus, that´s so awesome!" <br/>And since then, Eliott was waiting for Lucas to have lunch together every day and he was inviting him to his house all the time and Lucas went, every single day, and he didn´t want to go home, after. <br/>He never wanted to go home. <br/>And Eliott was so happy. And Eliott´s parent were so happy that Eliott was not alone anymore, that he had a friend, a real friend, and Lucas was so well behaving boy. He was quiet and polite and he made Eliott smile and laugh all the time (nobody knew how - when he barely spoke) and Demaurys saw how Eliott´s shining with Lucas, how the happines was glowing out of him. <br/>Eliott was so happy. </p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>It happened when Eliott was eleven. </p><p><br/>He fell in love with Lucas.<br/>Or, maybe, he was falling in love with him for a long time but he realized that when he was eleven. </p><p><br/>He was eleven, Lucas was ten and they were the best friends in the world. Going together to school, from school straight to the Demaury´s. Most of the times, Lucas´ dad was picking Lucas up when he finished in work. <br/>That one day, Eliott braided Lucas´ hair, like usually, and it looked really pretty. He was better and better in that. He told Lucas that he wants to practicise this to charm girls, but truth was, he just wanted to touch Lucas´ hair. And, the second reason was that Lucas looked so pretty in braided hair. Like that, no hair was falling onto his face and his eyes popped out, the blue was glowing. </p><p><br/>"Eli, come on, we need to undo my hair before my dad will come for me," said Lucas and took off all those hair clips which were holding his braids together. </p><p><br/>"Why he can´t see that? You look so good like this," said Eliott and frowned. It took him so much time to do that and he was so happy with the results. And, also, Lucas looked so cute. </p><p><br/>"He would be mad at me," Lucas said. </p><p><br/>"But... why?"</p><p><br/>Lucas was thinking for a minute, then he shrugged. "I don´t know. I just know he wouldn´t be happy, see me like this."</p><p><br/>Eliott was confused, but he didn´t asking more questions, he felt like it´s not right in that moment. He just helped Lucas with undoing his braided hair. </p><p> </p><p>One look at Mr. Lallemant´s face was enough for Lucas to grab Eliott´s arm and hold him tightly. "I don´t want to go home today, I want to stay here," he whispered to Eliott and looked at Eliott´s mom with his big eyes. </p><p><br/>"Lucas, let´s go!" Mr. Lallemant called at him from the gate he was standing at. Lucas winced and his grip on Eliott´s forearm tightened. </p><p><br/>"Eli, please," Lucas whispered. "Please, don´t let me go, please, let me stay here."</p><p><br/>And this was the moment. <br/>Eliott realized that he´s Lucas´ safe place. He realized he was the one Lucas wanted to be with when he was happy or scared or sad or excited, Lucas just wanted to be with him in all important and also all basic moments of his life. He wanted to share with him everything. <br/>Eliott looked at him and he really really wanted for him to stay there, with Eliott, with his family, forever. </p><p><br/>"Mom, please, can Lucas stay for the night?" Eliott asked his mom, tugging Lucas closer to him. His mom opened her mouth to speak but in that moment there was Mr. Lallemant, pulling Lucas away from Eliott by his wrist and going to the car with him. </p><p><br/>"I don´t have all day just to wait for you to go," he said to Lucas, who turned around to look at Eliott. Eliott saw something there, in his eyes. Fear? Sadness? <br/>And he also noticed the little braid on the back of Lucas´ head, the little braid they forgot about, they didn´t take it off. <br/>Crap. </p><p><br/>"Wait-" Eliott called out but Mr. Lallemant shutted the car door behind Lucas and got in the car, then they left. <br/>Holy crap. <br/>Eliott just hoped that it wouldn´t be such a problem as Lucas thought it could be, for his father. </p><p> </p><p>After this, Eliott didn´t see Lucas for more than a week. Lucas didn´t have his own phone back then, so Eliott couldn´t call him. He was looking for him at school, but he didn´t see him anywhere. <br/>Several times Eliott thought he saw him, so he called at him and went to him but when he reached the place, Lucas was gone. <br/>Eliott couldn´t even go to Lucas´ house, because he didn´t remember the right address. They were always there by car with Eliott´s parents and he didn´t trust himself to find it by walking. </p><p><br/>Eliott missed him. <br/>He missed him so much and he was thinking about him all the time.  He was walking like a body without a soul around the house and his parents got worried. He lost the inner light in the passing days and he wasn´t even drawing anymore, and drawing was always his safe place. <br/>But he couldn´t. He was thinking about Lucas and Lucas´ safe place, which was apparantely Eliott. He was thinking about Lucas´ hands holding his, about Lucas´ eyes, always so blue and pretty. He was thinking about Lucas´ lips, smiling at Eliott no matter what. Except the day his father came. <br/>Eliott was eleven and he was so confused about his own thinking, about his own feelings. </p><p><br/>"Eli, darling, what is going on with you, hm?" his mom asked one evening when they all were sitting around the table. He was staring to his plate and didn´t eat anything. </p><p><br/>"I miss Lucas," he said. It was of course only one part of his problem. But he didn´t see Lucas in nine days and he missed him. </p><p><br/>"Oh, baby, he´ll come back to you once it´ll be possible, I´m sure," his mom said. "He´s missing you, too."</p><p><br/>Eliott sighed. "I feel like I can´t be happy without him around me," Eliott said and looked up into his parents´ worried eyes. "Something´s missing here, without him," he said and pat his chest.</p><p><br/>His parents looked at each other and back to Eliott with tiny smiles on their faces. </p><p><br/>Eliott continued. "And, you know, he´s so wonderful and funny and smart, he´s so smart! And I love listening to him but he never talks. He´s answering my questions but he never talks by himself, but it doesn´t matter. I like him like that. And also he´s always listening, you know? He´s listening to me, every time. And when he´s here on a sleepover, I like to hug him close and sleep like that because he´s like my personal teddy bear, except this one is living and much cuter and he´s hugging me back."<br/>Eliott thought about how much he missed hugging Lucas. "And my sleep is so shitty lately and it sucks. I just need to talk to Lucas, I didn´t see him in school, either. What if something happened to him? He´s my best friend, I would be so screwed without him."</p><p><br/>And Eliott knew that Lucas thought it´s the other way around, that Lucas without Eliott would be lost, but that was not true. Lucas was just so strong and amazing. Eliott would be all alone - again - without him. </p><p><br/>"My heart´s beating so fast," he said and pressed his palm to his chest. "Here," he took his mom´s hand and pressed it to his chest. "You feel it? It´s beating like crazy. I have a heart-attack. Dad, try it, you´re the doctor. Do I have a heart-attack?" he took his dad´s hand and pressed it there, too. <br/>His parents smiled at each other and then at Eliott. </p><p><br/>"I think you´re in love, son," his father said softly and since then, Eliott couldn´t think about anything else. </p><p> </p><p>It lasted another few days until Lucas showed up. He was walking through the school corridor, his head hanging down. Eliott almost didn´t recognize him because of the grey beanie he had on his head. </p><p><br/>"Lucas?" he asked just to be sure he was seeing clearly. Lucas looked up. "Oh my god, Luc, it´s really you, I missed you so much," Eliott blurred out and stepped to him and hugged him. It felt like relief. "Where have you been?" he asked, holding Lucas´ shoulders. </p><p><br/>"I-I´m sorry," Lucas said. And nothing else. </p><p><br/>"Are you okay?" Eliott asked and frowned. "What happened?"</p><p><br/>"Nothing...," Lucas was lying. Eliott knew. </p><p><br/>"Why do you wear that beanie?"</p><p><br/>Lucas shrugged, looking down. Eliott reached his hand to it and Lucas jumped back. </p><p><br/>"Sorry," Eliott said. "What is going on?" then he noticed the bruise on Lucas´ jaw. "What is that?" he pointed at it. "Who did it? Was it the fucking asshole from your class? Did you two have a fight? Should I kill him? I will. I will, if you want me to. He can´t do that, you know, it´s-"</p><p><br/>"No, it wasn´t him, I just... fell," said Lucas. "Do you want to watch Shrek after school? Or anything else, I don´t care..."</p><p><br/>Eliott knew that something was going on but he was so happy to see Lucas again that he forgot all of his questions and took Lucas home. </p><p><br/>It was another week later when Lucas took the beanie off in front of him and showed him his badly-cutted hair. He looked so embarrassed and ashamed. And Eliott started crying. </p><p><br/>"Why are you crying?" Lucas asked, sniffling himself. </p><p><br/>"I loved your hair," Eliott cried. "So much. Who did that?" </p><p><br/>"My dad," Lucas said quietly. "He hated my long hair."</p><p><br/>Eliott cried, pulling Lucas closer to him, held him to comfort him and to feel the comfort himself. Then they watched Shrek 3 and Eliott was stroking Lucas´ short hair the whole time.</p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>There is the question why Eliott never told Lucas he was in love with him, right?</p><p><br/>Eliott was always very empathetic. And not only because he cried for Lucas´ hair, but because of that he felt so much, too much, sometimes, and it was all just more than enough for Eliott. <br/>Lucas was the first person (except Eliott´s parents) with whom Eliott felt free to express his feelings as they were coming to him. He was always so touchy with Lucas and Lucas never minded that. <br/>The only feeling what Eliott never said out loud with words it would deserve to be said, was that fact that he, Eliott, is in love with his best friend, Lucas. </p><p><br/>He was showing that to him, tho, all the damn time. He was taking care of him and hugging him and touching his hair and protecting him, but truth is, anyone with a little sensible mind who knew Lucas would be doing just the same. <br/>Lucas was exactly that type of person who´s face was screaming: NEED TO BE PROTECTED. </p><p><br/>When Eliott went to high school, their ways parted and Lucas found his new friend, Yann. It was his classmate and Eliott knew they were actually friends since the first grade, but Lucas was spending all his free time with Eliott, so Eliott didn´t take Lucas´ and Yann´s friendship too seriously, ever before.<br/>But now, when Eliott was gone and he couldn´t look after Lucas, he got jealous every time Lucas told him something about Yann. Not that Lucas would talk too much. </p><p><br/>It got better when Lucas went to the same high school as Eliott, so they could be more together, again. Yann was there too, and Arthur and Basile with them and then the girls, but Lucas never said anything about any girl, like, which one he liked or whatever. Not as boys, who were talking about them all the time. <br/>Lucas never participated in talks like that. </p><p><br/>Until he came out as a gay in his fifteen. <br/>Eliott had never been so proud of him.<br/>And so hopeful. </p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>When Eliott was sixteen years old, the depression hit him out of nowhere. </p><p><br/>He wasn´t unhappy, nothing too bad happened in his life. And still. He felt this heaviness in his body, he felt like things just lost their colors. He was spending days in bed just because he couldn´t find the strenght and will to get up and do stuff. Nothing was good or fun enough for him, anymore. He just wanted to be alone. <br/>Family dinners and crowds of relations coming for visit were the real hell for Eliott, he had to sit there and be polite when he just wanted to yell at everyone to shut the fuck up and leave. </p><p><br/>Some days were better, some days he went to school like nothing was bothering him inside and he acted like he´d be all chill and stuff, nothing was going on. </p><p><br/>He obviously wasn´t okay and Lucas noticed. <br/>The special thing about Lucas was that he wasn´t talking too much when noone was literally asking him about anything, and then, when he came to Eliott and found him in bed, dozing in and out of sleep because he got tired (because of the sleepless night), Lucas just lied next to him, pulled the cover up over him and said: "This is the best idea ever," he sighed and closed his eyes. "We take a good nap, then we can watch some of your movies, yeah? Good night." <br/>And he slept. <br/>Next to Eliott, just like that, no questions, no stupid talks. <br/>It was actually Eliott who always got bunch of questions for Lucas. But the other way around... basically never. </p><p><br/>The next day Eliott woke up feeling better. </p><p> </p><p>Nevertheless, this state of mind hit him when he was suppose to do his bac exams. He was sitting there, his classmates around were scribbling to their papers like madmen and he couldn´t recall one single word. He felt the urge to crawl into some dark hole and stay there for the rest of his life. <br/>He sat there for some more time before he couldn´t stand it anymore, so he stood up and walked out of the classroom. </p><p><br/>He went home, hid in his room, cried from frustration, fell asleep. <br/>He messed up and he hated himself. He was afraid what his parents will tell him and he was afraid of what his friends will think. And he hated he cared so much about this, about what other would think. <br/>Fuck that. </p><p><br/>His parents were more worried than pissed. They were aware Eliott is not okay and they decided to get him some more help, more professional than Lucas was - even when that boy was helping in a big level only by his presence. </p><p><br/>Eliott failed the bac, it was clear. <br/>He didn´t cry. He was pissed. Firstly at himself and secondly at this whole fucking world. The one who cried... was Lucas. </p><p>He came to Eliott and cried and cried, clinging on his best friend, sobbing to his shoulder, until he finally calmed down a bit and then he mumbled: "I´m sorry, I´m so sorry, I know you probably don´t feel really well right now about it and it sucks and I hate it for you, but-but I can´t help it, I´m just so happy I´ll have you one more year in school with me."</p><p><br/>Eliott wasn´t mad. <br/>He was hopeful, again. <br/>Lucas told him he was so afraid what could happen if Eliott got into college and Lucas would be still in highschool. That Eliott will find other cool college students to be friend with and Lucas would be all alone again. <br/>So, yeah, Lucas was happy about the fact that Eliott will stay in highschool for one more year with him. They´ll be classmates, now. </p><p><br/>Much later, Eliott thought about it. <br/>He loved the idea about him being some more time with Lucas, he loved the idea them going to college together, experiencing same things together. </p><p><br/>So when Eliott went to his last year of high school for the second time, he felt almost in peace with it, because Lucas was there, with him and for him. </p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>It started before Christmas that year, actually. </p><p><br/>Lucas was coming to school looking tired and in pain. Eliott supposed it was happening for long time but now it was so prominent that Eliott finally noticed. The stress from the bac and college decisions didn´t add to Lucas´ mental state, apparantely. <br/>He walked like living zombie. </p><p><br/>One day, he came and he was limping. The other day he had bruise on his jaw. Eliott, of course, asked million questions, but Lucas always waved his hand and told him some excuse about him being clumsy or something like that. Not that Eliott would believe him. <br/>Until one day, he came with bruised wrists. The purple bruise, still on his jaw, not healed yet, plus his wrists. Eliott cornered Lucas that day, because he had enough of lying. </p><p><br/>"What happened? What´s going on, Luc? Why are you all bruised like this?" he would ask more, if he didn´t see Lucas´ teary eyes and how desperately he was trying to blink it away. "Hey," Eliott said and pulled him closer into a hug. "You can tell me, you know that, right?" he said, stroking his back. "Who did that to you?"</p><p><br/>"My father," Lucas mumbled, his voice quiet and muffled by the fabric of Eliott´s hoodie. Eliott froze. Anything what he was expecting, this wasn´t any of the options. "He got drunk and angry. But it was my fault, I didn´t clean the house in time," Lucas added in hurry and what the fuck, seriously. </p><p><br/>"It´s not your fault, nothing is your fault. Nobody should be hurting you like this, and especially not your father," Eliott said, holding Lucas´ shoulders, looking into his eyes. </p><p><br/>Eventually, Lucas said him to drop it. Eliott didn´t, drop it, of course he didn´t. But every other time since then Lucas didn´t tell him anything, anymore. Eliott saw he was hurting and sad and he was distancing himself more and more, and it left Eliott thinking what he could do to make him feel better. </p><p><br/>One afternoon in January he was in his room, reading some poem collection he got for Christmas and then he saw it, one poem what reminded him Lucas. He put the sticker note there and read another and another and when he finished the book, it was full of neon sticker notes. </p><p><br/>Eliott went to the store, bought package or envelopes and on his way back home he took a picture of sky. <br/>Week later, he was drowning in polaroid pictures and little papers with poems. </p><p>
  
</p><p><br/>In February, he gave Lucas the first one. He did it secretely, put it into his locker (yes of course Eliott knew Lucas´ code) and then he waited for him to say anything. <br/>But Lucas didn´t mention it at all. He was a little lost in thoughts, but it wasn´t anything unusual with him. So, Eliott put there another envelope, and this time Lucas showed it to Eliott. </p><p>And Eliott... he was joking about it, calling them love letters (because deep down he knew these notes truly <em>are</em> love letters, somehow) and he was watching carefuly Lucas´ reaction. Lucas didn´t joke about it and he denied it could have anything in common with love letters, but he shoved the note into his backpack and it warmed Eliott´s heart a little. </p><p>So he decided to continue in it. </p><p><br/>One day, someone saw him. Someone cought him while he was giving the envelope to Lucas. <br/>It was Yann. </p><p><br/>"What are you doing, bro?" he asked. "What is that?" he pointed at the envelope behind Eliott´s back. And, you know, Eliott could lie, he could make up some stupid excuse, but truth is he couldn´t hold it anymore. He couldn´t hold it inside. So he told Yann. <br/>He told him he was in love with Lucas for seven years and he noticed there was something going on with him lately and he thought these notes could make him feel better a little bit. He didn´t tell Yann about Lucas´ father beating his son. He didn´t because it wasn´t up on him, but on Lucas. It was his thing, not Eliott´s. </p><p><br/>"I think you should tell him, Eliott," said Yann after he listened everything Eliott said. </p><p><br/>"Tell him what?" Eliott asked. </p><p><br/>"I think you should tell him you love him," Yann said and Eliott´s heart started pounding like crazy. "I think he actually needs it. He could use some love in his life, you know?"</p><p><br/>"Yann, are you kidding me? I can´t tell him, he´s my best friend, I can´t tell him such a thing without losing him," Eliott said and covered his face with his palms with sigh. </p><p><br/>"Why do you think you would lose him?"</p><p><br/>"Because! How could I know if he feels the same with me?" this imagine was just insane. "I actually think he doesn´t feel the same and that´s why I would lose him."</p><p><br/>"How can you be so sure?" Yann said. "I mean, he doesn´t speak about himself or his feelings very often... I mean, he´s not speaking at all, actually," Yann said and Eliott chuckled. "But I don´t think it´s impossible. You two are very close."</p><p><br/>"Yes, because we know each other for nine years, we´re best friends," Eliott pointed out. </p><p><br/>Yann shrugged. "Doesn´t matter. I know him longer and we´re not that close. You should do it. Tell him."</p><p><br/>The imagine of telling such a thing to Lucas was absolutely crazy. Eliott told Yann to drop it and he made him promise he won´t tell anyone. And Yann didn´t, tell anyone, of course, because he´s loyal friend.<br/>And the notes were continuing.</p><p> </p><p>All those things what Eliott saw on Lucas since the new year started, it was all insane. In March, Lucas had another bruise on his cheek one day, and the next day he was even limping. Eliott confronted him because of it, of course, but Lucas said it was accident in PE lesson and the bruised cheek he did himself. <br/>What a fucking lies, both of them, but what could Eliott do? He couldn´t force him to tell him everything, not like that, because he could lose him, lose his trust - which was already very small, obviously - and he didn´t want that. </p><p><br/>But Lucas was making up such a stupid excuses and Eliott was mad more and more with every other day. He was mad that he couldn´t help Lucas, he didn´t know how. He was mad that Lucas was so obviously lying to him, his best friend for years. He was mad because all he wanted to do was wrap Lucas into a blanket, hold him on his lap, stroking his hair and letting him drink hot cocoa. <br/>And what he did?<br/>Nothing. <br/>Oh, no, not nothing, he was writing notes, of course. Such a help, hm?</p><p><br/>The other thing Eliott noticed almost immediately was Lucas distancing himself from Eliott and the boys. They were asking him to go to park, to coffee shop, or just hang out like that and he had always something to do, something more important. He had to be home all the time doing "houseworks" and Eliott was scared to even imagine what that meant for him, so he didn´t ask. He was sure Lucas wouldn´t tell him, anyways. <br/>He invited Lucas to his house to sleepover with Shrek marathon, telling himself he could get him out of the house and away from his father, but Lucas couldn´t come, of course. <br/>Eliott didn´t know what to do.</p><p><br/>His parents noticed that there´s something going on, but when they were trying to ask him about it, for the first time in his life Eliott didn´t feel like talking to them about it so he shutted them off and hid in his bedroom the whole weekend. <br/>He woke up on monday morning feeling sick and after long consideration and his dad´s check, his parents left him  home because he had flu or some shit like that. And Eliott didn´t want to stay home, he wanted to go to school and see Lucas and how he´s doing and all, but he felt weak and his dad is a doctor and Eliott trusted his judgement and respected it. <br/>So he stayed at home, killing himself with overthinking. </p><p>April started and Lucas became even more wierd than before.  </p><p><br/>There was party on friday, and Eliott didn´t think that Lucas could go, when he was avoiding his friends lately so much, but then Basile sent him a pic with them, all of them, in the house of the party, Lucas was there too, sitting on the couch with bottle of vodka in his hands. <br/> <br/>So Lucas went there. <br/>Eliott was sitting in his room, anxiously tapping his foot, when his phone rang. Eliott jumped after it in a second. <br/>It was Yann. </p><p><br/>"Eliott?" he said to the phone and Eliott heard the loud music from it. </p><p><br/>"What´s going on?"</p><p><br/>"Can you come here and take Lucas home? He´s totally wasted," Yann said. </p><p><br/>"For fucksake, Yann, why did you let him drink so much?" Eliott snapped, took his hoodie and jacket and went downstairs, slipping into his shoes. Of fucking course he´ll go pick Lucas up! He was his best friend, god dammit. It was in the bff codex, too. </p><p><br/>"I actually don´t know how that happened?" Yann said. "We´re not here for that long time and he´s already so fucked and he´s saying wierd stuff."</p><p><br/>Eliott got out of the house, walking down the street. "What kind of wierd stuff? What do you mean by that?"</p><p><br/>"I don´t know... he said he´s not going home? Or something like that he has no home or whatever? I didn´t understand well, he´s drunk as hell."</p><p>And yes, Lucas was drunk and yes, he could say whatever because Yann was apparantely tipsy, too. But still, Eliott felt the stab in his heart while hearing that. He ran to Emma´s house as fast as he could. </p><p><br/>Lucas was still there, on the couch, probably since the moment he arrived to this party. His clothes was dirty and his eyes closed. Bruises on his face visible. He was half-laying half-sitting, looking out of the place. </p><p><br/>"Lucas," Eliott said, bending down to be closer for Lucas to hear him over the music. Lucas´ eyes opened a little, looking foggy. "Lucas, do you hear me?" Eliott said and cupped Lucas´ face with one hand, carefully, not wanting to cause him any more pain. <br/>Eliott lifted Lucas up by his waist and Lucas immediately leaned to Eliott, looking for some support. His eyes were mostly closed again and Eliott had to remind himself that this is <em>not</em> the right time to get lost in the feeling of Lucas´ body pressed to his, of Lucas´ face in the crook of his neck, Lucas´ breath tickling Eliott´s skin there, Lucas´ lips brushing over Eliott´s collar bone. <br/><em>No</em>. <br/>Fuck. <br/>Eliott managed to get Lucas out of the house and he pressed him there to the wall. He needed to breathe the fresh chilly air to sober up. "Are you gonna be sick?" Eliott asked. </p><p><br/>"Don´t know," Lucas mumbled and Eliott sighed, lifted his hand to brush his hair away when suddenly Lucas shutted his eyes tightly and crouched into himself, arms coming up a little to protect himself... from what? <br/>Eliott stared. He was shocked. Lucas obviously thought Eliott was going to hit him. Eliott wanted to cry. Now he was hundred percent sure that it was like he thought, the whole time. Lucas was being beaten up. According to his bruises, he was beaten up repeatedly, several times. </p><p><br/>"Lucas, what the fuck...," Eliott said when Lucas blinked at him and released his crunched position. "Lucas," he repeated. Lucas wasn´t looking at him. "Did you... did you think I´m gonna punch you?" Eliott asked and he hated how those words tasted on his tongue. And he hated he was even asking when it was just so clear. </p><p><br/>"No," Lucas lied but there´s that hesitance Eliott couldn´t ignore. </p><p><br/>"Lucas, he´s doing that to you, am I right?" Eliott said, needed from Lucas to confirm that. He hoped that in this state Lucas could tell the truth, actually. Yes, maybe it was shitty to take advantage like that over drunk friend, but Eliott just got so angry with that he was feeling so helpless all the time. "This is new one, right?" Eliott asked about the bruise. "He did that? Tell the truth, now."</p><p><br/>And then Lucas threw up. Eliott thank god jumped back, but Lucas´ clothes was dirty and Lucas looked like he was going to pass out any second. </p><p><br/>"Come here," Eliott said, turned his back to Lucas and wrapped Lucas´ arms around his neck before he lifted him by his thighs and carried him home. <br/>To Eliott´s. <br/>Yes, he probably got dirty from Lucas, and yes, it was pretty disgusting, but Lucas needed to be home as soon as possible and Eliott tried to think only about that. Also, Lucas wasn´t as heavy as Eliott would thought. Even when he probably fell asleep and he was basically dead weight on Eliott´s back, Eliott wasn´t uncomfortable. Lucas fitted over Eliott´s body like he would belong there. </p><p>Eliott had to constantly reminding himself - again - that this was <em>not</em> the good time to focus on Lucas´ body pressed to his, on Lucas´ face nuzzled to Eliott´s neck - definitely asleep. This was not the right time. </p><p><br/>Eliott managed to carried him to his house and lied him down to his bed. The clothes was dirty and it smelled bad, so Eliott took off Lucas´ sweatshirt and t-shirt and jeans, threw it on the ground and then he went to his wardrobe for some clean clothes. <br/>When he got back to bed, he saw it. <br/>Bruises, over Lucas´ ribs and stomach. Dark huge spots. Imprints of fingers over Lucas´ wrist and neck. Eliott looked at Lucas´ face, also bruised, and he felt the urge to cry. He felt like he´d be eleven again and Lucas came with cutted hair.<br/>He felt like he failed in his role of a best friend. <br/><em>Fuck</em>. </p><p>Then Eliott realized he was sitting on the bed with his best friend in underwear with whom was Eliott in love, and he made a quick job to dressed him up. </p><p><br/>"Lucas, Luc," he said and lifted Lucas´ to sitting position, holding him behind his neck. </p><p><br/>"Mmm...," Lucas murmured. "Sleep."</p><p><br/>"I know, you will sleep again, I just need to get you dressed," Eliott huffed. "So help me a little, put your arm in here," but because Lucas was drunk and obviously didn´t know about himself or the world, he did the exact opposite. <br/>But Eliott managed, eventually. He wrapped the blanket around Lucas and went to the kitchen for glass of water. </p><p><br/>"Hey, Luc, wake up," he said, lifting his best friend again. "Drink this, come on."</p><p><br/>"Nooo," Lucas growled. "Don´t want to..."</p><p><br/>"You have to, come on," Eliott put the pill into Lucas´ mouth and the glass of water to his lips. Lucas drank that, almost whole glass, before he fell onto the mattress again. "You can sleep now," Eliott said, brushed Lucas´ hair away. "Good night."</p><p><br/>Eliott was awake that night, laying next to Lucas, holding his hand, watching his sleeping face, pretending that they are in different situation, pretending they are in different universe, together, in <em>love</em>. Happy. </p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>That weekend with Lucas reminded Eliott those times when they were little boys, having sleepovers, watching Shrek... it reminded Eliott why they were best friends. They felt so good with each other. There was nothing like awkward silence between them. There was nothing like fights to death between them. They were just existing together, in harmony, they understood each other, they were accepted by one another and the best part was that both of them knew that. </p><p>They were watching Shrek and Eliott was watching Lucas. Just a little, just not to be so obvious, but he was watching. And despite the fact that Lucas´ face looked like that, bruised, multicolored, he was impossibly gorgeous. </p><p>Later, Eliott asked him about those notes. Lucas acted all casually and Eliott couldn´t read his feelings clearly. He didn´t know what Lucas thought about it, he didn´t know if he liked it at all. Eliott asked some more, not getting any more clear answers, so he dropped it for the moment. Lucas apparantely had no clue who was giving them to him. <br/>Eliott didn´t know if he should feel relieved or not.</p><p><br/>And later, Lucas fell asleep, his head fell on Eliott´s shoulder and Eliott ignored his racing heart and for a  minute he imagined that he´d be allowed to hold Lucas in his arms, just like that, just like other naturality. For a minute he imagined that he´d be able to express the love he felt for Lucas without ruining anything. <br/>For a minute, he pretended everything was perfect in this universe. </p><p><br/>They slept in Eliott´s bed, together, that night, and this time Lucas was all sober and awake and concious and Eliott felt like he might explode. <br/>They slept together in the same bed so many times, but it´s getting harder for Eliott with every other night. He just wanted to touch Lucas, touch him, hold him, cuddle him and... yeah... kiss him. And he couldn´t. So his fists were clenched all the time to hold it back, burried those feelings inside.</p><p>But when Lucas fell asleep, Eliott couldn´t help it, he reached his hand and touched Lucas´ face, his features, caressing the skin there, his eyebrows and cheeks, his nose and chin, and it was much softer than Eliott could imagine and, yeah, Eliott fell even more. </p><p>He woke up in the morning, too early, Lucas was still sleeping next to him, and Eliott just thought that Lucas must be that tired. Those dark circles under his eyes were speaking for themselves. <br/>Nevertheless, Eliott reached his hand again and ran his fingers through Lucas´ hair. How he missed this feeling! He remembered how he was braiding Lucas´ hair when they were kids and then, when they were basically adult, it felt just the same, it felt amazing. It tickled in Eliott´s stomach. </p><p>But then Lucas woke up and Eliott let himself stay in that moment for a little longer, and Lucas was looking at him, and Eliott was looking back and he felt such a need to press his lips to Lucas´, so he pulled his hand back and didn´t touch him again. </p><p> </p><p>...</p><p><br/>Eliott got the hope that after that weekend spent together, Lucas would trust him maybe some more and share with him his personal issues - it was clear that he had plenty. But no. <br/>What Lucas did, was keeping his distance a little bigger than before. <br/>He was constantly lost in thoughts, when all of them were sitting at lunch together, Lucas, Eliott, and boys. He was wearing Eliott´s clothes, still. Eliott didn´t mind, oh god, no, he was actually pleased and also he felt like he´d be hugging Lucas, the whole time. <br/>But then Lucas came to school one day, still wearing the same clothes, it was all dirty and shit and Eliott didn´t understand why he was clinging at those pieces of clothes so much? Yeah, maybe a little little hope appeared in his heart, fucking again, but it was only clothes, for godsake. Why Lucas just won´t wash it and wear something else, something clean?</p><p>Lucas got sick. He had a flu. Eliott was sure he didn´t catch it from Eliott, because he was completely alright that weekend and he changed his bedsheets, so no, not a chance that it was from Eliott. </p><p>He looked awful. <br/>Well, no, not awful, he looked gorgeous, still, but he didn´t look well, considering the healthy side of it. </p><p><br/>Eliott offered him to stay in his house, that Lucas can take some rest and get better, but Lucas shutted him out very quickly. <br/>Yes, Eliott was worried sick. And very very suspicious. </p><p> </p><p>Until later, Eliott learned what was going on the whole time, why Lucas didn´t have the time, why he was so mysterious and distanced. He had a job. Lucas had a job. And Eliott learned that because he and boys walked into the coffee shop. <br/>And there he was, Lucas, behind the counter. </p><p><br/>Eliott felt betrayed. <br/>Not because Lucas had a job - it was okay - but because he didn´t tell Eliott about it, his best friend for life. Because he was lying to him and his friends for so long.  <br/>So, yeah, Eliott didn´t say anything to him, because he didn´t really know what to say and not yell. Maybe it was a little selfish to think like that, but Eliott couldn´t help it. He felt useless as a best friend. Why was Lucas not trusting him? Eliott was dissapointed of the lack of trust. <br/>What was going on? Why he had a job? Was the situation at home really so bad?</p><p><br/>Eliott waited for him, after work. He was waiting for hours. It was cold outside, a little, but he couldn´t care less. <br/>Lucas appeard, eventually. </p><p><br/>"Why you didn´t tell me?" Eliott asked immediately. All those thoughts was pushing up Eliott´s throat. He couldn´t stop them even if he wanted. And he wasn´t sure if he wanted to stop them, at all. "Why do you never tell me anything, Lucas? I´m your best friend, remember? Well, at least I thought I was. But you never talk to me about anything. When did you start working here? And why? Why don´t you hang out with your friends anymore?" Eliott said and then he added "With me?"<br/>He didn´t know why he felt like he should be more important to Lucas than his other friends. He just knew that Lucas was much more important to him.<br/>"I could have help you, you know? I would, if you just let me. If you just let me, for once in your life, Lucas. If you just tell me what´s going on."</p><p><br/>Lucas just stood there, looking absolutely exhausted and sick, he was really sick, his eyes were smaller like it would hurt him to let them open. He was looking so tiny. Eliott wanted to wrap him in the blanket and carry him home. But there was this hidden anger in him. Anger he felt for Lucas, who didn´t tell him such an important stuff. Who was hiding things in front of him. <br/>Fuck that. <br/>Eliott spoke again and his voice was louder. "I was asking you, the whole time, if everything is okay, if you need anything. I was offering you my help and you know very well, Lucas, you know very well you can count on me with everything. Literally everything. I would help you with-"</p><p><br/>"Not everything is about your help, Eliott," Lucas spoke and despite the fact it was so quiet and raspy, Eliott stopped and waited for the rest. "Some things are just what they are and all you can do with it is accept it. You know? There´s nothing here to tell you," he said and Eliott got mad even more. "Yes, I have a job. I´m tired of begging for money from other people, I´m tired of begging for things I´ll just never recieve, because I´m not living in fucking palace and I was never recieving pocket money every week like everyone else in this fucking world or have my own bank account since I was ten, like you did. You know? So yeah, I have a fucking job. That´s all."</p><p><br/>Eliott stared for some time, confused as hell. <br/>What was he talking about? Lucas´ parents are rich, his father was successful businessman and his mom was traveling around the world, making money like noone. And Lallemant´s house? Okay, it´s not as big as Eliott´s, but it´s quite nice and modern. <br/>Eliott looked at Lucas and he noticed the bruise on his chin, purple and blue, looking painful. </p><p><br/>"This is new one, right?" he asked. </p><p>"No," Lucas said. Another fucking lie. </p><p>"Lucas."</p><p>"No," Lucas said again and then he said exactly what he always says. "Just, leave it."</p><p><br/>FUCK THAT SHIT. </p><p><br/>"You know what, Lucas? Fuck you. Fuck you and your stupidity. You're not gonna reach any good destination with this state of mind of yours. It´s going to destroy you, don´t you get it? So... yeah, continue in that, if you want. Fuck it! Fuck you!"</p><p><br/>Eliott was taken aback with what he just said. He never yelled at Lucas. He was never so mean to him, he never said anything bad to him. He didn´t feel the need to do it, in the past, but now? Now, everything what he said sat heavily between them. <br/>Lucas looked shocked. <br/>He opened his mouth and closed it and opened again and Eliott was dying inside, pleading <em>please say something, tell me what´s bothering you, let me take care of you.</em></p><p><br/>And then Lucas left. </p><p> </p><p>...</p><p><br/>The next day, Eliott felt so pissed - mostly at himself but also at the whole fucking world. Maybe that´s why he went and approached Tom, one asshole from Lucas´ PE lesson, in the school corridor. </p><p><br/>"What the fuck did you and your fucking group of clowns do in PE to Lucas?" he hissed at Tom who was staring at Eliott, absolutely taken aback. </p><p><br/>"What the hell, man? We didn´t do shit, what are you talking about?" </p><p><br/>"Don´t play fucking innocent. He´s limping since the fucking PE and his face looks like watercolor painting," Eliott said, his jaw clenched. </p><p><br/>Tom laughed. He fucking <em>laughed</em>. "You´re insane, seriously. We didn´t do anything to him. He´s just fucked up as he is, that´s all."</p><p><br/>Eliott squinted his eyes on him. He shook his head in disgust. "You´re such a fucking piece of shit."<br/>Tom pushed to his shoulders and Eliott collided with a wall, and out of nowhere there was Lucas, fighting for him. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>What?</em>
</p><p><br/>Firstly, Eliott was so glad that he saw Lucas was alright. <br/>Secondly, what the fuck he was doing here, when he was sick? He should stay home and take some rest...<br/>Thirdly, Lucas was <em>defensing </em>him? Eliott? Even after what Eliott said to him yesterday?</p><p><br/>Tom punched Lucas too and he bumbed into Eliott. "Lucas," Eliott said, holding his arms. But Lucas got angry and attacked Tom and, of course, suddenly there was a teacher, calling Lucas to the principal office. <br/>Eliott protested, he wanted to set things right, but Lucas looked at him over his shoulder, Eliott saw his bloody nose - nothing serious but enough to wake another wave of concern in him - and shook his head, so Eliott shutted his mouth up and helplessly watched his best friend being in even more trouble. <br/>Fuck that too. </p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>Eliott didn´t see Lucas in school on friday and he really hoped that he was alright. Maybe he finally got the rest he so obviously needed, because he was sick. <br/>That would be really great thing. </p><p> </p><p>"Eli, come on, dress up, we´re leaving for a dinner," Eliott´s dad called at him, already in suit and white shirt with dark-green bow tie. </p><p><br/>Oh, yeah, and then there was this thing about his mom´s birthday and their fancy dinner in fancy restaurant.</p><p>Eliott wasn´t in a mood for it. He wanted to text Lucas so badly, because, after all, Lucas was defensing him yesterday and Eliott wanted to know that he was okay. <br/>But every time he wrote a word, he deleted it again with frustrated sigh. Why was it so hard to text his best friend?</p><p> </p><p>The restaurant was fancier than Eliott remembered from last year and Eliott felt to wierd in a suit. But his mom was there, shining, smiling, beautiful, and it was all worth it. </p><p><br/>When they left the restaurant, it was raining outside. Eliott was staring out of the window, wishing he could take Lucas on a date to some fancy restaurant after almost twenty years of marriage with him. <br/>What the fuck was wrong with him? Thinking about marriage with his best friend?<br/>But, yes, Eliott imagined the possibility of him and Lucas being high school lovers, just like Eliott´s parents were. <br/>And he wanted that. </p><p><br/>"Is that... Lucas?" Eliott´s mom said and Eliott snapped out of his own mind, looking around. His dad slowed the car and stopped at the side of the road, Eliott´s mom pulled down her window. </p><p><br/>It <em>was</em> Lucas. </p><p><br/>He looked so bad. He looked unwell. He was soaked and so obviously sick. He was still wearing Eliott´s clothes, his hoodie and sweatpants, too big for him, dirty and completely wet. <br/>He looked scared and Eliott was thinking that something had to happen in his house. Something serious. Something not so good, because Lucas... he looked so <em>gone</em>. <br/>And still, absolutely gorgeous. </p><p><br/>Eliott said <em>fuck it all</em> and took Lucas home. To their home. To Eliott´s. </p><p><br/>He pretended it didn´t hurt at all when Lucas flinched at Eliott´s hand on his forehead. He had a fever, too. Eliott didn´t know what to say anymore. The main thing was that he was really happy to have Lucas with him, to have him  in their car and in their house, because like that, he could take care of him, he could watch him on his every step and be sure he was okay and safe. </p><p><br/>Lucas went to the bathroom, Eliott put there some clean clothes, catching the sight of Lucas´ bare skin while doing so and so he backed away immediately, swallowing heavily. <br/>Fuck, this was... this was the best and the worst decision, take Lucas to their house. <br/>But Eliott was also more than thousand percent sure he won´t let him go away again. </p><p><br/>Eliott came to the kitchen, sat on the bar chair and sighed. </p><p><br/>"Eli," his mom said. "What´s going on with Lucas? He doesn´t look well..."</p><p><br/>"I wish I knew," Eliott said. "But he didn´t tell me anything. He doesn´t talk to me at all, lately, to be honest."</p><p><br/>"How so?" Eliott´s dad asked. "I thought you two are like... best buddies, no?</p><p><br/>"We were, but he kept distancing lately, so much, and I couldn´t reach him," said Eliott and yes, he was very aware how his voice sounded, like sad whisper. </p><p><br/>"Don´t you want to finally tell him?" Eliott´s mom asked quietly. Eliott´s eyes snapped to her. </p><p><br/>"Tell him what?" he asked even when he knew pretty well what his mom meant.</p><p><br/>She smiled, cocks her eyebrow. "That you´re in love with him."</p><p><br/>Eliott´s heartbeat speeded up. "Absolutely not."</p><p><br/>"Why not?" his mom frowned. </p><p><br/>Eliott exhaled. "I don´t want to lose him, that´s why!"</p><p><br/>"You wouldn´t lose him, Eli," his dad said. No. Just <em>no</em>. Eliott couldn´t do that. <br/>He shook his head and his mom sighed. </p><p><br/>"Did you see him? He looks like he didn´t eat or sleep in weeks," she said. </p><p><br/>"Yes, I saw, but we don´t know what happened and I don´t know if I should ask him about it, if he´d want to talk at all," Eliott´s dad said. </p><p><br/>Eliott made up his mind. "I hope you two are aware that he´s staying with us?"</p><p><br/>"Eli, stop acting like you´d be the adult in this house," his mom laughed and Eliott just loved her so much. "But yes, we´re very aware and we wouldn´t want it any other way."<br/> Did Eliott say how much he loved her?</p><p><br/>"I wouldn´t let you want it any other way," he said. And then "Deal with it," he added. Because they knew he was joking. It was their thing. </p><p><br/>"Don´t be rude, Eliott," his dad said as a part of the game. "You´re like me when I was your age. I don´t like it."<br/>Eliott felt wierdly honoured to be like his dad. <br/>His dad is amazing person. </p><p><br/>Then they heard the door shut and there was Lucas, standing in the door in clean clothes, wet hair and tired eyes. He looked terrible. <br/>As terrible as the fairytale character could possibly look. Eliott´s heart hurt. </p><p><br/>"Hi, sweetie, feel better?" his mom asked and Eliott was so grateful for her. </p><p><br/>They gave Lucas some food, Lucas ate it like he didn´t eat in months, as Eliott´s dad said. It was painful to watch that. Once Lucas finished, there was only Eliott with him, in the kitchen. </p><p><br/>"Come on," Eliott said and walked out of the kitchen, Lucas followed. </p><p><br/>But no, Eliott´s dad stopped them that he wanted to talk with Lucas alone and Eliott left the room. </p><p><br/>Of course Eliott didn´t go upstairs. He stood there, in a hallway, pressed to the wall and listened whole talk between his dad and Lucas, and later even his mom. </p><p><br/>And he was shocked. </p><p><br/>Shocked, that Lucas lived in fucking <em>basement</em> for more than a week and Eliott didn´t noticed. Shocked, that Lucas´ fucking father was beating his own son probably every day and Lucas held it in hismelf the whole fucking time.<br/>Shocked, that Lucas didn´t want to report him. Shocked, that Lucas just ran from his house with nowhere to go and he didn´t tell Eliott, he didn´t think about the possibility to go to Eliott, his best fucking friend Eliott. Best friend for years.</p><p><br/>He was ashamed that he yelled at Lucas two days ago like that. He was ashamed he didn´t chase after him when Lucas walked away and he was also ashamed that something in Lucas was making him think he couldn´t tell Eliott, because he probably wouldn´t understand. </p><p><br/>It was just all wrong. </p><p><br/>When his dad was checking Lucas up, if he was alright, Eliott saw Lucas´ bare torso in the gap between the not fully closed door. Lucas had bruises on his ribs from the side - and they were looking much worse than week ago when Eliott saw them himself after the party -  and scars between his shoulderblades. <br/>One bigger bruise on his lower back, like he would hit something, probably a counter, with force. </p><p>Eliott was feeling so bad about yelling at him before. <em>You should be just kind to others, always,</em> Eliott thought. Noone ever knows what´s going on in other´s life. If they are mean and snappy, what if they´re going through something hard? <br/>Kindness. <br/><em>Kindness</em>, always. <br/>That was what Eliott´s mom was always telling him when he was a kid. "Be kind, Eliott. Always."</p><p><br/>In that case he fucked up, hm?<br/>Big time. </p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>Eliott was in his room, sitting on the edge of his bed, staring at his door, his legs anxiously jumping up and down so fast that he was catching a spasm into it. <br/><em>God dammit. </em></p><p>He couldn´t even think. </p><p><br/>He felt like shit. Absolutely miserable. And just because he was afraid to imagine how Lucas had to feel right now, in that moment. Lucas was beaten up by his own father, many times, he left his house, lived two fucking weeks in fucking basement, and now he had a flu like a cherry on a cake. He had multiple injuries all over his body. Eliott couldn´t imagine the pain. <br/>So, the whole time when Lucas was in school in dirty clothes, Eliott´s clothes, that was because he came literally out of basement. Fuck that. </p><p><br/>Eliott got up and went to the guest room, lump in his throat, guilt in his stomach, but he opened the door before he could change his mind. </p><p><br/>Lucas was crying, that was pretty clear. And still, the first thing he said was "Eliott, are you okay?" and Eliott thought he´ll jump out of his own skin. <br/><em>Good lord. </em><br/>But Lucas continued. "Did you have a nightmare again?" he asked and his voice was raspy from the flu, and caring, so caring. </p><p><br/>Eliott said "I didn´t know, I didn´t see," and Lucas said "I didn´t want you to."</p><p>When Eliott started crying, Lucas said  "That should be me who is sorry," and it made Eliott cry a little more, but then Lucas lied down and left some space for Eliott, before he asked "Can we be okay again, please?" <br/>And in that moment, Eliott really really wanted to kiss him. So badly. He knew it wasn´t the right time. He ran his fingers through Lucas´ hair while he was falling asleep and long after, when he was already sleeping, softly, caressing his hair, couldn´t find the will in him to stop. <br/>And he could pretend again. Pretend that they are in different universe, in better one, that they both are okay and happy. <br/><em>Together</em>. </p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>Eliott fucked up, again. </p><p><br/>They were in the hospital for the X-ray and Eliott saw Lucas´ body in the daylight. <br/>No dark room after that party when Eliott was changing Lucas´ dirty clothes. No dark room yesterday night when Eliott´s dad was taking care of those injuries. He saw it in a fucking daylight and he stopped speaking to not say anything bad. Mostly because he was sure he would yell.</p><p><br/>Lucas´ ribs were broken. Lucas´ body looked like tapestry of scars, exactly like in that one poem Eliott prepared for him. And when Eliott thought about the fight Lucas had with Tom and what could have happened, he felt sick. </p><p><br/>"Did you see yourself? Did you see your body?" Eliott asked because he had enough of Lucas´ light tone, because he knew it was all just fake. Lucas felt like shit, too. Eliott knew that. Eliott could feel that. </p><p><br/>Eliott asked and Lucas flinched away. <br/>Eliott knew he fucked up in that moment, even before Lucas said "Well, nobody forces you to look at me, Eliott. Don´t look at me when I´m so repulsive to you," in the saddest voice Eliott ever heard from him. <br/>Fucking hell. </p><p><br/>"No, Lucas, no, that´s not what I meant," Eliott wanted to explain, because there´s literally noone else at who would Eliott like to look at, not as much as Lucas. And his body was beautiful, his body was everything. The thing Eliott hated about it was the fact that Lucas had his pain literally written all over his body. <br/>Eliott was watching his dad bandaging Lucas´ ribs and he wished he could kiss every little scar and bruise and make it better. </p><p> </p><p>It didn´t get better, because then Eliott saw the basement Lucas lived in. <br/>It was worse than he thought. Darkness, no electicity, no light, dust, dirt, coldness and spiders. So many spiders. Eliott was holding the phone with light for Lucas and he couldn´t gather his thoughts. Lucas was terrified of spiders. </p><p>And Lucas, the poor soul, as he wouldn´t have enough of shits already, he was assuring Eliott that he was okay. "It wasn´t that bad how it looks," Lucas said and Eliott knew he was lying. Eliott knew it must be fucking nightmare for Lucas.  <br/>Eliott wrapped his arms around him, holding him there for some time and wishing he could just hide him in his embrace forever.</p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>So, yeah, Lucas lived with them, since that moment. </p><p>Eliott couldn´t be happier that he had Lucas under his sight all the time, he was walking him to work and they were going to school together and Eliott was picking him up from work after and there was just one thing missing in it to be perfect - holding his hand. <br/>If Eliott could hold Lucas´ hand while they were walking together, it would be all. It would be perfection.</p><p> </p><p>Eliott listened that one <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G8UDLH8seSg">song</a> what he found in recomodations on youtube.</p><p>
  <em><br/>Climbing and falling tied up in the rhymes and reason</em>
</p><p></p><div class="bbVIQb">
  <p></p>
  <div class="ujudUb">
    <p>
      <em>No city, no spaces, no oceans can stand between us</em>
    </p>
  </div>
  <div class="ujudUb">
    <p>
      <em>When it gets heavy, sometimes I've got doubts</em>
      <br/>
      <em>And I'm just trying keep these shadows out</em>
    </p>
    <p>
      <em>I've been thinking myself to death</em>
      <br/>
      <em>You're calling me home like a ship that got wrecked</em>
    </p>
  </div>
  <div class="ujudUb">
    <p>
      <em>I know there's always a place for you and I</em>
      <br/>
      <em>A place where every word that you say, can save my life</em>
      <br/>
      <em>Oh, oh, oh, oh</em>
      <br/>
      <em>Where nothing hurts and nothing breaks</em>
      <br/>
      <em>Oh, oh, oh, oh</em>
      <br/>
      <em>I'll know it when I see your face</em>
      <br/>
      <em>I'm safe</em>
    </p>
  </div>
  <div class="ujudUb">
    <p>
      <em>Coping, collapsing the world tumbles down around us</em>
      <br/>
      <em>This hoping and floating is grinding us down to stardust</em>
    </p>
  </div>
</div><div class="bbVIQb">
  <p></p>
  <div class="ujudUb u7wWjf">
    <p>
      <em>When It get's heavy, I know you get doubts</em>
      <br/>
      <em>But I'll be right here when the sky falls down</em>
    </p>
    <p>
      <em>I've been thinking myself to death</em>
      <br/>
      <em>You're calling me home like a ship that got wrecked</em>
    </p>
  </div>
  <div class="ujudUb xpdxpnd">
    <p>
      <em>I know there's always a place for you and I</em>
      <br/>
      <em>A place where every word that you say, can save my life</em>
      <br/>
      <em>Oh, oh, oh, oh</em>
      <br/>
      <em>Where nothing hurts and nothing breaks</em>
      <br/>
      <em>Oh, oh, oh, oh</em>
      <br/>
      <em>I'll know it when I see your face</em>
      <br/>
      <em>I'm safe</em>
    </p>
  </div>
</div><p> <br/>It reminded him them two, Lucas and Eliott, together, and it was so pretty that he cried while listening to it.</p><p> </p><p><br/>Eliott gave Lucas three another poems. </p><p><br/><em>Silly boy, your different is your beautiful. </em><br/>Wasn´t that true about Lucas? He was different than others. He was. And he was beautiful. And Eliott gave that to him because he felt bad about the saturday in a hospital, about his reaction to Lucas´ bruised body.<br/>Lucas was beautiful. <br/>That´s that. </p><p><br/><em>You weren´t given wings to see the world from a tree. </em><br/>This one was about Lucas´ look at himself. Eliott noticed how low he thought about himself. How it was hurting him to look into mirror, how he was so ashamed of what had happened. <br/>But fuck, why? Nothing of it was Lucas´ fault. </p><p><br/>So, yeah. This poem was about reminding Lucas that he can do great things. He just had to use his wings. </p><p><br/>The last one was one Eliott thought a lot about. He gave it to Lucas to tell him that he was beautiful even when his body is temporarily hurt and in pain. It´ll be gone, one day, all those bruises (probably not <em>all</em> scars, but that was just it), but Lucas was beautiful already, even with those painful marks. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>How beautiful you are, a tapestry of scars. </em>
</p><p><br/>Eliott was almost sure that Lucas will understand the secret message behind it, and that is - <em>you´re beautiful, just the way you are, you´re perfect, you´re gorgeous.</em></p><p><br/>Eliott couldn´t wait to see Lucas after school and map his reaction, his mood. Of course, he didn´t knew and couldn´t knew if Lucas even found the envelope, but he hoped he could see it on Lucas, in his eyes, on his face. On his mood. </p><p><br/>But Lucas didn´t show up. <br/>It was so wierd because they were texting just few minutes ago and Eliott was already waiting outside for Lucas, but Lucas was nowhere to be seen. <br/>Eliott waited for a little and then he called him... only to hearing him gasping for air into the phone. "Lucas, where are you? I´m coming for you," Eliott said and went back to school entrance in hurry. It sounded like Lucas was having a panic attack. And that was no good. </p><p><br/>The phone got deaf and Eliott ran through the corridor, peeking into every door, behind every corner, calling for Lucas, but he was nowhere. <br/>Fuck!<br/>Eliott panicked. Lucas couldn´t be alone while he was having a panic attack. Eliott was with him when they were younger and it happened, few times, but where the fuck is Lucas now?</p><p><br/>Eliott felt the urge to cry when he finally opened the door of restrooms and there he was, Lucas, kneeling on the ground in the middle of the room, tugging for the bandage around his ribs. </p><p><br/>Eliott kneeled in front of him and took Lucas´ hands in his own, pulled them away of the bandage. Lucas was crying, not breathing properly, just shallow short quick breaths of air, nevertheless he looked at Eliott, he registered that he´s there, which was a good sign. </p><p><br/>"Take it off, take it off, please," Lucas gasped out. </p><p><br/>And Eliott did. He pulled Lucas´ t-shirt up and unwrapped the bandage from around him, threw it on the ground far away from them. "Is it better? Lucas, is it better like this?" he asked but Lucas was out of the place. "What happened?" Eliott asked then, watching Lucas´ face to see the trouble, but Lucas, despite all those tears, he looked so damn pale. His eyes are red, dark circles under his eyes and that was all. <br/>In a few seconds that happened - Lucas passed out. He fell to the ground, Eliott cought his head to not cost another injury, and Lucas was there, motionless, powerless, and Eliott felt useless. </p><p><br/>"Lucas, Lucas," he repeated. "Wake up, Lucas," he said but it was absolutely useless, just like him. <br/>Fuck, he needed to call his dad. He was a doctor, he would know what to do. Eliott was scared as hell and that fear didn´t let him think clearly. He was there, kneeling on the school bathroom floor with Lucas in his arms, couldn´t think about one single rational thought what to do. <br/>His heart was racing and it wasn´t helping when he saw the red spots around Lucas´ eyes, still wet eyelashes and traces of tears on Lucas´ cheeks. <br/><em>Fuck. </em></p><p><br/>He pulled out his phone and called his dad. <br/>Thank god that Eliott´s dad is Eliott´s hero, like, seriously, there wasn´t the time when his father wouldn´t help him with something when Eliott needed. He was the best. </p><p><br/>"Eli?"</p><p><br/>"Dad, dad, please, L-Lucas, he... he passed out, and, I don´t know what to do, and-" Eliott stuttered into the phone. </p><p><br/>"Where are you?" Eliott´s dad asked. </p><p><br/>"In school, in the bathroom, he had a panic attack, I don´t know, he just passed out."</p><p><br/>"Does he breathing? Check out his pulse right under his jaw," his father said in steady voice and Eliott did what he said. He saw Lucas´ chest raising up and down and yes, he´s breathing and his heart´s beating. He told as much his dad. "I´m coming to pick you up, okay? I´ll be there in ten minutes."</p><p><br/>See? Never let him down. Eliott knew his dad was most probably in work and he had many important stuff to do, and he definitely wouldn´t leave from surgery (he wouldn´t pick up his phone if he had a surgery, in the first place), but he was still so glad that his dad was the way he was. And he was even more sorry for Lucas to not experience such a good relantionship father-son. </p><p><br/>Eliott just hoped he´ll make it up to Lucas, one day. He knew it wasn´t his responsibility, but he wanted to do that for Lucas. He wanted to make things better for him. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>"I know how much you cared about him, Eliott," said his dad when they were in Lucas´ room in their house, Lucas under the covers, Eliott´s kneeling there, brushing his hair. <br/><em>Care</em>? <br/>No. </p><p><br/>Eliott scoffed. "Do you know how much I <em>love</em> him?" he asked then, his eyes never leaving Lucas´ face. He looked so small. </p><p><br/>Eliott will never stop protecting him. He never wanted to see him hurt, ever again. </p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>Yes, okay. <br/>Okay. </p><p><br/>Tom is a fucking dick, the biggest asshole in the world (okay, maybe after Lucas´ father), but Eliott couldn´t ignore the feeling in his stomach when he called him Lucas´ boyfriend. Eliott almost laughed, every time that happened, because Tom, such a prick, was actually their biggest shipper. <br/>Eliott should offer him to run a Elu fanclub. (Yes, for fucksake, he was eleven when he fell in love with Lucas, of course he made up a ship name for them - and he´ll definitely going to use it once they´ll be together, with Lucas - he had a hope, every time Lucas hugged him or just smiled at him. He had a hope, still, tiny bit, but living.)</p><p><br/>And Lucas, Lucas wanted to fight with Tom every time he opened his mouth and Eliott just couldn´t have it. No. Lucas would get hurt and... wasn´t that already enough?</p><p><br/>And when they stood there, holding their pinkies hooked together, so close that Eliott almost went cross-eyed, he was fighting with the urge to kiss him, kiss Lucas, kiss and kiss and kiss and fuck school, seriously, that didn´t matter. <br/>Not for him. <br/>But Lucas went to his classroom and Eliott had to leave, too, eventually. </p><p><br/>Guess the yearning never ends. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>But that wouldn´t be Eliott to not do some stupid shit - like... trying to let Lucas know his feelings through those poems. </p><p><br/>He did it. Of course. <br/>He found perfect ones to make sure Lucas will understand. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>He was the dream I had been searching for, the one to wake me up. </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>The problem with falling in love is that everything else in life becomes boring by comparison.</em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>I want to know every part of you, every scar, every bruise, I want to trace the map of you, my fingers a compass, your freckless the constelations, which in my heart I will chart, so when I close my eyes, I´ll have you in my stars forever. </em>
</p><p><br/>Then he waited. </p><p> </p><p>Nothing happened, of course. <br/>Eliott didn´t notice anything different in Lucas´ face, he wasn´t even sure if he got those notes. He couldn´t find a way to ask him about it again. He didn´t want to be too obvious. </p><p>Or, should he tell him? <br/>But, Eliott was so scared. What if Lucas didn´t feel the same and in that case what if Lucas wouldn´t want to live in Eliott´s house anymore, after Eliott would tell him, and he would be homeless again, or he would go back to his house to his father and it would be much worse?</p><p>Eliott was overthinking that a lot. </p><p>Especially when they were in living room, movie night with his parents, and Lucas was sitting on the ground right there, between his legs, Eliott could reach out and touch his hair - and he did. And Lucas didn´t protest, maybe just because it was too natural to them, since they were little, but still, the little sparkle of hope in Eliott´s heart was bigger and bigger with every little moment like this one. </p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>And then his aunt Anne came.</p><p><br/>She was all over Lucas and Eliott hated that. He got it, because, seriously, did you ever see Lucas? But he still hated that. He asked his parents when Lucas was in the shower. </p><p><br/>"She was always like this, Eliott," said his mom. "But you shouldn´t blame her, you don´t know what she´s been through in her life."</p><p><br/>"I just don´t like she´s all touchy-handy around him," Eliott frowned. "Why she´s single, anyways? She´s... what... fifty?"</p><p><br/>His mom laughed. "She will be fourty in August, actually," she said.<br/>Whatever. </p><p><br/>"Eliott, I know, she´s a lot to handle, sometimes, but she had a hard time in the past," his dad said. </p><p><br/>"What hard time?"</p><p><br/>Eliott´s father sighed. "She lost a baby, when she was nineteen," he said and Eliott´s eyes went wide. "The father of the child ran away from her, they were engaged. She was alone and with a baby on its way, but she was so down and depressed back then, that she lost the baby, eventually."</p><p><br/>Oh. </p><p><br/>Eliott didn´t know. </p><p><br/>"I didn´t know," he said. </p><p><br/>"It´s okay, she´s alright, now, she´s rich and she´s living her best life, you see?" his dad said and smiled at Lucas. "Really, don´t worry about it, it was twenty years ago, she´s alright, now."</p><p><br/>"It´s just that she gets easily fixated on new people, you know?" Eliott´s mom said. "Kids, mostly."</p><p><br/>"She never liked me...?" Eliott raised his eyebrows. </p><p><br/>His parents laughed. "She likes you, Eli, don´t be silly," his dad said. </p><p><br/>"She´s not that obvious about you because she´s maybe still a little pissed at you for destroying her Jimmy Choo´s, when you were five," his mom added and giggled. </p><p><br/>Eliott letted out exasparated sigh and shook his head. "I can´t believe her fixations on stupid shoes," he said. "However shiny they are."</p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>Lucas in his bed. </p><p><br/>There was Lucas, in his bed, again. Lucas, gorgeous as he was, in <em>his</em> fucking <em>bed</em>. Eliott was about to lose it, for fucking sure. <br/>Lucas was lying on his back because the ribs were fucking broken, so Eliott could watch him and not feel like a creep (only a little). Lucas told him about his mom and the Japan situation, and Eliott wanted to make him smile, so much, because the sad face of Lucas was not bearable anymore, for Eliott. </p><p><br/>So he was joking until Lucas was laughing and laughing and snoring with it and maybe it would be awkward or wierd or not very attractive, but gosh, Eliott was listening Lucas´ laugh and he was sure it was the best sound in this world, especially when he didn´t hear it for such a long time. </p><p><br/>Lucas covered Eliott´s mouth with his palm and suddenly they were so close. So fucking <em>close</em>. And Lucas was looking into his eyes as he was hovering above Eliott, and Eliott´s heart speeded up. </p><p><br/>And, seriously, fuck it. </p><p><br/>Lucas lied back, closed his eyes and Eliott leaned on his elbow closer to him, watching his face, his beautiful face, and he just wanted to do that. </p><p><br/>He wanted.</p><p><br/>Fuck that, Eliott was suffering with silent yearning for so long, he got enough. <br/>He didn´t want that anymore. No. Just no. He wanted Lucas. He had to try it. </p><p><br/>Eliott looked at Lucas and thought "I´m gonna kiss him until he´ll tell me to stop." <br/>And so he did. He kissed him, kissed him again, and for the third time Lucas kissed him too. <br/>And since then, Eliott couldn´t stop. </p><p><br/>He was kissing him and kissing him and he didn´t want to sleep, he never wanted to sleep again, he wanted to spend the rest of his life by kissing Lucas, because Lucas, Lucas was there, always, for Eliott, his whole life. And Eliott loved him since he was eleven. </p><p><br/>He was beautiful, and smart, and funny and cute, he was caring and kind and generous and joyful, despite all of that what happened to him. And he was also sad, Eliott could see that, he was so sad, and sometimes he was forgetting to hide it when he thought that nobody could see him. </p><p><br/>But Eliott saw him. <br/>He always did. </p><p><br/>And Eliott, Eliott just wanted to make him happy. Happy happy happy, forever. Seeing his smile, hearing his laugh, that was the challenge he was willing to accept. And complete. </p><p><br/>Lucas´ lips, oh god, his lips, so much better than Eliott could ever imagine. His hands in Eliott´s hair. His shaky breaths. The softness of his skin. <br/>Finally, finally, <em>finally</em>. </p><p><br/>He was kissing Eliott. He was kissing him and he didn´t yell at him <em>what the fuck you think you´re doing?</em> and he didn´t run from the room and he didn´t say <em>no</em> to Eliott. He was kissing him too, he looked that he wanted that too. And Eliott could finally breathe, after such a long time. <br/>He felt that Lucas was nervous, his hands were shaking a little and they were cold, and his breath was catching a lot, and when they flipped over and Lucas´ ribs hurt him, he was nervous again and he was mumbling words that they were blurring together, but strange thing was, that for the first time in seven years, Eliott wasn´t nervous at all. </p><p>How could he, when it was him?</p><p><em>Lucas</em>. </p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>The next morning when Eliott woke up (he was refusing to fall asleep at all, because, what if Lucas changed his mind in morning, huh? He needed to enjoy stuff until it was good), he was stunned, once again. </p><p><br/>There he was, Lucas, sleeping next to him, peacefully, his lips red from all the kissing at night, eyelashes longer than any other person Eliott ever had chance to meet. Eliott kissed his cheek, hugged him closer and nuzzled his nose to his skin and, god, Lucas smelled so good, so good, like cinnamon and rain and Eliott´s coconut shampoo and a boy. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>He was the dream I had been searching for, the one to wake me up. </em>
</p><p><br/>The dream indeed. </p><p><br/>Then Lucas woke up and he didn´t regret it, he didn´t, and Eliott felt so complete, because Lucas, Lucas wanted to be with him, he wanted that too, he wanted the same thing. <br/>And if that wasn´t heaven, Eliott didn´t know what was. </p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>So, yeah.<br/>That was it. Eliott and Lucas were official couple. And Eliott was enjoying it too much, maybe. But he couldn´t care less. He was enjoying he had the privilage now hold Lucas´ hand, hugging him every five seconds, kissing him all the damn time. Looking at him. Being close to him. <br/>Cuddling. <br/>Sleeping in his proximity. <br/>Waking up to the sight of his face. </p><p><br/>He was so happy. </p><p><br/>"So, Eli," his mom asked one morning when Lucas was in bathroom getting ready for school and Eliott went to prepare them some snacks. "You told him?"</p><p><br/>"What?" Eliott asked.</p><p><br/>She rolled her eyes. "Lucas. You told him you´re in love with him?" she asked again. "You´re together, now, no?" she was smiling. Eliott´s dad was leaning to the counter, smiling at Eliott, too. </p><p><br/>"I told you he loves you, too," he said. </p><p><br/>"Um... I didn´t tell him I love him, yet...," Eliott said and bit his lip. "I kissed him and I told him I want to be with him. And he...," Eliott shrugged and didn´t even try to stop the smile. "He wants to be with me, too."</p><p><br/>Eliott´s mom came to hug him. "I´m so happy for you, baby," she said. "For both of you."</p><p><br/>"It´s great to see you happy, son," his dad said and Eliott felt warm all over his body and he truly was, happy. </p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>Eliott gave Lucas another notes. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>Teach me that music that flows beneath your skin. </em>
</p><p>and</p><p>
  <em>In the right love we will discover new love for ourselves. </em>
</p><p>and the third one, too obvious for Lucas to finally understand. </p><p>
  <em>I fell in love with that strange world he was. </em>
</p><p><br/>And all that just because Eliott didn´t find the courage to tell him just yet. </p><p><br/>And then there was Yann. </p><p><br/>"So you told him, yeah?" he asked one day in school, when he was walking to class with Eliott. </p><p><br/>"What you mean?" <br/>Eliott knew what Yann meant. </p><p><br/>"About the notes, that it´s you," Yann said. </p><p><br/>Fuck. No, Eliott didn´t tell Lucas about it. But when he thought about it now, he could, right? They were dating. They were boyfriends. Wouldn´t it be good for Lucas to know that it was Eliott, all along? Wouldn´t it be good, when he, in fact, wanted to be with Eliott?</p><p><br/>"Um... no, I didn´t," Eliott said, afraid to look at Yann´s expression. </p><p><br/>"God, Eliott," Yann sighed next to him. "Tell him. You´re literally dating. Tell him about it. It was just a few notes, no?"</p><p><br/>"Um..."</p><p><br/>"Eliott!"</p><p><br/>"It was more than a few."</p><p><br/>"How many?"</p><p><br/>"I don´t remember," said Eliott when he realized that he, in fact, really didn´t remember. </p><p><br/>"Oh jeez. Thank god you stopped, at least," Yann said and Eliott bit his lip, looking away. "Eliott, tell me you stopped giving them to Lucas."</p><p><br/>"Uhh..."</p><p><br/>"For godsake!" Yann whined. "Tell Lucas about it. Soon!" </p><p><br/>And, yeah, Eliott decided to tell Lucas about it. As soon as possible. As soon as he´ll find the right time. </p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>It showed that there was, in fact, no such thing as <em>right time</em>, in this world. </p><p><br/>Thursday came and Eliott went to Lucas´ house with him and his dad. </p><p><br/>Nothing could prepared them for the sight. </p><p><br/>Eliott was not coming to Lallemant´s house too often as a kid. That was Lucas who was at Demaury´s all the time and Eliott didn´t care, he loved that, actually. He was at Lallemant´s maybe two times as a little boy, only to pick Lucas´ up or walk him home. <br/>Their house is pretty. Modern, everything white and light-grey and dark-grey and it looked so... cold. Everything. </p><p>There are beer bottles in the kitchen. Lucas was quiet the whole time, slowly walking through the hall and kitchen, looking around with wide eyes. When Eliott went with him to his room, he was secretely very interested in seeing it. It was Lucas´ room, he never saw it. He had never been so far in the house to see Lucas´ room and he was curious. </p><p><br/>But, holy crap, he wasn´t ready for this. </p><p><br/>Lucas opened the door into small room with one square window, white walls, pieces of ripped posters over them. There was such a mess. Table turned upside down, chair was broken, there were Lucas´ things all over the floor. His clothes and books, his bedsheets. <br/>Lucas was crying, again. He was silently gathering his stuff, then he went to the wardrobe and pulled out his laptop and books he had from Eliott. Eliott just realized he had to hide his stuff in front of his father and the thought made him sick. </p><p> </p><p>The worst thing of all of it was still waiting for them, downstairs - Lucas´ father. Injured. Drunk. Unconcious. Eliott was watching Lucas, who kneeled there, shaking with his father´s body, absolutely unreasonably. <br/>He was in shock. Apparantely. </p><p><br/>"Eli, take care of Lucas, okay?" his dad said and both of them looked at Lucas, kneeling next to his father, staring at his bloody palms. <br/>Fuck. </p><p>Fuck fuck <em>fuck</em>, Eliott hated seeing him like this. He looked so hopeless. So vulnerable. So fragile. Eliott pulled him up and led him to the car, Lucas sat there, still watching his bloody hands. Eliott needed to get him home, as fast as possible and wash his hands, so both of them can breathe again. <br/>Eliott could imagine that Lucas must felt exactly like that - like he couldn´t breathe. </p><p><br/>The ride home was surprisingly easy. Eliott remembered the way, he knew where to turn. He drove slowly, but steadily, watching every sign and road and also Lucas, time to time, when he had the time to do that. <br/>Lucas was looking out of the window and Eliott couldn´t even hold his hand, firstly, because it was bloody, secondly he was scared Lucas was in shock and he might start screaming with even a light touch.</p><p><br/>Once they were home and his mom greeted them, Eliott looked at her and told her without a single word that he´ll explain later and that now he needed to take care of Lucas. <br/>His mom understood, of course. She always did. She was the best. </p><p>Once Eliott let Lucas in the bedroom and went downstairs to make a tea, he talked to his mom. He said her about what they found in Lucas´ childhood house, he told her about the alcohol and the mess in Lucas´ room and about Mr. Lallemant, drunk on the ground with head injury. </p><p><br/>"Oh god," Eliott´s mom said after she listened all of it. "The poor boy just can´t have a break. This is all so unfair."</p><p><br/>Unfair indeed. </p><p> </p><p>Eliott went to the room again, lied on the bed next to Lucas, who was there with earphones in. Eliott hugged him and Lucas fell asleep. </p><p><br/>And, honestly, Eliott thought it was the best thing he could do. In sleep he could forget. In sleep his mind could take a break, just for a moment. Eliott didn´t sleep. <br/>He was there, holding him, caressing his back, squeezing him tighter every time Lucas winced from the sleep. </p><p><br/>Eliott´s dad came after some time and Lucas woke up to hear the news about his father. When they were alone again, Eliott was thinking about telling Lucas about the notes. It could be a good distraction, no? <br/>But what if Lucas won´t take it well and it would only add for him to be more upset than he really was, already? </p><p>Fuck, Eliott was scared. <br/>He didn´t know what to do. He won´t tell him, now. He´ll just stop sending the notes, that was all. He´ll explain to Yann. It will be okay, Lucas never needed to know. <br/>It wasn´t a big deal. </p><p> <br/>But then Lucas said "You´re the best thing in my life," and "I feel like you´re the only right thing I´ve ever had. The only right person," and Eliott decided he needed to tell him the truth. About poems, about the reason why he was doing that, about himself, about the fact he was in love with him since he was eleven.</p><p><br/>Later, when Lucas was sleeping again, Eliott was holding him, listening his breathing, watching his face, there appeared another need. Need to tell him something else.</p><p>Three words, sometimes too scary, but not now, not like this, not for Eliott, not when it's Lucas.</p><p><br/>These words were pushing from inside to the walls of his heart, pushing up his throat, tickling on his tongue just to slip out of there.</p><p>Not now, Eliott thought. Not now. We'll see tomorrow how Lucas will feel.</p><p><br/>Eliott kissed his boy's forehead and fell asleep with his face burried in Lucas' soft hair, smelling like rain and cinamon and Lucas.</p><p> </p><p><br/>Eliott heard his parents speak, after that. He woke up in the night with Lucas in his arms, and he felt thirsty. He unwrapped Lucas from himself, carefully, Lucas let out sigh and frowned unhappily, and Eliott loved him a little more than minute ago. He kissed his forehead until it was smooth again, without wrinkles between his eyebrows, and then he went downstairs. </p><p><br/>His parents were talking in the kitchen. </p><p><br/>"...and I swear, Elise, if I didn´t see him there in that state like I found him, but standing strongly on his feet, I would probably hurt him myself," his dad said in hushed voice. "I just imagined all those horrible things he did to Lucas. I saw Lucas in front of my eyes, how he looked that day we met him on the street, you know?" Eliott´s mom hums in respond. "I saw the picture of this boy we know almost his whole life in front of my eyes and I saw red. And then I saw him, Lucas´ father, on the ground, and my doctor´s senses came to life, and that was it. I did what every other doctor would do - I tried to save his life."</p><p><br/>"And you did," Eliott´s mom said in soft kind voice. "You did save his life. You´re a good person, Phil."</p><p><br/>Eliott´s dad sighed. "It could be different," he said. "If he didn´t hurt himself before, I would do that. He was drunk, empty bottles all around that place. I can´t believe Lucas lived in that house for so long with all of it."</p><p><br/>"I can´t imagine how hard it must be for that boy," Eliott´s mom said and Eliott felt like he might cry. "But he´s safe now, with us, with our son, who is so caring and loving and, you know what?"</p><p><br/>"Hm?"</p><p><br/>"I´m so happy seeing Eliott happy," his mom said and Eliott could hear the smile in her voice. He smiled too. "He´s glowing, lately. It makes me so happy. It was the best decision we could do - keep Lucas in this house, with us. With Eliott. Nothing makes mother more happy than seeing her kid being happy."</p><p><br/>"I think we did it pretty good, right?" Eliott´s dad said. "I think we´re good parents."</p><p><br/>Eliott walked into the kitchen, his parents were standing behind the kitchen island, leaning there to the counter, facing themselves. </p><p><br/>"Eli, how so you´re up so late?" his mom asked, she looked worried. Eliott just loved her. He went to her and hugged her. He looked at his dad from his place in his mom´s arms. </p><p><br/>"You´re the best parents," he said. "Thank you."<br/>His mom squeezed him tighter. </p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>"Mom," Eliott said quietly when he was taking the snack for school the next morning. "Can I talk to you about something?"</p><p><br/>His mom frowned with worry when she noticed Eliott´s tone. "Of course, baby, what´s going on?"</p><p><br/>"I overheard Lucas´ phonecall with his mom this early morning," Eliott said. "I mean, I was next to him, so I heard that, you know?" his mom nodded, waiting for the next. "And... she´s blaming Lucas from what happened to his father. She was... she was so harsh on him, you know? She apparantely had a problem also with the fact that Lucas is living with us, now," Eliott said. He needed to say it to his mom. She would understand. And Eliott still wasn´t over it, over Lucas´ crying again, over the sadness in his voice. </p><p><br/>"How can she blame him? He didn´t do anything wrong," his mom said. "Poor boy."</p><p><br/>"I know, I know," Eliott said. "But she was talking about... I don´t know, about that if Lucas was there, this wouldn´t happened and stuff like that. And Lucas," Eliott shook his head. "He had enough of this, you know?"</p><p><br/>His mom nodded again understandingly. Then she smiled at him. "Don´t worry about it," she said and caressed his arm. "I´ll call her and explain the situation, okay?"</p><p><br/>The best mom ever. </p><p><br/>"Thank you," he said and kissed her cheek before he grabbed snacks for him and Lucas and they left to school hand in hand. </p><p> </p><p><br/>Lucas... Lucas was okay. Wierdly okay. <br/>He was smiling at Eliott, he didn´t talk about yesterday´s events and not about his mom´s call, either. Eliott was watching him and there still was something behind the look in his blue eyes, some sadness, some grief, but he didn´t seem to pushing it down. He looked like he didn´t want to care about it so much. </p><p><br/>Eliott was there, with him and for him. He thought he will be there for him if Lucas needed some support and help or if he´ll think he can´t take it anymore - Eliott will be there to help him go through it. <br/>Always. </p><p> </p><p>On saturday, when they were in Eliott´s garden, Lucas told him "I´m happy like this. With you," and Eliott was so in love it was almost unbearable. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <strong>Yann:</strong>
  <br/>
  <em>You and Lucas coming to the park, convince him.</em>
</p><p><br/>Eliott frowned. Why should he? He wanted to stay here with Lucas, like that, together, forever. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <strong>Eliott:</strong>
  <br/>
  <em>He wants to be at home. We're not coming.</em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <strong>Yann:</strong>
  <br/>
  <em>Oh, no no no, you're coming, he didn't hang out with us forever.</em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <strong>Eliott:</strong>
  <br/>
  <em>But he doesn' t want to go.</em>
</p><p><br/>Eliott looked at Lucas and really, Lucas didn´t want to go, neither Eliott. They were absolutely fine like that, together, only the two of them. Like <em>that</em>. <br/>But Yann had other plans, obviously. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <strong>Yann:</strong>
  <br/>
  <em>You coming with Lucas. Or I'll tell him.</em>
</p><p><br/>Eliott held back the gasp - Lucas would notice. He looked at Lucas as he was snuggling to Eliott, whispering "You´re so warm from the sun," and "It feels so nice," and Eliott just really really didn´t want to go. <br/>And he also didn´t want to tell Lucas about the notes, not now. Not like this. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <strong>Eliott:</strong>
  <br/>
  <em>You wouldn't.</em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <strong>Yann:</strong>
  <br/>
  <em>Try me.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Fuck.</p><p> </p><p>So, yeah, Eliott convinced Lucas to go to the park. It wasn´t easy, Lucas was so cute whining about how he wanted to be with Eliott alone, and seriously, he wouldn´t get a chance, Eliott, in every other day, but today is not one of them. <br/>Yann would tell Lucas, for sure. Not because he would want to make an evil to Eliott but because he hated keeping the secret in front of his friend, Lucas. <br/>Eliott understood. But still...</p><p> </p><p>"I don´t get it, man," Yann said when Eliott sat next to him. "Why you just won´t tell him?"</p><p><br/>"I can´t, it´s not that easy," Eliott said. "He has a lot of shits in his life, now. I need to be there for him."</p><p><br/>"But you are! You are there for him, you´ll just tell him about your secret."</p><p><br/>"You don´t get it, Yann," Eliott said and looked at Lucas, lying on the blanket with earphones in. He was doing that a lot. He told one day to Eliott that he´s getting exhausted from social interactions.<br/>He´s so cute. <br/>He was sleeping a lot, he was falling asleep everytime they were watching some movie together or just laying in bed together. Eliott couldn´t imagine for how long Lucas didn´t sleep at all - fucking basement - that he was just tired like that and his body was apparantely trying to catch up on that.</p><p><br/>"Why?" </p><p><br/>"Because I can´t lose him, don't you get it?" Eliott hissed at Yann. </p><p><br/>"Eliott, seriously, what are you talking about?" Yann said. "You two are dating. He loves you. Just tell him that the love letters were from you, where is the problem? As I know him, he´d be happy that he wouldn´t have to reject the writer - if that would be anyone else, which Lucas is thinking, probably. You know how he hates being mean or telling people bad news. I had to do that for him all the time in the past years, he just couldn´t do it," Yann chuckled. <br/>Eliott smiled fondly. <br/>He´s just that sweet, Lucas. </p><p><br/>"Tell him, Eli. He´ll understand. He´ll be happy."</p><p><br/>And when Eliott got back to Lucas and wrapped his arms around his boy, he really hoped that Yann was right. <br/>He couldn´t lose him. </p><p><br/>...</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>And now is now. </p><p><br/>Lucas is gone. </p><p><br/>Eliott didn´t tell him. He didn´t tell him in time. And now he´s gone. Because he opened the fucking drawer and Eliott is <em>that</em> stupid and Lucas got it wrong, he got it all wrong, and he ran away from him, again. </p><p><br/>Fucking hell. </p><p><br/>In the first moment Eliott thought that Lucas is dissapointed that it's Eliott, the one who's sending those poems. Yes, he´s realizing that they're literally dating and it really looks that Lucas wants to be with him.</p><p>Then Lucas said: "You lied to me the whole time?" in broken voice and Eliott realized Lucas is dissapointed, yes, but because of Eliott's behaviour. Because, yes, Eliott lied to him. Not forward, because Lucas never asked if it's Eliott, not straight like that, but it's just an unimportant detail.</p><p>"I never wanted to hurt you," said Eliott and he never meant anything as serious as that. But Lucas didn't listen. He said "Don't talk to me," and Eliott couldn't pretend it didn't hurt like a knife to his chest.</p><p>Lucas left. Eliott stood in the empty room with the fucking third drawer open, poems and pictures laughing into Eliott's face.</p><p> </p><p>He doesn´t know how long he stood there before he runs out of the house, ignoring his parents calling for him from the living room. </p><p><br/>He runs to the street and looks to every direction but Lucas is nowhere. He´s nowhere to be seen. Eliott runs back to the house to his room, grabs his phone to call Lucas, but Lucas´ phone is on Eliott´s bed, out of battery. </p><p><br/>"Fuck!" </p><p><br/>Eliott called Yann when he walks down the street. </p><p><br/>"Hey man, what´s up?" </p><p><br/>"Is there Lucas?" </p><p><br/>"What? Where?" Yann is confused.</p><p><br/>"Is there Lucas with you?" Eliott asks again, holding himself back from yelling. </p><p><br/>"Um, no? Why would he be here? What happened?" Yann asks all serious now. </p><p><br/>"He found out," Eliott says and feels the tears in his eyes. "He found out about the fucking notes before I could tell him and... and he ran away without his phone."</p><p><br/>"Oh shit," Yann says. </p><p><br/>Indeed. </p><p><br/>"Fuck, what should I do? I don´t know where I should looking for him, I have no idea where he could go, he has no place to-"</p><p><br/>Oh. </p><p><br/>"I have to go," Eliott says and runs again. He should take his dad´s car again, when he now knows how to drive that, but he still doesn´t have the licence neither Lucas´ next to him to calming him and he definitely wouldn´t make anything good when he would he driving upset like this. </p><p><br/>So, Eliott runs. He runs and runs and then he´s there, in the park, searching for the one concrete bench - Lucas´ place. But it´s empty. Lucas isn´t there. </p><p><br/>Eliott looks around, panting, but Lucas is just not there. "Lucas!" Eliott calls out loud, uselessly. </p><p><br/>Where else could Lucas go? <br/>Definitely not to his childhood house, no.</p><p><br/>So...</p><p><br/>Eliott thinks and thinks and then it hits him. </p><p><br/>The basement. </p><p><br/>The fucking <em>basement</em>, the only refuge he had after he ran from home. </p><p><br/>Eliott runs again. </p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>"Lucas," he breathes out with relief when he sees him. <br/>Lucas is really there, in the basement. Eliott was ringing at all bell rings at the front door until someone let him in. He switched on the light on his phone and looked around the small room and there he was, Lucas, sitting in the corner on the dusty dirty ground, in the dark (because this room has no windows), hugging his knees up his chest. </p><p><br/>He doesn´t react at Eliott, he just stares in front of him without single word. </p><p><br/>Eliott goes to him and kneels down in front of him. "Lucas, you´re here," he says like the biggest idiot. Of course he´s here! Eliott tries it again. "I´m so happy I found you, sweetheart," he says and puts his hands on Lucas´ knees. "I´m so sorry, so so sorry, Lucas, I didn´t want to hurt you, I swear, I wanted to make you happy, I wanted...," he sighs. This is useless. And this place is so ugly and scary. "Lucas, please, just... let´s go home."</p><p><br/>Lucas looks into Eliott´s eyes. He doesn´t cry and he didn´t, even, his eyes are clear and dry. And defeated. </p><p><br/>"Home?" he says quietly. Eliott nods. "Where is it, Eliott?"</p><p><br/>Eliott feels stab in his heart. "With me," he says. "Home is with me."<br/>Lucas is watching him, then he takes a breath and looks down. Eliott exhales. "I don´t want to send clever texts anymore, can you just love me?"</p><p><br/>Lucas´ eyes snap to his again. <br/>God, he´s so gorgeous. Eliott won´t lose him. </p><p><br/>"I love you, Lucas."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>"Can you just love me?" - what a mood.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi my darlings, this is the last chapter.<br/>Yes, it took me ages, again. I know. I guess I´m going through something, crisis, stressful times, anxiety, and I sincerely hate it. </p><p>Thank you, everyone, for stucking in this with me. Thank you all for reading. Thank you, all. Really. For you every kind word, for your support, for your everything. Especially for your patience. Sending lots of love. ♥</p><p> </p><p>TW: abusion, violence</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>.</p><p> </p><p>Lucas doesn´t know how that happened, but when he looks around and takes in his surroundings, he´s in the basement. <br/>
<em>The</em>. Basement. <br/>
He has no clue how that happened, how he got here. He has no clue how he got inside. He doesn´t remember the way here. He doesn´t remember if he ran or walked or if he took a bus, he doesn´t know. </p><p>From what it looks like, he doesn´t know anything, anymore. </p><p><br/>
Tons of thoughts popping up in his mind, so fast, so blurry, that his head starts to spin. He feels like he´d be in the middle of the sea, thunders of wild waves sound all around him and he can´t focus, he can´t think. He can´t think clearly, he can´t hold a single one of all of those thoughts running running <em>running</em> inside his head. </p><p><br/>
"If the whole world could just shut up so I can think for a second!" he growls out loud. </p><p><br/>
It, miracously, works. </p><p><br/>
Silence. </p><p><br/>
Silence silence <em>silence</em>. </p><p><br/>
Lucas breathes in and out and tries to focus clearly on what he needs to think about, and that is Eliott being the writer of those poems, Eliott being the author of those notes and pics, Eliott being the one leaving the beige envelopes for Lucas for three months without single word. </p><p><br/>
How is that possible?<br/>
How Lucas didn´t notice?<br/>
And Eliott, Eliott knew all the time, he knew what he´s doing and even when they were together, officially, as a couple, dating, he didn´t tell Lucas about it. <br/>
Why he didn´t trust him with that? Did he think that Lucas would be mad?</p><p><br/>
...Okay, yeah, Lucas maybe ran away from him after he found out about it, but truth is... Lucas is not mad. He´s not angry. And, god, he´s definitely <em>not</em> dissapointed. At least not about it being Eliott. <br/>
He´s dissapointed that Eliott didn´t tell him. That, yes. But the fact that it was Eliott since the beginning? Eliott, Lucas´ boyfriend? His best friend since they were little?<br/>
There´s no wonder that those notes were so fitting to Lucas´ life. Who knows him better than Eliott? </p><p><br/>
Lucas thinks about it again, he thinks about every word from Eliott about these notes. Why was Eliott making fun of it being love letters? Why he was pointing at people at school, mocking Lucas that it could be them, the writer, when it was actually <em>him</em> all along? Was he trying not to be too obvious?<br/>
God. Lucas was so blind the whole time. <br/>
Lucas must be the most oblivous person ever. </p><p><br/>
Of course it´s Eliott!<br/>
He loves poetry. He loves taking pictures and yes, he recieved polaroid camera on Christmas. And so many times he was looking up at the sky, telling Lucas things like <em>Hey, Lucas, you know, from all the wonders of Mother Nature, clouds are my favourite.</em></p><p>So why Lucas didn´t figure it out sooner?</p><p><br/>
Lucas feels so stupid right now. So stupid. How so he didn´t  see... When he´s looking at it, now, he realizes all those little moments when Eliott looked like he wanted to say something but eventually he decided against it. <br/>
And all those little things Eliott does what make Lucas warm inside. <br/>
Like... How he´s holding Lucas, all the time, close and tight. How he´s looking at him with those eyes, like Lucas would be the only person ever. How his lips looks when he´s saying Lucas´ name - twitching in the corners, like they want to smile with the sound of the word. How Eliott caresses Lucas´ cheek when he´s kissing him. <br/>
Lucas thinks about that feeling of falling asleep in Eliott´s arms and waking up in them in the morning. He thinks about Eliott reaching for him, all the time. Reaching to touch, to hold him, to wrap his arms around him. All those smiles and laughs and kisses and words and touches and feelings....</p><p>Those feelings Lucas feels with Eliott. <br/>
And the one, biggest of all, filling the capacite of Lucas´ heart, pouring into his whole chest and going up his throat that sometimes Lucas feels like he can´t even breathe anymore with the amount of it.<br/>
<em>Love</em>. </p><p>Lucas loves Eliott. </p><p><br/>
Lucas blinks couple times and hugs his knees tighter to his chest. He exhales deeply and shivers, it´s fucking cold in this basement and he´s not properly dressed. He was in bed with Eliott before that happened, for fucksake. <br/>
Lucas just now notices he still holds the polaroid pic of the sky. He looks at it in the dark, recognize almost nothing except the frame, but still, he presses it closer to his chest, right above his heart. </p><p><br/>
He <em>loves</em> Eliott. He does. It´s true. How could he not? <br/>
Eliott is... god, Eliott is <em>everything</em> to him. </p><p>So why does he feel this heavy sadness inside his stomach? </p><p><br/>
Maybe because it´s all too much. It´s all so overhelming, in the worst way possible. </p><p>Lucas´ father on the rehab. Lucas´ mom blaming Lucas for something he didn´t do. Lucas´ work - which he loves but still, it´s hard, sometimes, handle it all together, with school and with the situation with his family. And all together is just so stressful. <br/>
And then he started dating Eliott and everything seemed to be just fine, better and better with every new day. And then his father, again, and then his mom, again, and then these notes. And Lucas´ mind just needs a rest. He needs fucking rest, for once. For fucking once. </p><p><br/>
...</p><p><br/>
Eliott is here. </p><p>Lucas is not surprised that he found him. It´s Eliott, of course he finds him, every time. It´s Eliott, it´s his boyfriend. And yes, maybe Lucas is a little (a lot) confused and he wants to ask questions, but he´s not mad. At all. He never was. Not at him, not at Eliott. </p><p><br/>
And here he is, this magical boy, saying this little innocent-looking sentence:<br/>
<em>"Home is with me."</em></p><p>And then, another one: <br/>
<em>"I don´t want to send clever texts anymore, can you just love me?"</em><br/>
And Lucas´ heart fucking stops. He looks at him and thinks - <em>did he say what I think he said?</em></p><p><br/>
And then... then Eliott says: <em>"I love you, Lucas."</em></p><p><br/>
Lucas´ inside explodes. There´s fire, something´s burning. There´s light, all around these two boys in the dark cold basement. There´s warmth, suddenly, everything is warm and Lucas´ eyes start to itch.</p><p><br/>
<em>I love you, Lucas.</em><br/>
Just like that.</p><p><br/>
Lucas blinks and feels the tears in his eyes.</p><p><br/>
"What?" he whispers, breathless. He heard very clearly, but is that something he can understand, just with a snap of fingers? <br/>
Hell <em>no</em>.<br/>
This is the first time he hears these words from someone, first time in his life. First time they are meant for him. It´s too much. He watched countless amount of romantic movies when this was said, but noone ever warned him that it feels like this. Like your heart is about to jump out of your chest and dance forever on your palm.</p><p><br/>
Eliott breathes in and out. "I said I love you."</p><p><br/>
<em>I love you. </em><br/>
Yes, it´s really that simple. </p><p><br/>
Lucas laughs shortly, a little watery and those tears fall on his cheeks. He feels like he´s losing his mind. "What?" he whimpers, again. "What? You love me?" he asks, looking into Eliott´s eyes, lighten with the torch of Eliott´s phone. Guess it´s his turn to search in someone´s face, huh?</p><p><br/>
"Yes," Eliott says all serious.  "Yes, I love you. I do, so much."</p><p><br/>
Lucas laughs again, it goes out so poorly, but he can't stop it. He covers his mouth with his palm to stop the giggles that follow. Tears keep falling. Eliott reaches out to brush them away. Lucas doesn´t flinch. "I love you," Eliott says again.</p><p><br/>
"I-" Lucas' breath catches in his throat, he swallows to get rid of the lump and tries again. "I love you, too."</p><p><br/>
It's absurd.</p><p>They are in the basement where Lucas spent so much time thinking he's unlovable, he's unloved, noone ever could love him, and look at him now, face to face with a beautiful boy who's telling him exactly that - that he loves him.</p><p><br/>
A second passes and suddenly Lucas is there, in Eliott´s arms, his own arms wrapped around his neck, tightly, his chin on Eliott´s shoulder, eyes shut, biting his bottom lip to stop the smile, even when he knows he doesn´t have to. <br/>
He knows they have tons things to talk about, he knows that. It´s not that saying <em>I love you</em> would just brush it away, hide it under carpet. No. They need to talk, about everything. They need to talk things out, make it clear. </p><p>But Lucas just wants to have one moment. Just one little moment. Just this one, this minute, this minute of them being in love and together and all he wants in this minute is to feel the warmth of Eliott´s body pressed to his. All he wants in this minute is just <em>be</em>. </p><p><br/>
So he hugs Eliott closer as he sniffs. He feels the urge to cry. Cry and cry and cry, over everything what´s happening. Some people say it could make you feel better, let it all out and cry for a while. Lucas never felt better after one of many crying sessions he had, alone, in this basement or in his childhood house in his old room or in the guest room at Demaury´s. He never felt better, but now, with Eliott holding him together like this, he feels like he maybe wouldn´t  fall apart. </p><p><br/>
"I´m so sorry, sweetheart, I never wanted to hurt you," Eliott mumbles softly, holding him, stroking his back and swaying them a little from side to side. "I never wanted to make you feel sad, I love you, I´m sorry."</p><p><br/>
Lucas stays like this for some time more, in the warmth of Eliott´s proximity, he shivers and Eliott holds him tighter. Lucas brushes his tears and blinks his eyes open, looking around the dark basement room lighten only by the light on Eliott´s phone. He knows he´s dirty from the dusty floor and when he´s looking around from one corner to another, he thinks how much he really hates this place. <br/>
It was his only refuge for two whole weeks, but he hates it and he wouldn´t survive coming back to live here for one single day. <br/>
He wants to go home.</p><p><em>"Home is with me,"</em> Eliott said earlier and all Lucas wants right now is to hide in that home what Eliott is for him, hide there and stay like that. </p><p><br/>
When he´s just about to say as much to Eliott, the little motion catches his eyes and when Lucas´ eyes snap to it, there´s spider, huge as Lucas´ palm, fat and black and he´s coming their way from the opossite corner of the room. <br/>
Fuck <em>no</em>. </p><p><br/>
Lucas pulls away in a second and shoves himself away from Eliott, his back hits the wall, eyes wide, trembling finger pointing at the eight-legged motherfucker. </p><p><br/>
"S-s-spider!" he screams without looking away of the approaching black spot on the ground. He needs to run, now! But in that moment he thinks that his legs turn into jelly. <br/>
Of course. <br/>
As usually in the most needing times. <br/>
Fuck, where´s the door, <em>where</em>?</p><p>It´s close it´s close<em> it´s close!</em></p><p><br/>
In that moment Eliott´s black martens stamps and the sound echoes the dark room. Lucas blinks and there´s no ugly animal on the ground anymore, there´s nothing to be afraid of, not anymore, and still, he can´t stop the trembling in his hands. <br/>
He presses the heels of his hands to his eyes and exhales deeply. God, Eliott must think that he´s such a coward, afraid of spiders in his seventeen. </p><p>There´s light touch on his forearm and Lucas flinches away with that, but there´s only Eliott. Eliott, who´s looking at him with a worried frown, reaching his hand again, slowly, to touch Lucas again. </p><p><br/>
"It´s okay," Eliott says, pulling Lucas´ up with him. "Come here, sweetheart," and Lucas goes, pressing himself to Eliott again. </p><p><br/>
"I´m sorry," he mumbles to the fabric of Eliott´s hoodie. </p><p><br/>
"It´s alright," Eliott says softly, and tugs him to the door. "How could you survive here for two weeks?" he asks and shakes his head. Lucas doesn´t hear any judgement in his voice, any mocking, any laugh at him. There´s only soft worry, just like Eliott can do, always. </p><p>So maybe that´s why Lucas decides to tell the truth. </p><p><br/>
"Sometimes I thought I won´t," he says quietly, holding onto Eliott´s arm for dear life as they walk through the door and up the stairs leading out of the basement area. <br/>
It´s true. How many times Lucas thought he´s going to die in this dirty hole? </p><p><br/>
Eliott squeezes him tighter, leading him out of the building to the street. </p><p><br/>
Eliott was never making fun of Lucas´ fears - and god knows he has plenty of them. When they were sleeping in the house on the tree in Demaury´s garden when they were little and Lucas woke up in the middle of the night with huge spider on his cheek, he got a light panic attack. He didn´t sleep that night at all, constantly brushing away invisible things from himself, his arms and neck, flinching and startling with every light touch - mostly brush of his own hair. <br/>
Eliott was there, with him that night, lighted up the torch and go back to the house with Lucas, making a human burrito from Lucas and blankets, wrapping his arms around him and letting the little lamp switched on for the rest of the night. </p><p><br/>
Or that day when they were here, picking up Lucas´ stuff, Eliott was looking around the room, saying "But... you´re afraid of spiders...," because he knows him like that. </p><p>God. <br/>
Lucas <em>loves</em> him.  </p><p><br/>
...</p><p><br/>
They´re back at Demaury´s. Lucas feels tired, so <em>tired</em>, and when he thinks about it, it´s pretty clear to him, now. Situations which make him feel too much, draining him emotionaly, are exhausting for him. He wants to sleep it of. <br/>
But there´s something what is more important right now. </p><p><br/>
Eliott sits on his bed, back leans to the headboard. </p><p><br/>
"Will you please tell me about these notes?" Lucas asks as he sits on the bed opposite to Eliott with crossed legs, nodding his head to the direction of the drawer full of notes, pictures and envelopes. </p><p><br/>
"Please, don´t be mad at me," Eliott says in small voice, unhappy, lips turned down.</p><p><br/>
"I´m not mad," says Lucas. He´s not. </p><p><br/>
"You... you not?" Eliott´s eyes go wide in surprise. </p><p><br/>
Lucas shakes his head. "No."</p><p><br/>
"Ah," Eliott looks lost. He´s searching in Lucas´ face again and Lucas lets him for a few seconds more before he explains. </p><p><br/>
"I´m confused," he says. "I don´t understand why you didn´t tell me, at least after we started dating." Eliott looks down, looking ashamed. Lucas reaches out and takes his hand in his both. "Hey," he says. "I´m not mad. I´m just trying to understand."</p><p><br/>
Eliott looks up. "I was scared," he says quietly. <em>What?</em></p><p><br/>
Lucas frowns. "But... why? We were already dating and I already loved you," Lucas ignores how his voice trembles around the word, but he can´t ignore how Eliott´s eyes shine and cheeks getting slightly pink. It´s beautiful. <br/>
He´s beautiful. <br/>
"Wasn´t that obvious?" Lucas asks. He´s talking in calm soft voice, holding Eliott´s hand, looking straight into his eyes. Where is all the bravery coming from? </p><p><br/>
"I was afraid I´d lose you," Eliott admits, squeezes Lucas´ hand. "I wanted to tell you so many times, but every single time there was something going on, something serious and it seemed like it´s never the good time for admiting this. And when we were together and everything was finally okay and you were smiling and it was all peaceful like that, I was cought up in that moment, in our bubble and I didn´t want to ruin it, I didn´t want to lose it," he finished, looking into Lucas´ eyes, shuffling closer on the bed to him. </p><p><br/>
Lucas thinks about it for a little longer. He thinks about Eliott - beautiful, confident, strong, powerful Eliott - being maybe as insecure as Lucas is. He thinks about Eliott loving him that much to be scared of losing him. </p><p><br/>
"Would you mind me asking why you started all this, in the first place?" Lucas ask hesitantly. Yes, he wants to jump on Eliott, hug him, shower him with kisses, hold him and love love <em>love</em> him, but he needs answers first. So he holds himself back, just for now. </p><p><br/>
Eliott sighs, interwines their fingers and speaks. "It was before Christmas, actually, when I started to notice some changes about you," he says, looking at Lucas sadly. "Later, from you, I learned that it lasted much longer and I didn´t see," he shakes his head, "but before Christmas I saw... something. You were different, you were distancing yourself, you were coming with bruises, with this sadness all over you, making you smaller. Then, after start of the new year, you told me about your father beating you up," Lucas winces with it. "And I was worried about you. I wanted to do something nice for you, something to cheer you up, something what could make you feel a little better in your bad days," Eliott shrugs and smiles a little. "I was reading this poetry book and every other poem reminded me of you. So that was it."</p><p><br/>
Lucas cheeks get pink with it. <br/>
Poetry reminded him to Eliott? How beautifuly warming thought is that?</p><p><br/>
"And those pictures?" he asks. </p><p><br/>
Eliott shrugs and smiles. "I just really love taking photos, there´s no deep thought in that."</p><p><br/>
"Yeah, I know...," Lucas smiles a little to himself, too. "So... why were you making fun of it? Why were you... pointing at people, telling me that´s them, the author of these envelopes?" this is probably the biggest mystery for Lucas about this whole situation. Why this? Why the sharade?</p><p><br/>
"I´m sorry about that, Lucas," Eliott squeezes his hand again. "I´m sorry, I wanted to know how you were feeling about those notes, if you liked it or not, how would you react if it was some of those people, if there´s... um...," Eliott gets silent for a few seconds. "If there´s someone you liked more than platonically, in your life," Lucas sees how Eliott swallows. "It was dumb, but you didn´t talk to me about it, and it´s okay, really, because I´m used to your silence, I´m used to that you´re not the talkative one - that´s me," Eliott smiles and Lucas smiles back. "But I didn´t know what were you thinking about it, if it´s stupid for you or not, and it was so frustrating."</p><p><br/>
"It´s not stupid," Lucas says when he´s sure Eliott´s done with his explanation. </p><p><br/>
"No?" Eliott smiles. </p><p><br/>
Lucas shakes his head. "No."</p><p><br/>
They´re looking at each other for some time, just looking and looking, their hands still conected, their fingers still interwined. It feels so good, so peaceful. So calming. Lucas feels his eyelids getting heavier, but he ignores it, he wants to stay here, stay here in this moment for a little longer. </p><p><br/>
It´s all clear to him, now. <br/>
Eliott started those notes to make Lucas feel better. How sweet and caring is that from him? And he didn´t tell him because he was scared of losing Lucas. It´s dumb, he could never lose him. Ever. Lucas would be lost without him. But at least now Lucas understands.  </p><p><br/>
"I thought you´re dissapointed it was me all along," Eliott admits after some time, they´re still sitting on the bed like that. </p><p><br/>
"How could I be dissapointed?" Lucas asks and finally moves, he gets on his knees and leans forward to wrap his arms around Eliott´s neck. He feels his exhale of relief from Eliott and Lucas knows how good that feels. "I love you, I couldn´t be happier that it was you, even with the lack of trust."</p><p><br/>
"I trust you," Eliott mumbles to Lucas´ shoulder. "I do, I swear."</p><p><br/>
"I know," Lucas says. "It´s okay, now, it´s okay," he closes his eyes and lets them stay like this for a minute or two. "Guess I was scared of losing you, too," he admits after a moment of silence. </p><p><br/>
"Why?" Eliott whispers. </p><p><br/>
"I couldn´t believe you want to be with me. I can´t believe you love me like this," Lucas shrugs, afraid of looking to Eliott´s face. "It seems impossible to me. I think I was constantly waiting for you telling me that it was a mistake," Lucas shivers with these words, but he can´t deny that it´s true. The fear is still present, in the corner of his heart. </p><p><br/>
Eliott pulls away, slowly, like he would want to let Lucas know that he´s not going anywhere - and Lucas is endlessly grateful for that - and then he leans over to his bedside table and takes something from its drawer, handing it to Lucas. <br/>
It´s familiar beige envelope. <br/>
Lucas takes it from him and looks quizzically at Eliott who just smiles. </p><p><br/>
When Lucas opens it, there´s polaroid picture of stairs and brick wall covered by some crawling plant, tangled around the handle. <br/>
And the poem, of course. </p><p>
  
</p><p>Lucas looks at Eliott. </p><p><br/>
<em>You will never be unloved by me...</em>
</p><p><br/>
Eliott´s eyes are so sincere, Lucas wants to cry. </p><p><br/>
<em>You are too well tangled in my soul. </em>
</p><p><br/>
Isn´t that true? They are both tangled in each other´s heart for life. They will never be without each other - it would be impossible, anyway. They are stuck in this, together, in the best way possible. <br/>
And Eliott is here and he looks at Lucas like he really loves him, like it´s true, and Lucas understands and he lets himself feel it, the loving feeling, covering him like soft warm blanket all around his being. <br/>
And it´s so, so beautiful. </p><p><br/>
"I love you," Eliott says. "I loved you as a kid, I love you now, and I will love you, always."</p><p><br/>
Lucas lets himself just look, just few more seconds of the beauty Eliott´s face is, before he leans forward to connect their lips. And it was only few hours since their last kiss - before Lucas ran away - but it feels like eternity and when Lucas feels Eliott´s lips, Eliott´s tongue pressing to Lucas´ bottom lip, Eliott´s hands on his cheeks, he wonders how he could survive so long without this. <br/>
He never wants to do it again. </p><p><br/>
And the best thing is, that it looks like he doesn´t have to. </p><p><br/>
...</p><p><br/>
They have pancakes for breakfast on saturday morning. </p><p><br/>
Lucas wakes up late, and only because Eliott was there, stroking his skin, caressing his face and running fingers through his hair. Lucas wakes up and there he is, Eliott, Eliott´s face right in front of his. </p><p><br/>
"Good mo-," Lucas starts but Eliott interrupts him with a press of lips to Lucas´. </p><p><br/>
"God," Eliott breathes out, kissing him again, his lips moving agaist Lucas´ hungrily, nipping by his bottom lip, leaving Lucas´ gasping for air. "You´re just so-," Eliott mumbles against his lips. "I´m so lucky. So fucking lucky," Eliott smiles in the next kiss and Lucas is maybe not fully awake because he doesn´t understand what is happening, but he feels like there´s more in it, he feels like there´s something more. Something unspoken. </p><p><br/>
"Eliott," he mumbles to the kiss, trying to pull away, unsuccessfully. "Eliott," he tries again and Eliott pecks him two times more on the lips before he leans a little away, hovering above Lucas, holding himself up on his elbows, hands in Lucas´ hair. Smiling, still smiling. "What´s going on?" Lucas asks. </p><p><br/>
"What?" Eliott smiles, his brows confusedly furrowed, looking cute. His thumb caressing Lucas´ cheek. </p><p><br/>
"Um... I don´t know, did something happen?"</p><p><br/>
Lucas watches Eliott´s eyes traveling across his features, following the movement of his own fingers on Lucas´ skin. "I don´t want you to think I´m taking this for granted," Eliott says eventually and his eyes and voice are soft, but Lucas sees the seriousness behind it. </p><p><br/>
"Taking what for granted?" Lucas asks. </p><p><br/>
"You," Eliott says, finally meeting his eyes. "I know I fucked things up, I know I made mistakes, and you forgave me, you´re still here, with me. You´re here, looking at me still the same, nothing changed."</p><p><br/>
Lucas is more confused than before. "What? I... I don´t think I get what you mean, Eli... I don´t think you fucked up anything."</p><p><br/>
And here it is, Eliott´s searching gaze, again, just for a few seconds before he blinks and there are tears in his eyes. He exhales with his wide smile, leans his forehead to Lucas´. </p><p><br/>
"God, I love you so much," Eliott whispers, kisses Lucas´ cheek and lies there, head on the same pillow as Lucas. It´s unstoppable, the feeling inside of Lucas, when he hears Eliott saying this to him. It was only yesterday when he heard it for the first time, first time from Eliott and first time from anyone ever in his life. And here he is, Eliott, saying that like the most obvious thing ever. Lucas can´t stop the feeling it´s waking up in him and he really hopes it´ll never stop. "Once you said to me that I am the only right thing in your life," Eliott says and Lucas nods. He remembers. It was the night after they found his father in Lucas´ childhood house. "You´re mine, too," Eliott says, brushing Lucas´ hair away from his eyes. </p><p><br/>
Lucas smiles and closes his eyes, not wanting to face the reality for a little while. This, moments like this one, just him and Eliott, this is the best, this is Lucas´ kind of happines. </p><p><br/>
"My little sweetheart," Eliott whispers to the skin on Lucas´ cheek. "I would love to stay like this forever, but my mom´s making pancakes for breakfast," Eliott says softly. "Come on, I´m hungry."</p><p><br/>
Lucas laughs. "We should hurry, then. You´re grumpy when you´re hungry."</p><p><br/>
"I´m not," Eliott gasps, offended, and frowns. Lucas giggles. </p><p><br/>
"I love it," he says and kisses Eliott´s temple when he sits up on bed and untangles the blanket from his legs. "You´re cute."</p><p><br/>
"You´re cuter," Eliott says, smiling again. </p><p><br/>
Lucas shakes his head and huffs, amused. "Nah," he says and walks out of the room, heading to the kitchen. </p><p> </p><p><br/>
"Lucas, honey," says Mrs. Demaury as they all sit around the table, stuffing their mouths with delicious pancakes she made for them. Lucas looks up to her. "I want to talk to you about something."</p><p><br/>
Lucas swallows the bite and sips from his glass some milk. "Okay?" he says with empty mouth. </p><p><br/>
"It´s a little private, if you want to talk about it just between you and me?" she asks. Lucas frowns. "It´s about your family situation."</p><p><br/>
Ah. <em>Shit</em>. </p><p><br/>
"Um...," Lucas looks at Eliott who squeezes his hand under the table. "Go ahead. I don´t mind you all to know. I mean... You´re more family to me than my real family."</p><p><br/>
Mr. Demaury smiles at Lucas and Eliott kisses his temple. </p><p><br/>
"Okay," Mrs. Demaury smiles, then she turns and takes thin black file from the counter, handing it to Lucas. "Take a look and tell me what you think."</p><p><br/>
Lucas takes the file and opens it, slowly, and looks at the paper inside. It´s more than one paper, but there´s his name and in big black letters written <em>EMANCIPATION</em>. <br/>
Wait, <em>what</em>? <br/>
Lucas looks closer, study every word, carefully, trying to understand, but most of it are lawyer-y stuff and he doesn´t get it. What he understands is that this is about him being emancipated. Him being his own person. His life wouldn´t depend on anyone else, but him. </p><p><br/>
Lucas looks back to Mrs. Demaury. There´s absolut silence in the kitchen, Lucas feels three pairs of eyes on him. </p><p><br/>
"Emancipation?" he asks, his voice hoarse god knows why. </p><p><br/>
"Yes," Mrs. Demaury nods. "It´s totally up to you, of course. I was thinking about your situations, honey, and I understand how stressful that must be for you. You´re eighteen in two months and anything can happen until then, right?" Lucas nods. "It´s still two whole months. Long time. I think this could be good insurance for you. You wouldn´t have to be so afraid of what could happen and you can focus on finishing your high school in peace without more stress than needed."</p><p><br/>
"I... don´t know what to say," Lucas says. He´s shocked. Mrs. Demaury, her husband and her son, three the most wonderful people in the world, they are all here for Lucas, taking him between them like the member of their family, like he´d belong with them. <br/>
How did he deserve this? Lucas doesn´t understand. This is too much. It´s so overhelming, he feels like his heart overflows with love.</p><p><br/>
And yes, he´s stressed about his father, like... all the time. The nightmares about his father coming for him and dragging him away, because, after all, Lucas is not legally adult yet and his father has, probably, all the rights on his side, in this case. <br/>
He knows, deep down in his mind, that Demaurys wouldn´t allow it, most probably. But still, noone knows what his father is capable of. </p><p><br/>
And this is... this is gift from heaven. And the angel brought it to him, an angel called Elise Demaury. </p><p><br/>
"You don´t have to say anything," she waves her hand. "Just think about it, okay? It´s big step, I understand, but trust me, I wouldn´t do anything what could make you cost some more pain or trouble."</p><p><br/>
"I know."</p><p><br/>
She smiles. "I made those papers in a way that noone can touch you after this, if you sign them, and even when you´ll be eighteen, in a situation like yours, it´s better to have those papers, like I said, as an insurance. No power of your father´s can go against this, I promise. I only care if you´re safe, alright?"</p><p><br/>
Lucas thinks he´s choking, choking with emotions. He doesn´t know what to feel first. Relief, gratefullness, happines, love, excitement with the sight of his future in this new light Mrs. Demaury brought him. Relief relief <em>relief</em>. </p><p><br/>
He stands up from his chair, takes five steps around the table and hugs Mrs. Demaury, tightly, wraps his arms around her and smells the coconut, so similar to Eliott´s shampoo scent, so familiar and calming, and the warmth of mother´s embrace. </p><p><br/>
"Thank you," he chokes out over the lump in his throat. "You´re the best person ever, you´re the best family, thank you for everything," the words merge together but Lucas can´t stop them. He pulls away and brushes his cheeks. He looks at Mr. Demaury and Eliott, who´s watching him a little worried, as usually, because he cares, because he loves Lucas. "Knowing the three of you, I believe in angels."</p><p><br/>
They laugh and Lucas can´t stop smiling when Eliott pulls him to his lap, he can´t stop smiling when they finish the breakfast, he can´t stop smiling when him and Eliott cleaning the table after, he can´t stop smiling when he signing those papers and he can´t stop smiling when he´s holding them after, pressed to his chest, and he feels like he finally can breathe, like he´s finally free. </p><p><br/>
...</p><p><br/>
Lucas wakes up in the middle of the night because Eliott´s shuffling next to him from side to side, so restless in his sleep, and when Lucas sits up and looks at him in the silver light of the moon behind the window, he´s frowning, his forehead is sweaty and breathing irregular. </p><p><br/>
Lucas sees it before. <br/>
Eliott´s having a nightmare. <br/>
<em>Fuck</em>. </p><p><br/>
"Eliott, Eliott, wake up, love, wake up," he repeats in hushed voice, gently shaking with Eliott´s shoulder, other hand stroking Eliott´s cheek. "Eli, wake up, hey," he says few more times before Eliott´s eyes snap open with gasp. He´s looking around the room, breathing fast, Lucas reaches out and brushes his hair from his sweaty forehead. Eliott startles and looks at him. "It´s okay, it´s just me," Lucas says softly, wiping the sweat away. </p><p><br/>
"L-Lucas," Eliott breathes out, his breath shudders. He shuts his eyes tightly before he opens them again, blinking away the last pieces of sleep. Tears escape the corners of his eyes, rolling down the sides of Eliott´s face. </p><p><br/>
"Shhh, don´t cry, my love, shhh," says Lucas softly, brushing the tears away. "It was just a nightmare," Lucas says softly and lies on his stomach, hovering on his elbows above Eliott, brushing his hair and caressing his face. "It´s okay, shhh, you´re safe," he whispers and watches how Eliott´s expression turning from nervous recklessness into calm relaxed smooth face again. He breathes in and out deeply and Lucas feels Eliott´s heartbeat under his chest slowing into some more acceptable rhythm.</p><p><br/>
"It was just a nightmare," Eliott repeats Lucas´ words. </p><p><br/>
"Do you want to tell me about it?" Lucas asks kindly, leaving the decision on Eliott. </p><p><br/>
He thinks for a while, opening his mouth and closing it again. Then he says "Not now, sorry."</p><p><br/>
"It´s alright," Lucas leans to kiss his forehead. "You can sleep some more, I´m here," he says and lies his head on the same pillow, hugging Eliott sideways. </p><p><br/>
Eliott´s watching him, holding Lucas´ arm which is across his chest, Lucas´ fingers making slow movements through Eliott´s hair, massaging the skin under it. Eliott´s eyelids look heavier with every blink and Lucas is there, watching him to drift into the world of sleep again, slowly. He´s there and he will be there, holding Eliott through this. </p><p><br/>
Lucas doesn´t sleep for the rest of the night. </p><p><br/>
When he gets up from bed early morning to make some tea, he sees this note on Eliott´s table, there´s beige envelope, but the note and polaroid pic are already out. </p><p>
  
</p><p>Lucas looks back to the bed to sleeping Eliott. </p><p><br/>
<em>Little more in love each day. </em>
</p><p><br/>
And he thinks, <em>yeah, it´s working. </em></p><p><br/>
...</p><p><br/>
"You look exhausted," Eliott says, brushes the skin under Lucas´ eyes. </p><p><br/>
"I´m good, don´t worry," Lucas smiles and catches Eliott´s hand, interlocks their fingers. </p><p><br/>
"Is that because of me?" Eliott asks. "Because of the night?"</p><p><br/>
"No, Eli," Lucas shakes his head, brings their connected hands to his mouth to kiss Eliott´s knuckles. "Not everything revolve around you, you know?" Lucas says in joke but god, what a lie. Lucas´ whole life is around Eliott and Eliott only. He´s the centre of Lucas´ solar systhem. He´s the sun. </p><p><br/>
"Did you sleep after that?" Eliott doesn´t drop it. "Because I know for sure you slept before. I was waiting until you fall asleep first."</p><p><br/>
Sweet sweet caring boy. </p><p><br/>
"I can sleep now, no?" Lucas points at the obvious fact. </p><p><br/>
They´re in the Demaury´s garden again, it´s sunday, time before noon, the sun is warm and the air is fresh, light warm wind bringing to Lucas´ nose scent of flowers what Mrs. Demaury has in the garden and it´s so sweet and nice and the blanket under them is soft and Eliott´s proximity is everything. <br/>
Lucas could sleep like this. He could. He will. He wants. </p><p><br/>
"Lucas...," Eliott sighs. He´s worried, again. </p><p><br/>
"You´re right, I have work today afternoon," Lucas remembers. "I´m going to grab some snacks and something to drink, okay?" he says as he´s sitting up and standing right after. </p><p><br/>
"I can go take it," Eliott says as he sits up as well. </p><p><br/>
"No no no, all good, I want to. Stay here and look cute, that´s what you know the best, hm?" Lucas says and grins wide at Eliott´s pouting lips. <br/>
He´s so cute. </p><p><br/>
Lucas goes back to the house, he´s wearing sweatpants and Eliott´s white t-shirt - the most comfortable piece of clothes he owns now - and he sees Mrs. Demaury in the kitchen. </p><p><br/>
"Ah, Lucas, honey, I´m making you some sandwitches, if you´d like?" she smiles and Lucas´ heart melts a little more. "I thought you could be hungry. At least, as I know Eliott, he definitely is," she giggles and Lucas with her. "And he´s grumpy when he´s hungry."</p><p><br/>
"I noticed," Lucas agrees. "I love him, anyways."</p><p><br/>
Fuck, did he really say that out loud? <em>Fuck</em>. Lucas feels his cheeks going red when Mrs. Demaury looks at him with such a pretty honest eyes, smiling softly, knowingly. </p><p><br/>
"Yeah, me too," she says and returns to the sandwitch. </p><p><br/>
The door bell rings. </p><p><br/>
"Um, honey, would you mind to go there? I´ll finish this in a minute," she says and Lucas nods and goes to the hall. He sees Eliott walking inside through the door from the garden. </p><p><br/>
"You have sandwitch in the kitchen," Lucas calls after him and smiles when Eliott´s eyes light up. Then he goes and opens the front door. </p><p><br/>
It´s fast. <br/>
Faster than fast, actually. It´s faster than fucking lightning. </p><p><br/>
The punch.</p><p><br/>
Lucas doesn´t even manage to see who the visitor is before he gets a punch right to his nose and he stumbles backwards. Before his body can decide if he´ll fall on the ground or what, there´s a hand on his neck, holding him up, pressing him to the wall. </p><p><br/>
Lucas is suffocating. He can´t breathe. </p><p><br/>
He opens his eyes just to meet the cold brown ones. <br/>
His father. </p><p><br/>
He´s <em>here</em>. </p><p><br/>
He´s here in Lucas´ safe place, in his <em>refuge</em>. </p><p><br/>
Lucas feels the blood running down his nose to his mouth, he feels the iron-ish taste on his tongue. He´s gonna be sick. <br/>
His father is here, holding Lucas´ neck, squeezing tightly, his eyes full of anger, exactly how Lucas remembers. </p><p><br/>
"Fucking coward," his father says. "Of course, hiding in front of me, my fucking coward son."</p><p><br/>
"S-s-s-sto-p," Lucas chokes out but he´s making no sound, just gasping. He panics when his father hits the wall with his head. </p><p><br/>
"What did you think, huh? That I´m not gonna find you here? Stupid little bitch, that´s what you are," he says and Lucas´ vision is blurry. He can´t fucking breathe. He´s holding his father´s forearm in both his hands, trying to pull him away, but he´s too weak and his father is too strong. </p><p><br/>
Why is he here? How is he here? Lucas thought he went to the rehab. Lucas doesn´t smell any alcohol and his father´s eyes are clear. <br/>
He´s sober. </p><p><br/>
God, he´s <em>sober</em>. </p><p><br/>
Last time when he was sober and attacked Lucas, it was when...<br/>
Dammit. </p><p><br/>
"Get away from him, now!" Mrs. Demaury´s voice echoes the hall and the grip on Lucas´ throat loosens before it dissapears completely. His father maybe is the biggest asshole in this world, but he always respected Demaurys. At least as he can ever respect someone. </p><p><br/>
"Get out of my house," she says coldly, but Lucas hears it from distance. He slides down on the floor, coughing, gasping for air, his throat burns and his neck hurts.<br/>
There are hands, cradling his head. </p><p><br/>
"Lucas, Lucas, do you hear me? Lucas, look at me," there´s Eliott, kneeling in front of Lucas, holding his face in his both hands, gently. </p><p><br/>
Lucas´ mind is completely blank. Nothing is there, not a single thought. He just feels the throbbing pain around his nose, taste of blood in his mouth and burning in his throat with every breath. <br/>
Pain, <em>again</em>. </p><p>No power left in his body. He wants to dissapear. </p><p><br/>
There´s another hand on his face, gently tilting his head. It´s Mr. Demaury, looking at his neck, quickly checking his nose. </p><p><br/>
"Eli, take Lucas upstairs, get him some ice on that nose, I´ll check him out in a while," he says firmly and then he´s gone, walking out of the front door, shutting them behind himself.<br/>
There´s silence. </p><p><br/>
"Lucas, sweetheart," Eliott says and his voice sounds wierd, Lucas recognizes the change immediately, he just can´t point at what exactly that is, he can´t focus. Breathing hurts. "Come here, come with me," Eliott pulls him up from the floor, holding him up. </p><p><br/>
Lucas doesn´t remember the way upstairs. He´s lying in his bed in a guest room, Eliott´s saying something but Lucas doesn´t  hear him. Feels like he has big hole in his head and everything goes right through it. Nothing stays.<br/>
Until there´s something cold and wet, touching his upper lip and Lucas hisses. </p><p><br/>
"Shit, I´m sorry, I´m sorry baby, I just want to wash the blood away," says Eliott with trembling voice and Lucas lets him to do whatever he wants. He just lies there, doesn´t feel like talking, doesn´t feel like fucking feeling, either. <br/>
He just wants to dissapear. </p><p><br/>
Funny thing is, this is not even the worst thing what his father ever did to him. But for Lucas, this is the last drop to the sea. </p><p><br/>
Eliott´s cleaning his face with wet towel, carefully, slowly, and it hurts. It hurts but Lucas feels numb. He feels so drained. He lets his eyes closed the whole time, pretending he´s elsewhere, pretending he´s nowhere. </p><p><br/>
...</p><p><br/>
Lucas´ nose is not broken. </p><p><br/>
Mr. Demaury comes to the room with his wife to check Lucas, says it´s not broken and brings some more ice with him. He´s asking questions, too, but Lucas is responding only with <em>yes</em> or <em>no</em> - his voice sounds raspy and strange -  and when there´s not an option like that, he doesn´t speak at all. </p><p><br/>
They talk to him and Lucas feels awful to not talking to them, but he just can´t. He can´t hold a single thought in his mind, he doesn´t know what he should say. He doesn´t think he´d be able to speak without breaking apart. </p><p><br/>
Lucas thinks he hears Eliott speaking to someone on the phone at some point, and when he listens carefully, it´s about Lucas and his job. Ah, shit, Lucas supposed to be in work today. But this one thing doesn´t make Lucas to do anything, either. <br/>
He keeps his eyes closed, wishing he´d just dissapear. </p><p><br/>
"Lucas," he hears Eliott next to him and feels the bed bending under his weight. "Lucas, darling, are you awake?" Lucas is quiet. "Sweetheart, please, say something, you didn´t move a bit since we got here."</p><p><br/>
Lucas wants to scream. </p><p><br/>
He feels the soft duvet covering him and Eliott´s warmth from the side. Then there´s lips on his cheek and whisper in his ear "I love you," and there´s  Eliott´s breathing next to him. <br/>
And it´s maybe much later, maybe hours, days, fucking eternity, when Eliott speaks again. </p><p><br/>
Lucas doesn´t sleep. He wants, oh god how he wants. Just sleep and forget everything, just for a while. But sleep apparantely flips him off with huge FUCK YOU and ran away from him with bare ass. <br/>
Fuck it. </p><p><br/>
"You are many mountains more than the way they make you feel," says Eliott into the darkness of the room. </p><p><br/>
Lucas turns his head to the side where Eliott lies, his eyes still closed. He´s afraid to see the look in Eliott´s eyes. <br/>
"Is it ano-" he starts coughing before he manages to say the whole sentence. His throat is itching and when he´s coughing, it hurts. Everything. Everything hurts. <br/>
Again. </p><p><br/>
"Are you okay?" Eliott asks when Lucas stops coughing. </p><p><br/>
"Is it another one from the poetry collection?" Lucas ignores Eliott´s question and asks his own. Eliott next to him breathes out what seems like long-holded breath, his hand travels from Lucas´ chest to his neck and to his hair. </p><p><br/>
"No, it´s actually mine," he says. </p><p><br/>
Lucas opens his eyes, looks at Eliott next to him. "Beautiful," Lucas whispers and holds back the cough.</p><p><br/>
"It´s for you," Eliott whispers back.</p><p><br/>
Lucas closes his eyes again, lies his head on Eliott´s shoulder. Eliott holds him closer. <br/>
"I love you," Lucas says after some more minutes and when Eliott responds with "I love you, too," he can finally find the peace to fall asleep. </p><p><br/>
...</p><p><br/>
The next day, Mrs. Demaury comes home with judicial restraining order. His father can´t approach Lucas now, not legally. He has strict prohibition to come anywhere near him for less than 500 metres. </p><p><br/>
"I don´t care about anything anymore, Lucas," says Mrs. Demaury. "I only want your safety and I swear to god I am willing to do anything for it."</p><p><br/>
"I want to report my father for abusion," says Lucas with still raspy voice. <br/>
He saw himself in the mirror this morning. The nose, despite all that bleeding yesterday, looks better than his neck. His nose is dark pink all around with blue and purple bruise on the bridge, but his neck... there´s bruises from his father´s fingers, long blue and purple, and fucking painful. Eliott´s white shirt is destroyed with blood spots all over the front.</p><p><br/>
"Really?" Mrs. Demaury´s eyes are wide with a glint of hope. And pride.</p><p><br/>
"Yes," Lucas says. "I just... I don´t want to see him anymore," Lucas is sure about this. "Ever again."</p><p><br/>
Mrs. Demaury nods. "I can work with that."</p><p> </p><p><br/>
It shows that Demaury´s having camera in the hall. <br/>
Fucking camera right above their front door. That whole attack is recorded. Eliott´s mom asks Lucas if he agrees with using the material for a court and he says yes. Then they sit together and write down Lucas´ criminal complaint. They write everything Lucas can remember since he was a little kid. <br/>
Then they take photos of Lucas´ neck and face and ribs, still visible bruises on them - even when they are pretty much without any pain. Almost. They also take a picture of Lucas´ scars between his shoulderblades and from below his feet. </p><p><br/>
"That´s why you were limping back then in school?" Eliott asks in strange voice when he looks at those little lines on Lucas´ feet. </p><p><br/>
Lucas nods, he´s ashamed how many secrets are out now. Now, he has absolutely nothing to hide. Nothing. It´s him, bare, naked. It´s just him. </p><p><br/>
When they´ll finish, Mrs. Demaury holds thick file of evidences against Mr. Lallemant. </p><p><br/>
And Lucas, Lucas feels like he can for the first time in years finally freely breathe. </p><p><br/>
...</p><p><br/>
Going to school on tuesday feels so strange to Lucas. It feels like he was not there for ages, but in fact it was only three days. <br/>
So many things happened since friday. </p><p><br/>
Lucas doesn´t even paying attention. He thinks about it as about breaks between minutes when he sees Eliott. And another break without him until he´s there again. <br/>
Lucas never liked breaks, anyways. </p><p><br/>
...</p><p><br/>
When Lucas comes home with Eliott from school on wednesday, he stops at the door to living room, absolutely in shock. </p><p><br/>
"Hi, Lucas, my baby boy."</p><p><br/>
There´s his mom. <br/>
In flesh. </p><p><br/>
Lucas is not able to say a word. He blatantly realizing Eliott next to him, squeezing his hand, but fuck, what is she doing here? Their last phone call was only her yelling at Lucas that everything is his fault and Lucas hanging up on her when he was fed up with it. <br/>
What the hell is she doing here?</p><p><br/>
Lucas quickly thinks. <br/>
What should he feel? How should he act? What is expected from him?</p><p>Lucas thinks again. Excitement? Anger? Happines? Curiosity? Apathy? <br/>
He has no clue, so he settles with careful prudence. </p><p><br/>
"Eli, come on, we´ll give these two a little privacy, okay?" Mrs. Demaury stands up from the couch and walks to the door. She strokes Lucas´ arm reassuringly and tugs for Eliott´s forearm. Eliott´s looking at Lucas, concerned, as always, searching - of course. There´s this silent question in his eyes if that´s okay, if Lucas wants him to be here with him or not. <br/>
And Lucas doesn´t know. He wants to have him with him, all the time, but on the other hand he really wants to talk with his mom, he wants to hear from her every single explanation she has prepared (Lucas is just sure she has some). </p><p>So he squeezes Eliott´s hand and lets go of it. </p><p> </p><p>"Lucas," his mom says once they´re alone. "Oh god, Lucas," she says again and stands up from the couch, walks to him until she stands in front of him. Lucas can see her eyes scanning his nose and his neck and he can imagine what she sees. Bruises and pain. <br/>
She might not be the mother of the year, but she´s still Lucas´ mom. And he, despite all of that what happened, missed her. </p><p><br/>
"I´m... I am so, so sorry, Lucas, I´m sorry, about everything," she says and Lucas sees the tears in her eyes. He´s sure he´ll be crying any second, too. <br/>
Before he can react, his mom is there, hugging him, tightly, and Lucas´ arms act on their own, wrapping around his mom´s body, hugging her back. <br/>
Lucas feels this familiar scent he remembers since he was a kid, and it´s only his mom, noone else. It´s his mom. She´s here, she came to Lucas. <br/>
<br/>
</p><p><br/>
"I didn´t know what´s happening, Lucas, I swear to you," she says. "I didn´t know until Elise called me and explained everything. She didn´t want to do that before because it´s after all your story to tell, but you tried to tell me the last time and I didn´t listen, and for that, my darling, I´m so, so sorry."<br/>
She´s staring at Lucas, waiting for him to say something.</p><p><br/>
So he does. "I won´t tell you that it´s okay, because it´s not. It´s been hell. I needed you and you weren´t there and when we talked over phone, you never listened."</p><p><br/>
His mom looks down. "I know. I´m so busy with work that it´s hard for me to focus on anything else, I know it´s a problem. My problem."</p><p><br/>
"I lived in fucking basement for two weeks," Lucas blurs out. His mom looks up at him. "I ran from home because my father is not only alcoholic, but also overcontrolling abuser and my mom was gone. And-," he swallows, "-I was scared. So scared."</p><p><br/>
"Lucas," she shakes her head. "I´m so sorry."</p><p><br/>
Lucas doesn´t know what else to say.<br/>
Hm, maybe one last thing. "I reported him for the abuse. I don´t want to live in constant fear, not anymore."</p><p><br/>
His mom nods. "I talked to Elise and I gave her some more evidences, so I hope the process will be fast."</p><p><br/>
Oh. <br/>
Okay. <br/>
It´s the least she can do, but it´s something. </p><p><br/>
Lucas doesn´t want to ask if she´s staying or not. He knows she won´t stay here just because of him. She would have to have much better reason than her son to stay, give up on her precious position in the company in freaking Japan. </p><p><br/>
"Come sit down, okay?" she says as she sits on the couch, pats the place next to her with her palm. Lucas goes and sits opposite to her into the armchair. <br/>
She looks dissapointed for a moment before she goes back to her mask of neutrality. </p><p><br/>
Lucas watches her for a while. Her pretty blond hair cutted short around her face, just around her chin, looking like a sea of waves. Her eyes, so much alike Lucas´. Her clothes - she wears black slim jeans, dark blue suit jacket with white shirt under it and black boots on heels. She looks so pretty. </p><p><br/>
"You look pretty," Lucas says her as much. She smiles, soft and kind and exactly how Lucas remembers from his childhood. She looks just the same as then. </p><p><br/>
"Thank you, my dear boy," she says. "I... Lucas...," she sighs, rubs her forehead. "I´m not going to stay here, I´m leaving tomorrow back to Japan."<br/>
Ah, here we go. </p><p><br/>
Lucas thought he´s ready to hear that, he thinks he couldn´t be dissapointed because he already knew that, but still, he can´t stop the strange sad feeling spreading in his heart. </p><p><br/>
"I wanted to see you and talk with you about few things," his mom continues. "Firstly, Lucas, I am truly sorry about what was happening to you," she points at Lucas´ injured nose - Lucas is not sure if he notices his neck as well. "It´s terrible and I will never forgive myself that I didn´t protect you, my child, in front of this. I can´t say anything to make things better because there´s no such thing to say, but I will say only that - I didn´t know. I have no idea," she sounds sincere. "He wasn´t like this when we were dating. He wasn´t like this before," she shakes her head. "And about the alcohol -  I didn´t know it´s so out of control."</p><p><br/>
She sounds honest and Lucas believes her. <br/>
Does he forgive her? Or will he, in the future? He doesn´t know. It´s too much. It´s too much and he doesn´t know what to think about all of that. He needs to think about it later, go through all the facts and re-consider it. </p><p><br/>
"Secondly, I want to give you something," his mom says, reaches behind her and hands Lucas grey file. Lucas takes it. "Open it." He does. </p><p><br/>
There´s his name, there´s logo of national bank of France, there´s some bank account number and there´s another number, in euros, bigger than Lucas ever saw written, black on white, in front of him. <br/>
What the-</p><p><br/>
He looks back to his mom. "I don´t  want your money," he says because if it´s how he thinks it is, his mom´s trying to give him this bank account with huge amount of money. As what? As some sick kind of compensation for years without mother? For years of abusion?<br/>
No, thank you. </p><p><br/>
"It´s not mine, it´s yours," his mom says. </p><p><br/>
"I don´t want this."</p><p><br/>
"Lucas, listen, it´s not my money," she says, her eyes burning to Lucas´. "I was sending on this account every amount of money what state was giving me for you since you were born. It´s your bank account, not mine. There´s your name, not mine."</p><p><br/>
"What is that suppose to mean?" Lucas says and gets angry. "You can´t buy me with this. This won´t change anything what already happened."</p><p><br/>
"I know, I know, and I´m not trying to buy you, Lucas," his mom says and shakes her head again. She looks like she means it. "You can do whatever you want with that, okay? I wanted to give you that on your eighteenth birthday, but I heard you´re kind of an adult, already? With the emancipation?"</p><p><br/>
Lucas nods. He´s not going to apologize for that. It´s his private thing and his mom lost the rights when she wasn´t giving shits about Lucas´ life since he was little kid. </p><p><br/>
"So. I´m giving you now," she shrugs. "You can do whatever you want. You can use it for your college, find a flat to yourself, you can travel... I won´t take it away, so it will be there until you decide what you want."</p><p><br/>
Fuck. This is too much. He doesn´t want that. He doesn´t know how to deal with this. Too many things happening in such a short time. He feels exhausted, again, because of what? Because of how fucked up his life is and always was since he was born. Like the universe looked at him, points his finger at him and said: <em>this one, I´m gonna throwing flying shits on him and see how long he will last. </em><br/>
Goddammit. </p><p><br/>
They talk for a little while. <br/>
Lucas´ mom tells him about her work, about how is Japan in reality, how different it really is than they make it look in movies. Lucas tells her about his work, about his nice coworkers, about school. He doesn´t talk about his future plans and she doesn´t ask. <br/>
It´s mutual understanding and Lucas loves that for both of them. </p><p><br/>
At the end of the conversation, they stand at the Demaury´s front door and his mom says "You can call me, whenever you want, Lucas."</p><p><br/>
Lucas responds with "Really? Will you have the time for me?"</p><p><br/>
And she says "Yes, I will, I will now, I promise."</p><p><br/>
And Lucas wants to believe her. They hug and stay like that for a while, just holding each other. </p><p><br/>
"I miss you, you know?" his mom says. </p><p><br/>
"I miss you, too," Lucas whispers. It´s true. Even after everything. This is his mom and he misses her in his life.</p><p><br/>
"I´ll send you ticket and you´ll come to visit me this summer, if you want?" she asks when she pulls away, holding Lucas´ shoulders. </p><p><br/>
Lucas thinks about it - him, being in Japan, see the flying cars (he´s sure there are some, definitely). He'll take Eliott with him. <br/>
He nods. "Yes. I would like that."<br/>
His mom smiles, kisses his cheek. </p><p><br/>
"Take care of yourself, my baby boy," she says and smiles before she turns around and leaves. </p><p><br/>
...</p><p><br/>
"Eliott," Lucas says when they lay on bed that night, facing each other. </p><p><br/>
"What?" Eliott asks, doesn´t stop tracing Lucas´ features with his fingers. He strokes his cheek, his lips and chin, his eyebrows and eyelids and the hairline and he´s very careful around Lucas´ still very painful nose. </p><p><br/>
"Do you know I love you?" Lucas whispers and watches Eliott´s eyes lighten up. His favourite sight in this world. "Do you know how much I love you?" Lucas puts his hand on the side of Eliott´s face, thumb stroking his cheek when Eliott smiles. </p><p><br/>
"I love you, too, my sweetheart," Eliott leans forward, kisses Lucas´ forehead, his nose, just light brush of lips and then tender kiss on his lips. "You really never noticed that I was in love with you the whole time, since we were kids?"</p><p><br/>
Oh lord, hearing this from Eliott sounds so heartwarming. And unbelievable. And astonishing. </p><p><br/>
"How could I?" Lucas asks. "You´re the most caring, loving, sweet and kind and precious person ever since I know you, basically my whole life. How could I spot the difference? You´re just this huge ball of sunbeams, love and kindness, all the time. It´s you."</p><p><br/>
"Stop," Eliott bites his lip around a smile. "Stop, you´re too sweet."</p><p><br/>
"You stop."</p><p><br/>
"You stop or I´ll make you," Eliott squints his eyes. </p><p><br/>
Lucas scoffs. "How could you possibly ma-"</p><p><br/>
There´re lips on his, there´s hand in his hair, there´s tongue licking his bottom lip, there´s other hand slipping under his t-shirt. There´s Eliott, making him stop, as he said. <br/>
Fuck, he´s good. <br/>
He´s too good. He´s too everything. Too kind. Too beautiful. Too amazing. Too caring, too loving, too lovable. Too love-deserving. Too much. </p><p><br/>
Eliott opens Lucas´ mouth with his, kissing him deeper, pressing him into the mattress with his whole weight, hand running up Lucas´ ribs and back down again to the hem of Lucas´ sweatpants, two fingers slipping under it and Lucas´ gasps. Eliott´s lips move to Lucas´ neck. And it´s still pretty sensitive, bruised and painful, but Eliott´s lips, kissing him there, softly, his tongue licking Lucas´ skin, his lips gently nipping for his skin, making Lucas grip the bedsheets between his fingers, that is just... more than breathtakingly good. </p><p><br/>
"Eliott," Lucas breathes out, hugging him with his legs around his hips. </p><p><br/>
"Oh my... You´re everything," Eliott says and pulls away, leaning on his elbow, his other hand still hooked for Lucas´ sweatpants. "Lucas," Eliott says, tugs for the hem again. Lucas´ breath catches in his throat. He looks at Eliott and then releases the bedsheet from his grip, hands catching Eliott´s t-shirt instead, pulling it over his head. "Lucas," Eliott says again and removes Lucas´ t-shirt as well. <br/>
He sits on top of Lucas, knees on sides of Lucas´ thighs, hands on his stomach. They look at each other, just like that, in dark room, soft light coming from the moon lamp on Eliott´s table. <br/>
Eliott looks... outworldly. Ethereal. He´s like an angel, sitting there on Lucas, searching in his face again. And Lucas starts to love it, actually. It´s Eliott´s way to care about someone. And he cares about Lucas, which is beautiful. </p><p><br/>
Apparantely, Eliott finds there something he was looking for, because when Lucas puts his hands on Eliott´s thighs, Eliott moves a little, slowly, foreward, with his hips. They brush against each other in all the right places and Lucas´ eyelids flutter in need to close down, but he manages to not break the eye contact with Eliott. <br/>
Eliott does it again, moves backwards and forwards, stroking them together. Lucas lifts his hips up - at least he tries with Eliott sitting on him. </p><p>"E-Eliott," Lucas whispers, grips his thighs tightly. </p><p><br/>
"Lucas, baby," Eliott says, his voice sounds wrecked. "I..."</p><p><br/>
"Yes," Lucas responds. Yes. Whatever it is right now, <em>yes</em>. </p><p><br/>
"Fuck...," Eliott leans down and kisses him, grinding them against each other again and again and Lucas´ panting. "Baby," Eliott says to Lucas´ neck and it hurts when Eliott lies his head there, it hurts, the sensitive skin, but Lucas has no thoughts to complain in this moment. </p><p><br/>
"Eliott," Lucas chokes out. "More, more," he bends his legs in his knees and uses his heels to dig with them to the mattress and lifts himself up against Eliott´s. </p><p><br/>
"Holy fu- Lucas," Eliott groans, moves again against Lucas. And there´s too many fabric between them, there are sweatpants and all but Lucas feels like he´d lose his mind if they stop now to remove their clothes. No, they can´t stop, not now. </p><p><br/>
Lucas´ lifting his hips now, twitching them up, grinding them together with Eliott´s, meeting him halfway in this a little unsteady rhythm they create. </p><p><br/>
Eliott pulls away from Lucas´ neck and looks at him and his cheeks are flushed and Lucas is sure he himself must look like total mess, but the hell he cares when this feels so damn good. <br/>
He can´t hold his eyes open anymore, it´s impossible with the sensation. He grips Eliott´s hips and tilts his head backwards. </p><p><br/>
"Eliott, this is-," Eliott kisses him, they´re both panting, hot breathes, wet lips, searching desperate tongues. Lucas flips them over so he´s on top of Eliott, he lies there, exactly there, between Eliott´s legs, and one look to Eliott´s eyes makes him move again, move and move and Eliott´s legs wrap around Lucas´ hips, his fingers tangles in Lucas´ hair, his mouth sucking the skin between Lucas´ shoulder and neck. </p><p><br/>
"I love you, I love you," Eliott says and moans right after, muffling the sound to Lucas´ skin. "Love, love, love, love, I swear, you, me, and, I want, I promise, I-," he mumbles nonsenses or maybe Lucas just can´t focus. And then Lucas´ can´t hold himself up anymore, it´s too much, and the warm growing feeling in his stomach and Eliott stops talking, soft whimper escaping his mouth.</p><p><br/>
And when Lucas lies on Eliott´s chest, listening his heart going back to normal, they both a little sweaty and hot that they don´t need the covers tonight, this moment feels like the last piece of puzzle. <br/>
Lucas feels complete. </p><p><br/>
...</p><p><br/>
On friday in school, Lucas finds another beige envelope in his locker and he can´t but smile with that. It´s Eliott, Lucas already knew, and yes he´s a little confused that Eliott´s still doing this. First in the bed last friday, then in the morning when Lucas found the note on the table, and now here, in his locker, when it all started back in February.  </p><p><br/>
Lucas opens it and takes out the note. </p><p>
  
</p><p>Lucas pulls his phone from his pocket, puts the earphones to his ears and listens the <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fTlBx1lFZ4A">song</a>. <br/>
According to first few tones he immediately recognizes it´s a song from Shrek. He knows it, of course, they both, Eliott and Lucas, know every song from Shrek movies very well. <br/>
But for the first time in his life since his childhood, he pays extra attention to the lyrics. </p><p><br/>
<em>There is something that I see</em><br/>
<em>In the way you look at me</em><br/>
<em>There's a smile, there's a truth</em><br/>
<em>In your eyes</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But in an unexpected way</em><br/>
<em>On this unexpected day</em><br/>
<em>Could it mean this is where I belong</em><br/>
<em>It is you I have loved all along</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It's no more a mystery, it is finally clear to me</em><br/>
<em>You're the home my heart searched for so long</em><br/>
<em>And it is you I have loved all along</em>
</p><p>
  <em>There were times I ran to hide</em><br/>
<em>Afraid to show the other side</em><br/>
<em>Alone in the night without you</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But I know just who you are</em><br/>
<em>And I know you hold my heart</em><br/>
<em>Finally this is where I belong</em><br/>
<em>And it is you I have loved all along</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It's no more a mystery, it is finally clear to me</em><br/>
<em>You're the home my heart searched for so long</em><br/>
<em>It is you I have loved all along</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Over and over I'm filled with emotion</em><br/>
<em>Your love rushes through my veins</em><br/>
<em>And I am filled with the sweetest devotion</em><br/>
<em>As I look into your perfect face</em>
</p><p> </p><p>God. Oh <em>god</em>. Sweet <em>sweet</em> Eliott. Lucas reaches out to rubs his eyes which are suddenly itching - god knows why. <br/>
The song is so beautiful. And how so he didn´t notice before? It´s crazy. These words were there all along.</p><p><br/>
<em>It is you I have loved all along...</em>
</p><p><br/>
Seriously? <em>Seriously</em>, Eliott? <br/>
Lucas can´t wait to kiss him.</p><p><br/>
Lucas walks through the corridor, listening the song again - he´s not sure if he´ll be able to stop, now, when he knows that Eliott´s thinking about him while listening to this. <br/>
That´s so adorable. </p><p><br/>
Lucas smiles and in that moment he bumps into someone. </p><p><br/>
He looks up and there´s Tom. <br/>
This time alone, no stupid friends around him. </p><p><br/>
"Watch out, Lallemant," he snaps at Lucas. </p><p><br/>
Tom is watching him with this kind of anticipation, and Lucas, when he looks into his eyes, he knows that Tom is actually waiting for him to start a fight.<br/>
Yeah, not going to happen. He gave Eliott his pinky promise. </p><p><br/>
Lucas takes a deep breath to calm himself down. </p><p><br/>
"Sorry, I wasn´t looking on the way," he says, leaving Tom totally shocked. </p><p><br/>
"What?" Tom blurs out. "What the fuck, are you blind?" he continues, still waiting for Lucas´ proper reaction. </p><p><br/>
Lucas has one. But will Tom like it?<br/>
Let´s see. </p><p><br/>
"Look, if you have some issues, personal or not, this is not the good way to get rid of them. You can´t act like this to others, attacking them and think that your troubles will be a little smaller with that, it´s not working like that," Lucas says in calm voice and Tom just stares. </p><p><br/>
He´s obviously taken aback. "What the fuck are you talking about?"</p><p><br/>
Lucas´ eyes catches Eliott, who's walking down the corridor behind Tom's back. He´s on the other side of the hall. He smiles when he sees Lucas and frowns when he sees with who he is.</p><p><br/>
Lucas speaks to Tom again. "If you have some issues, we can talk about it, but making others feeling bad is not the right way to dealing with it, trust me." Tom looks different without his arrogant expression. Now he looks like a little boy who stole an euro from his dad´s pocket and now he´s regretting it. "I would offer you that you can talk to me, but I get you probably wouldn´t want to. But there are others you can talk to, and even the school nurse - however wierd she seems to be - is very kind, understandable and helpful."</p><p><br/>
Tom looks down to his feet. </p><p><br/>
"If there´s something what´s bothering you, you can talk to your best friend, first," Lucas continues. "It´s the easiest way, and mostly even the most helpful, trust me."<br/>
Tom looks up at Lucas. <br/>
"Okay?" Lucas asks. </p><p><br/>
"Okay...," Tom mumbles. </p><p><br/>
Lucas smiles. "Have a nice weekend," Lucas walks past him and goes to Eliott. </p><p><br/>
"What was that about?" Eliott asks immediately, watching Tom´s back as he´s leaving down the corridor. </p><p><br/>
Lucas shrugs and smiles. "Just a friendly chat."</p><p><br/>
"Really?" Eliott narrows his eyes at him. </p><p><br/>
"No fights in the school corridor, remember?" Lucas says, holds Eliott´s hand, standing in front of him. "I made it. I didn´t fight. Just like I promised."</p><p><br/>
"And I´m very proud of you, sweetheart," Eliott smiles down at him. <br/>
Lucas remembers he wanted to kiss him earlier. <br/>
He can do that now. </p><p><br/>
And he does that. And does that again and maybe a few times more. </p><p><br/>
...</p><p>...</p><p>...</p><p><br/>
Summer holidays came. And with that, Lucas´ eighteenth birthday.</p><p><br/>
"Are you ready?"</p><p><br/>
"Absolutely not."</p><p><br/>
"Okay, let's go."</p><p><br/>
"I said I am not!"</p><p><br/>
"You are, you're just playing of time."</p><p><br/>
"No!"</p><p><br/>
"You totally are. Let's go."</p><p><br/>
Lucas sighs. He didn't sign to this. God. His grip on the steering wheel tightens even more, his knuckles white. He checks the seatbelt again, then the backview mirrow and the side ones, too.</p><p><br/>
Eliott chuckles. "You already checked it all, sweetheart. At least ten times. Let's go."</p><p><br/>
"What if I don't want to?"</p><p><br/>
"The engine is already on. All you have to do is press the clutch, put there some speed, let go of the brake and press the gas. Go."</p><p><br/>
"Too many informations, my head's spinning. I want to go home and try again tomorrow," Lucas' starts reaching for the seatbelt to let himself free. Eliott's hand catches his.</p><p><br/>
"No no no, you're not going anywhere, we're doing this, now. Come on, you can do it," Eliott puts Lucas' hand back to the steering wheel.</p><p><br/>
So, Lucas tries. His hands are all sweaty, but he does what Eliott told him. The car engine goes off but the car keeps jumping back and forth in place.</p><p><br/>
"The clutch! Press the clutch!" Eliott calls out. Lucas panics and takes his feet off of all pedals. The car stops jumping. Oof.</p><p>But.</p><p><em>Wait</em>.</p><p><br/>
Why are we moving? Lucas looks at Eliott with wide eyes. "What's happening? I'm not doing anything, I swear!"</p><p><br/>
"Yeah, exactly, you let go of the brake. You need to hold it to keep the car still."</p><p><br/>
"Eliott we're moving! Stop the car!"</p><p><br/>
"It's okay, baby, just press the brake."</p><p><br/>
"Oh my god, I don't wanna die, I'm too young, too young!" Lucas lets go of the steering wheel and grips the seat under him.</p><p><br/>
"Hold the wheel, babe!"</p><p><br/>
"We're gonna die, I told you! I'll die with the thought I killed the living sun!"</p><p><br/>
"Just press the brake!"</p><p><br/>
"Which one is brake?!" yells Lucas and Eliott catches the wheel in one hand and moves with the hand brake between them.<br/>
The car stops immediately. Lucas lets out holded breath.</p><p><br/>
"That's it. I'm not doing this, we're going home."</p><p><br/>
"No, we try it again."</p><p><br/>
"I almost killed us!"</p><p><br/>
"Luc, even a turtle would be faster than us," Eliott looks at Lucas, amused.</p><p><br/>
"Why the fuck the car goes without engine on?"</p><p><br/>
"Because we're on the hill. It's moving down. Gravity," Eliott shrugs.</p><p><br/>
"Why are we going down the hill?"</p><p><br/>
"It's easier than going up."</p><p><br/>
"We can hit something."</p><p><br/>
Eliott raises his eyebrows and waves his hand around. "There's literally nothing around."</p><p>Fuck, he's right. Eliott took Lucas out of the city to this place where is nothing but the old road. Not even a single tree around them.</p><p>But still, Lucas doesn't feel like driving.</p><p><br/>
"I'm not smart enough for this. Let's go home," Lucas takes off his seatbelt.</p><p><br/>
"Lucas, you're going to study astrophysic. With full stipendium. Believe me - you are smart enough to learn how to drive the fucking car."</p><p><br/>
Lucas huffs. Goddammit. Why must be Eliott so rational?</p><p><br/>
"You did, what, two rides right and now you think you're capable to teach me how to drive?" he attacks Eliott instead.</p><p><br/>
"Actually, it was fourteen rides right. I got my driving licence, baby," Eliott grins.</p><p>Unfortunatelly, the fucker is right. He got his licence.</p><p><br/>
"But you're not the teacher."</p><p><br/>
"I am, today. Let's go," Eliott reaches over Lucas and puts the seatbelt back around him with the click. "Come on. You can do it, babe, I believe in you," he says and leans to kiss Lucas´ cheek. </p><p><br/>
So yes, Lucas does that again. And again and again and on the fourth or fifth time he finally manages to keep the slowly-moving car on the road for whole minute. </p><p><br/>
"Look! You´re driving!" Eliott calls out and laughs happily. "Yes! You did it! You´re driving the car, baby!"</p><p><br/>
"Eliott! Eliott!" Lucas yells at him, happy, so happy he finally made it but also what he supposes to do know? <em>What?</em> "Eliott, what I should do? How to stop the car?"</p><p><br/>
"Let go of gas, press the crutch and then the brake," Eliott says. "Slowly, one after another, you have time, noone is here, you have free way."</p><p><br/>
Lucas does as that, but apparantely not in the right order, because the car jumps again and the engine is off in a second. "Shit!" Lucas curses and Eliott takes for the hand brake. </p><p><br/>
"It´s alright, don´t worry," he says and rubs Lucas´ biceps. "You made it, you´re amazing!"</p><p><br/>
Lucas grins happily at Eliott´s shiny face. "You really are a teacher, after all."</p><p><br/>
Eliott giggles. "Yes, I told you. Thank you."</p><p><br/>
They are in the middle of an empty road, the sunset right in front of them. It´s summer and it´s so peaceful all around them. </p><p><br/>
"Do you know why I like cars?" Lucas asks out of nowhere to Eliott.</p><p><br/>
Eliott laughs, maybe because he remembers that little breakdown Lucas had minutes ago,  him yelling that <em>cars are pure evil</em> and <em>he hates them so fucking much</em>. "Why?" he asks, anyways. </p><p><br/>
"Because they have pretty big space in the back," Lucas says and points to the backseats. Eliott looks there. "There´s sooo big space, you know?" Lucas points at that and then he slips to the backseat over his and Eliott´s front seats. He lies there, on the couchon. "Ahhh, that´s nice. So comfortable."</p><p><br/>
"What are you doing?" Eliott asks, watching him from his frontseat, his eyes scanning Lucas´ t-shirt, the bare skin on his stomach when the t-shirt went up a little, his legs in those shorts...</p><p><br/>
"Rest after long day of hard-working, no?" Lucas shrugs. "Do you... Do you want to join me?" he asks and Eliott giggles and he´s there in a second, on top of Lucas, both of them giggling like little kids. </p><p><br/>
And maybe they still are, those little kids, deep in their hearts. </p><p><br/>
And when Eliott kisses Lucas, he maybe feels like the little boy who´s dream about love of his best friend comes through. <br/>
And when Lucas kisses Eliott, he maybe feels like the little boy who´s dream about a place to stay, about home, about family and about love, comes through.</p><p><br/>
So, you see, Lucas was walking through his life with one thought: <em>I don´t need to matter to everyone but I do need to matter to someone. </em></p><p>And then</p><p>he met Eliott. </p><p>
  
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>(Yes, I drew the last one.)</p><p>This is the end.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Epilogue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>"You know what you are, Luc?" Eliott asks after long time of just co-existing together.<br/>"Pathetic?" Lucas huffs, crooked smile appears on his lips. Eliott shakes his head. <br/>"Far from it. You´re... you´re like a moonlight," Eliott says, never looking away from Lucas´ face. "You´re my moonlight. Shining in the darkness, leading me to light, to safety. Leading me home, to you. Making me feel safe and seen in my darkest days."</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I don´t know if anyone cares about this story anymore, but I do. A lot. My baby. <br/>So here it is, an apilogue I was working on for months, then deleted it all and write something else instead, so it´s short - which makes me feel ashamed that it took me ages to write something this short - and it´s all fluff. <br/>Love you, miss you. <br/>Take care darlings and enjoy ♥</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>"Emancipation?" Eliott turns to his mom with only curiosity in his voice and nothing else, when Lucas leaves upstairs, the black file pressed to his chest tightly with the biggest smile on his face. </p><p><br/>Eliott´s mom shrugs.  "We would adopt him, but we were thinking that you two wouldn´t want to be siblings, right?"</p><p><br/>Eliott cringes. "Really not."</p><p><br/>Eliott´s mom laughs. "That´s what we´ve thought."</p><p><br/>"Mom," Eliott says now all serious, because, damn, his parents are the best parents and he´ll never stop being grateful for them, for his life, his childhood, his growing up, how easy it was for him, even when he´s the only child, how easy and fun and joyful it was, especially in comparison with Lucas´ terrible experience since he was little boy. </p><p><br/>"Yes, darling," says his mom and turns to him with a smile. She looks twenty years younger when she smiles and Eliott so understands his dad in moments like this... she´s so beautiful. So much. Of course everyone fell in love with her in highschool, of course his dad will never stop being smug about it, that he was the one who won her heart, of course that they will be absolutely happy after all those years together, thankful for each other, every day. </p><p><br/>"Thank you," Eliott says. "For everything," Eliott turns to his dad who  comes to the kitchen counter to put some plates to the sink and stands next to his wife. "Thank you, both of you, for your absolut support since my very first day on this planet," his parents chuckles fondly at him. "I mean it. I see Lucas and what´s happening to him and what was happening to him basically his whole life, and," Eliott shakes his head. "I can´t believe how are our lives different in this. And you know, I see and understand that this," he points at them, "supporting understanding parents, are not something usual in this world, so I just wanted to say thank you. I appreciate it a lot, every day of my life."</p><p><br/>"Honey," his mom says softly and goes to him, puts her hand on Eliott´s cheek. "You´re so kind and thoughtful, you always were. But in one thing you´re not right... and that is that parents abusing their kids are unusual, not supporting ones," she says and then she thinks for a while. "Or at least they should be."</p><p><br/>"You´re very good in speeches, Eli," Eliott´s dad says. "Really, maybe you could be a lawyer as your mom, one day, huh?"</p><p><br/>Eliott grins. "I´m going to be professor of art on Academia, one day. Giving all those motivational speeches to my students and stuff like that, you know," he says and giggles. </p><p><br/>Eliott´s mom smiles sweetly and his dad nods in appreciation. "You´re too emotionally based for a cold-hearted lawyer, anyways," he says and his mom winks at her husband. </p><p><br/>"Eli, do you want to-," Lucas says on his way to the kitchen, then freezes in the door when he sees all of them there, together. "Oh, hi, um...," he rubs his neck. "I mean, not <em>hi</em>, we saw each other like five minutes ago, I mean, we´re literally living together, we just had breakfast together, so, not hi, I just wanted to ask, that, uh...," Lucas stutters and Eliott has to smile, he´s so cute. And sweet. He´s so cute and sweet and amazing. "<em>Eliott</em>," Lucas finally exhales, frustrated by himself. </p><p><br/>"Yes, sweetheart," Eliott says, absolutely without any shame calling his boyfriend like this in front of his parents. </p><p><br/>"I wanted to ask if you want to do a Shrek marathon, maybe?" Lucas´ eyes, huge and blue and innocent and hopeful, watching Eliott´s reaction. <br/>Of course Eliott wants!</p><p><br/>"Shrek marathon?" his dad says. "That´s how you´re calling that these days?" <br/>Eliott´s mom giggles to her fist and smashes Eliott´s dad arm, slightly. </p><p><br/>"What? No!" Eliott lets out an offended gasp. </p><p><br/>His dad raises his hands in defense. "No judging, no judging. When we were your age, we were calling it pla-," Eliott´s mom covers his mouth quickly with her hand. </p><p><br/>"I think we´re done here, hm?" she says and starts pushing into her hudband´s back to get them both out of the kitchen without dropping her hand off of his mouth. "Have a good time, boys," she calls and they´re left alone. </p><p><br/>"I... I a-actually really meant watching the movie," Lucas says after two seconds of silence. </p><p><br/>Eliott chuckles. "I know, Luc, they´re just mocking us," he walks over to Lucas. "And yes, I´d like to watch the movies, if you want."</p><p><br/>"I want," Lucas says when Eliott is in front of him, cupping his cheeks. Eliott just loves doing that, don´t judge him. Lucas is just so little and precious. </p><p><br/>"Okay," Eliott smiles and leans down to kiss Lucas´ forehead and both cheeks, almost melting when Lucas closes his eyes and lets out soft sigh. "But if we´re going to watch a movie, I´d need some snacks," Eliott turns to look around the kitchen, thinks of what he could take. </p><p><br/>"What? We literally just ate a breakfast, Eliott," Lucas frowns, adorably, <em>oh god</em>, Eliott can´t stand it, so much cuteness in one person. He´s going to die. </p><p><br/>"Yes, and?" Eliott walks over to the fridge. "What´s your point? I´m hungry."</p><p><br/>Lucas shakes his head and tries to hide his smile - unsuccessfuly - and Eliott loves him. </p><p> </p><p>...</p><p> </p><p>Funny thing about watching movies with Lucas is that he falls asleep in a middle of the first one, always. It´s like a rule. He´s always excited about watching the movie, talking about every scene, laughing - even when it´s something they already watched several times, like Shrek - and suddenly there´s silence, out of freaking nowhere, and when Eliott checks it out, Lucas is sleeping. </p><p><br/>And, you know, these are the moments Eliott loves, from the bottom of his heart. Because he remembers well the times when Lucas came for a sleepover and he couldn´t stay awake, not even for an hour before he passed out on Eliott´s shoulder, every fucking time. He was just so tired, always so tired. <br/>And Eliott always saw behind it, because Lucas´ tired eyes, the bruises, the dark circles, everything... those were the signs that something is happening. Something bad.<br/>But Eliott didn´t do anything, right? Of course he tried to reach out and he tried to talk to Lucas. He was asking him if everything is okay and Lucas always said "Yes, sheesh, don´t worry so much, all the time, I´m okay, yeah?" <br/>And, well... Eliott, naive as he is, thought, that if that was something important, Lucas would tell him. They are best friends (even now, when they´re dating, they´re still best friends). They always tell each other everything, even the tiniest little thing like.. that Eliott saw blue butterfly in their garden or... or that Lucas ate croissant with vanilla puding inside and didn´t like it that much. <br/><em>Everything. </em></p><p>So Eliott didn´t do much. <br/>But he noticed everything about Lucas. </p><p><br/>So these times, when Lucas falls asleep, out of nowhere, Eliott is simply just glad that he´s got the rest his body and mind needs. </p><p><br/>Eliott pulls Lucas closer to him, melts a little over Lucas´ soft sigh and melts a little more when Lucas grabs Eliott´s t-shirt tightly into his fist, while sleeping. <br/>He´s the sweetest boy ever. Since the very day Eliott first saw him in his mom´s office. Eliott kisses Lucas´ forehead and brings the cover up over his shoulders. Lucas mumbles something and hugs Eliott tighter. </p><p><br/>Eliott might die. <br/>He never loves anything or anyone more than this boy. <br/>And he´s sure he never will. </p><p><br/>...</p><p>...</p><p><br/>So. Eliott and the driving school. </p><p><br/>Since the day Eliott was driving back to their house with Lucas next to him, Eliott is not as scared as he used to be. He´s calm, he´s thinking through every situation three steps foreward. <br/>And he likes driving a lot. </p><p>He would drive Lucas to work every day if only days weren´t so pretty, warmer and warmer and if the coffee shop wouldn´t be so close to their house. </p><p><br/>It, of course, didn´t stop Eliott from taking Lucas for rides almost every evening. Now, when summer starts and both of them are taking some rest before university, they can do whatever they want. <br/>They drive to the hill, far from the city rush and noise and they sit there, watching sunsets. Then the stars showing up. And moon shining down on them. Sometimes, they pull out blankets from the back of the car and sleep there and they go home the next morning. Sometimes, Eliott drives home while Lucas falls asleep on the seat next to him, fingers tangled with Eliott´s, head resting on the window. </p><p>Eliott wouldn´t change these moments for anything in this world. </p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>Eliott goes to Lucas´ bedroom and bumps into Lucas at the door. </p><p><br/>Lucas looks up from his lightened phone screen. "Oh, hi,"he grins up at Eliott and leans up for a kiss, which Eliott gladly gives him. And few more on top. </p><p><br/>"Hey, baby, do you want to go and grab an ice-cream before your shift?" Eliott asks when they pull away, still standing at the open door.</p><p><br/>Lucas looks at his wrist watch even when he holds his phone in his hand so he could check the time there. Eliott smiles fondly at that cute dumbass. "Okay, I´ll just go for a quick shower, yeah? Gimme a minute," he grabs a towel and when he passes by Eliott, he leans up and kisses his cheek. </p><p><br/>Eliott loves him too much and it still doesn´t feel like enough. </p><p><br/>He looks around Lucas´ room to gather his things for work so Lucas wouldn´t have to do that after shower, when his eyes catches the open notebook on Lucas´ bed. </p><p><br/>Eliott walks to the bed, sits down and turns the notebook to himself. It´s opened in the middle and there are polaroids. Polaroids, Eliott´s photos he gave to Lucas back then, when they weren´t together yet. <br/>And poems. Everything is glued to pages, perfectly systhematic. </p><p>
  
</p><p>Eliott goes through the notebook, turning page after page, and there really is everything. Lucas kept every one of them. He kept it, he put it into journal. He...</p><p><br/>Eliott reads those words he wrote, he remembers everything he was thinking about while writing them. He remembers every single picture he took. </p><p><br/>He reaches the first page. <br/>There´s Lucas´ writing: <em>"I was walking around this world with one wish, one thought: I don´t need to matter to everyone but I do need to matter to someone. And then... I met Eliott."</em></p><p><br/>Eliott stares at it, then stares some more. </p><p><br/>This is... <br/>Eliott caresses the letters, then goes slowly, page after page, through everything, again. <br/>Lucas is not real. This is not real, Lucas can´t be this... he´s impossible. </p><p><br/>Eliott reaches page with lyrics of the Shrek song Eliott sent to Lucas. <em>It is you I have loved all along.</em> Written in Lucas´ handwriting. Then few more songs´ lyrics after that. </p><p><br/>Eliott turns another page. There are polaroids of Eliott. Of course, Lucas and Eliott have been making fun with the polaroid camera, messing around, taking photos of each other and of other people and stuff. But Eliott didn´t know that Lucas took those... </p><p>
  
</p><p>He can´t be real. <br/>Lucas really did THIS. He wrote THIS to Eliott. And then there´s something like a letter dedicated to Eliott, on the other page. </p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>The day I met you, I began to forget a life without you.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Fuck. </p><p><br/>Tear falls on the page. <br/>Eliott didn´t realize he´s crying. But fuck, he is. Lucas is so <em>pure</em>, it´s not even... it´s not fucking possible. Eliott reads the page few times, then goes to desk and takes a sticker note. He writes there few words and put it onto the page. </p><p>
  
</p><p>There. <br/>Lucas has to know how much Eliott loves him, no? He has to see it. He <em>must</em>. <br/>It´s in everything Eliott does, it´s in his every movement, every word he speaks. It´s all around him, the love for Lucas, written in the air around him, in his eyes, in his face, on his body, everywhere. He loves Lucas. He <em>loves</em> him. </p><p><br/>Eliott is sure there´s more to read in the notebook, but he has to do something else now, he has to...</p><p><br/>Eliott shuts the notebook and puts it on the bedside table. He takes few steps to the door and bumps into Lucas, again. He has towel wrapped around his waist and his hair are dump. </p><p><br/>"Oh, oh my god," Lucas giggles. He looks up at Eliott and his face is so bright, shines like sunny sky. "What? Did you decide to knock me down in the doorway today, or what are you trying with all this, mister?" he giggles again and Eliott urges forward and presses his lips to Lucas´. <br/>He kisses him and kisses him some more and more, pulls him to the room and shuts the door behind them without pulling away from his lips. Eliott loves him. He loves this boy so much, he loves everything about him. <br/>He feels Lucas´ hands holding his forearms as Eliott slips with his fingers to Lucas´ wet hair and grips it there. </p><p><br/>"Eliott," Lucas mumbles but Eliott kisses him again and again, turning them around before both of them fall to Lucas´ bed, Eliott on top of Lucas. </p><p><br/>"Baby," Eliott mumbles to Lucas´ lips before pulling away to look at him. "My beautiful baby," he says before kissing him again, pecking everywhere on his face, moving his lips to Lucas´ neck. He slides with his hand to the hem of the towel around Lucas´ waist, slips two fingers behind it, feeling the hot skin on Lucas´ hip and also the gasp leaving Lucas´ lips. </p><p><br/>"Eli," Lucas breathes out. "I need to - <em>fuck</em> - I need to go to work," he swallows, eyes closed, and Eliott feels Lucas´ hands under his t-shirt.  </p><p><br/>"You don´t, you don´t," Eliott murmurs to the skin on Lucas´ shoulder, then to his collar bone. "You have time, at least an hour."</p><p><br/>"But what about-," Lucas´ panting. "What about the ice-cream?" he grips Eliott´s hair tightly. </p><p><br/>"Fuck ice-cream," Eliott lifts himself up on his elbows and knees, one knee between Lucas´ legs, and looks down at Lucas under him. <br/>He´s stunning. <br/>He´s that kind of beauty everyone sees but noone appretiates enough. <br/>Eliott does. He appretiates everything about Lucas. From his hair to his shadow. </p><p><br/>Lucas looks up at him, eyes dark, cheeks pink, lips red and parted. "Fuck ice-cream," he whispers. </p><p><br/>"I love you," Eliott says. "I love you, so fucking much."<br/><em>The day I met you, I began to forget a life without you.</em><br/>Eliott doesn´t want to remember life without Lucas, anyways. It´s useless. </p><p><br/>"I love you more," Lucas grins, brings his arms around Eliott´s neck, pulls him down, closer to himself. "I love you like the sky loves the sun."</p><p><br/>Eliott can´t speak for a moment so he leans in and kisses Lucas again. </p><p>And again. And again. <br/>And again.</p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>"Lulubee!" the Lucas´ co-worker, Alice, calls out once they enter the coffee shop. "There you are! I missed you, hun."</p><p><br/>Eliott frowns. Who the fuck she thinks she is? Calling <em>Eliott´s boyfriend</em> like this, that´s ridiculous. <br/>Speaking of: Lucas beams at her and giggles, sweet as always. "Hi, Ali," he says and lets go of Eliott´s hand. <br/><em>What the fuck. </em></p><p><br/>"Hello," Eliott says out loud with fake smile. </p><p><br/>"Hi, Eliott!" Alice nods at him with wide honest smile. Okay what is going on here. "Good to see you again."</p><p><br/>"Likewise," Eliott nods, scanning Alice with his eyes. She´s suspicious. Highly. </p><p><br/>"Okayyy?" Lucas looks between Eliott and Alice. "I´m going to Aiden. I have something to discuss with him. You´ll be alright here, love?" he steps to Eliott and Eliott´s heart automatically melts. </p><p><br/>"Of course, sweetheart," Eliott smiles at Lucas who kisses his cheek and walks away. Eliott scans the coffee shop, picking up some place for himself to sit there. He took his sketchbook with him. </p><p><br/>"You guys are so sweet," sounds behind him and Eliott turns back to the counter and back to Alice. "Like, sugary sweet. I could watch you all day with box of popcorn, seriously," she shakes her head and sighs. "So cute."</p><p><br/>"Excuse me?" Eliott raises his eyebrow. "What?"</p><p><br/>"I mean, you two are perfect together. So adorable."</p><p><br/>"Well, yeah," Eliott has to agree. "Lucas is the most adorable person alive," it´s publicaly-known fact. "And he´s <em>my</em> boyfriend. How lucky am I, right? That he chose <em>me</em>? From all people? Imagine the good fortune."</p><p><br/>Alice grins widely and nods. "I know what you mean."</p><p><br/>"You do?" Eliott raises both eyebrows. How could she know, when Lucas chose Eliott, not her-</p><p><br/>"I feel the same, actually. Good fortune and all."</p><p><br/>Wait a minute. "You do?" Eliott repeats. Eliott thought she´s highly suspicious and he was right.</p><p><br/>"Yes. With Aiden."</p><p><br/>"Aiden?" </p><p><br/>"I know him since we were little kids, we got together in high school and now we´re engaged," Alice says and her face is bright, eyes soft and voice warm. "I went through some hard shit when I was younger, and, well... he was there for me, always."</p><p><br/>Eliott thinks about that Alice looks young, not even twenty-five. And he thinks about how hypocritical he is, always thinking about people stealing his happiness away, when everyone has own issues Eliott knows nothing about. </p><p><br/>"Yeah, same with me and Lucas....," Eliott says. "Well, except the engangement. <em>Yet</em>," he adds and winks at Alice who laughs. </p><p><br/>"Yeah, I know," she says. "That´s probably why you two feel so close to me, you know? Eliott, I really, really care about Lucas." Eliott doesn´t say anything. "I like him like close friend, maybe more, maybe like my younger brother. He came in the most needed time and he´s... well...," Alice shrugs. "He´s an amazing person." Eliott nods. He <em>is</em>. "So, I wanted to let you know that I´m happily engaged and in love with my fiancé, I´m not going to steal your boyfriend, and I´m only here to be his friend, maybe an older-sister figure. Platonically."</p><p><br/>Eliott slowly nods. "Okay."</p><p><br/>"Okay?" Alice smiles. "So you don´t have to hate me for being nice to Lucas, okay? You should start hating me if I´ll ever be mean to him. But I promise that´s not gonna happen. Ever."</p><p><br/>That makes sense. </p><p><br/>"Okay."</p><p><br/>"Yeah? So, friends?" Alice lifts her hand. Eliott eyes it before he hesitantly takes it and shakes it. <br/>He understands better now. That doesn´t mean he´s not going to watch her, carefully. But, well, yeah. Friends, <em>maybe</em>. </p><p><br/>"For the record, I didn´t hate you," Eliott explains. "I´m just... well, Lucas went through lots of stuff and I don´t want him to get hurt, ever again, so I guess I´m just-"</p><p><br/>"Overprotective," Alice says. </p><p><br/>"Yes."</p><p><br/>"I know, he said that," Alice grins. </p><p><br/>"Who said what?" Lucas walks to them, tying apron behind his back. </p><p><br/>"You," Alice turns to him with smile. </p><p><br/>"What did I say?" Lucas frowns. </p><p><br/>"You didn´t have to say anything, your face talks for itself," Alice ruffles his hair. "So cute." And with that she leaves to the back.</p><p><br/>"Sometimes I really really don´t understand what she´s talking about," Lucas shakes his head and turns to Eliott. "So? You really want to stay here and wait for me? It´s gonna be hours."</p><p><br/>"I really really want to stay here and wait for you, I would wait my whole life," Eliott leans over the counter, brings his face closer to Lucas´. </p><p><br/>"You´re so cheesy," Lucas says but there´s nothing but fondness in his voice. His hands cup Eliott´s cheeks. "And sweet."<br/>Eliott cuts the distance and kisses him. Then he goes to the window seat, pulls out his sketchbook and starts drawing a boy behind the counter with sweet smile on his lips and coffee cup in his hands.</p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>"Why everyone wants coffee on the fucking sunday," Lucas complains as he crawls to the bed. "Seriously, I´m so tired, so many people, crowded coffee shop, everyone is trying to hide in front of the heat instead of going to the pool or to the beach..."</p><p><br/>"Aww," Eliott reaches for him, pulling Lucas closer to himself. "Poor baby," he pats his hair, kisses his forehead. "You can rest now, okay?"</p><p><br/>"Everything hurts...," Lucas mumbles to Eliott´s chest. "My legs are about to fall off," he yawns.</p><p><br/>"No, not your precious legs," Eliott strokes Lucas´ legs with his own under the duvet. Lucas huffs a laugh. </p><p><br/>"Love you," Lucas says, his eyes closed. </p><p><br/>"Love you, too," Eliott presses his lips to Lucas´ forehead again. "Sleep, my love, sweet dreams."<br/>And Lucas really sleeps. He falls asleep in a matter of seconds, pressed to Eliott´s side, all warm and soft. </p><p><br/>And Eliott can´t help it. He takes the notebook from the nightstand, once again. He opens it up, quietly, on the page he didn´t have a chance to read earlier. <br/>Of course he should tell Lucas, of course he shouldn´t be reading this without permission. But... But they know everything about each other. Lucas wouldn´t mind, Eliott is sure about it. <br/>He´s going to tell him tomorrow. <br/>But now...</p><p><br/>Where were we...<br/>This page is called <em>SUNRISE</em>. <br/>Eliott starts reading.</p><p>
  <em>How warming is the thought of watching a sunrise with the one person who´s matter the most to you? Everyone says that sunsets are gorgeous and romantic. But sunrises? What about them? The sun is waking up, bringing another day full of light with her - Eliott once told me that the sun is a lady: "How could it be a man? She´s a queen." </em>
  <br/>
  <em>And yeah, maybe he´s right. But when I´m looking at him - because now I´m allowed to look at him like THAT - and I watch how he´s waking up in the morning, how his face shines with kindness, how his beauty waking something up inside of my heart, I can´t than think that he´s actually the sun. My sun, at least. He´s the brightest star on the sky of my life. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>And I love him. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>So, technically, I´m lucky enough to watch my own private sunrise of my own private sun every morning without the need to get up from bed, and his beauty is making me speechless. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>And I love him.</em>
</p><p><br/>Eliott shuts the notebook. <br/>He shouldn´t have read that. <br/>Now he´s overhelmed, fucking overhelmed. And he´s crying, again. Like an emotional fucking wreck. <br/>Fuck, he loves Lucas so damn much, it´s not bearable. </p><p><br/>Eliott shuffles down on the bed to lay properly, switches off the lamp, hugs Lucas closer to himself. "I love you, I love you, I love you," he whispers to Lucas´ hair. </p><p><br/>Lucas mumbles in his sleep, shuffles up and hides his face in Eliott´s neck, where his breath tickles Eliott´s skin. The best feeling in the world.  </p><p><br/>And Eliott knows exactly what he´s going to do. </p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>"Baby, wake up," Eliott whispers to Lucas´ ear. "Luc, wake up sweetheart, wake up," he repeats when he watches Lucas furrowing his brows and groaning. </p><p><br/>"Sleep," Lucas mumbles, burries himself deeper into pillows. "Let me..."</p><p><br/>"You can sleep later, I promise, you can sleep all day, now wake up, please," Eliott brushes Lucas´ hair away from his eyes, when Lucas blinks up at him with tired eyes. </p><p><br/>It´s not even week after he read <em>Sunrise</em> in Lucas´ notebook. He wants to take Lucas to watch sunrise, and because he knows that Lucas would never ever wake up this early on his own, he needs to get him out of bed himself. <br/>And Eliott is going to do it, even if he should carry Lucas into the car on his back. He´ll do it. </p><p><br/>"Eli, what´s happening?" Lucas murmurs, rubbing his eyes. "It´s dark. It´s time to sleep. It´s late."</p><p><br/>"It´s not late, it´s early," Eliott corrects Lucas and lifts him to a sitting position. </p><p><br/>"Early?" Lucas says and groans again. "So why are we awake? It´s summer, we don´t have to do anything in summer."</p><p><br/>"You´ll like it, I promise," Eliott says and pulls his hoodie over Lucas´ head. It´s summer, yes, but it´s early morning, around 5, maybe less, and mornings are chilly.<br/>Lucas lets Eliott to dress him up, leaving his eyes closed for most of the time and Eliott drags him outside and to the car. </p><p><br/>"Are you kidnapping me?" Lucas asks when Eliott leans over him to put on him the seatbelt. </p><p><br/>"You came willingly, baby, it´s not kidnap," Eliott clicks the seatbelt on point and leans closer again to kiss Lucas´ cheek. </p><p><br/>"You´re lucky your mom is a lawyer," Lucas murmurs and closes his eyes again. "Where are we going?"</p><p><br/>"It´s a surprise," Eliott starts the engine and drives to the road. Streets are empty, just here and there some car. Everything is quiet and the dusk is seen above buildings. Eliott drives through the city, quiet music plays in the background. </p><p><br/>"Sometimes I wish you wouldn´t be so fucking romantic ass," Lucas says softly. Eliott snorts. </p><p><br/>"You love me that way," Eliott says.</p><p><br/>"I really, really do," Lucas reaches his hand over the middle section and Eliott takes it in his, squeezes it and kisses the back of it. "Love you."</p><p><br/>"Love you too," Eliott responds, his voice full of love and softness and everything he feels to Lucas, with Lucas, about Lucas.</p><p><br/>...</p><p><br/>Eliott drives to their hill behind the city. He parks the car in the middle of nowhere with pretty view on the rising sun. Sun is not there yet, but it will be any second. Sky is becoming lighter and lighter with every minute. </p><p><br/>"Lucas," Eliott says and Lucas hums. He slept again on their way here, which was about twenty minutes long. "Lucas, wake up baby, look at this."</p><p><br/>And Lucas sighs and blinks his eyes open again, looks around them and then to Eliott. "But we already were here, love, like billion times. This is not a surprise, why did you couldn´t let me sleep," he says grumpily and Eliott couldn´t love him more.</p><p><br/>"Yeah but today we´re here to watch this," Eliott points at the horizon and they turn there in the second when first sunbeams peak up and lightens the sky. Lucas watches it and Eliott watches Lucas. His parted lips, sharp nose, pointed chin. High cheekbones. Smooth flawless skin and eyelashes, which look longer than Seine in this lightning. <br/>He´s beautiful. <br/>He truly is. <br/>The most beautiful person alive. </p><p><br/>"Woah," Lucas whispers after few minutes of watching sun, now fully above the horizon, pinkish-red. "I always wanted to watch sunrise."</p><p><br/>"I know," Eliott whispers back. Lucas turns to him. "I... I read your notebook," Eliott admits. Lucas´ eyes widen. "I´m sorry, I´m so sorry, I know I should have asked first, I know I shouldn´t have even looked at it, but it was right there, open, on your bed and I looked at it and... And Lucas, I just," Eliott shakes his head, blinking rapidly. "I just never thought that I could be loved like that by someone... by <em>you</em>."</p><p><br/>Lucas is still looking at him, his eyes shine like diamonds in the sunshine. </p><p><br/>"I know, it´s stupid, when I have loving supporting parents and very good friends," Eliott continues. "But I loved you since I was ten years old boy who didn´t know what true love is, but now I know it. And it´s you, Lucas. It is you."</p><p><br/>Lucas is still not speaking, he pulls his lips between his teeth, never looking away from Eliott´s eyes and Eliott might explode. Fucking explode. </p><p><br/>"I don´t think it´s too soon to know, when I´m nineteen years old, that I want to spend my whole life with you, because, Lucas, I can´t imagine a day without you, and I don´t want to, because I have you, and my only wish is not to lose you, ever," Eliott rubs his eyes. "Gosh," he laughs. "This is ridiculous, right? I really am the cheesiest person alive, you were right all along, I should work on it to-"</p><p><br/>"Stop," Lucas says. Eliott´s eyes snap to him. "Just... stop."<br/><em>Fuck</em>. </p><p>Fuck, something is not right, Eliott might fucked it up. </p><p><br/>"Stop making me love you even more because my heart is about to combust, I swear to god."</p><p><br/>Wait, <em>what?</em></p><p><br/>Eliott looks up at Lucas and he´s looking back, his eyes speaking more than thousand words, and Eliott never seen anything more beautiful. </p><p><br/>"I´m sorry I read your journal," Eliott says. </p><p><br/>Lucas shakes his head. "It´s fine. It was for you, anyways, right?"</p><p><br/>Eliott shrugs with tiny smile. </p><p><br/>"It´s true, tho," Lucas says, all shy. "You <em>are</em> my sun." Eliott´s breath catches in his throat. "You always were, since we were little."</p><p><br/>There´s hand holding Eliott´s, stroking his knuckles. Eliott squeezes it, Lucas squeezes back. The sun in full risen now, climbing up on the blue blue sky, yellowish white and powerful. But Eliott´s looking into Lucas´ eyes and Lucas is looking right back. They don´t care about the rest of the world, like they usually don´t, when they are together. </p><p><br/>"You know what you are, Luc?" Eliott asks after long time of just co-existing together.</p><p><br/>"Pathetic?" Lucas huffs, crooked smile appears on his lips. Eliott shakes his head. </p><p><br/>"Far from it. You´re... you´re like a moonlight," Eliott says, never looking away from Lucas´ face. "You´re my moonlight. Shining in the darkness, leading me to light, to safety. Leading me home, to you. Making me feel safe and seen in my darkest days."</p><p><br/>Lucas inhales a long breath, his eyes teary. "I said you stop," he says and leans over the middle to press his lips to Eliott´s, his hand grabs Eliott´s hair on the back of his head and he kisses him, and Eliott kisses him back. "I said you stop, my chest feels so tight, I can´t breathe," more kisses and more kisses and Eliott presses the button, shoves his seat backwards, further to the car and farther from the wheel and pulls Lucas to his lap. </p><p><br/>"I´ll never stop," Eliott breathes out between one kiss and another. "Never."</p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>Never stop loving you. </em>
</p><p><br/>"Neither will I," Lucas mumbles to Eliott´s lips and both of them smile in the next kiss. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>Never stop loving you right back. </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>See you under some other story, hopefully. ♥♥</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>tumblr: briallenko<br/>tumblr for this fic: stayheremylove<br/>art ig account: briallen.art</p></blockquote></div></div>
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